The new teacher was waiting for them in the class before they got there. Eager to find out more about the new professor, Harry, Ron and Hermione all took seats near the front. When everyone had arrived, Professor White clapped her hands.

"Welcome, everyone, to your new Defense class. You can call me Bella; Professor White just sounds odd, and I'm used to Bella, anyways. Let's take attendance. We'll go row by row, left to right, and when it's your turn, you can say your name, and we can each ask each other a question. Sounds fair?"

The class nodded. "Very well. Let's begin."

"I'm Hermione Granger, Pro - er - Bella."

"Hermione, I've heard that you're quite a good student. What motivates you?"

"Er…" She hadn't been expecting that question. "Well, I guess I just like coming top. And reading."

"Well, I'll be calling you Booksy then." Everyone smiled. They all knew of Hermione's academic excellence and love for reading. "Alright, Booksy, you can ask me a question now."

Hermione grinned. "Did you go to Hogwarts? Which house were you in?"

Bella smiled too. "I did, and I was a Slytherin."

Draco looked dumbfounded.

"Okay, next?"

"I'm Harry Potter."

"Ah, Harry. Why is your hair always so messy?"

Harry blinked. "What? Er…I mean, whenever I try to comb it, it never listens. Must be a hereditary trait."

"Okay. Hairy Harry. Your turn." This time everyone burst out laughing.

"Why is your hair so messy? I mean, it's better than mine. But how do you manage it?"

"The hair reflects the madness within, I suppose."

Harry snorted. And then frowned.

"What's wrong, Mr. Hairy?"

"It's just, someone I know said something very similar to that before." Only Ron and Hermione knew about the night in the Shrieking Shack.

"That's odd. Well, I positively know you're a Weasley. One hundred percent. So, Weaselbee (Draco's jaw dropped), which of your siblings do you get along best with?"

Ron frowned. "Er…Ginny, I guess. She's a fourth year. Do you have any siblings?"

Bella grinned. "I'll be sure to tell Ginny. And back to your question, in fact, I do. I have two sisters."

Bella looked at Neville, seated behind Hermione, next. And her brain suddenly stopped. His face looked just like his mother's and he looked rather like his dad…what would she say to him?

"N-Neville Longbottom." There was a shadow of recognition on his face.

"Ah, yes. So…Lion Boy -" The class looked surprised. "How's your grandmother?"

"All right, I guess," he shrugged. "Bit strict."

"I should have known," said Bella kindly. "My whole family was strict. Except my sisters; they were nice."

Neville blinked. It was odd. The woman had reminded him horribly of Bellatrix Lestrange, but she couldn't be. She was far too nice! Still, he supposed he should be careful. "Er - when did you first start doing magic, and what was it?"

"I did my first bit of accidental magic when I was five. One of my sisters was being a bit annoying, so I levitated her to the top of a cupboard and left her there. She jumped down, of course. Though she was a Slytherin, you'd've thought she was Gryffindor through and through. Always liked her," said Bella.

Neville just looked more surprised.

"Okay, next."

"Draco Malfoy, Miss Bella."

"Okay, so…Drakeykins-" Draco went red and was also a bit shocked (only his aunt called him that! How did this new Professor know?), and everyone unsuccessfully tried to suppress their laughter. "Why does everyone call you The Ferret?"

Draco sighed, but took it in good sport. "Last year, Professor Moody turned me into a ferret and bounced me up and down until Professor McGonagall stopped him." Ron had his eyes closed in blissful remembrance. This woman was seriously (pun not intended) giving him Aunt Bella vibes. "Where are you from?"

"Well, before I took up my job here, I lived in Wiltshire." Draco stared. Okay, so either this person was his Aunt Bella (they even had the same name!) or was lying. They were literally wearing pretty much the same clothes. There was no way that this was possible. "Really?" he said tentatively. "Me too. We may be neighbors."

Bella raised her eyebrows, internally laughing her head off. Oh, this was hilarious. Drakeykins looked so very confused. "Perhaps." She proceeded to name the rest of the class. Seamus Finnegan was 'Fireboy', Dean Thomas was Quillbro (on account of his excellent drawing skills), Lavender Brown was 'Rainbow' (she did have two colors in her name after all), along with several others.

She checked her watch. Perfect. There were about thirty minutes left. "Alight, everyone, one thing you should do when running into battle is use code-names; this confuses your adversaries. And that's what I just did. Feel free to use these names in a real battle. Okay, everybody, take that down now." On the board, she wrote 'code names'.

Hairy Harry raised his hand. "Did you have a code name?"

Bella grinned. "Yeah. It was Blackbelle."

"Cool!" said Quillbro Thomas.

"Alright, so does anyone else have other important things to keep in mind during a battle?"

"Positioning!"

"Wand stances!"

"Planning!"

"Physical shields!"

"Information on your adversary!"

"That's right," she said. "Take that down." She waited for a minute while everyone copied down the points from the blackboard, and then started again. "And that brings me to the second half of the lesson. So, everybody. Information on your adversary. Although the Ministry says that the Dark Lord hasn't returned, I know for a fact that he has, and seen him quite recently." This caused an uproar. Harry, Ron and Hermione all exchanged glances.

Bella pointed her wand at the students and made all their hair stand up. This resulted in an immediate silence. She waved it again to restore it to its normal state. "Thank you. So, he IS back. Now, what would you do in a one-on-one fight against him if he had your wand? You have no cover of any type to hide behind."

There was total silence.

"Weaselbee!" Ron Weasley looked up. "I've heard your twin brothers are quite the comedic duo. Now, if there's one thing that Dark Lords can't stand, it's humor or being made fun of. What would they do?"

"Er..tell him you've…got…baby pictures of him?"

"Precisely! Five points to Gryffindor!" said Bella happily. "That is an effective method. You could use specific methods, or general ones, like Weaselbee's method." She pulled out a few photographs from her jacket pocket and the entire class looked at her incredulously.

"You're taking me seriously?" said Weaselbee. For some reason, this caused Hairy Harry and Booksy Granger to immediately clamp their hands over their mouths. And then she remembered. Of course. Her (now not-so) baby cousin Sirius. So they knew him, did they? He was quite likely to be in the Order of the Phoenix.

"Yes, indeed I am. These are the baby and childhood pictures of a quite illustrious wizard called Tom Riddle. You can plainly see that the Dark Lord looked much nicer as a baby." She Geminio-ed the pictures several times and caused them to float onto everyone's desks. She could see Hairy, Weaselbee and Booksy exchanging glances. So they already knew about Tom. She wondered how. "If you ever encounter the Dark Lord, you can hold up these photos and say, "Tommy, I think you looked much better as a baby. It took me a while to find these, so please treat them carefully." At this point, everyone was laughing hard. Draco inspected the photos curiously. To tell the truth, he thought that the Dark Lord looked rather like Pottah. Especially the hair.

"Okay, so everyone, repeat after me. Hey, Tommy!"

"HEY, TOMMY!" chorused the class, barely holding in their laughter.

"I think you looked much better as a baby!"

"I THINK YOU LOOKED MUCH BETTER AS A BABY!" everyone said.

"At least you had a nose!"

Everyone lost it. "AT LEAST YOU HAD A NOSE!" they sputtered.

"Here, I've got pictures!"

"HERE, I'VE GOT PICTURES!"

"Okay, now take that down." Everyone was still laughing. "That's the first method. Method two: attack them personally. I've heard Professor McGonnagall is quite competent in the field of roasting; you should get in touch with her, too. So, anyone who's seen a picture of Oldy Voldy, can you tell me something interesting about his appearance?"

"He doesn't have a nose," said Hermione, desperately trying to keep it together.

"Very good, Booksy. He doesn't have a nose. He's very sensitive about it. So if you want a quick distraction, you could always say, 'Hey, look, a flying nose! It's got a fifty-percent discount on it!"

Everyone burst into laughter again. "Take that down!"

The bell rang. "Alright everyone. For homework, I want you to come up with five ways to burn the Dark Lord. You are allowed to get help from Professor McGonagall, as well as Booksy and Drakeykins. I hear that they are also quite accomplished with insults." Draco and Hermione's faces burned. And with that, she dismissed class.