Chapter 8
Over the next few days, Hinata came to visit the greenhouse everyday before and after her duties. She had fallen into a bit of a routine tending to this space, and the puttering away with the dirt and plants calmed her mind down. She didn't remember much about plant care so she was starting to research it and the detailed instructions on every plant species helped. She could also see that it was her writing on the labels and that was also comforting.
Her mind wandered as she did her daily tending to the plants. Always starting off thinking about how Gaara was… but then moving onto more mundane things… like how Matusi was getting more and more unpleasant to be around everyday. But Hinata had come to reason that some of her dislike for the woman came from the fact that she was jealous that Matsuri was so important to Gaara. She wondered many times if she'd been jealous of Matsuri before she lost her memories too.
Amid all these confusing emotions there had also been many moments where she'd ALMOST gone to the third floor to explore Gaara's room when she was home alone. He'd told her he threw all of her stuff out… but she still wanted to go explore to see what she could learn of him. But she realized that was extremely inappropriate and yes… creepy so luckily she'd been able to refrain from doing that.
As the days went by Hinata started to feel very useless here in Sunagakure…
After Gaara went to Kusagakure Matsuri had removed her clearance to continue on the investigation. Hinata didn't want to stress Temari by complaining about it, plus Matsuri had the authority to do so. And so lately she'd been relegated to doing odd jobs here and there in addition to helping out in the mailroom. It made her feel restless…and stuck.
People all around her moved with a sense of urgency doing important things and needing to be at important places and here she was… stuck… trying to feel useful. She sighed, slowly kneading her neck pulsing some chakra to lessen the tension. Standing up from her kneeling position she took off her gardening gloves and took a sip of her water looking around in satisfaction when the sound of the door opening startled her.
"Yuri" she said, noting the white hair of the man walking in.
"Oh" he blinked, coming up short noticing her. "Err"
"What are you doing here?" she smiled in confusion.
"Well…since Gaara was gone.. I figured I should come check in on the green house but I didn't expect to find you here. So this is where you've gone off to each evening."
"Oh…" she laughed, caught by surprise. "I wait… since Gaara is gone?... Do you mean that he tends to the green house?"
Yuri turned a bit red almost as if he regretted his slip up. "Uh… well I think your green thumb kind of rubbed off on him you know," he gestured around. Almost as if he was afraid to say the wrong thing.
She paused, wanting to be careful in the conversation so Yuri wouldn't turn and leave, but also wanting more details.
"Well then this must be his greenhouse?"
"How did you get a key?" Yuri asked.
"Temari gave me"
"Ah that's smart, you've always been very good at tending to plants. Well it looks like everything is well taken care of here. I will leave in that case."
"Wait!" she called out a bit desperately. "Yuri-san… please. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?"
Yuri nodded almost reluctantly but that was all the signal she needed to direct him to the green house seating area.
"This is such a lovely space," she said, brewing tea for the man, finally feeling at peace being able to do something for someone. With Gaara and Kankuro gone, and Temari always busy, the Kage mansion had started to get suffocating.
"Do you take any sugar in your tea?"
"Just plain, thank you" Yuri nodded as she placed the tray on the tiny coffee table by the couch.
Wanting to give the man space Hinata opted to sit on the small love seat across from him.
"So how long have you known the Kazekage?" she asked without preamble.
"Oh… about eight years now" he took a sip of his tea appreciatively.
"Are you two close?"
"I would say so, yes"
"Ah… I also heard from Sakua-chan that when I was here last… you were my doctor."
Yuri looked up from the tea cup he was holding and took another sip before putting it down gently. "Yes…." he nodded, "I had been wondering if you would come talk to me about that… time" he looked away sighing.
"I had been debating it" she laughed dryly and his mouth quirked at that. "I have a lot of questions running through my mind…but I guess… anyway Gaara made it very clear that when he left that we are on different paths now. So I didn't know if it was worth even digging up in the past."
"Well… what you had with Gaara," Yuri looked at her meaningfully before continuing, "is of course an important and significant part of your life, but…. You had an entire life before you even got together with him. So… it's okay to ask questions about whatever parts you want answers to."
"You aren't afraid I will have a panic attack?"
"Hinata…" he said carefully, "I am pretty sure your panic attacks were from the confusion your memory loss created, but now… I think you have been able to fill in some gaps, right?"
He waited for her nod.
"I think now… you should be able to listen to some parts of your past provided you do want the answers, without your mind sheltering itself."
"Ah… I see" she nodded before continuing thoughtfully. "I think I know a lot of the circumstances surrounding myself and Gaara. I came here as a missing nin, I started working for the Kazekage and we fell in love. But I… never learned how I lost my memory in the first place."
"What?" Yuri said, surprised. "You never asked?"
"No… funnily enough that seemed like the last relevant part of the equation to me until now."
"Well… you were an active shinobi under Suna's command back then. Oh by the way you WEREN'T Gaara's secretary. That was just an excuse we made last time to keep you close to Gaara so he could keep an eye on you and keep you safe." Yuri started recounting his mood a bit somber now.
She was a bit taken aback by that…but she nodded understanding.
"You had been assigned on a mission to scout one of the supply routes of a prominent drug cartel in Suna… led by Oto. It was not a mission that required any engagement, it was purely reconnaissance. But… we don't know what went wrong. The mission report was un-submitted because you were all ambushed, so we have very limited details on it" Yuri looked away. "Um.. even with my earlier admission Hinata… I realize this must be tough to hear" he finished softly.
"I was the only one that survived?" she deduced with teary eyes.
The man didn't confirm or deny it but she could read the truth in his eyes. "You were…" he cleared his throat, "injured and your location was close to Konoha so you were rushed there for help by some Konoha nins that had stumbled upon you. Gaara didn't know until word came to us from the Hokage. He of course went to you, but it's when you woke up we learned of your amnesia…"
She blinked through her tears, having no recollection of this.
"He returned back to Suna, when it was clear he wouldn't be able to see you. You were sent to Suna after you were stable as per protocol as you were a Suna citizen at the time, and then you completed your recovery here under my care. But of course with your memory being that of when you were 12 years old, you weren't adjusting here. Your panic attacks were frequent, you could barely stand seeing Gaara, and the Konoha council was up in a snit about why we were keeping you here when you had animosity towards the Kazekage. He fought to keep you here but I think a few months later he realized it wasn't helping anyone… and he was right… you recovered much better in Konoha," Yuri smiled reassuringly at Hinata.
She smiled tearily. "Did they investigate who attacked us?"
"There were no leads unfortunately…"
Her mouth wobbled and Yuri sat there across from her in silence while she cried.
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The Next Day - Sunagakure City Gates
After a gruelling few days of travel, Gaara's team had met up with Naruto and Sasuke as they too were heading home. As the walls of Suna became visible it was all Gaara could do to stay upright. He was exhausted from the physical exertion of the trip as well as his insomnia that had become even worse lately.
As they reached the main gates Gaara was able to spot a few people waiting to welcome them, he saw Matsuri and Temari in particular.
He frowned in disappointment at not seeing Hinata there, but she would have no reason to be here. Plus when he left the city he'd been rather abrupt with her.
Matsuri came running at him and he had a few seconds to brace himself before she jumped into his arms. It was the first time he had ever hugged her… that seemed significant to Gaara even as the glances they received made him a bit uneasy.
After a tight hug to reassure her, he pulled back and saw Sakura greeting Naruto in a similar manner. He gritted his teeth, refusing to look around if Hinata was here again. It hadn't helped that every night he'd been gone he had been dreaming of her.
"Aw shucks no hugs for me Matsuri?" Kankuro muttered sarcastically while he strolled past the couples into the city, making the brunette frown after him.
"Don't mind him," Gaara said calmly, turning to give Temari a hug too. "Catch me up to speed on how things have been here while we've been gone?"
The threesome walked shoulder to shoulder while Matsuri and Temari went through a status update. A highly scrubbed down version of course since they were in public.
Gaara was able to grab a shower quickly, and shave the stubble that had formed on his face over the last few days. And then he was pulled back into Kage duty almost immediately by a gleeful Temari who was itching to return back to Konoha.
She told him that since all seemed to be going pretty well here and the rebuilding efforts were staffed and in full swing, the Konoha dignitaries were getting ready to head back home.
"Well… about that, '' he said apologetically and Temari's face fell.
The rest of the team could go, but he had found a few troubling things at Kusagakure and Temari might be the one person they needed for a few more months. "I have an update for you..." With that Gaara jumped into telling her the full story from their investigations.
"Someone close to you?" Temari murmured with a frown after he finished retelling his conversation with Oto. "Are you sure he isn't just messing with you?"
"Well… I can't take that risk. I need to look into this carefully."
"Have you marked anyone as safe?"
"Just yourself and Kankuro…"
Silence trickled on between them as Temari absorbed the gravitas of the situation.
He hated to insinuate he didn't trust any of his staff, but it would be a mistake to overrule anyone as safe without a careful consideration.
"So... what does this mean?"
"I want to look into this with Oto as the focus. I want data on what he'd been doing for the last 2 years. He's always been in our radar as a notorious drug smuggler... and I must have sanctioned Hinata's mission back then to investigate Oto's trade route but I can't remember how and why that landed on our desk. Was there an active mission from the Drug Enforcement Agency asking for support? Cross reference the paperwork and get me anyone who was linked to that for questioning and lastly who ordered Oto's arrest, where was he arrested and how was he transfered to the Blood Prison?"
A couple of knocks on the office door startled the siblings.
Temari nodded her understanding of what was needed, and then Gaara called out to whoever was at the door to enter. It turned out to be Matsuri.
"Ah perfect" he smiled looking at her. He had asked her to come back later to give him a detailed update on the resourcing statuses of various projects they had on the go.
"Well in that case, I think I will head home for dinner, and figure some things out, I'll leave you two to chat." with a squeeze to Gaara's shoulder, Temari left.
"Is everything okay?" Matsuri asked, watching the slightly stressed looking expression on the older womans face.
"It will be" Gaara murmured. "So… how have things been here?"
"Good… a lot of the allied shinobi nations have now started to leave, we have much of the city cleared and plans for rebuilding are going smoothly. It is of course an unexpected expenditure but I will leave you and the Finance Minister to figure that out… but for the time being we are okay. The injured shinobi have recovered and we have our man power fully in place."
"Okay good… so nothing unusual to report?" she nodded negative, "Did the Hyuga continue her investigations of Project Firebird?"
"Ummm no," Matsuri replied.
Gaara frowed at that. Before he had left Hinata had been elbows deep in this investigation.
"Gaara… she is a foreign kuinochi who is leaving in the next day or so, you shouldn't have even tasked her with investigating such a nationally sensitive mission. What do you really know about Hinata anyway or what she's been up to over the last year?"
"What?" Gaara laughed at this unexpected comment. Yes he didn't know what exactly Hinata had been up to, but it wouldn't be engaging with mercenaries to try to kill him or destroy Suna. Hinata may be a bit different now, but he still knew the DNA of what made her hadn't changed. She was the only person he knew who was kind to a fault.
"It's convenient that you trust her so much…" she mumbled throwing him a frown, "But I don't."
"I don't think you necessarily distrust her… but you dislike her." Gaara stated what was plain and obvious.
"Well yes… I dislike her" she notched her chin up a bit at the admission.
"I'm sorry…-"
"What?" she asked, sounding a bit defensive all of a sudden.
"I'm sorry I didn't pick up on your feelings for me…sooner."
"I…" Matsuri blushed at that feeling a bit discombobulated. She had known Gaara for years as a Sensei, the Kazekage and as a friend of sorts... but this new dimension of intimacy was weird. Now that he was acknowledging her she felt scared all of a sudden. What if this doesn't work out? What would happen to them then?
"Would… it have made a difference?" she asked bitterly, reflecting on his and Hinata's relationship.
"Well..." Gaara was quiet for a bit. "I know how you feel now…and I can do something about it."
"Do something about it?" she asked as if she was in a trance. "Does that mean you are ready?"
"hmm?" he murmured.
"You promised me a date when all this was settled down."
Gaara hesitated a bit. It wasn't settled down yet, atleast not on his end... but he couldn't handle seeing the disappointment in her eyes again. Matsuri was one of his most trusted advisors and one that had proven her loyalty and reliability over and over again. She was as good as Temari and Kankuro when it came to being trustworthy and it was only out of formality he hadn't included her on the trusted individuals list to Temari.
He looked deeply into her hazel eyes and her heavily flushed face. Matsuri didn't blush normally and he couldn't help but smile at how cute she was. Why hadn't he noticed her before?
"Okay, deal" he nodded. "We will have our fist date soon. It should be me who arranges it so I will let you know once I have put a plan together okay?"
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Later that day - Kage Compound
"Hinata-chan"! A warm voice called out and Hinata turned from the stirfry she was making.
"Oh… Naruto-kun" she blushed.
Unfortunately despite her amnesia her previous reactions to Naruto were still there, just at a gentler level.
"Haha" the blonde laughed scratching his head observing her. "What are you making?"
"I… wanted to make dinner for the people who came back today," she gestured around at the mess in the kitchen.
"Oh well, I am starving" Naruto rolled up his sleeves. "Can I help?"
"O-oh sure" she stammered and Hinata happily talked Naruto through making a stewed sweet and sour fish.
An hour later, the two had assembled a veggie stir fry, rice, fish, a minced meat dish cooked with aromatic spices native to Suna, along with a light salad and soup. Everything smelled fresh and delicious. Hinata and Naruto made light conversation as they cooked and Naruto kept her laughing with Sasuke and his adventures (or misadventures she should say) in the Land of Earth. She was sure he was exaggerating a bit but she appreciated his effort to put her at ease.
As diners started to trickle in around 7 PM Hinata was taking a freshly baked cake from the oven. Kankuro came in first followed by Yuri, Sasuke, Sakura and even Temari! Once the group had grabbed some wine and sat around the table Hinata asked tentatively, "Uh… is Gaara-sama coming tonight?" she looked at the extra plate she had set out.
"Oh I don't think so" Temari replied, "I was talking to him earlier, and he has a lot on his plate right now. He'll probably grab dinner at the tower with Matsuri."
"Oh okay" Hinata nodded, smiling and hiding her disappointment. Despite the absence of the Kage the group had a lovely and lively dinner. They were due to depart tomorrow (including Hinata) but Temari explained to them that due to a few changed variables she wasn't able to go back to konoha just yet.
"Oh man… Shikamaru is going to be bummed" Naruto said with a mouth full of cake and Sakura hit him over the head for his bad table manners.
Hinata smiled at them fondly while taking a sip of the coffee she had brewed and looked back at Temari thoughtfully… She would bet anything that Temari sticking around had to do with whatever Gaara had found back at the Blood Prison. And she was itching to know what it was.
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At this rate I'm going to leave without seeing him. Hinata fumed that night packing her clothes and toiletries into a bag. She had truly expected to run into Gaara today at some point and to speak to him. To learn what happened and to be asked to stay and help with the investigation.
Before he left for the Blood Prison, Hinata had felt useful for the first time in a really long while. But now she was going back to her old life... As a konoha shinobi who was ranked S class but still received C ranked missions...
She went downstairs to clean the Kitchen. Thoughtfully Hinata had left dinner out in case Gaara showed up to eat later, but it was past midnight now so she figured she should put it away before bed. Hinata was just finishing wiping down the kitchen counters and dining table when the front door opening alerted her. Gaara walked in seeming distracted and was heading straight to the stairs when she called out and he stilled.
It took a few seconds before he turned to look at her and she was disappointed to see that his expression was shuttered but friendly.
"Hinata," he said lightly. "How are you?"
"Oh… I'm fine" she smiled, putting the cloth away. "How was your mission?"
"It was …. well…it created more questions than answers actually. But I've asked Temari to stay to help and investigate. We will figure it out. You are getting ready to leave I heard?" he asked, looking around at the spotless kitchen that was never used except for when Hinata was in residence. It was a painful room in the house for him actually.
"Uh yes… unless you need more help with the investigation?" she asked curiously but he shook his head negative. She realized he looked tenser than when he left to Kusakagure if possible and he looked even more exhausted. "Have you been sleeping?" she couldn't help but ask.
"Oh… well… that's why I came home early today. I don't sleep well as it is but it's nearly impossible when I am traveling."
"Well you should definitely get some rest then… there is some food in the fridge if you get hungry…" she trailed off looking at him feeling uncomfortable again for no reason. What had she expected… that he'd ask her to stay? The memories of what she'd said to him before she had been sent away to Konoha last time had been fresh on her mind today.
"Right.. Thanks Hinata," he replied, sounding a bit uncomfortable at this awkward goodbye.
"… I'm sorry" Hinata finally said what she'd been holding onto for a while now.
"For what?" Gaara sounded confused.
"I… don't remember much of my time here after the accident, but I do remember the fight we had before I asked you to send me away. I said a lot of things that were untrue and unfair…" she paused, taking a deep breath. "I don't think those things about you… I just wanted you to know that." she finished simply looking down at her hands that were fidgeting.
"Ah…" Gaara replied, and nodded. She didn't know if that meant he knew she hadn't meant those words, or if her words had cut too deep into his heart that an apology wouldn't make much of a difference anymore.
It was in the cusp of Hinata's tongue to say more… but she honestly had no idea how to articulate it all into words. They were seemingly stuck looking at each other with so much unsaid between them when Naruto came down the stairs for a glass of water shattering the moment.
"Oh… hi Naruto-kun" Hinata turned to look at the blonde feeling her heart sink knowing that this moment was now over.
"Hey Nata and hey bastard, I wanted to talk to you before heading out tomorrow" Naruto slung an arm around Gaara's shoulder and Hinata had to laugh at that. Naruto was probably the only person who could get away with calling the Kazekage that. Hinata excused herself from the two friends with a lopsided smile and a bow and left the two to chat.
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Gaara couldn't help but turn and look as Hinata softly bid them goodbye and left to go upstairs.
Naruto was looking at him sardonically when he turned.
"What?" Gaara asked a bit defensively.
"That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about bastard but let me get us some food first, I'm starving again."
Gaara rubbed his eyes wearily as he sat at the dining table.
Soon Naruto was eating his second dinner of the night and Gaara picked at some soup. It was delicious… but he had no appetite.
"Can you explain to me why you and Hinata are going your separate ways again? I mean you still love her… and from what Sakura's been telling me Hinata seems to be warming up to you too."
Gaara scoffed, irritated. Likely more due to sleep deprivation than anything else. "Warming up to me?" he said almost comically. "Just because she doesn't cringe and fly into a panic when I'm around anymore?"
Gaara conveniently forgot to tell Naruto about that kiss…
"Cmon… it's more than just that, you fell for each other once and if you did then… then it's possible you will again. So why don't you keep her around a bit longer?"
"I can't abuse my powers like that… there's no reason to ask her to stay here longer than necessary. Especially when she probably never should have been sent here by Kakashi in the first place. I know she's been trying to move on with her life."
"Ah… been keeping tabs on her have you?"
Gaara's mouth twisted at that.
"Look… you once loved each other deeply."
"Well I'm not sure I should have…" Gaara said, almost seeming surprised himself after that came out of his mouth.
Naruto's eyes widened at that as well and the man blinked, not having expected that response.
"It's a lot less complicated to be involved with someone from Suna…it's easier to appease the elders and the council here. The Kazekage lineage stays true to Sunagakure bloodlines, plus I seem to have missed someone that was right under my nose last time…"
"Ah… right Matsuri…" Naruto murmured now, slowing down his chewing.
"She's been loyal to me… for a very long time and has been waiting patiently. Matsuri is great... she's not like Hinata but she's amazing in her own way. I just never thought of her as anything more than a friend before... but I think there is the potential for something great there. I think I owe it to both of us to atleast try."
"I know a bit about that," Naruto said tactfully and Gaara stifled the impulse to wince knowing he was talking about Hinata. "But you know very well that sometimes the heart wants what it wants no matter how great that other person is…"
Gaara didn't say anything to that and instead looked away, his jaw clenched.
"Is it possible you are just too hurt by what happened last time? It wasn't Hinata's fault Gaara... that she reacted like that. Are you maybe holding that against her?"
"Why would I be petty enough to do that? I mean yes... I thought Hinata was the type of person who would atleast give someone the benefit of doubt before writing them off like she did with me."
"Hmmm..." Naruto nodded thoughtfully. Gaara was still butt hurt. "I guess I will admit that love is complicated…I only have a limited perspective on it and I haven't been through a situation like you have… so I'll leave you to it, but just know that Sakura and I are here to support you in whatever way if you ever need" Naurto said lightly as he moved to get up and rinse his dish. He squeezed Gaara's shoulder once gently before heading back upstairs to Sakura.
Gaara sighed. It looks like another night without sleep loomed.
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Next Morning 4 AM - Sunagakure Gates
The konoha envoy started out with backpacks slung over their backs bright and early. The morning sun hadn't quite broken through the horizon yet and this time around leaving Sunagakure felt quite painful for Hinata. She had thought maybe Gaara would have come to bid them goodbye given his relationship to Naruto but the Subakuno family was no where to be found that morning.
The guards at the gate took all of their authorization passes and stamped with their exit dates and that was that.
Hinata's visit to Sunagakure was over. Who knew when she would see Gaara again.
She shed more than a few tears on her trek to Konoha but she was at the flank of the squad so there were no witnesses to her shame.
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