Anakin stood before the doorway to the Chancellor's office, making sure to center himself before he went in.
I am a former slave and still recovering from the effects that has had on me. I am afraid of old men and wary of people in general. I am a child with a very limited view on the universe, most of it cynical, but still hopeful and naive. I am still not fully able to trust the Jedi.
In all honesty, almost all of those points hit a little too close to the truth for him to be very comfortable with them, but they were what he had to work with.
It didn't help that he was still feeling open and raw from his confrontation with Obi-wan and the mutual vision. After much fuss from the healers, they'd finally been left alone for about an hour and neither one of them had been able to say much. It had been awkward and painful, but… also not as bad as Anakin had feared, so he'd take it but… that didn't mean it wasn't weighing on his mind. Once they'd been cleared, they had parted ways with a quiet understanding that they would continue to speak about it later, after they'd had time to digest what had happened and all the revelations therein. (Anakin couldn't help but be grateful for that as he most certainly felt far too raw to approach the subject again so soon.)
So he took a deep breath and let it out, trying to release all of his negativity to the Force so he could focus. Here and now. He'd speak with Obi-wan in the future and would think about it then.
Nodding to himself once more and shelving everything that distracted from his current situation, he hit the button that would open the door before he could back down.
Inside, he saw the familiar dichotomy of the dark red walls casting shadows and the bright daylight streaming through the enormous windows. In the center, of course, sat the Supreme Chancellor himself. He looked up at the sound of the door opening and sent Anakin a warm smile.
(That smile haunted his nightmares.)
"Anakin! It is good to see you. Please, come in."
"Chancellor," he said a little hurriedly, "I've finished all my work." He quickly put the data pad with the checked-off list on the desk and then stepped back, falling into his attention pose without really realizing it until Palpatine frowned at him – not the 'I'm disappointed' frown that would be followed by the sadistic grin he was so used to (and then pain), but the false, 'I'm worried for you,' frown.
(That also haunted his nightmares.)
"My boy, I told you, you don't have to act so formally with me." He paused, looking expectantly at the initiate, whose mouth had gone very dry. That tone never meant anything good…
"Right," Anakin forced himself to say softly. Then he consciously relaxed as much as he dared.
"Please, sit," Palpatine continued. "I'll go over your work. I'm sure it will be up to your usual standards."
Oh, he was so good. He said it so nicely.
For several seconds, silence fell over them as Palpatine checked over the list on the data pad. Then he set it down with a nod. "Exemplary work, as usual."
Anakin couldn't look up at him again at that moment. Not with that 'compliment' having just been said.
"Thank you, sir."
The man scooted the data pad to the side before he frowned again. "Anakin… I will admit, I am a bit… worried. I have been ever since you told me of your past. Thank you for trusting me with it."
Anakin had to fight not to wince because it still grated on him that he'd had to say as much as he had. He'd always known he would have to tell the man something, but even what Anakin had told him still felt like too much (and probably always would).
It was necessary, he told himself. You know what to look for. Find those inconsistencies and cling to them. Even as small as they were, they made all the difference.
He still wasn't entirely sure how to react to Palpatine's 'thank you' though. Part of him wanted to grin smugly, as he'd seen past the manipulation, but that would give too much away, obviously. Part of him didn't want to respond at all, but that would also give too many hints as to his true nature and past, so instead, he just looked down, as if embarrassed and opened his mouth as if to say something before closing it again.
"I won't break that trust, I promise," the old man reassured. This time it took Anakin everything in his power to not outright laugh at that blatant lie. So he closed his eyes, counted to ten, and then forced himself to nod.
"Thank you, sir," he managed to say softly (and not through gritted teeth, he was doing very well today).
More silence… and Anakin realized that even this much was too much – too long without any words. Tensing, he glanced up and saw Palpatine studying him intently. His stomach fell to his knees.
"S-sir?" he asked quietly.
The man sat forward with a sigh. "I know you don't like me, Anakin," he said sadly (and even with everything Anakin knew, that still felt like a punch to the gut… kriff).
"That's not true," he blurted, but the man held up his hand. The time-traveler fell silent out of habit more than anything else, and hated himself for it.
"I know it has nothing to do with me, and that there are triggers and trauma in your past you are working through. I am terribly sad that a child such as yourself has had to go through them at all, but I also find the fact that you are addressing and working through them admirable. But, honestly, all I want is for you to trust me. I realize that may not be something that can happen right now, but if you're amenable, I'd like to work towards that."
He sent that soft, sad smile at Anakin again… and what could he say to that but: "Yes, sir. I… I'd like that."
No, he very much wouldn't. But needs must.
He felt like he was being corralled here and he hated that too.
The Chancellor smiled sadly. "I realize it must be so terrifying for you to be here, even now, and that you must feel overwhelmed and like you'll never fit in. I'm sure you feel lost and alone – set adrift in a galaxy that has never treated you kindly."
It was scary how accurate that was… and yet, not completely so, and the initiate had to keep that in mind. Palpatine didn't know exactly what Anakin was thinking or feeling, no matter how much he 'guessed', or even how accurately he did so.
"Is there anyone you can turn to?" the Sith in disguise asked.
Anakin had reached into his pocket and was squeezing his stress ball. How should he answer that… if he said no, Palpatine would probably try and get Anakin to 'temporarily' trust him, and he wasn't entirely sure he could get out of that cleanly, so that was out… but who could he say? His initial instinct was to not name a Jedi because he didn't trust the Jedi… but just because he didn't trust the Jedi as a whole didn't mean he didn't trust a Jedi.
"Yes."
"Oh? May I ask whom? If you're willing to tell me of course."
Why did he have to use that tone? That tone that sounded so much like his therapists who really did care for him. Who really did want him to get better.
Anakin bit his lip, going through everyone in his mind.
Because he'd just thought of his mind-healers, he considered mentioning Girth. After all, the drall was not a Jedi but was currently in the Temple under their protection and thus out of Palpatine's reach. But that would also bring up questions about why Girth was there at the Temple. Why had the Jedi gone outside the Temple for a therapist at all? (So much ammunition there.) And Girth wasn't just any therapist, but one that was fairly well known in his field and who had no natural defenses against Sith mind techniques, only that which Anakin himself had put up. But that was a stop-gap measure at best. Girth was also easy to look up and his previous cases could potentially give a little too much insight into Anakin's case.
No, that was too risky.
Yoda came to mind, but while he could obviously hold his own against Palpatine, he was a Jedi and an old man, albeit another species, but it was close enough to make Anakin wary about naming the Grandmaster. He could see how Palpatine could use that for leverage.
He moved on to other options.
Siri was an obvious answer, except for the fact that she was a newly minted knight with a history of mental instability and had left the Temple for an unknown period of time. Palpatine could definitely use that as leverage or as an argument to get Anakin to temporarily "trust" him and that was still not something he felt he was ready to reject in a way that wouldn't raise suspicions. Still the best option so far, but he wanted a better option, if at all possible.
Palpatine, thankfully, mistook Anakin's hesitance as him not wanting to say.
"I just want to know you have someone near you. Everyone needs something like that, Anakin."
Ugh, how could he take the truth and make it serve him so well?
The time-traveler played up his childishness by biting his lip as he went through more people, his mind working in overdrive to find someone.
Obi-wan might work, as someone else who could hold his own against Palpatine, at least better than a non-sensitive could, and while he was an older man, he wasn't an old man (yet). But there was really so much baggage there when it came to Anakin. Plus, he'd fallen for Palpatine's manipulations before and was likely not in a state to really make healthy, well-thought-out decisions at the moment with Anakin's recent revelations and Ferus still missing.
Anakin crossed his old master off of his mental checklist.
Both Mace Windu and Plo Koon came to mind, even if he was just mentioning someone strong who could stand up to the Chancellor, but… Anakin didn't want Palpatine to follow through, and Anakin had no doubt he would.
He most certainly couldn't name any of his physical peers. That was beyond selfish, reckless and stupid.
That really only left one person… and why hadn't he thought of her sooner?
"I… speak with Master Xio a lot," he said softly. It would make sense that he was going through some sort of mind-healing or therapy, and Palpatine had suggested that he knew Anakin was doing so. The Sith in disguise didn't have to know how deeply their sessions went (too much again, but he'd work with it… he had to). "And some of the healers there, like Knight Eerin." Knight Eerin who rarely left the temple and was a skilled healer and Force user. She couldn't fight Palpatine physically, but could hold her own mentally.
Palpatine continued to study Anakin for a moment longer before he nodded and smiled. "Good. That gladdens my heart. And as I stated earlier, I hope that one day, I can be added to that list."
Anakin nodded again and forced a smile on his face.
The Chancellor didn't seem to buy it, though, which had Anakin backing down worriedly. Had he not been convincing enough? He tried not to panic, making sure to keep a tight reign on his emotions.
If he didn't, there would be pain… so much pain…
"I think you're more powerful than you realize, Anakin," Palpatine finally said, not helping Anakin's panicking at all. "From what I've heard from your past hosts for the Ambassador program you are a fast learner and intelligent. I… don't want to see someone so promising held down by past actions that are not your fault." He shook his head as Anakin stared on, a little incredulous (watching this man work was always a lesson in and of itself).
"Nothing about your situation is fair, my boy. The circumstances in which you were born, the despicable entities who would subjugate others for their own personal gain… This is why I wanted to become Chancellor; to target things like this and put a stop to them! But… there are just so many obstacles in a corrupted Republic."
He sighed and turned to look out the window for a couple of minutes, gaze distant. Anakin took that time to go over everything the man had said and a sudden realization hit him. He'd never cared for democracy but… had that been him? Or had that been Palpatine planting seeds again – the Sith's grooming?
Had he really been that weak?
It took every ounce of will he had to not curse aloud.
He suddenly felt so vulnerable with just that realization… What else was not his idea? What else had he missed?! What was he missing now?!
Suddenly, he needed to get out, but… he couldn't. The air seemed so oppressive, and was it just him or did the room seem smaller than it had a moment ago?
He squeezed his stress ball harder and reached for his mints with his other hand.
"Sorry," Palpatine said suddenly, cutting off Anakin's movement as the older man shook his head and smiled, albeit a bit weakly, "forgive an old man his ramblings, please. And… maybe this wouldn't be such a good idea to mention to anyone? I took this office prepared to fight for what I believe in, no matter the obstacles. I wouldn't want anyone to start having doubts in my leadership over a moment of weakness."
Anakin held himself as still as he could, then nodded. "Of course not, sir," he said, hating how weak he sounded.
"In any case, that will be all that is necessary this week, Anakin. Please be safe on your way back to the Temple?"
"Yes my Mas…" Anakin froze, body going even stiffer than it had been just moments before. He'd wanted to appease Palpatine in his panic. He cursed himself in multiple different languages silently while he waited for Palpatine's reaction.
The man just blinked. Then his eyes narrowed ever so slightly and Anakin's breath hitched.
He didn't know how long they sat there in the tense silence before the Chancellor deflated. "Anakin, you don't have to worry about being hurt here for a simple slip-up. That isn't how this office works… and by the time I'm done, it won't be how the Republic works either."
He said it with such conviction…
The liar.
Anakin just nodded his head, unwilling to say anything else and screw it up even more.
"I'll be seeing you next week then," the older man said gently, shooing Anakin off with a careful wave of his hand. "And don't forget about the upcoming Gala. I'm looking forward to introducing you to a couple of people."
The time traveler nodded stiffly before turning and forcing himself to walk to the door. He would be calm and professional. He would not panic. Not openly… He took one slow step after another towards the door, eyes focused on it. It felt like forever before he reached it.
He waited calmly for the door to open and then stepped out.
Once the durasteel slid shut behind him, though, he fled.
xXx
He didn't even go back to the temple that night. He went directly to the racing circuit and demanded he be put in every single race. Bleersh didn't seem to know what to think of that, and later Anakin realized the being must have been terribly confused. He hadn't seen his 'favorite racer' for a couple of weeks, after there had been an obvious confrontation, and then he just showed up and raced like a madman…
By the end of the racing night, Anakin had cooled down enough to lose a couple of races and even explained (in very vague terms) that he'd had a bad day and hadn't meant to worry Bleersh.
The manager had simply responded with one of the nicest things Anakin had ever had anyone say to him:
"Look, kid, I can't say I don't know what's going on in that temple of yours, but if you need a way off planet – no questions asked – come to me. I'll make sure even the Jedi can't find you." Anakin had been shocked. He'd checked for any underlying plans or hidden agendas through the Force, but only felt a truthful earnestness from the being.
It killed him that that had almost reduced him to tears. So much so, that he didn't trust himself to answer for several seconds. Here he sat, surrounded by dirt, grease, broken parts, grime and everything else that went with the dimness of the Coruscanti underworld, and yet he'd found someone so genuine as to offer him – a Jedi initiate – refuge. He'd be willing to fight the Jedi (albeit discreetly and likely only to an extent, but still) for him.
"Thank you, Bleersh," he said, feeling calmer than he had all day (not that that was a high bar, but it was definitely something). "You don't know how much that means to me." He went on to say that it hadn't been the Jedi who had shaken him so badly, but someone from the Senate. The gelatin-like being lost a lot of stiffness at that, relaxing in relief (probably that he wouldn't have to fight or dodge any Jedi after all).
Anakin had thanked him again and promised to return soon before making his way back to the Temple, winnings from the night in hand. He'd reached about the half way point when he realized that his usual entrances would be more difficult to use as he hadn't left any open on his way out, seeing as he hadn't actually sneaked out of the temple initially. He did manage to get in through one particular entrance (that involved crawling through more vents, go figure) only to realize that he wouldn't be able to utilize that particular route for much longer as he would have grown too large. That realization was both a relief at him getting closer to his full adult height, and regret at losing one of his escape routes. Being small was annoying, but it had its perks.
He made it to the lower walkways of the temple halls before his adrenaline finally wore off and he almost crashed to the ground right then and there. Somehow, he made it back to his room and was out before his head hit the pillow.
xXx
Several knocks on his door woke him, and he looked up to see a… blur. Huh. Through the Force he could tell it was a Jedi, but not one he was familiar with… he thought. The blur stood in his open door cautiously.
"Oh, good," the blob of color said. "You're awake."
Anakin blinked at them, then decided he couldn't deal with them right now. So he groaned and rolled over.
"Initiate Skywalker? Are you well?"
"No," he muttered.
"Do you need to go to the healer's wing?"
"No," he said, annoyed. "Just rest."
A pause, then, "If you're sure. I'll bring you some food later."
Relief washed over him and he already felt himself drifting off again. "Thank you."
He didn't even remember hearing the door close.
xXx
When Anakin woke again, he felt both far better and far worse than he had in a long while. He felt well rested, but still tired and heavy, like he'd slept too long. He hated that feeling.
Cursing to himself, he grabbed his comm and flipped on the switch that would display the time. It was well after noon. He cursed some more as he rushed out of his quarters with a set of clean clothes and a towel under his arm. Thankfully, the other children were either at lunch or in classes and he had the refresher to himself.
He quickly cleaned up, dumped the dirty clothes in the proper receptacle and grabbed his bag filled with his school data pads and flimsies.
About half-way to his next class, he realized that he didn't have any classes as Master Yoda had taken him out for their 'special project'.
Unfortunately, that reminded him of Palpatine, which reminded him of his slip-up the day before, which had him crouching down and breathing heavily in the middle of the hallway. He'd almost called Palpatine his master – specifically 'My Master', which was a very Sith thing to do. And if the man hadn't caught onto that, Anakin would eat his bag, data pads and all.
He'd ruined everything! All his hard work, all of Siri's hard work, all of Master Yoda's… Qui-gon and Obi-wan and…
"Kriff," he whispered to himself.
"Initiate?" a new, calm voice broke into his spiraling tirade and he looked up to see Jedi Master Labooda standing there, surprised. She had leaned over him, her dark hair spilling over her shoulder and brown eyes watching him in concern.
"Master Labooda," he said, standing up and wishing desperately that he hadn't almost broken down in the hallway; that he didn't still feel like breaking down right then and there
"Are you feeling well?" the woman asked, unsurely. Then she frowned, although it looked more puzzled than disapproving. "I know I don't teach you anymore, but shouldn't you be in class?"
Well, he could answer that last question in any case. "Master Yoda took me out of them for a research project."
The woman's dark eyebrows rose in surprise. "Master Yoda?"
It took him a moment to recognize how unusual that would be and then realized that he didn't have the energy to explain it without potentially slipping up.
"It's a long story." He may have sounded a little too tired when he said that.
Labooda nodded, although she didn't look appeased. Anakin could only be grateful she didn't press.
Just then, his stomach let out a long, loud growl and he remembered that he hadn't eaten in almost twenty four hours.
E chu ta.
Sometimes only the Hutt language could grasp the utter nastiness that fit a situation.
"Have you eaten lunch yet?" the older Jedi asked, the concern back on her face, although Anakin could see traces of amusement this time.
"No," he responded, sighing tiredly. He'd gotten enough sleep, he shouldn't be this tired already. Especially not in this body.
"I see. Well, I was on my way to the commissary, if you would like to accompany me."
Anakin opened his mouth to protest. He had to go find Master Yoda and keep going through the information from Dooku. But then he paused. He remembered Siri and his mind-healers stressing that he needed to take care of himself and his growing body. He bit his lip because that still felt like that should come second to taking Palpatine down but…
Finally he took a deep breath and nodded, trying to force a smile onto his lips (and likely only succeeding in looking pathetic). Then he glanced up at the older Jedi.
"Thank you, Master," he said politely. "I believe that would be best right now."
The woman's body language immediately loosened up as she smiled down at him.
"Well, your first gala is coming up in a couple of weeks, if I recall," she said as she turned towards the commissary, not taking her eyes off of Anakin, as if he would vanish the moment she did. He fell into step beside her.
"Yes," he replied, not really wanting to think of the Senate right now, but also appreciating a topic he could grasp onto. "I am rather nervous about it." And hopefully she would attribute his near break-down to that and not, well, anything else.
"Why don't we go over some policies and procedures then?" she suggested. "I'll walk you through what to expect step by step and perhaps that will alleviate some of your anxiety?"
Anakin blinked. That was… actually very kind of her. Why was everyone being so kind to him lately? This hadn't happened before? (Or had he simply not been able to see it…?)
Shaking that thought from his head, he smiled up at her, this time far more real. "I would appreciate that, actually."
She returned his smile. "Well, you will probably want to start getting ready at least an hour before you leave, especially if you would like a sonic shower and time to meditate before a hectic evening. I highly recommend both as they tend to make stressful events go far more smoothly. Then you'll meet the other initiates near the Temple entrance as you will all be going together. You should arrive just after the gala has begun. Once there…"
She continued on, reiterating some of the points she'd hit in the class she'd taught and he listened to the small details raptly. Honestly, etiquette had never been so interesting to him.
Before he knew it, they'd gotten to the commissary, gotten their food and had both eaten a large lunch, over which he'd discussed the entire gala with the Jedi Master, up to and including any emergency plans that may be necessary. Surprisingly, it did help him feel much calmer about the gala especially, but also his life in general.
Once he finished his meal, he thanked her again, profusely, for her help and decided that he needed a little more time in the training salles before his mind-healing session in a couple of hours. If Master Yoda had let him sleep in all day, then he likely wouldn't mind that. And as much as Anakin (and Yoda) needed to get that information sorted and then to the right people, he also needed to train today.
He showed up to his mind-healing session with Master Xio feeling much better after a hard work-out, but he knew he was teetering on the edge of dropping right back into a panic.
Anakin explained everything to his mind-healer, but didn't remember much about the session specifically other than Master Xio helping him see that he was overreacting and that even if Sidious did suspect something, he would have no proof. The worst thing he could do was try to kill Anakin, which (he informed a rather horrified and sad Xio) he could definitely handle. She hadn't been too happy about that but had reluctantly accepted that it did calm him down. He had left the session feeling the most at ease he had since seeing the Chancellor and felt as if he could actually face the world again. He smiled as he went to third meal to eat with his friends.
Just as he turned into the hall leading to the commissary, he received a text comment from Master Yoda on his comm. It stated that he hoped Anakin felt better and if he needed more time off, he could take some tomorrow. If not, Yoda would be in the study room with Girth the next day and he hoped that Anakin had slept well.
The time-traveler smiled at the message. He'd needed the time off today, more than he'd realized, but he hoped he wouldn't have problems tomorrow. Truthfully, he also hoped he could sleep tonight as he'd only woken up a couple of hours before. Perhaps he could stop by the training salles again? Probably wouldn't hurt.
"Anakin?" he paused not feet away from the cafeteria entrance and looked around spotting two people coming towards him; two people he hadn't really expected to be together and alone.
"Darra. Hale," he greeted both of his friends with a curious frown. "Is everything alright?"
The red-head and the larger boy glanced at each other before looking back at him.
"We… have something to ask you… and we thought it might not be a good idea to do so in the commissary," Darra said hesitantly.
Anakin felt his heart sink. Had they figured it out too?
Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he nodded (hoping he didn't look as suddenly weary as he felt) and led them off to the side where he could see a far too familiar alcove. How many secrets had he discussed in this little area?
Once there, they all looked around and saw no one else near.
"What would you like to ask?" he said, resigned.
It was Hale who spoke this time. "Darra and I were talking and… well, we have a new theory. You know how you said you weren't a reincarnation of an ancient Jedi?"
"Yes…" the time-traveler said slowly, not sure where they were going with this.
The older boy nodded and seemed to steel himself. "If you weren't a Jedi… well… Anakin, were you a Sith?"
xXx
AN: Thanks to Quathis and Khalthar for their help in this!
I kind of feel like this is not quite the follow-up I really WANT to post, but it really is necessary... a bit of the 'calm before the storm', I suppose, although that should still apply for the next couple of chapters.
A lot of people have said they'd be interested in what happened with Jango and Siri. Unfortunately, that is not within the scope of this fic. There will be updates from them and their part is still important, but I can't really fit it in and justify it within the bounds of the story. I AM thinking about writing a short fic with them, but honestly, this fic is already stretching the limits of my burnout and I don't want to really push it, you know? So... maybe?
Either way, thank you for reading. I really do appreciate it. :)
Discord: discord. gg/xDDz3gqWfy (no spaces)
