CHAPTER FIVE

JULY 2013

Young Jimmy laid back on his bunk reading a magazine when Brendan popped his head around the door, "knock knock"

Jimmy sat up, "Hi..."

Brendan dug into the pocket of his sweatpants and extended his hand to him, "There..."

Jimmy took the phonecard and stood up from the bunk, "Thanks...took your time, but you sure come good the goods"

Brendan smiled, "It's all apart of the service"

Jimmy pocketed the phonecard and then closed the door slightly, Brendan frowned as the kid got onto his knees, "What you doing?"

"I've got no money have I...so I thought I might be able to...you know, service you"

Brendan saw him reach out to the waistband of his sweatpants, he immediately stood back and shook his head, "Get up! I said get up"

Jimmy did as ordered and looked confused, Brendan looked peed off, "Don't you ever do that again to me...do- you- understand?"

Brendan opened the door as Jimmy said, "I'm sorry..."

He calmed his stance, "Its okay...but go take a cold shower or something"

Dave was coming across the landing and could see the awkward look between the two, "hey...what was that all about?"

Brendan shook his head dismissively, Dave took his arm and lead him across the walkway, "They all starting to get restless around here mate, you got those waiting for their booze and Chatsworth wants his next fix, do you know what I mean?"

Brendan looked at him and sighed, "I know, I know, stop with your whining will yah"

Dave shook his head, "Getting bored of it already are you?"

Brendan leaned on the rail and looked down to the morons playing a game of pool, "It's not all what it cracked up to be, that's all"

Dave didn't like this, it sounded like this Mr High and Mighty was starting to flag a bit, "So what are you saying?"

Brendan exhaled a sigh and looked about the place, "I'm saying I don't like being cooped up...I just need to spread my wings a bit, you know?"

"You mean escape"

Brendan leaned into his earhole, "I didn't say that"

"But that's what you mean though"

"I just don't think I can stick being HERE for...for..."

"Forever?"

Brendan turned around and looked at him, "forever's a long time"

"It's eternity mate...but if you do the crime you do the time", Dave told.

Brendan wanted to laugh. If only he knew.

It was Sunday, and Brendan wanted some peace and quiet so he headed off to the chapel. He clutched his bible and entered the gloomy excuse for a place of worship. To be fair, there was a stained glass window but it looked like somebody had smashed it through at some point. Was there nothing sacred to these fucking bastards.

He sat down in one of the two pews and closed his eyes savouring the calmness that was on offer. Then there was a crash and he snapped his eyes open, and fixed them on the source of this intrusion.

It was the chaplain. He looked up as he started to picked up the tray of clutter he had dropped, "I am so sorry...I didn't think anybody was in here"

Brendan looked irritated by him but nodded.

"Actually, nobody comes in here..."

"Except to vandalise the window", Brendan said not looking his way.

The Chaplain looked up to the taped up window and sighed, "Yes..."

Brendan sniffed and shrugged.

The Chaplain approached him, "I'm Father Thomas by the way"

A curious Brendan looked up at him, "You a Catholic, Father?"

Father Thomas Shook his head, "Well...not exactly...here I act as a multi faith"

"So you worship God in all his shapes and forms then? Interesting"

"If you like"

Brendan focused onto the man's dog collar, "I'm Brady, Well if you don't mind...", he raised his bible at him as a way to show of the interruption.

Father Thomas got the message and smiled, "Take as long as you need, Brady"

Afterward, Brendan decided he wanted to spend the rest of Sunday alone in his cell and have a nap. He raised his hands threateningly at those on the walk way asking him for all sorts and closed the door behind him shutting out all that scum.

He flopped out on to the bunk and closed his eyes.

Steven wanted to hold his hand as they made their way back from Ha'penny bridge in Dublin. Of course he wanted to hold Steven's hand, he didn't want nothing more, but it wasn't that simple for him. But at the same time he was frightened of scaring Steven off.

Back at the hotel room, he kissed Steven passionately no sooner they had stepped foot in the room and had closed the door. Steven stopped him and pointed to the bed, "Oi, are you sure you've got enough energy left after fucking John Paul?"

He looked at the bed and then back at Steven, "Oh, is that what is name was"

Steven laughed, "You didn't even ask his name?"

He really didn't care about the name, he went and pulled Steven's top off and pushed him onto the bed and practically crawled on top of him. Steven searched his eyes and he did the same to him. Then he felt Steven's hand sliding into the flies of his jeans, he closed his eyes because it felt so good to finally feel his intermate touch again.

He flipped onto his back and Steven was then on top of him pulling off his vest.

"Do what you want to me Steven...", and Steven smiled at him with eyes full of lust.

Brendan opened his eyes and realised he had his hand down his pants. He withdrew his hand and stood off the bunk and leaned on the sink staring into the mirror. Why was God tormenting him like this? Making him dream of him. It wasn't fair, he had made the sacrifice with good intention, why wasn't he allowed to live with it?

He looked at his reflection and whispered, "Am I not allowed to forget him? Why do you torture me so? I just want to stand up for those I love...Am I not allowed to give my Sister the future she deserves? It was the right decision so please...please let me be allowed to forget HIM"