She felt T'Mir sit on the side of her bed.
"I messed up T'Mir." She sniffed.
"Whatever has happened I'm certain can be reconciled." She assured Nia. Nia took a few deep breaths and rubbed her eyes before sitting up and looking at T'Mir.
"I…forgot to tell dad I would be late."
"And that is why you're upset?" T'Mir raised a brow.
"No, it's worse. I told him the reason I was late. I was at Torin's." T'Mir nodded, likely sensing where she was going with the story. "And dad thinks I lied to him, which I didn't, I just didn't tell him the entire truth because…it's embarrassing to talk about…that with your dad, you know? And now I just don't know what to do. I'm sure he's upset with me and he probably won't let me see Torin again."
"So, you told your dad you were late because you were at Torin's and he got upset?" T'Mir summarized. Nia felt her face flush.
"No…well, yes. But it's…what we did that I told my father."
"I see." Her eyes went to Nia's neck.
"Yeah, I know." Nia muttered and rubbed the spot she knew was blooming with dark hickeys.
"Nia, he may be upset but it will fade quickly. He likely underestimated how… grown up you were." Nia nodded at her words, thankful for her older cousin's perspective.
"Maybe…. I told him he doesn't trust me and he treats me like a kid."
"You are his child. You forget Vulcans age differently, so, to him, you are still a child. Even by human standards, 20 is still young."
"Then why allow an engagement at all?" Nia protested. She felt like a silly 16 year old caught with her boyfriend instead of a 20 year old having an intimate moment with her fiance.
"Engagements are meant to be long term until both parties are mature enough and old enough to consent to the marriage even if they begin in childhood. It allows both to get to know each other and ensure a good match. " T'Mir thought for a moment and added "I believe this is mostly a case of cultural misunderstanding. You were raised human and live mostly by human standards."
"Doesn't change the fact he knows now…. or that I am an adult capable of making adult decisions." She muttered, though she could feel her irritation ebbing away already and embarrassment take its place.
I acted like a child throwing a tantrum.
"When is the bonding?" T'Mir asked, changing the subject.
"Not sure yet." Nia sat up now and sighed. It was still something they needed to discuss, but the engagement was still so fresh and new.
"T'Mir, be honest with me. Am I overreacting? Did I make a mistake?" Her question hung in the air silently and T'Mir took a deep breath, but didn't speak right away. Her hands that she held clasped on her lap tightened, the only evidence of her anxiety in answering.
"I think… things could have been done differently," she began carefully. "However, it is illogical to focus on what has been. The past cannot be changed. In regards to your…actions, I do not believe you made a mistake if you were both consenting. There is a reason young Vulcans are not permitted to spend a considerable amount of alone time together unsupervised. Some things are expected from young adults. I believe your father is having a difficult time accepting that you are growing up. He can't expect the same behavior as if you'd been bonded as children and raised on Vulcan."
Nia nodded and contemplated this.
"I should talk to him about it. Maybe we can come to some sort of understanding with each other."
"What do you mean 'understanding?'" T'Mir asked. Nia shifted and swung her legs over to sit on the edge of the bed.
"I mean, maybe we talk it out, figure out what the other is thinking, and come up with a way that I can be an adult and have more chances to earn his trust, and I can abide by some…less intense ground rules." T'Mir nodded in understanding, but Nia sensed the doubt. "You don't think that'll work?"
"I think Vulcan tradition and culture is far too ingrained in most Vulcans to stray from established norms and rules." She clarified.
"Well, it's worth a try." Nia sighed. T'Mir didn't say anything.
After avoiding her father most of the weekend, she finally gathered the courage to speak with him. She'd reflected on the incident and abided by every rule. She hadn't even gone to see Torin at his apartment. Things had been tense, though, as both walked on eggshells around each other. The rest of the house noticed, but didn't say anything and instead opted to allow them to work it out. The children were in the process of being put to bed as Nia approached her father's room. He'd likely be sitting at his desk working on things he'd initially vowed to put off until the next day.
"Dad?" She knocked quietly on his door and waited. Sure enough, she heard his chair move back and soft footfalls as he came to the door. Her heart beat faster when the door opened and she faced her father fully now. No more avoiding. The words nearly died in her throat.
"Can we talk?" She asked quietly. He stepped aside and beckoned for her to come in.
"We can speak on the balcony." He led her to the sliding door on the other side of his room to the balcony that overlooked the backyard. The air was chillier than she would have liked and a pang of homesickness for the clan home ached dully in her chest.
"Are you alright?" Nia turned towards her father. The urge to shrug it off was strong, but the urge to repair their relationship was stronger. He'd always pressed the importance of honesty and being open with him about anything.
"This view reminds me of Vulcan….I miss it." She admitted. He turned to look out at the night sky where different constellations hung.
"I miss it too." He admitted quietly. She crossed her arms and leaned on the balcony railing as they sat in the first comfortable silence they'd had in days.
"So…about the other night…" She stood up and gripped the railing with a sigh. Thankfully, he didn't speak as she gathered the words. "I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you. I know how important it is that I'm open and honest with you and I know I can talk to you about nearly anything…but I was just…embarrassed."
"Why were you embarrassed? Were you pressured into it?" He asked, eyes narrowing slightly. She turned to him and quickly corrected his assumption.
"No, nothing like it! I swear I wasn't pressured into anything. He's been nothing but a kind gentleman." She assured him. He relaxed at this, but still seemed concerned. "I was embarrassed because… it just feels like something so personal and…intimate wouldn't be discussed with my dad. I lashed out when I shouldn't have."
"You have no reason to apologize." He sighed lightly. Surprised, Nia met his eyes. "I shouldn't have pushed you to talk when you weren't ready. I also lashed out when I should not have. Know that my reaction came from a place of fear and concern. When you didn't answer any calls or messages from anyone I worried. After everything, to lose you again…" He trailed off and clenched his jaw, the implication hanging in the air between them and Nia felt even more guilty for not contacting him.
"I have not given you the chance to be an adult. It is difficult for me to do so." He added quietly. Nia could feel a swell of sympathy for her father then. He saw her as a child because he never got to be with her as a child. No matter how he tried to make up for lost time, she wouldn't stop growing and maturing. The reality that she was living her own life now — making her own decisions — was a tough pill to swallow. He'd only just gotten her back and he felt like he was losing her again already to adulthood. Without a word, she closed the distance between them with her arms out in a silent request. She could feel the relief from him as he wrapped his arms around her, his walls dropping to allow for a moment of closeness; to feel what he felt. She closed her eyes and rested her chin on his shoulder, letting his fatherly affection soothe away any remaining guiltiness or anxiety over their argument. He pulled away and lingered a hand on her shoulder.
"You no longer have a curfew, just please tell me where you are and if you leave. I would at least like to know where you are should anything happen."
"That's fair." Nia agreed with a smile. He dropped his arm and clutched them behind his back. She looked at him curiously when a twitch of embarrassment and anxiety made it through his mental walls.
"Just…please be…safe." He looked at her pointedly and, at first, she didn't understand. He tensed, preparing himself to awkwardly explain himself, when it clicked.
"Oh…oh." Her face flushed. "Um. Yes, of course. We are…will." Glad to be done with the conversation, her father nodded.
"Oh, so I have news!" Nia quickly changed the subject. Though, given the previous topic, her father looked concerned. "Not that news!" She stammered, "news about my internship."
"What happened?" He asked, relief coming through clearly.
"Well, with the new colony, they're looking for different fields to help build it. Since I'd be a registered nurse, they said if I wanted to I could go there and complete it." She wasn't sure what reaction she was hoping for, but any reaction would be helpful since she still had no idea if it was something she wanted.
"Have you spoken to Torin about this?" He asked.
"Yes. He… was offered a position in the colony as well with urban planning and architecture – designing additional buildings. We could go together if we wanted to." She searched his blank face for any type of reaction.
"Is that what you want?"
"I don't know."
"You wanted my opinion on it?" He guessed. Nia smiled, realizing she wasn't as good at subtly as she thought. Sighing, she leaned back against the balcony and crossed her arms, goosebumps beginning to creep up her arms at a sudden, cool breeze.
"Yeah. I'm never too old for my father's advice." She smiled.
"I appreciate that you value my opinion," he said honestly, "but I cannot tell you what is best for you and your future. You and Torin are beginning your own life together; though you will always have family and a home with us, wherever that is." She couldn't stop the swell of emotion that misted her eyes, that even deep breaths couldn't stop. There was no judgment from her father and Nia didn't try to hide her emotions from him.
"I'm not sure what I want. It's scary to think about living so far away in a new colony." She wiped her eyes and changed the subject.
"Leaving what is familiar and creating a new life in an unfamiliar place is uncomfortable and intimidating." He agreed, turning to look up at the stars. She could see him taking in the night sky, maybe even looking for a familiar constellation. "But sometimes such discomfort and change is beneficial. To be uncomfortable in new situations means you will grow."
"It sounds like you think I should do it." She took a step towards him before turning to look at the sky too.
"No. If it is what you want, I want you to do it with confidence and know that, while uncomfortable, you will grow. I believe you will excel no matter what you do. That's not to say there will not be challenges. Settling a colony is not for the weak."
She silently took in his words and filed them away for later meditation.
"Being an adult is hard." She swore she heard her father chuckle at this, but when she looked at him his face was calm, though she could feel his amusement.
"You are still young," He pointed out. "You will face plenty more difficulties — some may seem insurmountable." He looked at her now. "But I have full confidence you can overcome them. You have your family to support you, including Torin."
With newfound peace, Nia smiled, feeling no need to fill the comfortable silence. Looking up at the sky again, she pointed to a small line of stars.
"That's Orion's belt." Nia pointed out. Her father looked up to where she pointed. "And there, over a little, is his spear."
"I am unfamiliar with Earth constellations."
"I'm not great at it, I only know Orion's belt and one of the dippers." She admitted.
"Dippers?"
"The big dipper and the little dipper. Little cups with handles. I can't ever remember which is which in the sky."
They stood in silence for a little while longer, enjoying each other's company.
The next week passed without incident and Nia was no closer to a decision than she had been the previous week. She went to classes, got meals occasionally with Torin, and practiced her Vulcan at home when she wasn't studying. Once after class, her professor had asked her once more if she'd considered the opportunity and, politely, she'd said she was still thinking about it. The deadline was approaching fast. It was next week. Between finals coming up, the pressure to make a decision quickly, and the pressure of planning the wedding, Nia felt overwhelmed.
"Here." Torin handed her a cup of tea. Thankful for the break, she put her tablet to sleep and tossed it beside her on the couch as she accepted the cup. As she blew on it her tablet lit up.
Thank you. Message me when you leave.
Thankfully, the new rules they'd agreed to had been successful. Though Torin was mildly embarrassed her father knew about their…activities. With his own mug in hand, he sat next to her on the small couch.
"What troubles you?" Nia looked up at him in surprise.
"I'm okay, why?" He reached out and took her hand which had been tapping relentlessly on her leg.
"Oh." He didn't let go of her hand, but he looked at her expectantly. She took another sip of tea.
"Nia."
"I just…don't know what to do." She groaned.
"About what?"
"Everything." She took another sip. "Do I take this opportunity to go to the colony? Stay here? What if I don't pass my classes? Should I have a strictly Vulcan wedding? Mix the two? Have two separate weddings? That doesn't even make sense, I don't know any human family members and I have maybe 2 human friends, including the barista at the coffee shop that has my order memorized." She huffed.
"I thought you were cutting back on caffeine." Torin pointed out.
"Oh, Torin. That was a lie." She rolled her eyes at him. "I can't believe you thought I'd actually stop drinking coffee."
"It may help your stress levels."
"Figuring out what I want to do will help my stress levels." She countered.
"What do you want?" Torin had asked the question genuinely, but she couldn't help the brief flash of irritation she had.
"That's the problem, I don't know what I want. I want people to stop asking me what I want." She bit back in exasperation. He took another sip of tea and Nia stared into her mug, feeling guilty. She pulled back her hand and shifted to face him.
"Sorry. I shouldn't snap at you. It's all just… a little overwhelming."
"Let's address the problems one at a time. Don't worry about the wedding." He sat his mug on the end table.
"But-"
"Perhaps we should wait until after you graduate so you can focus on finishing your education."
Nodding, she couldn't deny the slight weight taken off her shoulders was a relief.
"Now, your internship. This requires more planning and discussion."
"I agree. We haven't really discussed it in depth."
"Do you think doing your internship with the colony will be more beneficial to you?"
"Well, it would set me apart. With the influx of Vulcan, the market is really competitive. It might give an edge."
"What worries you?"
Nia paused and thought. Really, it was the unknown and being so far from her family. She was scared of what the new situation would be like and if she could handle it. Looking up at Torin she recalled her father's words.
"I'm… afraid. It's a new situation, I don't know what to expect, and I worry I won't be able to do it — that I'll fail. And being so far from my family worries me."
Torin nodded, lightly tapping his mug with a finger as he thought.
"But it's not just about me. We're going to be married soon. What do you want?" Nia tucked a leg under her, waiting for his answer.
"Nia, you are my family. Your clan is my clan now." Nia rested a hand on his leg trying to comfort him, a sadness in her chest echoing the sadness she felt from him. He rested a hand on top of hers. "I would be content to go anywhere so long as you were there."
"That's sweet." She smiled. "It makes up for the lack of an answer you just gave." She joked. Luckily, the joke landed and she could sense humor as he squeezed her hand.
"I will say that my job prospects would be better with the colony. It would give me a chance to prove myself. We could always leave the colony if we dislike it." He answered.
"I'm a little scared about how difficult it will be. Settling a colony won't be easy."
"But we will have support and resources. We will have each other."
"True." She trailed off. Could they do this? "Should… we do it?" He ran a thumb along her knuckles before pulling his hand away.
"I believe it would be a good opportunity to at least further our careers. Earth has a high population density and prospects are…limited due to saturation." He pointed out. Nia chewed on the inside of her cheek, an anxious habit she thought she'd broken.
"We are not bound there Nia. We are free to visit your family when possible and we can always call. Perhaps they would even want to go."
"Unlikely. I've spoken with my father about this and he didn't seem very enthusiastic when I mentioned that."
"He does not think the colony is a good idea?" Torin finished the tea in his cup. Nia took another long swallow, grimacing as the tea started to turn cold.
"It's not that… he said he supports whatever I decide to do. I just don't think he wants to risk anyone with a colony that is so newly established" she explained. Torin nodded in understanding.
A fresh start. A chance to prove herself. A chance to establish herself as an independent adult and carve out a name and a life for herself. She swirled the tea around her cup for a moment before looking back at Torin, who watched her silently.
"I think…we should do it."
"You're certain?"
"Yes." Nia smiled.
"I'll begin the necessary paperwork for my job tomorrow." He placed his now-empty cup aside.
"I'll talk to my professors about the necessary paperwork tomorrow as well." She took one more look at the cooled tea and quickly downed the rest of it and sat it aside. Suddenly feeling giddy that they'd made a decision she turned and threw her arms around Torin, catching him off guard and sending him back against the armrest of the couch. Taking advantage of their position, Torin wrapped his arms around her and pressed his forehead against hers. Her excitement must have been infectious, because soon she could faintly feel his own happiness echo back into her. Pulling her face back, she smiled at Torin and kissed him.
Her father was outside with the children helping them with their schoolwork as they sat at the table. He turned to her as she shut the door and gave a nod of acknowledgement before returning to Solen, gesturing as he quietly explained a math formula. Zaren, the younger of the two boys, snuck her a smile. She gestured for him to refocus, biting back a grin of her own. He was a class clown, as far as Vulcans go, and was difficult to refocus once distracted. Saya sat on the other side of them, but did not look up and focused solely on the problems in front of her. She had great potential and was always a model student. She and Solen frequently competed for higher marks and always pushed each other. They were excellent examples for Solen and little T'Lores. Normally their father Turak helped them with schoolwork, but Valok had offered to do it instead, offering the parents a break to go spend a rare moment together alone.
Finished explaining now, her father turned his attention to Nia and walked over to her.
"Would you like to assist with their school work today?" He asked, already knowing her answer.
"Uh…maybe later. Can we talk for a moment?" She asked. Sensing the shift in tone of their conversation he glanced at the Zaren specifically, who quickly glanced back at his work having been caught staring.
"Certainly. Let's go inside for a moment." Nia retreated inside, but her father turned to the children before following and added "Saya, Solen, stay focused. Please keep Solen on task." Saya nodded solemnly and gave a pointed look at Solen, who furrowed his brows at her.
"Why do they-" Zaren began protesting.
"Focus on your schoolwork." He chided. Begrudgingly, Zaren went back to his math problems. Valok left the door cracked slightly so he could hear any disruptions.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yes, everything is okay." She assured him. He stood waiting for her to explain and Nia suddenly felt the weight of her decision. Anxiety dried the words before they could leave and she suddenly didn't know if their decision was the right one.
"Nia?" He sensed her sudden spike in anxiety.
"So, Torin and I were talking," She started quietly, "and we were talking about the colony and we decided we…would like to go." Holding her breath in anticipation, she waited for his response.
"I see. That is what you want," He asked evenly. His face remained neutral.
"Yes…. I'm pretty sure, anyway. I mean, I'm just nervous. It's a big decision and an unknown, but yes. I think it is." Nia sighed. She tried not to fidget nervously, but the anxious energy made her pick at a loose thread on the sleeve of her sweater. "I wanted to tell you first, before I told the whole clan… it wasn't an easy choice."
"I understand." He answered. She couldn't sense anything from him and that worried her. He was blocking his feelings from her for a reason and judging from his reserved, blank expression, it wasn't positive. "I knew it was a possibility." He glanced back at the table on the patio.
"You don't seem…supportive of it." She didn't accuse him, but she couldn't deny she wanted him to support her decision. The thought of leaving for the colony while her father was upset with her took the air right out of her lungs. He must have guessed her thoughts as much because his expression softened and he leaned closer to her, speaking softly.
"Nia, please do not think I am against this." He assured her. "Understand that this is a big decision and you are my daughter. I worry for you. You will be going somewhere far from me where I cannot protect you." He explained. His walls wavered slightly and she could sense his own anxiety at her news. "It will… take some time to adjust to the news. But if you both feel it is in your best interests, then I will support you in any way I am able." Nia felt herself choke up and swallowed the lump in her throat.
"I just… I'm afraid I'm making a mistake. What if… what if it's too much? What if it's too dangerous? Is that something I should be overly worried about?" Before Nia could spiral more her father put a hand on her arm to stop her.
"Nia, you are stronger and more capable than you think. I have confidence that the Vulcan embassy and Earth government would not leave such an important fledgling colony without protection and resources." Despite his assurance, she could sense his walls go up again to hide whatever it was he felt in that moment.
"Be honest with me dad." She looked into his eyes now. "Do you think it's a bad idea?" He let out a long breath and removed his hand from her arm.
"I do not think it is a bad idea." He started slowly. "I cannot give you an unbiased opinion since it is my preference you do not leave. I have done a great deal of meditation on some of my own misgivings. You are…growing up. That is something I must accept. I understand you are going to make your own choices, but know you are always supported by the clan." Unable to stop the affection, she reached and hugged her father, who readily returned it. His walls eased and she could feel his own affection coming through, warming her chest. She could feel his sadness and anxiety that he quickly brushed aside and Nia had a better understanding of where it came from now. Patting her shoulder, he pulled away.
"You can announce it to the clan at our evening meal tonight."
"Alright." She sensed his open confusion when she followed him outside.
"Actually, I'd like to help out. If that's okay."
"Of course." Her father nodded. Nia walked over to Zaren who kicked his feet against the legs of his chair eagerly as she came to help him. Putting up her walls so her own amusement didn't distract him, she pulled up a chair to sit next to him and watched him work. She took in the scene before her and felt a sad nostalgia for the moment already. Mundane moments like this with her family would be something she missed intensely. She never had much of a family growing up and she was reluctant to leave them now that she had them. So, she vowed to make the most out of the time she had before she and Torin left for the colony, whenever that would be.
"Cousin, where did I make an error?" Solen asked her. Snapping out of it, she leaned over to look at his tablet. Smiling lightly, she pointed and began to explain where he went wrong on the formula. From the other side of the table, her father took in the scene before him, unknowingly making the same promise to himself.
A/N: I'm so excited for them to start their journey on the colony! I have a lot planned for it!
