A/N: I don't know how long this story is going to be. I figure it'll take as long as it takes to get where it's going. I have a vague plan for it, but mostly, I'm just letting Rory and Jess do whatever and see where they end up. Hope y'all will stick with me for the journey and thanks so much to all those leaving feedback on each chapter :)
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 6
"I don't know why I'm so nervous."
"Really?" Jess asked Rory as they got out of the car and faced the building where the doctor waited for them, "because I know exactly why I'm nervous."
When he looked at her then he found a very strange look on her face. He wasn't sure what to make of that. After all, she ought to know what his problem was. They were here for a scan that would show them their baby for the first time. Not that it was really a baby yet as such, but still. After that, they were headed over to Liz and TJ's to break the whole pregnancy news, and then, the big one. A trip to Nantucket, alongside Luke and Lorelai, to spend Thanksgiving with the mighty Emily Gilmore and give her the happy news too. Not that she was likely to think it was happy. Jess felt sick.
"You know if you didn't want to come, you didn't have to," said Rory snippily, striding past him to the door.
Jess reached for her immediately, caught her wrist and gently turned her back towards him. "I'm sorry, okay? Come on, Rory, you know I wanna be here. Like you said, I didn't have to come if I didn't want to, but here I am. That's supposed to mean something."
Heaving a sigh, she nodded her head. "I suppose it does, and I'm sorry too," she apologised, bringing her free hand up to rub her forehead. "I get snappy and irrational sometimes. Mom says it's the whole messed up hormones thing, and the books I've been reading agree, so I guess that's it. It's not your fault, honestly."
"I think I have to take at least a little responsibility, in the circumstances," he said, eyes dipping to the slight round of her stomach.
When his gaze returned to his face, it was entertaining to find he still had the ability to make her blush, even after everything. It was nice to see her smile also. For a while there, things had gotten a little strained. She asked him to email her rather than call to make arrangements for days like today and Jess had done that, though grudgingly. Suddenly, he could see him and Rory drifting further apart rather than coming closer together, which didn't sit well at all.
Of course, he had worried for nothing. After two days of radio silence following his first email, she had replied, apologising if she had come off weird or uncooperative when he called. He forgave her instantly, because he didn't know how to do anything else, and then, she had been the one to call him.
They had talked every couple of days from then to now. Sometimes, about important baby-related stuff or the book she was working on yet. Other times, just whatever they were reading lately or saw on TV or similar. It was good. Strange, but good. Jess wasn't sure that what was between them had ever really been anything else.
"So," said Rory then, taking a hold of his hand. "Scan time?"
"Scan time," he agreed, nodding once.
They went into the doctor's office, hand-in-hand like it was the most natural thing in the world, checking in at reception then waiting their turn in silence. When Rory started shifting around in her seat a lot, Jess reached to take her hand again and promised her it was all going to be okay.
"I know," she told him, smiling too much. "It's not that I'm nervous so much as... well, they told me to drink a lot of water before I came here," she said pointedly.
"Right." Jess nodded, glancing away and feeling like an idiot.
Thankfully, that awkwardness ended fast when they were called in for the actual scan. Of course, there was a whole new level of weird when that process started happening. Not that Jess didn't know what to expect. He had Google and he knew how to use it. While Rory had been reading pregnancy books, he had been developing a very weird web history, putting every question he had into the internet and hoping the answer didn't terrify him. So far, not so terrible, but it was a lot. This whole pregnancy thing, he just hadn't been expecting it at all.
Jess tried not to let his mind wander too much, instead tuning in to listen to the sonographer explaining what was about to happen. It was all pretty standard. Checking everything was all good inside of Rory, proper rates of development for the little one, firming up the expected due date, confirming there really was only one baby due and not twins or anything. It was easy to just think of it like a checklist, a routine doctor's appointment, at least until the part where the wand was pressed against Rory's bare skin and her hand crept over to grab a hold of Jess' own. He looked at her, but found her staring straight ahead at the screen. He followed her lead, just in time to see the image start look like something vaguely recognisable as a tiny child.
"Wow."
Jess was barely aware the word had come out of his mouth until the sonographer reacted to it.
"Yup, there's baby. Obviously, at this early stage we can't know if we're looking at a he or a she, but I can tell you that everything seems to be perfectly fine. Two arms, two legs, good strong heartbeat. No reasons at all to worry that I can see here."
"Good to hear," Jess said softly, clearing his throat right after.
"Yeah, very good," Rory replied, swiping at her eyes with her free hand just as he looked her way. "And just the one healthy baby, right? I mean, the little guy... or girl, he or she was a big enough surprise as it is, I'm really not at all ready for twins or anything."
"Nope, no multiple births. Just the one foetus in residence, don't worry," the sonographer assured her.
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure," she agreed, clearly trying not to smile.
She probably heard that kind of thing before. Jess supposed it was fairly common in her job. People being nervous, excited, wanting one gender or the other, hoping for one kid or two. Everybody was different and so would feel different things, hope for different outcomes. Jess really hadn't been sure what he was feeling himself and certainly hadn't got as far as wondering too much about what the child he and Rory were expecting might be like when he or she was born. Now he was thinking about it a lot, as he stared at the fuzzy image on the screen. He was thinking so much, his head felt like it might explode.
"So, the standard is to print two copies of the picture, but you're not required to take them, or you can have more if you need them," said the sonographer then.
"Uh, sure," said Rory, sounding uncertain. "Um, definitely two, maybe three, actually... or four? Jess?"
He shook his head and made himself look away from the screen. "What?"
"Copies of the picture. One for me, one for you, one for mom, then there's grandma. What about your mom?"
"Yeah, sure, I guess." He nodded his head automatically, not really clear on what he was answering, but sure whatever Rory had said was fine.
It was as if the shock he thought had worn off before just hit him full force all over again. They were having a kid, him and Rory. He was so very aware of that, from when they had talked it through between them, from when he had been over it again with Chris and Matthew back home in Philly. Jess really thought he had wrapped his head around the concept well enough, but it was all just talk then. Now there was a picture. Now it was so very real. They were past the point of keeping it a secret, the world was about to know, or at the very least their families, their friends, and the whole of Stars Hollow.
They left the room and then, after Rory went to the bathroom, they left the building too, the pictures clutched in Rory's hand, and possibly another appointment booked in at the desk. Jess wasn't really aware of what was happening around him until he stepped outside and the cold, fresh air hit him hard in the face. He leaned back against the wall, one hand absently searching for a pack of cigarettes he knew he didn't have and wouldn't ever have smoked near Rory anyway, especially not now.
"Jess?"
"Huh?" He looked across into Rory's concerned face and blinked twice before she fully came into focus. "Sorry."
"Are you okay?" she checked. "You went kind of quiet on me and... Seriously, are you going to pass out? Because I really thought expectant fathers did that at the birth, not the first scan."
She was trying for a joke and Jess tried to smile for her. It didn't come easy. He knew he was being an idiot. If anyone should be freaking out about having a baby, it was Rory. She was the one carrying the kid around, the one who would have to endure all the pregnancy symptoms, the hormones, the pain of childbirth, everything. He had the easier deal, that was for sure, and yet, his mind was just spinning.
"I know this is gonna sound crazy," he told her then, "but I think I just... The reality of this is a lot to take," he settled on eventually. "Like this kid was real before, but kind of abstract. We talked about a baby, and obviously, I believed it was there, but seeing that..."
"Yeah, I know." Rory nodded. "I mean, it's different for me. Stuff is happening inside," she said, one hand rubbing her middle seemingly absently, "so it was already pretty real, but I get it. Seeing him or her. It's a big deal."
"A really big deal," Jess agreed, forcing a hand back through hair as he pushed off away the wall at last. "Okay, so we should go. What time do we have to leave for Nantucket?"
"Not until after lunch," Rory confirmed. "Mom has stuff to figure out at the inn and Luke has a call scheduled with April. Last I heard, we were heading out around one."
"Right," Jess nodded, as they both got back into the car. "So, I guess, after I drop you off, I should go see Liz. I mean, she deserves to hear it from me."
"Oh, okay," Rory agreed, though her heart didn't seem to be in it.
"What?"
"What?" she echoed back, until suddenly she must have realised Jess wasn't looking away until she explained herself. "I was just thinking, I don't know, that maybe I was coming with you for that? Which is dumb, because you weren't there when I told my mom about the baby. In fact, I told her before you even knew, so I don't know why I thought you'd want me there when you told your mom-"
"Hey." Jess put his hand over hers across the central console and cut off the patented Gilmore ramble that was beginning to get a little overly much. "If you wanna come with me, I'm more than okay with that. The more I can divert Lizzie's attention off me, the better. I just wasn't so sure you'd want to, that's all."
Rory smiled. "I'd love to come. Your mom is... well, I can't lie, she's a lot sometimes, but then, in her own way, so is my mom. I still think it'd be nice to be there when you tell her the news, if you want me to be."
"Then we'll go together." Jess nodded, squeezing her hand.
It was moments like that when he wondered what the hell he was doing. When he knew it would be all too easy to start blurting out words he shouldn't say and proposing a kind of future he was sure Rory wouldn't want. They were over. Long over. One night and an accidental baby did not a relationship or future make. At least, not outside of the movies.
"So, we're going now?" Rory checked.
"We're going now," Jess confirmed, releasing her hand and starting up the car.
At least Liz was most likely going to be happy about being a grandma. When they got to Nantucket and broke the news to Emily, Jess was ready for anything from a seizure to a hysterical episode and just about everything in-between. Still, one thing at a time, that was the only way to deal with all this.
To Be Continued...
