Chapter 6: Lessons Learned
…
"Bronchitis?"
Itachi had tended my injuries to the point where I could claim that I'd tripped and had fallen down the stairs, which of course prompted another round of hospital visits due to my inexplicable bout of 'dizziness'. This turned out to be a good thing, however, since the medics caught my newest illness early.
"Yeah, but it should clear up soon," I said with forced optimism. "It always does."
I was sitting at the kotatsu as snow fell outside. I was once again being denied the chance to play in the snow due to another entry in my long list of medical conditions. Itachi had just returned from a mission and still had fresh snow melting into his hair. He smelled like trees and sweat and metal, the scents I associated with him after a long mission where he had little access to things like showers and comfortable beds. I gave him a hug anyway.
Itachi returned the hug and took a moment to brush his fingertips over my new blue ribbon. It had appeared on my desk the morning after I'd lost the previous one, an obvious gift from Itachi before leaving on his mission. I was grateful because I loved my ribbon, and Mikoto and Fugaku would surely notice its absence if I suddenly stopped wearing it.
I coughed to clear my throat.
"Are you going camping again with Nii-chan?" I asked. I couldn't quite smother the hint of wistfulness. Sasuke was busy practicing the leaf sticking exercise Itachi had shown him. He perked up at the mention of camping, the leaf he'd been trying to stick to his forehead disintegrating from his moment of inattention.
"It's not really the best weather for that," said Itachi. Sasuke pouted but didn't object. He merely grabbed another leaf and placed it on his forehead to try again. I supposed that Sasuke wasn't too keen on camping in bad weather either. "Tou-san is sending us back to Nekobaa tomorrow, though."
Nekobaa lived in the ruins of an abandoned city called Sora-ku about a day's walk from Konoha. Sasuke and Itachi went there occasionally to pick up supplies for the clan. I'd accompanied them once, using my pocket money to buy cat treats with the intent of making as many feline friends as possible. It worked, perhaps better than expected, because it only took about ten minutes until I was happily buried under a pile of purring cats.
"Oh, well maybe I'll be better by then," I said.
Itachi made a sound that was neither agreement nor disagreement. Yeah, I didn't really think so either.
"You…you go outside the village a lot, right?" I asked, coughing only a little bit. Itachi nodded because of course he did. "Can you use your genjutsu to show me what the outside world looks like beyond the forest?"
I'd held a small hope that I'd be able to explore this world before my death. I'd wanted to make it to the ocean at least once, but my hospital stays were growing more frequent, not less. And I'd heard Mikoto question if I should ever be enrolled in the Academy. It was technically a requirement for all Uchiha children, but she wondered if even classwork would be too much for me.
Sora-ku was likely the farthest I would ever travel, and that was still in Konoha's proverbial back yard. Itachi, even at this age, had traveled to other countries, if only briefly. And I wanted so badly to see something beyond Konoha.
"There isn't really much out there," he said. "It's mostly just forest and fields."
I looked down to hide my disappointment.
"O…oh," I said. Maybe I'd expected too much. It wasn't like Itachi had gone sight-seeing. He'd been working.
"Well, maybe there is something I can show you," he said after a minute. He closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them again, they were Sharingan red.
"Will it hurt?" I asked, suddenly nervous.
"No," he said, his chakra reaching out to brush against mine, not unlike a medical ninjutsu. It slipped in through my eyes and wove lines of power through my mind. And I was…
…standing in a clearing speckled with large stones. The trees were crowned in orange and gold. And in the long grass there were bright blue wildflowers.
No, not flowers.
Butterflies.
The wind kicked up, sweeping through the clearing and making the grass dance like waves at sea, and all at once the butterflies took to their wings in a cloud of iridescent blue.
"Oh…" I said, reaching up but not daring to touch one in case it broke the genjutsu.
Itachi stood next to me, smiling gently as a butterfly alighted onto his palm. He held it out to me. I extended my index finger and stroked the wing with care.
"It's so beautiful," I said, awe mixing with surprise. I'd never been under genjutsu before. I'd always pictured it as a dream. But there was nothing dreamlike about this at all. I could feel the breeze, smell the perfumed air, and hear the barest hint of fluttering wings. "Can you teach me genjutsu?"
Itachi breathed a quiet laugh.
"I thought you were studying medical techniques," he said. "And sealing."
"I am!" I said, perhaps a little too defensive. "I just…I want to learn. Even if it's too early for me to be good at it, I want to learn a little bit."
I wasn't even sure how to start. The Sharingan really was a cheat.
Itachi nodded.
"There are few who truly master it as it requires precise chakra control," he says. "Is there something in particular you wanted to learn?"
He spoke casually, but Itachi so rarely entertained questions about ninja techniques that I had to pause and squint at him suspiciously.
"Well…" I said. "I want to know how to hide."
Itachi nodded.
"I see," he said. He paused. "You haven't been sleeping well."
I winced.
"It's just bad dreams," I muttered.
Itachi looked sad but didn't press further. He'd remained gently persistent when questioning me about the incident, but I rebuffed all of his attempts to coax out what had happened. In the end, he reluctantly agreed to let it go as long as I promised to be careful.
"Genjutsu involves the introduction of chakra into the central nervous system of a target with the intent of mimicking and interrupting biological signals sent to and from the brain," Itachi began. I blinked because I hadn't actually expected Itachi to agree to teach me right away. "All genjutsu are performed using Yin Release and can have a wide variety of effects from paralysis, to emotional manipulation, to the standard illusionary constructs. But even at the highest level, almost any genjutsu can be broken by a ninja with 99% or higher chakra control efficiency. While not common in the field, ninja with that level of chakra control do exist, which means that a genjutsu user must always have additional methods of handling a target."
And that was the real reason genjutsu specialists were so uncommon. It was rare for shinobi to have an affinity for it, difficult to learn when they did, and even at the highest level, it could still be beaten, leaving the shinobi with nothing to show for it. Genjutsu was very much an all-or-nothing style of fighting. When it worked, it was effectively a low cost, vast-range, 1-hit KO. When it didn't, it was nothing. Kurenai would make it to jounin as a genjutsu specialist, and for all her hard work, she wouldn't even be a speedbump against Itachi.
"What if you don't want to fight and just want to hide?" I asked. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I just wanted the ability to slip away.
"Sometimes," Itachi paused. "Sometimes confrontations cannot be avoided. However, genjutsu is an extremely useful tool for lowering the frequency significantly. The technique I want to show you today is called the Blind Spot technique. It focuses on creating an artificial blind spot. When used against an unsuspecting target, it can allow the user to pass unnoticed."
Itachi went on to explain the brain chemistry and sketched a diagram of the occipital lobe, going into great detail about where and how to insert chakra. After a long-winded explanation, Itachi showed me the hand signs required for projecting my chakra toward him, and I gave it a shot. Interacting with Itachi's chakra was strange. He wasn't fighting back, simply allowing me to poke and prod at his chakra as I felt my way through his mind. He guided me easily, able to sense my clumsy progress.
I was very, very careful as I found the nerves he'd nudged me toward and blocked them.
"That's very good, Kiyo-chan," said Itachi.
I cut the technique and slumped to one side. Itachi caught me easily.
"Hey, hey, are you okay?" Sasuke asked. I blinked up at him.
"She's only tired," said Itachi, which was good because now that I wasn't focused on the genjutsu, I realized exactly how much I needed a nap. "It looks like you've already mastered leaf sticking. That's very impressive. Let me show you the next stage."
I closed my eyes and dozed off in his lap.
…
Learning the genjutsu was the easy part. Mastering the genjutsu was the hard part. At my current level, the Blind Spot genjutsu took seven hand signs and five minutes of careful maneuvering through the target's brain before I could vanish from their sight. And once I had them under the Blind Spot genjutsu, I could only hold it for another minute before my chakra ran out. Then Itachi helpfully demonstrated exactly how easily he could shatter it with a casual flare of chakra, making all of my hard work for naught.
It wasn't the most encouraging start, but I was still hyped from the overwhelming fact that I could cast a genjutsu! This was so amazingly cool that I rode an emotional high for an entire week. When I told Asumi-Obaa-chan about Itachi's genjutsu lessons, she decided to test my progress with chakra control, and at the end she declared me adequate to start basic medical ninjutsu training.
"Medical internships typically begin after a shinobi has become a genin," said Asumi-Obaa-chan. "I would normally never have approved this, but your father was quite insistent."
I began taking shifts at the Uchiha Clinic, a small medical facility that worked closely with the police department. Sasuke tagged along exactly once out of curiosity, but since Asumi-Obaa-chan did not allow idle hands in her clinic, he quickly decided that he had better things to do, like shuriken training.
I spent most of my shift working in the clinic and received 30 minutes a day of private tutelage on chakra healing techniques, though Asumi-Obaa-chan expressly forbade me from using medical techniques on others until I received my medical license. Itachi didn't have a license, so he'd technically broken the law when he'd healed me after the confrontation with the genin. Not that I was about to mention that to anyone. I was also allowed to watch examinations and procedures being performed. Asumi-Obaa-chan taught me how to use standard medical seals and gave me a stack of medical books that was almost as tall as I was. It was daunting, but I accepted the books and got to work.
It was a good way to spend the winter. After three months, Asumi-Obaa-chan deemed me ready to attempt a healing technique on an injured fish that was kept alive by a very specialized life-support seal. Pop quizzes were always nerve-wracking, but I worked my way methodically through the fish's circulatory system and identified the issue: suffocation. I slowly, carefully coaxed oxygen to flow through its body, and the fish began to flop around. Asumi-Obaa-chan hummed in approval and said that I was coming along nicely.
It was serious progress even if my weapons training was still lacking.
"Your aim is getting really good, but you should practice on moving targets more," said Sasuke. I could hit three stationary targets simultaneously with both kunai and shuriken, but Sasuke had advanced to three moving targets. He casually flipped a kunai in his hand before giving it a lazy overhand throw and landing it dead center in the smallest, hardest to reach target. "You should play Ninja sometime. I promise I'll keep the others from picking on you."
It was hardly necessary at this point. As many of our cousins grew closer to their graduation, they'd started caring less about playing Ninja and started caring more about being ninja. They were constantly talking about when they would take the chunin exams, become police officers just like their parents, and bring honor to our clan's name.
They were growing up now.
But they would never grow old.
"I don't like hitting people," I said with a shrug and an experimental sniff.
I was currently using a decongestant ninjutsu to hide the fact that I had a cold. Not even Mikoto had noticed. Earlier this morning, I overheard her talking happily to Fugaku about my recent bout of improved health. I felt somewhat guilty for the deception, but she'd spent years worrying over me.
She deserved a break.
It was just a cold.
"But how are you going to become a great police officer if you don't want to fight?" Sasuke asked. He rolled his eyes as if that was a rhetorical question. But it did have an answer.
Because I wouldn't.
I would never grow old either.
The reality of our situation was easy to forget sometimes, but the tournament portion of Itachi's chunin exam was a stark reminder of exactly what my gentle older brother was capable of. I hadn't really wanted to see Itachi fight. I knew the massacre was coming, but it was easier to push those thoughts aside when the person responsible seemed so kind and harmless. The illusion had been shattered as I watched Itachi use genjutsu to torture a cloud genin named Nemui. The boy just screamed. And screamed. And screamed. Eventually Nemui forfeited, his words barely audible between sobs of terror.
In the stands, only Danzo applauded, and Itachi became a chunin.
Afterwards, I couldn't quite meet Itachi's eyes, the same eyes that would one day torture Sasuke, the same eyes that would make Sasuke scream too.
Before I could come up with a suitable response, Fugaku slid open the door and stepped outside.
"Tou-san, you're home early!" said Sasuke, running up to greet Fugaku.
"Yes, I have some news for you," he said, looking both serious and mildly pleased. "I've enrolled the two of you in the Academy next year."
Sasuke gasped, and his face lit up.
"Really?" Sasuke asked. Fugaku nodded, giving him the barest hint of a smile.
"Your mother and I believe that you're both ready," he said. "You're also old enough to learn the clan fighting style."
I did not like the sound of that.
It sounded like a whole lot of pain.
Fugaku didn't waste any time in proving me right either. He demonstrated a small series of basic attacks. Then he squared Sasuke and me off against one another in the back yard.
I looked at Sasuke.
Sasuke looked at me.
He took a step forward, and I flinched. Sasuke hesitated, looking uncertain. I thought that maybe I should attack, but there was something fundamentally wrong about punching a five-year-old. Sasuke seemed to be thinking something along those lines too.
"I don't want to hit Kiyo-chan," mumbled Sasuke. I'd never seen him object to Fugaku before, and Fugaku seemed nonplussed by the quavering protest.
"You can learn from each other or you can learn from your enemies when they attempt to kill you," said Fugaku.
That wasn't totally fair. The Academy would teach us how to fight. But I could see his point as well.
"Nii-chan, it's okay if you hit me," I said quietly.
I did not particularly want to be on the receiving end of a punch, but Fugaku was right in every way that mattered. I knew what Sasuke would face one day. He needed to learn. And if it meant a little pain on my part, well it was nothing compared to what he would endure later.
After about a full minute of awkward tension, Sasuke gave the slowest, most half-hearted strike I'd ever seen. He barely ruffled the front of my shirt before drawing back and looking again at Fugaku. I let out a slow breath and gave a half-hearted punch that mirrored Sasuke's, all its power aborted at the end so that none of the force touched him.
Fugaku nodded once, his face unreadable.
"Again," he said.
Violence really was a learned habit. Sasuke and I did more dodging than hitting for those first few weeks as we assessed each other's speed and reflexes, learning exactly when to pull back and how much force could be safely used. Fugaku rarely had time for us, instead telling us to practice a series of kicks and punches that he had taught us while under Mikoto's watchful eye. Mikoto was not a taijutsu expert, but this was Academy level at best, and she was more than competent enough to correct our stances and offer advice. Other than that, sparring with Sasuke wasn't as terrible as I'd feared. He was naturally better than me, but he didn't push me around. While I'd seen him mercilessly take down other kids during games of Ninja, he was always conscientious of his strength and my limits.
And when I was ready to stop, he stopped too.
It was actually going really well until I passed out during a training session and woke up in the hospital due to a rare chakra-eating infection exacerbated by strenuous exercise while having a cold.
Mikoto was quietly crying at my bedside.
…
Eventually I reached a respectable mastery of the Blind Spot genjutsu with a half second casting time and a five minute duration. Even Sasuke, who was now familiar with genjutsu and the breaking of genjutsu, could not escape from it easily.
"Excellent progress," said Fugaku when I demonstrated it over dinner one night. "Asumi-Obaa-chan has high praise for your contributions at the clinic as well."
My 'contributions' were mostly washing sheets and cleaning glassware, but it was nice to be appreciated.
"Ah…Tou-san," said Sasuke hesitantly. "Do you want to see my shuriken jutsu? And I'm getting really good with my bow."
"Maybe after dinner," said Fugaku. "How is your reading coming along?"
"I'm almost done with Samurai Asahi," said Sasuke.
"Yes, that's one of Kiyo-chan's old chapter books," said Fugaku. "I suppose that is an adequate reading level for your age."
Sasuke looked down at his plate. It seemed that my academic successes were throwing another shadow for Sasuke to fall in.
"Nii-chan will be the best at the Academy," I said because he would be. He would be rookie of the year and a prodigy. He just wasn't a prodigy among prodigies like Itachi. "I bet he'll have the best shuriken jutsu in the whole class. No, the whole school!"
Sasuke looked up, and gave me a tentative smile across the table.
"Perhaps," said Fugaku, setting down his chopsticks. "Well, show me your progress then."
But there was a knock on the door, and a police officer entered, kneeling and apologizing for the interruption. There was a copper-scented stain on her left sleeve, though she didn't seem injured.
"It's alright," said Fugaku. "We'll talk in my office." He looked down at Sasuke. "Maybe later."
"Okay…" said Sasuke, watching him go.
I couldn't exactly fault Fugaku for prioritizing a blood-splattered police officer, but Sasuke was too young to understand.
"Nii-chan, maybe you can help me with shuriken jutsu while it's still light out," I said. "And afterwards, do you want to read together?"
"Nii-san is better…" whispered Sasuke, low enough that Mikoto couldn't hear.
I couldn't exactly argue against that. Itachi was better than everyone at pretty much everything. Except…
"I want to learn from you," I said firmly. Sasuke looked up, startled. "You're always helping me out no matter how far behind I am. You're patient, and you don't mind showing me things over and over again if I don't get it right. I don't want another teacher. I want you, because to me, you're the best. And you always will be. So let's train together, okay?"
Sasuke flushed and smiled.
"Yeah," he said, and he followed me into the yard.
…
"Kiyo-chan!" Mikoto called out as I slipped on my shoes. "Your father forgot his lunch. Can you drop it off on your way to the clinic?"
"Yes, Kaa-chan," I said, taking the cloth-wrapped box and sliding it into my bag. "I love you, bye!"
The clinic connected to the police station, so it hardly qualified as a detour. I pushed open the door to the police headquarters and the secretary at the front desk looked up at me. He activated his Sharingan and looked me over before flicking it off a moment later, content that I wasn't using genjutsu or a disguise to infiltrate the building. I passed through the general intake area where various villagers were waiting in long lines to meet with harried-looking police officers.
"Why should I answer questions to a worthless traitor?" slurred a drunken man as I slipped past the desk into the Employees Only area. The room was laced with tension as the belligerent man raised his voice and lurched to his feet. "Bunch of cowards, all of you!"
He took a swing at one of the officers. But before the blow could connect, the officer slammed him into the floor. Another officer was there to herd the other villagers away from the fight as the man was carried toward the temporary holding cells to sober up. There were grumbles among the other villagers at the display, and it didn't sound like it was in the Uchiha's favor. I heard more than one person whisper about brutality and arrogance.
I retreated up the stairs towards the main office area.
As I rounded the corner, another one of my distant relatives exited Fugaku's office. He glanced at me with his Sharingan and smiled. And, in a moment of distraction, he left the door slightly ajar as he hurried off with a stack of papers. As I approached, I heard a familiar voice through the crack, and I paused in the hallway.
"They've accepted you into ANBU?" Fugaku asked.
"Danzo-sama requested me," said Itachi. "He will give me an assignment to determine my readiness for the position."
Fugaku hummed in thought.
"Perhaps this is for the best," he said. "With the situation between the clan and the elders in its current state, something must be done. You will act as the bridge between the clan and the village. But remember this, Itachi: you are first and foremost a member of the Uchiha clan. All other loyalties to ANBU and Konoha are nothing compared to that. Do you understand?"
"Yes," said Itachi.
"Good," said Fugaku. Then he raised his voice a fraction. "Kiyo-chan, come in."
I winced at being caught, but I'd never really doubted that they'd known I was there. It wasn't like I was sneaking.
"Okay," I said, pushing open the door and holding up the lunch like a peace offering. "You forgot your lunch." Fugaku nodded, and I placed it on his desk. I was about to escape, but I stopped. There was nothing I could do to stop the coup. I was too young, too powerless, to do anything but watch. "Tou-chan…the people downstairs, they were saying things about our clan. They called us traitors and cowards." Fugaku gave me a sharp look, but I plowed on. "They're wrong, aren't they? We wouldn't do anything to hurt Konoha. It's our home too, right?"
Fugaku's face turned dark, but then he sighed.
"The words of criminals are meaningless," he said, which wasn't exactly a no. "You should hurry to the clinic, Kiyo-chan. Asumi-Obaa-chan will wonder where you are. Close the door on your way out."
I could guess at what they wanted to talk about. Itachi's induction into ANBU might be an open secret, but having him spying on the village would not be. When I looked to him, Itachi's face was completely blank.
I fled.
…
Sasuke, Itachi, and I made the most of our last bit of free time before entering the Academy by training together out in the woods. Well, Sasuke and Itachi trained while I watched. I made an occasional effort to replicate their throwing techniques, but Sasuke had long since left me behind in terms of skill, and Itachi's abilities bordered on magic. Compared to them, I was a fumbling child.
Still, I tried to make the most of it, and they never actively excluded me no matter how vast the difference in our abilities. Our training was brought to an abrupt end, however, when Sasuke hurt his ankle and Itachi opted to carry him home.
When we arrived, Fugaku was waiting for us with a frown and told us to come inside.
"You are my son after all," said Fugaku after mentioning a mission presented by the village elders. He looked at Itachi seriously. "Only such a short time after raising your status to chunin, you've come this far. For tomorrow's special mission, I've decided to come along."
Sasuke startled.
Tomorrow was the Academy entrance ceremony.
"If the mission succeeds, Itachi, your enrollment into ANBU is almost guaranteed," said Fugaku, and his smile was not entirely pleasant. I felt the twist in Fugaku's chakra as he activated his Sharingan. "Do you understand?"
Was that a threat? The Sharingan was used to see through illusions, measure reactions, and sometimes to record happy memories, but it wasn't exactly polite to use it in normal conversation with someone.
"You don't have to worry so much," said Itachi, glancing over at Sasuke. "Besides…"
"Um, Tou-san, tomorrow is Kiyo-chan's and my…" Sasuke began.
"Tomorrow's mission is not only for you, but also a very important mission for the Uchiha clan," said Fugaku.
Considering the tension between the clan and the village, I could see why he might not consider a simple ceremony to be high priority. Perhaps one missed ceremony might not have been a big deal, but Sasuke wouldn't see it that way. Because it wasn't just one ceremony. It was every single time Fugaku had prioritized something else over him.
Sasuke stared down at the floor, disappointed but not surprised.
"I guess I'll refuse tomorrow's mission after all," said Itachi.
"What are you saying?" Fugaku demanded. "Have you lost your mind? You should know how important tomorrow is!"
Of course he knew. That's why he was using it as a bargaining chip.
"I'll go to Sasuke and Kiyo-chan's Academy entrance ceremony tomorrow," he said, staring Fugaku down. "It's customary for relatives to go to the ceremony. You received a notification, didn't you, Tou-san?"
Was Itachi blackmailing Fugaku? Pay attention to Sasuke, or I will ruin your plans to put a spy into ANBU? And it was for Sasuke's sake. I never tried to gain Fugaku's attention. I felt guilty enough for stealing so much of our parent's time and energy away from Sasuke even without trying to take more. But Sasuke never made a secret of his deep desire for Fugaku's recognition. The fact that Fugaku couldn't even see it was a sign of how overlooked Sasuke really was.
Fugaku stood up looking like he'd swallowed a lemon.
"I get it," he said. "I'll go to the Academy."
Point to Itachi.
Fugaku was the first to leave, his expression still dark over having lost to his eldest child. Only when he was gone did Itachi rise, lowering a hand to help Sasuke stand. Sasuke still looked troubled. So did Itachi, but for slightly different reasons.
"Onii-chan…" I said, but I stopped.
Whatever mission Danzo had planned, it wouldn't be easy. Danzo was the sort of man to test a person's heart as well as their skills as a shinobi. Itachi would probably have to assassinate someone. That thought sent a chill down my spine. It wasn't that shinobi didn't kill people normally. Plenty of missions involved fights to the death, but assassination was different. The killing wasn't incidental to the mission. It was the mission.
Itachi was a child.
And Fugaku just didn't seem to care.
No one seemed to care.
Fugaku loved Itachi. I knew he did. So why? Why was he so content to put Itachi in mortal peril? Why did he command Itachi to kill so casually? Why was it always Itachi who had to sacrifice for the clan and the village?
It wasn't fair.
"On your mission tomorrow, don't get hurt, okay?" I asked, my voice trembling.
It was a foolish fear. Itachi, even as a chunin, could handle anyone below Kage level. And if Fugaku wasn't at his side, it would be Shisui. Between the two of them, they could probably match even a Kage. Besides that, my request was silly. No one went on missions intending to get hurt. But I had to voice my feelings somehow, this deep desire of wanting to shelter him, even the tiniest bit, when no one else seemed willing to try.
It was meaningless.
What could I do to protect someone like Itachi?
Still, Itachi's expression softened.
"I'll try," he said. And he left it at that.
…
