He reached out to Nia through their bond as he closed his eyes and waited for the doctor to check his wounds. He was starting to come down from his adrenaline high and his arm throbbed. He dreaded the conversation to come as the doctor entered his room.

He felt sympathy for the man, he looked exhausted. At least the clinic had power. The doctor worked quickly and efficiently, saying nothing as he scanned and cleaned his arm.

"And a shot to prevent a multitude of infections that bite may cause." He pressed the hypo to Torin's neck. With his arm cleaned and wrapped, he'd be back to normal with virtually no scarring in a few days. The doctor took a deep breath and released it as he sat down and looked at Torin expectantly.

"I assume you read through the material I sent?" Flushing, Torin said he had. The doctor nodded thoughtfully. "I was informed of your… loss of control earlier. How are your symptoms?"

Well, there it was.

"I admit it is unlike me to lose myself to easily…" Torin began.

"You are young. I would not expect the same level of control from you that I would expect from Sekev. However, its vital we monitor any potential symptoms." He stood again and grabbed another hypo, this one empty. "I will check your hormones again. Once finished, he sat the vial aside and sat.

"Are you aware certain illness can trigger an early onset?" He asked.

"I am… do you believe this has happened? I haven't had any symptoms," Torin pointed out. The doctor quietly considered this.

"That may be trued, however you could also be an asymptomatic carrier. This," he held up the vial, "will tell us."

"How long will the results take?"

"A few hours perhaps. Before I take this to be tested, tell me how you've been feeling since our last conversation."

Thankful for the doctor-patient confidentiality, he relayed his last two days to the doctor, hesitant and embarrassed.

"And you are not… changing any details," he asked Torin once he had finished. A flash of irritation loosened his tongue.

"No. I have no reason to lie," he snapped.

"Not to protect your pride?" The doctor raised an eyebrow at him. Torin nearly stood to tell the doctor exactly what he thought, his muscles tensed, but he managed to reign it back in and settle himself. The doctor nodded approvingly.

"You are not as far as I had suspected. This is good." The doctor stood and opened the door. "I will have someone bring you antibiotics and send you on your way." And then he was gone.

Torin furrowed his brows as he processed what had happened. He questioned the doctor's mental stability that he would threaten a man he suspected to be approaching his time. His anger gone, he sensed Nia through the bond, her unspoken question. He closed his eyes and tried to send as much reassurance as he could muster. The day weighed heavily on him now and he felt tired. Perhaps it was the pain medicine they'd given him. Regardless, he wasn't sure he had the energy to have that conversation with Nia tonight.

Nia…

He hoped she was okay. Anxiety sharpened him again and he felt slightly more alert. He needed to take care of her, make sure she was okay. Hopefully she hadn't used all the oxygen. Had he told her when to stop using it? He couldn't recall, and that frightened him.

The door opened and he nearly sighed loudly. Of all the people in the colony, it had to be Alieth that walked through the door. His thoughts drifted back to his conversation with Sekev, and he wondered how much of a coincidence it truly was that she would be the one to discharge him. She handed him a small bottle of pills with directions attached to it.

"The directions are on the bottle and have also been forwarded to your tablet. Do you have any questions?"

"I do not. Thank you for your time."He stood and took a step towards the door. He expected her to step aside, but instead she remained where she was. A moment passed, just a beat too long to not be considered awkward, and she took a step back to give him room to pass. He wasn't sure what game she was playing, but he tried to give her a wide berth as he reached for the door.

Her hand suddenly on his arm, so close to his wrist and hand, took him by surprise. He looked at her with blatant surprise that she would touch him so familiarly. He allowed her a moment too long, his shock making him slow to react. He jerked his arm back.

"What do you think you're doing," he growled. Now she was the one who seemed surprised.

"I… I wanted to thank you. For saving Sekev," she quickly said.

"Fine. But do not touch me." He turned and tried again for the door, but she reached out again. This time, Torin reacted before she could. He grabbed her wrist, admittedly more roughly than he intended, and she winced. He didn't say anything. He let the silent rebuke hang between them.

"What did my husband tell you," she demanded quietly.

"Perhaps you should speak to your husband on the matter. Quite frankly, you should consider listening to his advice more," he glared and released her wrist. The look of shock that briefly broke her mask nearly made the unfortunate interaction worth it. Almost.

"If you'll excuse me, I wish to return to my wife. You should return to your husband." He rubbed his arm briefly where she'd grabbed him, another silent rebuke, and left.

Medicine in hand, he walked out of the clinic towards home. A few guards were posted along the path and nodded to him as he passed. He absentmindedly nodded back. His interaction with Alieth played in his mind over and over, making him more irritated and restless each time. If it weren't such a safety risk, he would take a walk to clear his mind.

The darkness from outside melted easily into the darkness inside. The soft red glow of red emergency lights dotted around the room lit it up just enough he wouldn't trip over his own feet. His body led him to their apartment where T'Laan sat on the sofa reading. She looked up when he entered and closed her tablet. He used his own tablet as a flashlight. A few lit candles cast a soft glow in the living room.

"Are you well," she asked seeing his bandaged arm.

"Yes, thank you. Have you been in contact with Sevek?"

"Yes." She seemed to quietly consider something before taking a few steps towards him.

"Thank you," She said quietly.

"You're welcome." He knew he'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. Sevek was his only real friend here.

"He should be discharged in a day or two," she added. Feeling extremely self conscious about the sudden emotion the conversation had brought up, she quickly changed the subject.

"Nia was awake most of the time you were gone. She went to bed about 30 minutes ago. She's no longer on oxygen, her levels are within normal range again."

"Thank you." And he meant it. He wasn't sure he could properly convey the gratitude he felt to her and Sevek for their support.

"Please contact me should you need anything."

"I will, thank you. I should go." T'Laan headed towards the door to leave. Once gone, he went to check on Nia. He felt guilty for getting home late and missing his chance to speak with her, but he couldn't deny there was also relief that the conversation was put off just a little longer.

He noticed her breathing hadn't improved and his hand closed into a fist as he wondered how long it would be until she need more- until they used all the oxygen. What were they going to do when he…

He shook his head and focused on getting through this moment. He grabbed the scanner and checked her levels again.

91

Much better. He pressed a few buttons to pull up the last scan. His relief was short lived when 93 popped up. She'd dropped that much in an hour?

The weight of the day came crashing around him as a band of stress began to form around his temples with the promise of a nasty headache to follow.

His hands clenched to the point of trembling, he went to the balcony and leaned on the railing and took a deep breath of the night air. He focused on just his breathing, forcing slow, deep breathes. The railing was sturdy and cold in his hands and gave him something concrete to focus on. The light throbbing of his fresh wounds were a welcome distraction as well.

The last time he'd felt so alone and overwhelmed had been shortly after Vulcan's destruction. He looked up and closed his eyes, picturing his mother and father. He could practically hear his younger brother begging him to walk the mountain trails with him again to look for new and interesting rocks. A heaviness weighted against his chest now. Had he truly had a chance to mourn them? Zerin and Solen, the orphaned boys he'd taken under his wing, had taken his full attention as they made their way back to Earth — to the refugee housing.

Then, he'd been reunited with Nia and taken in by her clan. Then he'd thrown himself into his new job. He'd been lucky enough to have Nia's father act as a mentor to him after. He lost track of how many times he hadn't been able to sleep and Valok had joined him in meditation, helping him work through his grief. He was content to see him as a father figure now. Realizing what he was going through was more than he could handle, he knew Valok would welcome his call and give him sound advice. Settled, he went back inside, into the living room, to call him.

The longer it rang, the more he lost his nerve and considered just hanging up. He was ready to end the call when he finally answered.

"I apologize for calling so early," Torin said.

"It is not so early as to be a disturbance. I was already awake. Though, it is quite late there. Is everything alright?"

That question alone coming from Valok gave him pause as he mentally counted down to calm himself before speaking. So much had happened so quickly he wasn't sure where to start. At the beginning, he supposed.

He started by updating him on Nia's health. A tense line of concern briefly crossed his face as Torin spoke. Then, he explained his own concerns and symptoms, not without quiet embarrassment, while Nia was still so sick. Speaking to his wife's father of all people about his time was likely the single most awkward encounter he'd ever had, including the time he'd thrown up on the teacher in front of everyone when he was a child. Valok, thankfully, didn't speak or show any sign of judgement. Then, Torin explained how he lost control against the carnivorous reptiles in the mountains — insisting he was fine and well when he mentioned his injuries and Valok made a move to interject in concern.

Despite his embarrassment, there was a lightness and relief that came from opening to Valok and having the man as a mentor and adopted father figure to look to for advice.

"I…know it's a lot," he said "But I… I am uncertain as to what I should do. I was seeking your guidance…" Torin felt nervous now, even though past experience told him his anxiety was unfounded as Valok had never judged him, only listened with an open mind and guided him the best he could. Despite their many open and heartfelt conversations during meditation, this felt different. This involved his only child, whom he loved dearly.

"I'm honored you see me as someone yo can seek guidance from." Valok's expression softened as he spoke, pausing in thought for a moment, digesting his words.

"Has there been any news on a treatment?"

"Not yet," Torin answered.

"Then it is safe to assume she will not be recovered before you encounter the worst of it." Torin's heart skipped a beat hearing Valok vocalize what he'd feared to be true, what he knew was most likely. He'd been afraid to say it out loud himself.

"That is… a difficult situation," Valok admitted. "Difficult, but not impossible. You can overcome it."

"How? I am not certain I'm strong enough to meditate through it," Torin spoke, his voice rough with barely concealed emotion.

"You are," Valok insisted. "You are strong enough. Lock yourself in your apartment, leave Nia in the clinic, and meditate. Turn up the heat, sweating it out will help, but do not, under any circumstances, try to cool yourself off. It is how most die. You will also need someone to watch and make sure yo do not leave an injure yourself, a guard perhaps."

"So meditation or death seem to be my options." Torin couldn't stop the bitterness from bleeding into his words.

"There… is one other option. Combat. While effective, I would not recommend it due to risk of injury."

"I would not ask anyone to risk their own life like that."

"You would not have to."

Now, Torin looked at him curiously. "How so," he asked.

"Perhaps you could fight the creatures in the mountain," he suggested. "You mentioned feeling more levelheaded after them, correct?"

"Yes, that is…a good suggestion," Torin admitted. He thought about it. Nobody would be at risk and he knew he could defend himself. Perhaps others could join him as a secondary line of defense should he get overwhelmed.

Yes, that could work.

He felt more settled now as the beginnings of a plan began to form into more concrete details.

"Thank you for your guidance, Valok." He debated telling him about Alieth, but decided it was far less intrusive of a topic than what they'd already discussed, so why not.

"There is one more thing," He added, explaining the situation with her and the odd reaction she had. He admitted that he couldn't tell if he'd overreacted or if he'd been justified. Valok lifted an eyebrow.

"That is… odd," he agreed. "Perhaps speaking with Sekev privately will clear the matter. It seems like she is unhappy and is attempting to latch onto you." Torin clenched his jaw. "Perhaps an arranged marriage," Valok guessed.

"I'm not certain."

"Regardless, you handled the situation as well as you could. Continue to rebuff her and do not be alone with her under any circumstances. Bring this to Sevek's attentions. I'm certain she will lose interest and move on." Torin nodded, but didn't respond. Talking it out with Valok had helped immensely, but now exhaustion creeped in; all he wanted to do now was forget everything and rest and leave the situation for another day.

"Torin, you are capable of overcoming this. Disciplines that can be abandoned in times of hardship when disciplines are needed are no disciplines at all."

"Third analects," Torin commented automatically, the different proverbs and adages of Surak burned into his brain since childhood after countless recitations in the matriarch's study.

"Surak is renowned and widely followed for good reason."

"I will meditate on this," Torin promised. "Thank you for your guidance."

"Of course. Please contact me whenever you need. And Torin," he added, "please keep a close eye on Nia and send me an update when you can." Torin could hear the concern in his voice and he imagined how difficult it was for Nia to be so ill and him so far, having only had her for a few short years before she was, once again, out of reach.

"I will," he promsied. With nothing more to say, they ended the call. In the other room, Nia began coughing again and Torin rose to check on her.

She was sitting up and awake when he entered. Still coughing. This time, he felt a tendril of fear through the bond. He hurried to her and put a hand on her head shoulder.

"Can't— stop—" she managed in between. One particularly bad one made her gag. She managed a few crackling breaths before an exhale trigger her again. He grabbed the scanner.

86.

He furrowed his brows and tried again, and again 86 flashed across the screen. She still had another hour until she could have more medicine and he couldn't believe she'd dropped so much so quickly. Her hair was braided back, likely T'Laan's doing, but a few loose hairs stuck to her face as she sweated from the effort of the coughing and struggle for breath.

Unwilling to wait after such a drastic drop, he grabbed the oxygen tank and pulled the mask over her face. Glancing at the gauge was a stomach-dropping mistake and he couldn't believe it was almost half gone already. He questioned the logic of sending such small tanks to the colony.

Nia reached out and grabbed his hand and her fear became clear.

"You're alright Nia," he gently squeezed her hand and tried to send reassurance waves through the bond, but her fear never subsided as she continued fighting for breath. A primal fear he'd never felt before, a fear of losing her and of the genuine distress she was in, paralyzed him. "You just need some oxygen." He wasn't sure who he was trying to reassure more.

"And when it's gone?" Her question made his stomach twist uncomfortably, but Nia was a nurse and knew that she was far from well and that their resources on the colony were limited. She'd likely taken stock of the oxygen tanks herself.

"Then I take you to the clinic," He replied. She gave her best approximation of a sigh.

"I'm… afraid," she confessed quietly. "I've never been this sick before." Her voice cracked and gave out, completely destroyed by the strain of coughing.

"I know. The doctor and scientists are working on a treatment."

"Have they found anything? What is this?"

"A variation of Orion Lungworm, the doctor said." She didn't reply for a while and, with her eyes closed, Torin thought for a moment she'd fallen asleep again.

"Judging from your lack of answers, they haven't found anything yet." Now, Torin didn't speak. "I figured." She opened her eyes and looked at him now. "I know now isn't great timing, me being sick and all, but…" she trailed off.

"Our earlier conversation," he guessed. Nodding, she moved to sit up in bed and, once settled, she gave a quiet gasp finally seeing his bandaged hand.

"What happened?" She reached out and touched the bandaged arm lightly and he sighed, not realizing how much he'd missed their closeness the last few days, her being ill. He savored her touch.

"Carnivorous mountain lizard," he said. Nia wasn't sure what she'd expected, but it wasn't that string of words in that particular order, and she laughed a little.

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?" Her brushed away her concern and took her hands.

"I'm fine, really. It's been treated, do not worry." He fought the urge to close his eyes and lean into her when her thumb absently caressed his knuckles.

"What are you thinking about," he asked, searching for something else to focus on. He couldn't quite pin down her worry through the bond and he wasn't sure if it was because she shielded his thoughts, or because he was losing control. "I know you are concerned about me," he said when she didn't answer, thinking it best to tackle the conversation head on. Procrastinating any longer was no longer an option and would only be a detriment. She really looked at him now, pulled from her thoughts and likely sensing his anxiety.

"I…I admit I have not been quite myself," he confessed. He was thankful for the relative darkness of the room, one small candle lit on the nightstand the only source of light, and giving him a semblance of hiding. She remained silent and allowed him the space to take his time and explain.

"I hesitate to say this, though it is necessary." He paused and gathered his nerve; she would understand. "I…well, my time is approaching." There. It was out. His heart pounded in the silence and only the quiet hiss of the oxygen tank broke it.

"Your…time?" She was confused. He furrowed his brows at her implied question, not understanding how it wasn't clear. Torin cleared his throat and tried again.

"My.. my pon far.." He could hardly get the words out as his face flushed hotly.

"Oh."

A mixture of emotions crossed her then. Realization, surprise, then concern and fear and anxiety. Exactly what he'd been hoping to avoid.
"Are you…okay?"

"For now. It is likely the early stages. I'm not certain how quickly I'll descend into the more…serious stages," he answered.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" The quiet accusation sent a sharp pain through him. "I mean, it's life or death, Torin." The pain twisted into guilt at her words, but he knew she was correct. Why hadn't he told her sooner? It wasn't that he didn't trust her— he trusted with his life. He could feel her anxiety and fear clearly now as her breathing began to pick up. He'd been afraid to tell her because of what happened with Avarok that day, all those years ago, on the path before they'd even started dating.

"Nia, please calm down-" was exactly the wrong thing to say, he realized too late.

"Torin, you could die," she exclaimed. Another coughing fit overtook her. He offered her water once she had composed herself.

"This is why," he said, "I didn't want you to worry until I was certain. You're too ill… and…" he trailed off, uncertain he wanted to give voice to the rest of his thought.

"And what?" She prompted. He pursed his lips and knew he had to tread carefully.

"I… worried how you would perceive me," he admitted quietly.

"Torin, I understand it's not something you can control."

"I worried because of what happened before…"

She was quiet again, knowing exactly what incident he was referring to.

"Torin, that was years ago."

"Nia, you cannot tell me that assault did not have an effect on you," he challenged. He took a breath, realizing he was being too harsh, and took her hand. "I'm sorry. You are correct, I should have spoken with you sooner. It was my selfish assumptions and feelings that stopped me. It was…illogical. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you." She leaned into him now and he wrapped an arm around her and held her.

"I have a plan," he said after a moment. She looked at him expectantly, but he said nothing more.

"And this plan is..?"

"You will go to the clinic." His evasive non-answers began to visibly annoy her.

"I will deal with it," he stated. Nia pulled away.

"And what does the mean," she snapped. A hurt look crossed her face then. "Torin," she started quietly, "i need you to be completely open with me."

"Of course, Nia." He clasped his hands in his lap to fight the urge to reach out for her again, hurt she'd pulled away. Goosebumps broke out over his arms at the sudden chill. Was he feverish?

"Does your plan involve another woman?"

He was struck silent in his surprise and had there been more light she would've seen his shocked expression that was quickly followed by anger. She thought he would go to another woman? After everything? He wanted to grab her and meld with her— make her understand that he would literally rather die that be with another. She must have sense it then.

Torin-" he put up a hand and stood, taking few steps away from her lest he act on his deteriorating logic.

"Nia," he finally spoke. "I would sooner succumb to my pon farr than take another." He watched her face change, the anxiety and suspicion draining from her as she sensed the truth to his words. Then reality set in.

"Maybe the doctor has something stronger for my cough…" she bit her lip thoughtsully and Torin forced himself to look elsewhere.

"No, you are too ill. You need to rest and recover." Now she looked up at him and frowned.

"Torin I'm not letting you just die."

"You misunderstand me." He walked back to her and sat. "I haven no intention of dying, I can assure you."

"Then what are you going to do?" Her voice wavered a little.

"I'll have someone come with me as back up and find more reptiles in the mountains for fight," he explained. Then, she started to cry.

"That's the stupidest plan I've ever heard," she sobbed. He climbed into bed to sit beside her and pulled her close, holding her as she cried.

"Torin don't do this. I'm okay enough. I-" She began coughing again. He tightened his hold as she coughed, gagged, and tried to take in shallow breaths. He closed his eyes and waited it out. Once she stopped, she was too breathless to cry or protest.

"No, you are not." He spoke softly into her hair. "I can't. You're too ill. I won't risk you."

"And I won't risk you," she croaked.

"Nia, fighting has been an acceptable alternative for centuries. This is the only way. I'll have back up. I will be okay," he insisted. Too tired to protest, Nia held onto him.

"It's going to be okay." He kissed the top of her head, savoring the smell of her hair, the warmth of her body, and the weight of her in his arms.
"We will both recover."

"Promise?" She whispered.

"I promise."