Hello everybody!
So this chapter has a very special place in my heart and was written with all the love I have for my friends/family who helped me heal.
I love you, all of you.
And to anyone who needs to hear this : You are not alone. You are important. You are loved. You should speak up. You have my support.
Enjoy your reading,
Pavs.
Chapter eight
She woke up on the Tattoo shop couch, drenched in her own sweat, her heart banging against her rib cage as a taste of iron was filling her mouth. She was about to be sick; she was sure of it. June got up and was stopped by an overwhelming dizziness as a high-pitched noise was ringing in her ears. She fell to the floor instead, suddenly lost in her surroundings and not seeing Toll practically throwing his afternoon snack on Tool's table to rush to help her.
She let out a blood curling scream as soon as he touched her. Toll fought against himself to keep his own anxiety in check as he recognized her symptoms: she was going through PTSD. He used a soft tone and lowered his voice as much as he could as he reassured her that she wasn't wherever she thought she was at the moment.
He could have assumed that it was either the moment Booker died or when she discovered her lifeless brother, but the words she was using didn't match. He knew what the files, and Barney, had let them know, but how she had lived through it in the specific? That had yet to be discovered.
"Balls bigger than Barney's ego." Toll recalled as he thought about the kinds of jobs she used to take.
Toll looked at June, only then noticing that he had soothed her back to sleep on the floor, where he currently was holding her against him as his knees protested against his bad position. He couldn't find the willpower to move. She looked so small compared to him. She was so vulnerable.
He suddenly felt the urge to cry as he wondered what it felt like to be held like that. To be able to let himself be that vulnerable. No amount of therapy had been enough to this day. For even the short amount of time that June had been with them, Toll had noticed that the only moments she let herself show such emotions were when Tool was with her, if he counted out the moment when they found her with him.
And even then, she'd had rather die than face her own emotions. He felt his heart drop as he let himself fall on the side, moving his legs and June so he could sit on the floor properly as she unconsciously snuggled against him as Toll cried a little harder.
He was so fucking tired of this shit, so why did he stay?
He snorted between to silent sobs as he caressed her hairs, thinking to himself that he already knew the answer. What else was he supposed to do? What if the time, he didn't show up one of them died? What if he could save just another? He closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath.
"Just one more." He whispered with a broken voice, then again, a bit louder as he let himself fall back against the couch. "Please give me the strength for just one more."
.
Lee had yet to figure out a way to not piss Lacy off. He'd taken two bloody weeks off, had added one more as a bonus from Barney, who was going to Bonaparte with Tool for a new recruit, and she still was mad that he was going back to work soon.
"As if I am the one who fucking cheated." He muttered to himself as he was driving back to Tool's.
He was close too, only one stop away, when he heard a scream. He ignored the road sign and sped up as a sinking feeling made his way through his stomach. He didn't bother parking his bike inside and barely took off his helmet before he made his way carefully to the door. He could hear unfamiliar sobs that made him frown and put a hand on his emergency knife. Lee silently made his way closer to the sound when he finally heard a familiar voice.
"Just one more, please give me the strength for just one more." He heard Toll Road cry as he saw him sitting on the floor in front of the couch, right beside the coffee table that was littered with half-emptied bottles.
Lee felt the air leave his lungs as Toll's feelings hit him like a ton of bricks. He knew his friend was taking therapy sessions, but he had no idea it could get that bad. Not that they really talked about it unless it was for making fun of it.
Christmas felt bile rising in his mouth as he kept walking toward him, only to discover June fast asleep on Toll's lap as the man caressed her hairs softly. He felt his heart lurch at the sight, knowing instinctively that something bad, but not dangerous had happened.
He walked around the couch, making his steps louder as to not startle Toll and he sat on a chair facing them. Toll looked at him with fear in his eyes and Lee offered him a small, sad smile as he fought against himself not to lose it either.
It was unsettling to see this tall, strong man, capable of breaking someone bare hand, holding on to a small woman like a fragile teddy bear as he was breaking down in pieces.
"You are strong enough." Lee then whispered as he felt his own voice trembling from the emotions. "You are enough."
Toll closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying as hard as he could to regain composure. He felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes to see Lee looking at him with comprehension in his eyes.
He didn't say anything more, he didn't need to. Toll smiled sadly at him and nodded his thanks, not sure that he could speak properly yet. He felt June moving and both the men saw her opening her eyes slowly before she seemed to understand where she was exactly.
She felt the heat going to her cheeks as she repositioned herself to sit beside Toll and they both looked at her with concerned looks. She could still taste the alcohol on her tongue and looked at the bottles.
"I am sorry." She finally said a bit confused as she looked at them both.
"What happened?" asked Toll as she began to recall the anxiety attack she'd had in her sleep.
"I didn't numb myself enough." She replied spontaneously, alcohol hadn't been her friend after all.
"You shouldn't be doing that." Christmas replied concerned.
She snorted despite herself as she heard the voice belonging to the source of her pain scold her for her bad habit in the back of her mind. Lee frowned until he saw her tears coming back. She reached out for an opened bottle on the table and held it high as if she was making a toast.
"Happy birthday, John Booker." She said before she took a sip, tasting her tears more than the alcohol itself while the others felt a pang of sadness for her.
They could have gotten mad, they could have called Tool so that the man would come back from the hangar faster, but they took a bottle too and drank to Booker instead, not knowing if or when such a deep, precious moment would ever be felt again.
.
By the time Barney and Tool had made it back to New Orleans, they already knew that Billy would make a perfect recruit for their ranks. They'd flown out across the country to a base where Bonaparte was waiting for them.
The Kid had been on a friendly competition with other snipers from his now ex-battalion and had shown very promising skills. Bonaparte had assured them that he had a great personality too.
Barney was making his last check up before closing up the hangar when he looked at his time sheet and froze.
"What, you forgot how to do this?" Tool mocked gently before Barney looked at him.
"It's Booker's birthday." Barney stated with a hollow voice as Tool felt his blood freezing in his veins.
They both looked at each other before they rushed to Barney's truck while trying to manage both their grief and worries.
They'd left June alone on John's birthday. They'd forgotten John's birthday. It didn't sit well with them, at all.
They arrived at the shop after what seemed to them as hours and Barney barely had time to stop the engine before Tool got out. He followed him quickly, only to come to a screeching halt as he saw Tool beside a confused looking Gunnar and a speechless Hale. Barney walked forward to better assess the situation and felt his black heart gain back some color as he saw June fast asleep between two snoring Toll and Lee, all three of them cuddling on the couch under a blanket too small for them while Booker's favorite movie was still playing on the old television, they kept in the shop for game nights.
Gunnar turned to Barney and saw the man getting emotional, so he turned to a smiling Tool.
"Happy birthday, John." Tool said softly before Gunnar put a comforting hand on the artist shoulder as Hale went to grab them glasses to raise in their friend's honor.
They took them silently, not wishing to wake the trio up, but still wanting to do things right for Booker's birthday.
"Happy birthday." Replied Barney as he looked at the scene, wishing the man could see for himself that even after all these years, they could still be grateful that they were a chemically unbalanced, probably disturbed, definitely crazy, but very loyal family.
