CHAPTER NINE
NOVEMBER 2013
I wake up every morning in this filthy cell, this prison, this place I just want rid of now...I just want to drown out my aching and lonely heart...
that...and run away too, because that's what I do...that's what I always do.
it's all because I miss him...and long for him.
The missing him and the longing for him is ALWAYS with me...missing Steven is what haunts my days and nights now...
I miss his smile
I miss the silly way he looks at me with those blue eyes
I miss the attitude and jip he gives me, for going on and on at me about nothing...
I miss him in our bed, when we would snuggle up to each other and HE would talk all night...
I miss him...I long for him...I want him...I need him...
and I run...I run
and I keep pushing myself because I am to blame for all what happened, the why I am here...the night I lost Steven, because I have...I've lost him, because part of me knows that he is not coming back to me...he would have started a new life without me now.
I have to man up and face that fact...
but I'd rather be a child and run away from it.
If I could turn back time, I would...but I can't...I have to face up to it...because it is what's expected of me...it's what I promised Cheryl, she is the only one that has to matter now, she is WHY I have done this
I know that...even if others think I am rotting here because I murdered my father... dear dirty Seamus...scum of the Earth, if only THEY ALL new the truth about him...of what he did to me as an innocent.
Steven is the first person I think about when I open me eyes in the morning...and the last thought before I close my eyes at night.
I am slowly being driven insane by it...I have to get away...get away back to Ireland and get away from this land for good.
If only...
"Who's Steven?"
That wasn't in my dream...That was...
Brendan opened his eyes and looked towards the other bunk in the cell. Dave was sitting up looking at him.
He rubbed his eyes and gave a sheepish smile, "Who? No one..."
Dave laughed as he got up and washed his face, "He must be someone, you were calling out his name nearly all night...in your sleep like"
Brendan could curse that day a few weeks back that Dave had been moved into his cell to make way for more inmates. He sat up and shrugged it off, "You might need to go visit Specsavers and get a hearing test when you get out of here mate, you must be hearing things"
Dave turned around, "If you say so...but I know what I heard"
Brendan leapt out of the bed and pinned him up against the wall, Dave managed to pushed him back, "Hey! What's with ALL the anger? I'm on YOUR side remember!"
"Just keep your mouth shut"
Dave shook his head as he pulled on his sweatpants. Brendan eyed him then went and washed his own face. Dave sat on his bunk and spoke to him as he brushed his teeth, "look, just tell me to mind my own business if you like, but is this Steven someone you..."
Brendan glared straight at him as to say I dare you to finish that sentence.
The cell door was unlocked and fat Bennett, the prisoner warder showed his ugly mug, "morning ladies rise and shine"
That morning Brendan avoided Dave as much as he could. In the kitchen Brendan peeled the spuds and glared at any fucker who would come near him.
Dave caught up with him as they finished their lunch.
"Hey I thought we was mates"
Brendan shrugged at him as he sat and watched TV.
Other inmates bantered around the common room, some of them clearly getting on Brendan's nerves.
"Look, I'm sorry I said something to offend you...its...I know you bat for the other side...I don't give a shit you know"
Brendan looked up at him, "is that so David? This is a boring conversation, go and bore somebody else eh ,I'm watching this"
Dave sat opposite him, "look, is this WHY you don't get any visits? What you said about me and my Lisa...saying why do I let her waste her life as I rot in here and all that jazz"
Brendan stood up and walked off. Dave sat back in the chair. Jesus it was like pulling teeth!
Later when they were back to work, Brendan sliced up the carrots in the kitchen. He shook his head and turned to Dave, "I hate fucking cooking!"
Dave cleaned off the work top and held his hand out, "Well, it's what we've been rostered to do...did you get the booze?"
Brendan looked at him like he should have known that answer already, "Course I have, Tucker has it all covered"
Dave nodded, "Good"
Porker that came up and mopped the floor at Brendan's feet, "So...Brady...I can see an uprising on the cards"
Brendan was in his face with gritted teeth, "Fuck off PORKchop"
Porker wasn't phased in any way shape or form in reaction, "No, no...you best check your stock mate..."
Dave and Brendan glanced at one another, then Brendan was rushing into the store room to the hiding place reserved for the booze.
"Where the fuck is the booze?", cried Dave.
Brendan made a beeline line to Porker, "Where is it Pork pie?"
Porker laughed in his face, "You might say the custom is coming back my way...same with the drugs, the fags and the phonecards"
Brendan begun to protest, "But Hollis said"
Porker flicked his fingers and his gang started to fill up the store room, "I've got the majority of the favours here Brady...and I am NOT gonna let you take that back..do him, do him NOW!"
Dave was pushed out of the way and the focus was on the Irish man. Brendan was grabbed and manhandled to the back of the storeroom, there was a flash of a sharp blade.
"DO HIM! DO HIM NOW!
Brendan felt the rush of the blade and there was a sharp pain as it penetrated his skin. He started to lose consciousness as he fell to the floor and onto his side, there was a rush of deep red blood everywhere and the cackle of laughter from a triumphant Porker.
Xxx
