A west side short story part IV
At daybreak, the sky was ablaze with hues of pink and orange as Sirius sat perched on the rooftop. His back leaned against the sturdy stone masonry of the fireplace, and he gazed out at the horizon, lost in thought. It had been more than six weeks since he had vanished from Alexa's bedroom window in the middle of the night, leaving no trace behind, and he hadn't given her any news since then. Despite his confidence that news of his capture would have spread like wildfire and reached Alexa by now, Sirius couldn't shake off the gnawing feeling of unease that plagued him. He had deliberately avoided contacting her, knowing that his letters could be intercepted, but the guilt of leaving her in the dark was beginning to weigh heavily on his conscience. He couldn't let her believe that he had simply abandoned her.
Determined to make amends, Sirius decided it was time to head south again. He slid down the tiles and returned to the room he shared with half a dozen other boys who were still snoring away, exhausted from the wild party they had had the previous night. Careful not to disturb them, Sirius picked his way between the scattered mattresses on the floor and slipped out of the room. The house was silent, adding to the eeriness of the moment. He made his way to Emma's room and knocked softly on the door. The door creaked open, and Sirius stepped back in surprise as Emma appeared before him, half-dressed and still looking drowsy from sleep.
Sirius muttered an apology and looked away, feeling a bit embarrassed but Emma's chuckle made him feel a little better.
"Evan, it's just tits," Emma yawned, her voice nonchalant.
From inside the bedroom came a sleepy voice, "What time is it?" followed by a second voice, "Too early!"
"Come in before they wake up the entire house," Emma urged, leading Sirius into the room.
As they entered, two men lay sprawled across Emma's bed, their feet peeking out from under the sheets. Emma quickly grabbed her jeans and slipped them on.
"Ah, it's you, Evan. Did you sleep well?" one of the men asked, while the other hid his head under the pillow.
"Pretty well," Sirius replied, seeking Emma's help. She emerged from her jumper, her head popping out just in time.
"I don't remember their names either," she whispered to Sirius before crouching down to put on her sneakers.
After swiftly tying her shoes, they made a hasty exit from the room, gingerly stepping around the empty bottles and other debris scattered across the floor. As they emerged from the house, Emma grasped his arm firmly, a silent reassurance that they were in this together. They walked down the driveway side by side, the cool morning air a welcome change from the stuffy confines of the house.
"Hey, did you miss the party last night?" Emma asked Sirius.
"Yeah, I went straight to bed. The day really tired me out," Sirius replied.
Emma raised an eyebrow. "How did you manage to sleep through all the noise we were making?" she asked.
"I guess I was too exhausted to notice," Sirius said.
"Alright, I won't push it. But why did you come knocking on my door this morning? Did you want a hug?" Emma asked with round eyes..
"No, no, that's not it," Sirius replied.
"What's up? Do you find me ugly or something?" Emma asked.
"No, that's not what I meant!" Sirius exclaimed.
Emma grinned. "I'm just kidding, Evan. So, what did you want?"
"I came to say goodbye," Sirius said.
"Goodbye? But we just got here!" Emma protested as she stopped their walk.
"I know, but I've been thinking about it, and I think I've overstayed. It's time for me to leave," Sirius explained.
Emma shook her head, looking at him with a frown. "No, it's too soon to go. You have to at least see what we're trying to build here!" she pleaded.
"Emma, I appreciate it, but I don't think I belong here. I would only be a burden," Sirius said.
"Don't say that! We're a community built on compassion and love. You have to give yourself a chance to experience it at least once in your life," Emma urged, grabbing Sirius's arms firmly.
"But I thought you were just protesting against the war," Sirius said.
"That's part of it, but it's not just that. We're trying to create a world where war isn't an option," Emma explained.
"I want to see you succeed, but I don't want to hold you back. I'm sorry," Sirius said.
Emma shook her head again, more forcefully this time. "Why do you think that? Evan, please don't beat yourself up like this. I used to be just like you. But then I took a chance and now I'm awake. I'm happy and I can feel how much pain you're in. Let me help you," she said sincerely.
As Sirius gazed into Emma's eyes, he couldn't shake the sense of familiarity that washed over him. Moreover, he found himself growing increasingly attached to her, longing to spend more time in her company. Despite this, he remained resolute in his decision to leave the same morning. But was this truly the right thing to do, or was it simply another act of cowardice to add to his long list of mistakes?
Sirius was acutely aware of the havoc he had wreaked upon the lives of those around him. The deaths of two dear friends, the orphaning of a one-year-old child, and his status as a wanted man all weighed heavily on his conscience. In stark contrast, Evan James had a clean slate, free from the burden of past transgressions.
As he silently contemplated his situation, Sirius couldn't help but wonder if fate had brought him to that bar for a reason. Was he meant to confront his failures and make amends for his past misdeeds? Or was it possible that he was nothing more than a failure, a blight upon the world that needed to be erased for the greater good?
As these thoughts swirled in Sirius's mind, he felt a sudden shift in his consciousness. It was as if a veil had been lifted, and a different version of himself emerged. This new persona was more confident, more assured, and unburdened by the weight of his past. It was a liberating feeling, and for a moment, he savored the sense of freedom it brought.
Sirius tried to shake off the feeling, to push the voice back down into the depths of his mind. But it was too late. The voice had taken root, and with each passing moment, it grew stronger. But as quickly as it had come, the feeling dissipated, and when Emma said in a soft whisper, "Say something", Evan replied with a firm nod, "I'll stay".
With a beaming smile, Emma planted a kiss on his cheek and reassured him, "You won't regret it! Are you hungry? I definitely am. I could eat an entire horse and the cowboy!" Evan suggested they check out the kitchen or eat leftover pizza from yesterday, but Emma quickly dismissed the idea. "No way, it stinks over there! Follow me, I remember a great breakfast spot nearby where we can also have a nice walk around.", Taking his hand, Emma led him towards the nearby bus stop.
Twenty minutes later, they became the first customers to enter a coffee shop in Beuel. Emma took charge and ordered for both of them at the counter before returning to sit across from him.
After the waiter had set down two steaming cups of coffee in front of them, Evan inquired, "What's got you grinning like that?"
Emma responded, "Well, it's refreshing to be on the customer side of the counter for once. But at the same time, it feels a bit strange."
"Why's that?" Evan inquired, dumping a packet of sugar into his cup.
"I don't know. It's like I'm waiting for my boss to pop up out of nowhere and reprimand me for not working," Emma replied.
Speaking up, Evan asked, "By the way, did you have to request time off to come here?"
"No," Emma replied with a chuckle.
Evan continued, "Does your boss at least know you're not opening the bar this morning?"
"Sure, he does...I quit," Emma declared, causing Evan to raise his eyebrows in surprise. "I thought you liked your job," he asked.
"I did, but I also grew tired of the routine. I need a fresh start, away from Hamburg. Don't you feel the same?" Emma asked.
Evan nodded, "I do. But, what about your family?"
She shrugged, "My parents are always trying to control my life. I got tired of arguing with them, so I left two days before we left for Bonn. I just picked up my bag and slammed the door behind me!" Emma explained.
Evan was taken aback, "Unbelievable...It's kind of what I did too. I left my parent's house when I was sixteen and went to live with my friend's parents," Evan confessed.
"Oh… You'll have some great stories to tell them when you're back?" Emma asked.
"They're not around anymore," Evan replied.
Emma's smile disappeared and she hasted to say, "I'm sorry…"Let's talk about something else," Emma suggested. "How did you end up in West Germany?"
"I wanted to put as much distance as possible between myself and my past until I stumbled upon your bar," Evan revealed.
"So, Where did you plan to go this morning?" Emma asked.
"I don't know," Evan admitted. "I think I would have just kept wandering."
"You don't have to wander without purpose anymore. You'll see after a few days with us," Emma assured him.
After having breakfast, they spent the rest of the morning taking a walk along the Rhine. They didn't come back to the house until early afternoon, and it was very quiet. When they got to the big living room, everyone was sitting on the floor, listening to a bearded man talk without saying anything. Emma took off her shoes, sat down on the floor, and gave her friend a wink to join her. Hans, Edgar, and Áurea smiled and nodded at them before focusing back on the man.
« … Unless we transform the very script of man unless we give him a totally new program of living and being, we can go on talking about peace, but we will go on preparing for war. That's what we have been doing for thousands of years: talking of peace and creating war. The absurdity is that even in the name of peace we have been fighting: the greatest wars have been fought in the name of peace.
This has been a sheerly destructive past. With the same energy, man could have created paradise on earth; and all that we have done is to create hell instead. But it is not a question of changing the political ideologies of the world, it is not a question of teaching people to be brotherly, because these things have been done and they have all failed.
Man is split, and the same people who talk about peace are the cause of the split. They have divided man into good and bad, the lower and the higher, the earthly and the divine, the material and the spiritual. They have created a conflict inside the human soul, and there is a constant war inside. What I am trying to bring here is something utterly new, something that has never existed before on the earth: a man who is at ease with both worlds; a man who is a great synthesis; a man who is whole and holy…"
The lecture persisted for another thirty minutes until the man finally shut up. He sat motionless, his gaze fixed ahead, seemingly lost in thought for a prolonged moment, while his disciples watched in awe. Finally, he rose slowly, without bidding his farewells or uttering a single word, and left the room. Evan observed his departure with intrigue but was prevented from following suit by Ingrid, who gestured for him to wait.
The disciples in the front row rose in unison, mimicking the old man, followed by those behind them, until it was finally Evan, Emma, and the others' turn to stand.
Emma reprimanded him politely in the hallway, "I apologize, but it's impolite to leave a lesson before the seniors."
"Are there a lot of rules like this?" Evan asked.
"There are no rules, just order, and mutual respect", Emma replied.
