A/N I meant to upload last night, but to be honest I was relaxing after a long week and didn't feel like doing anything. Thanks again for the support!


The next day was chaos as the news broke: New Vulcan.

The planet was nothing like the lush, fertile planet in her dream. Instead, it was much like its predecessor: A desert with pockets of viability. Scientists were working on terraforming areas of the planet, but there was enough there to establish a small colony. She wondered how her father reacted.

Putting her tablet in her bag she stood to leave when her professor called her over.

"Nia," She smiled "you're almost done with the program. That must be so exciting!"

"Yes, I'm looking forward to it. I've learned a lot."

"Well I wanted to say I've noticed how hard you've been working and how well you've been doing and wanted to pass along some information." Nia looked at her professor expectantly as he smiled. Nia had a feeling she knew where this conversation was going.

"So I'm sure you've heard about the new colony announced today."

There it is.

"Yes. It's very exciting."

"Well, there is a new option available for your lab hours if you're interested. The committee has sent word that any Vulcan interested can apply and receive on site training. You could live there and work with a doctor to receive your hours." He explained.

"Oh, I see. That's…quite an opportunity." Nia wasn't sure how to feel.

"You're encouraged to apply since you're in the medical field. Doctors and nurses are highly sought after. Application deadline is in 3 weeks, on the 15th, I'll forward the application to you if you decide to apply."

"Thanks." Nia nodded politely, though she wasn't sure how to feel about the whole thing.

The next few classes were a blur. Suddenly it was 6 p.m. and she had notes to review, an essay to write, and an article to annotate. Everywhere, she caught snippets and murmurs of the news.

Leaning her head back on the seat of the transport, she sighed. There were too many options. In her bag, her tablet pinged softly. Guilt nearly made her ignore it, she'd been avoiding her messages all day since her conversation with Torin last night. Realizing she couldn't put it off much longer, she grabbed her tablet and opened her messages. She had 3 unread ones from Torin and, of course, a few spam. The latest one read:

"Can you come by after your classes?"

She hadn't passed the stop closest to his apartment yet, but she hesitated.

"Sure. Be there in 15."

Her heart fluttered nervously realizing she couldn't hide from him — and the conversation — much longer.


"Come in." Torin stepped aside as he greeted her at the door. The familiar smell of his incense was a comfort as she slipped off her shoes. It was a small apartment, a one bedroom with a small kitchenette, but it was his, no matter how little time he actually spent here. She felt anxious and fidgeted with the strap of her bag.

Torin was kind enough to not mention it and walked over to the couch. He wore a comfortable and casual pajama set that made Nia smile and relax a little. Not long ago he begrudgingly admitted human sleepwear was superior in comfort. She joined him on the couch and it wasn't until she finally had the chance to rest that she realized how tired she was.

"How were your classes?" He asked lightly.

"Fine." She sighed. "I have a paper and some annotations to do, and I need to review some notes. But they went well."

"Nia-"

"So-"

They both began at the same time.

"You go first." Nia smiled.

"Nia, are you alright? You've been… distant." She could feel the genuine concern and the guilt once again came back for having worried him.

"It's…just a big decision. It kind of overwhelmed me." She admitted.

"You do not have to make a decision right now, Nia. The colony is an option to consider and will likely always be there." He moved closer to her, their legs nearly touching on the sofa.

"Well, I have until the 13th to decide. My professor told me today that since I'm in the medical field I'm a highly desired candidate. I can get all my field hours there if I want to, but there's a deadline." She explained.

"I see. And what are your thoughts on it?"

"I feel like I have an obligation to help rebuild Vulcan… But I don't want to just leave my family." She chewed her cheek as she thought about it more and Torin waited patiently for her to finish speaking.

"But… the idea of setting out on my own and making my own life — getting a fresh start— that sounds appealing too." she added. Torin reached over wordlessly and took her hand. A small thrill went through at the contact.

"I understand. It is an interesting opportunity, but don't feel obligated to do anything you don't want to. Helping start a colony is difficult, especially in the medical field. There are unknown challenges that you would face and it would be difficult. At first, your family may not be able to come but, in time, others would be permitted to visit once the colony was established and well off." He ran a thumb lightly over her knuckle and her heart jumped.

Isn't this basically making out for Vulcans?

"What do you want, Nia?" He asked. She resisted the urge to stray into a more… inappropriate line of thinking. They'd been intimate before, but between her family, school and Torin's work, they rarely had a moment alone together. She pushed away the thought, ignoring the warmth spreading through her body, and instead considered what she wanted in life in general.

"Well, besides a career and my family there's not much else I want." She admitted. The warmth of his hand on hers made it a little more difficult to think. "I.. haven't considered it, to be honest. But I feel like I never got to get in touch with my Vulcan heritage and roots before it was destroyed. I feel like helping the colony would help me do that. And they need medical professionals. I could really make a difference. But someday I think…" She trailed off and sighed. It was too much to decide right now. "Do you want kids someday?" She asked without thinking.

"Maybe someday." He answered without hesitation. "Do you?"

"I've never given it a lot of thought," She admitted. "Maybe someday."

"There's plenty of time."

"Not the way the ladies at the garden spoke today."

"What did they say?"

"Vulcans are endangered. You consider the needs of the many with your marriage." He raised an eyebrow at her impression of their voices, but didn't say anything. "Yeah… that was kind of my reaction."

"Their reaction is…understandable. However, don't let them pressure you. Having children is a big decision."

"Yeah. I agree. It's not something I want to rush into."

Turning towards him, she decided to put a lid on that conversation for the moment and address a more pressing matter.

"Thank you. I feel a little better." She smiled.

"Is there something else on your mind?"

Yes.

"No, that was it."

She must have hesitated a second too long, because she could sense his doubt at her words turn to curiosity. He released her hand and brought his own up to her cheek and cupped her face before bringing his forehead to rest against hers. She felt her face warm in equal parts embarrassment he'd caught on to her feelings and happiness at their closeness. His own contentment was there at the back of her mind and she briefly wondered what it would be like when they were bonded and she could sense him more clearly in her own mind. The idea of being so connected, so vulnerable, to someone like that would have frightened her a few years ago. But now, she knew she wouldn't mind that with Torin. She trusted him completely.

Nia couldn't hold back any more and angled herself to kiss him, something she hadn't had the chance to do in a while. He wasn't surprised at all. She brought her hand up to lightly run her fingers along his neck, to his shoulder, and rested against his chest while he brought his own to rest on her leg.

She pulled away long enough to scoot closer, bringing her leg under her and leaning into him as she kissed him again. He welcomed her and kept her close, holding her hips now. She could feel him more clearly in her mind now as their kisses grew more fevered. It gave her a sense of satisfaction to feel him want her as much as she wanted him. Acting on desire, she moved to straddle him. He left marks on her neck with each kiss, a breathy sigh escaping her as he did. His fingers dipped under her clothes, lightly running along her sides, and the small contact was little more than a tease. Sensing her growing frustration, he ran his hands up down her back and pulled her close. She moved to his neck, softly kissing until she lightly bit him. His arms tightened around her for a moment and she sensed a spike in his desire as he sharply inhaled in surprise. In one fluid motion he picked her up, stood, and walked back to his room.


A haze of warmth and contentness made it hard to stay awake and she lazily drowsed in Torin's arms, tucked against his bare chest. She felt him more clearly in her mind than she ever had before and the closeness was something she couldn't describe. Being mentally close to him like this — sensing his emotions and, if she really tried hard, she could pick up a thought. He didn't put any walls up and neither did she. It was a new level of intimacy she hadn't expected.

Finally opening her eyes, and yawning, she noticed the darkness in the window.

"It's late." He commented, but made no move to release her.

"Yeah. I should go soon. I'm sure my dad is worried. How long have I been asleep?" She frowned.

"I'm not sure. I fell asleep too." Nia giggled at his admission. It was exceedingly rare for Torin to ever nap. She sighed and mentally prepared herself to leave.

"I don't want to." she admitted. He rested his face in her hair and kissed her head before pulling his arms away. Intense disappointment quickly replaced her euphoric haze as she already felt the connection weakening. She sat up and tried not to pout.

"Soon, Nia. Soon enough you won't have to leave." He brushed her tangled hair from her face and Nia leaned into his touch.

"Okay."

"I promise we'll spend more time together soon."

"Okay, fine. If you promise. And my father is likely worried sick." She climbed out of bed and began dressing herself.

"What are you going to tell him?"

"Obviously not that we had sex." She said as she pulled on her shirt. She walked into the bathroom and tried her best to manage her hair. Torin didn't respond as he dressed.

"Aw, Torin you left marks." Shirtless, Torin came in to see her examining the hickeys on her neck rapidly darkening into bruises.

"My apologies."

"No you're not." Nia laughed when she sensed his pride and amusement.

"I'm sorry it will cause problems, not that they are there." He clarified. She playfully pushed him as she went back into the bedroom, hair down and covering her neck.

"I'll drive you home."

"It's okay, you don't have to do that. I can take the transport." Nia said as she pulled on her socks.

"Nia, it's eleven. I want to make sure you're safe getting home."

"It's that late?" Nia asked, horrified. She groaned and rubbed her face. Her father was going to absolutely murder her. Staying the night and hoping the hickeys would fade and not be noticeable in the morning was tempting, but she knew her father would likely just track her down in the middle of the night if she didn't respond.

And telling him I'm spending the night isn't much better.

She walked into the living room and grabbed her flashing tablet from her bag. She had several missed messages and a missed call. Two messages were from T'Mir while everything else was from her father.

"Is everything alright?" Torin asked from the doorway sensing her distress and now fully clothed.

"Yeah" she sighed "I need to call my dad." She rubbed her forehead and stared at her tablet, scrolling quickly through the messages. Tapping on her father's number, it only took two rings for him to answer. Nia didn't need to be in the room in order to sense his worry. It was evident on his face.

"Nia, are you alright?" He immediately asked.

"Sorry I didn't answer sooner. I'm fine, I'm at Torin's." His face shifted and, while he seemed more calmed now that she'd called him, an unreadable expression flashed across his face briefly before settling into a stoic mask.

"Why didn't you tell me you would be late?" She could hear irritation sharpen his voice and she couldn't stop her own irritation from flaring in response.

Not like I'm a responsible, engaged, 20 year old adult spending time with her fiance.

"We were talking." She answered shortly. In front of her now, Torin raised an eyebrow at her sudden attitude. She could feel him gently probing her and trying to calm her and see the source of her irritation.

"Talking." He repeated back.

"Yes."

There was silence and Nia didn't offer to expand on her answer.

"So," she said, "I'll be home soon. I'm leaving now."

"Be safe."

"I will."

The call ended and she flopped the tablet onto the couch beside her.

"Nia are you alright?" Torin came to sit next to her.

"It's just irritating that he treats me like a child. I'm a responsible 20 year old adult capable of spending an evening with my fiance. He always does this. He never lets us have any time together." She leaned back on the couch and looked up at the ceiling. She recognized she was being overly emotional and tried taking deep breaths.

"I understand your frustration, but understand that Vulcan culture is different. He's worried for you. He doesn't want to risk anything happening to you. Family is important, especially now."

Nia leaned against Torin and closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of him.

"Nia, we need to get going."

"Okay." She grumbled.

Before walking out the door he pulled her in for a kiss.

"Soon." She sighed.

"Soon."


He waited until the front door was open and she took a step in before pulling away. As she did, she checked again to make sure her hair covered her neck. The house was quiet at nearly midnight and exhaustion from the day began to settle on her.

Though she couldn't see him, she knew her father was up and listening for her to come home before he went to bed. It only added to the guilt she felt for snapping at him. Sure enough, she heard footsteps upstairs as she slipped off her shoes and made her way to the stairs.

He met her at the landing and looked her over quickly but didn't speak.

"Dad," She began before she lost her nerve. "I'm sorry. I should've called or messaged you. We were talking about… some things and I lost track of time." She sighed and added "And I'm sorry I was short with you. I let my emotions get the better of me."

He seemed to relax at her apology — at having her home in general.

"What is troubling you? Is everything alright with you and Torin?" He asked quietly.

"We're fine. Just talking about… future stuff. What we hope for in the future, what we want, stuff like that." She crossed her arms and paused. "It just got me thinking is all. I'm okay." Despite her reassurance, he looked doubtful.

"If you need to discuss anything with me, you can."

"I know." She turned towards her bedroom when her father called out to her again.

"Why were you upset earlier?" She turned towards him again.

"Dad…"

"Nia, I want to know when something is wrong." As he shifted his weight and leaned against the banister, Nia realized how tired he looked.

"I… got irritated because…" she hesitated, not wanting to risk any awkwardness between them, though she could sense he wouldn't let this go. "I felt like you don't trust me and don't see me as an adult." She admitted. "I'm 20. I'm engaged and about to finish my degree. I feel like you won't give me a chance to prove myself."

"Nia, I do trust you. You must understand that Vulcan males-"

"Dad I know. We've talked about that before. Don't you trust Torin?"

"I do, but…" he trailed off, trying to find the right words.

"But? If there's a but then you don't really trust him." Nia could feel her irritation grow again.

"Stop." He said sternly. "I do trust you."

"Do you trust Torin?" She repeated.

"Yes."

"Then why can't you trust me to be alone with him?" She knew she was treading into dangerous territory as his own control wavered slightly in irritation.

"Because you're both young. You aren't even legally an adult by Vulcan standards." He pointed out. Nia sighed and felt the conversation going in circles.

"How can you say you trust me but say I'm too young to be trusted alone? I'm too young to be alone with him, but not too young to go to college and get engaged?" Nia asked in exasperation. "It doesn't make sense."

"I don't want you to rush things and regret it."

"Dad if you'd give me a chance and trust us-"

"Like tonight?" He said sharply. "No call, no message, and you lied to me."

"I didn't-" She sputtered. He reached out and moved her hair and looked pointedly at her neck. She stepped back, embarrassed and angry, with a hand on her neck.

"Fine. Yeah. Things happened. But we did talk about important things and I did lose track of time." She felt her face grow hot as she spoke and couldn't stop the words.

"I don't see how my sex life is any of your business." She snapped. Tears pricked her eyes and she turned and walked back to her room, ignoring her father's stony face.

T'Mir sat on her own bed reading as Nia shut the door and made a beeline for her bed, laid down, and covered her eyes with her hands as she fought off the overwhelming embarrassment.


Valok gritted his teeth and took a deep breath, trying to reign in his reaction. Afraid to crack the banister, he gripped his hands behind his back and returned to his room.

It was his space, yet it felt nothing like home to him. The architecture wasn't right, the view wasn't the same, it was too cold, and the house was too empty.

It's too empty.

The thought made his chest ache with longing as faces appeared with sickening clarity — an unfortunate side effect to the perfect Vulcan memory. His sisters, his parents, his cousins, his fiance, his grandmothers, his nephews and nieces.

Feeling restless, he grabbed an incense and lit it before gently placing it on the small altar on the floor where he kept a few trinkets from Vulcan he'd found over the years. Closing his eyes, he relaxed as he sat in front of it and tried to focus his mind. His conversation with Nia played over in his mind. He could clearly see the shock, embarrassment, and anger on her face — feel it rolling off her — when he'd confronted her about what she'd actually been doing.

He released a deep breath and forced his hands open and relaxed, acknowledging he'd reacted harshly and the root of his reaction had been fear. Fear that something was wrong or she'd gotten hurt…or worse. Fear had made him reactive and unthinking and he briefly felt shame for allowing his emotions to control him. Tilting his head up, he took another deep breath and unclenched his jaw. He was not perfect and would never rid himself entirely of emotions. He acknowledged his shame, and let it go, vowing to work on his emotional control.

He turned his attention to his guilt, acknowledging he pushed her when he should have been calm and provided a safe space for her to talk. Perhaps if he'd done that initially she would have willingly told him.

Regret is illogical. You cannot change what is.

But it didn't stop him from momentarily wishing he could take back his actions. He took another deep breath and released it slowly, trying to let go of his regret.

I will speak to her tomorrow and apologize. I will explain myself plainly and we will move forward from there. I will work on trusting her more.

His regret lessened, but didn't dissipate entirely. Having a plan helped ease the tension, but there was still Torin.

Irritation.

He followed the trail of irritation to the moment Nia told him what had happened. Another wave of frustration. He was surprised to realize he was frustrated because…. Nia was growing up. She was right. She was 20, in college, and engaged. Now, sadness.

So much lost time.

He took another deep breath. It was something he'd never quite managed to let go of and the idea of losing her again as she married and moved on with her life saddened him immensely. It was illogical to be irritated with Torin.

It is the way of life. All children grow and become adults. It is the way of young adults to pull away as they begin to understand their place in the world and what they want.

He acknowledged his sadness and mourned her growth for a while until he'd decided he'd spent enough time mourning and turned his thoughts to something more positive. She was graduating soon and had worked hard to complete an accelerated program. She'd significantly improved her Vulcan language abilities in a relatively short amount of time. She had a safe, trusting, and healthy relationship with Torin and, for the most part, her family. He was immensely proud of her for all her accomplishments despite all life had thrown at her.

His thoughts turned to their relationship now and the regret returned.

I acknowledge I have likely damaged our relationship. I will endeavor to repair it to the best of my ability.

The ache from earlier returned and it took some effort to stay relaxed. Knowing he'd hurt her hurt him more than she would ever know. He opened his eyes now and watched the smoke drift up to the ceiling in the dim room.

This house is too empty.