Disclaimer: One Piece (and its characters) belongs to Eiichiro Oda-sensei.
Reminder: I have no beta-reader. Any grammatical and spelling errors are solely mine.
Warning: OOC possible. One shot.
Rating: T (Just a few swear words here and there)
Note: This serves as a continuation of Behind Closed Doors, as an anon from Tumblr requested for a more jealous Sanji and Zoro rubbing it in. Mind you, it's PWP and just pure insanity. The title is a play of the phrase 'add insult to injury', as I feel like it suits the Sanji inclusion here best.
Summary: There was no way he was gonna win this one. Not when those two are so obviously into each other.
LITTLE BITS AND PIECES OF HEAVEN
18 : Add-in Salt to Injury
The door slowly opened with a slight creak.
"Ohayo Nami-swan!" Sanji chirped ecstatically, twirling around and bowing low before flourishing a tray laden with scrumptious food and fruits. "I prepared a delicious breakfast in bed for you my beautiful angel, my sweet mellorine!"
"Cook."
"Marimo?!"
The two men automatically scowled at the sight of each other so early in the morning.
"What do you want?" Zoro grumbled.
"What are you doing here?" Sanji hissed at the same time, straightening up.
The green-haired man cocked an eyebrow at him. Folding his arms across his bare chest, he leaned against the door frame. "This," he drawled. "Is my girlfriend's room."
Sanji flinched. And it took all of his willpower to stop himself from kicking the bastard's smug face.
He hated that the idiot swordsman can freely use that word to refer to the lovely navigator. And it seems like Zoro was doing that a lot as of late.
Especially when talking to him.
"Damn you!" Sanji spat out, taking a step towards Zoro so they were almost face to face. "This is also Robin-chwan's room!"
The man shrugged. "Robin's up in the crow's nest."
"Is it not supposed to be your watch?"
He got a scoff at that. "Change of shift idiot. I have the early watch. Robin has the next."
The cook's eyes widened. If the beautiful Robin-chwan was gone all night…
That means…
No! He doesn't want to think about it!
"Well?" Zoro's impatient voice broke through his thoughts. "What do you want? Out with it?"
"I don't have business with your ugly mug. Where is Nami-swan?"
"Sleeping," the swordsman replied with a yawn. "And you know what? I wanna go back to sleep too. So go away!"
"Why? Tired marimo?" Sanji asked sarcastically, grinding his teeth in anger when a smirk appeared on Zoro's face.
"You have no idea."
Sanji bristled at the connotation of that. "I hate you!"
"I don't care. Now get lost swirly."
"Hah! Big words coming from you!" Sanji almost guffawed at the irony of it. Then he stuck his face closer to Zoro's. "Not until Nami-san orders me herself!"
"Then go stand there for the rest of the day aho."
Zoro was about to shut the door when Sanji lifted a foot to block it.
"The hell is your problem shit cook?!"
"YOU! You are my problem, you stupid moss-head!"
"What—" Nami's sleepy voice suddenly interrupted them. "—the hell are you two doing?"
The two men immediately stopped fighting as they both shifted their attention to the orange-haired woman. Nami sleepily pushed herself up on the bed to glare at them. Zoro and Sanji's bickering voices had pulled her out of her slumber.
The former pirate hunter glared at Sanji scathingly as if blaming him for disturbing the sleeping girl. "Oi Nami. Ero-cook wants you!"
"Huh? What?"
"Nami-swaaan, ohayo!" Sanji cheerfully sang out, almost ramming the tray at his now-annoyed rival as he tried to step inside the room. "I prepared a special breakfast for you!"
Nami blinked and watched as the two glared daggers at each other, probably waiting for the other to keel over and die.
She sighed, sluggishly rubbing the sleep off her eyes. Wasn't it too damn early for their daily squabbling? Luffy wasn't even awake and they are already at each other's throats!
"Thanks Sanji-kun," she said, smiling slightly before giving in to the urge to yawn.
Sanji's eyes automatically turned into hearts as Zoro's narrowed in annoyance.
"My pleasure my Nami-swaaan!" Sanji crooned as hearts started popping out of him. "Where do you want me to put it?"
Her brown eyes lazily drifted from the overly enthusiastic chef to the now-fuming swordsman.
"Hmm... just hand it to Zoro," Nami answered, before unceremoniously dropping her body back on the bed and snuggling under the covers. The breakfast-in-bed gesture was quite sweet, even though she knows it was done to hit two birds with one stone—to pamper her and at the same time piss her grouchy boyfriend off.
"Huh?"
"You heard her," Zoro sneered, pushing Sanji back outside with one finger. "Give it to me and go away!"
"I refuse!"
The two men glowered at each other.
"Urgh!" Nami groaned from beneath the blanket. "Do not make me stand up and hit you both," she threatened, sensing the two was about to start arguing again. "Just get it Zoro and come back to bed!"
Sanji blanched as a wicked grin appeared on Zoro's face.
"You heard your Nami-swan. She wants me backon her bed." He emphasized just to rile up the infuriating man.
"I. WILL. KILL. YOU. SHITTY. MARIMO!"
Zoro just snorted. "Try and die," he grabbed the tray from Sanji's hand. "Now scoot," he said dismissively before slamming the door on the blond chef's fuming face.
"ARRRGGGH!"
The weather that day was pleasant—not too cold, not too warm. The wind blowing from the sea was surprisingly soothing. From the looks of it, they are probably headed to a spring island and must've crossed its climate zone.
Sanji took a deep breath of the calming ocean breeze and squared his shoulders as he stepped out of the galley, balancing a tray with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice—the perfect drink, for the perfect weather, for his ever perfect Nami-swan.
It's not like his failed attempt—no thanks to that marimo-head—of serving the navigator breakfast-in-bed earlier would be enough to dissuade him. In fact, it only made him eager to cater to the orange-haired whims and wait on her hand and foot. That would show that directionless algae.
A love-struck expression appeared on his face as his eyes zeroed in on Nami, who was on the lawn deck, reading and sunbathing.
She looks ravishing in a carmine-colored bikini. Coupled with her lustrous orange hair, it was as if the fire of love had come alive right in the middle of the Sunny's deck.
Hearts materialized around him. Whispering her name excitedly, he all but bounded towards the stairs.
Suddenly, Nami looked up from her book and smiled. Sanji froze in his tracks, heart thumping wildly against his chest. He was about to smile back when he realized that it was directed opposite from where he stood.
He scowled in annoyance as Zoro jumped down from the nest's ropes onto the deck. He probably just finished his stupid training as he was wiping the sweat off his ugly face with the small towel wrapped around his neck.
Sanji's eyes narrowed when the katana wielder deliberately made his way towards his fiery angel… just right after Nami extended a hand, beckoning to Zoro to come to her.
His hand clutched the railing with enough force to put cracks into it. He silently seethed as Zoro reached out to take Nami's hand in his before bringing it up to his lips for a kiss.
He cringed at the display. He had no idea that the muscle-brained man was capable of any affection at all. Sure, Zoro probably have an itty-bitty soft spot… probably.
But to actually show it?
Kinda hard to believe knowing the man breathe and live for raw brutality and rough and tough treatment.
He honestly thought only Chopper and Luffy gets the honor.
A giggle reached his ears as Nami playfully pulled at Zoro's hand and he ended up on top of her. Zoro wasted no time and captured her lips in searing kiss.
Sanji gritted his teeth, hard enough to make his jaw ache. Squeezing the rail tightly, he fumed as bits and pieces of wood dropped down the lawn deck as he imagined it was the bastard's stupid neck he was choking.
When Zoro drew back, laughing at something Nami said as he settled on the space beside her… their eyes eventually met.
The swordsman gave him a shit-eating grin. And Sanji gave him the finger.
Zoro's grin turned vicious at his reaction. He reached for Nami's hand again; deliberately planting a kiss on her upturned palm, his good eye still locked with the chef's.
"Damn you aho kenshin!" Sanji shouted as the balustrade finally broke with a loud snap under his hand. The intense flames of his fury exploded starting from his feet, making its way up, before engulfing his whole body.
"Get your filthy hands off Nami-san!" He roared indignantly.
In one swift move, he leapt at Zoro's direction, while still gracefully balancing the tray of orange juice in one hand.
Damn it all to hell and back. He should've poisoned the annoying bastard right from the start.
"HELL MEMORIES!"
"Okaaay... so that is the seventh railing cook-bro had broken in the span of one week," Franky complained as he plopped his heavy body down on the galley's couch, making Usopp bounce a good one foot up in the air. "And I'm telling you, I'm not really suupeer happy about it."
Usopp squeaked as he landed back on the seat. "Well, at least it's only the railing that's damaged not our food," he said scratching his head. "Though I honestly couldn't say the same for our cook."
Franky nodded. "That is true."
"Well…" Robin, who was sitting on one of the dining chairs enjoying her coffee and sandwiches, spoke up. "I'm actually getting used to it."
The two glanced at each other questioningly. "I'm not," Usopp admitted. "I'm getting more scared on top of being scared all the time!"
"Sanji's just having a bit of a trouble coping," Robin explained, pouring another cup of coffee from the beautifully embellished silver dallah the chef had recently and lovingly acquired for her.
"Well if you call what he's been doing recently a bit… then by all means," the sniper grumbled sarcastically.
"Isn't this supposed to be Nami and Zoro's problem?" Franky asked no one in particular. His head turned towards the galley's door, just as Nami entered. "Hey girlie! Shouldn't you do something about it?"
"Huh?" The mapmaker stared at the cyborg blankly. "About what?"
"Sanji." Robin replied with a small smile.
"Sanji-kun?" Nami inquired with a wondering expression on her face. "Why? What did he do?"
"He's getting way out of a hand!" Usopp exclaimed. "He's acting out, screaming and combusting at random moments every damn day!"
"He's right," Frank agreed. "A little bit more and we can actually use him for ammunition!"
"That is so true," the sharpshooter continued in a whining tone.
Nami raised an eyebrow at them. "Well... why me?"
"Because somehow, this is your fault and Zoro's!" Usopp pointed out.
Her hand banged the table at his statement, making them flinch. "How is it our fault, huh?" Nami was glaring at him in a manner that clearly says: she was his doom.
"W-we-well…" Usopp boldly stammered. He wasn't a brave warrior of the sea for nothing… though he did scooted away on the seat just a little bit… in case Nami's decides to grab him by the neck. "You just had to go and be with Zoro!"
"I thought you were on board with my relationship with Zoro?"
"Well, yeah! But that was before Sanji's lunatic episodes! You should've gotten together with him instead and prevented all this madness from happening!"
"Care to run that by me again Usopp?" Zoro drawled while leaning against the doorway with a hand on the hilt of his newest sword.
Usopp's eyes widened and he swallowed—really hard—at the sight of the ex-bounty hunter and immediately backpedaled. "I'M SORRY ZORO! I WAS ONLY KIDDING!" He was out of the couch in a matter of seconds and at the other end of the room, bowing. "SUMIMASEN!"
"You're a moron Usopp," Nami scowled at him as Zoro walked past her to take a seat on a vacant chair across Robin. The hana hana no mi user greeted him and offered him some sandwiches to which he shook his head. "I'm charging you for that stupid comment by the way."
"Hey!"
"Speaking of charging," Franky interrupted. "Should I charge Sunny's repair materials to you two?" He pointed at Zoro and Nami.
"To Zoro of course," Nami answered without batting an eyelash.
"Huh? Why me?"
"Because it's you who keep riling Sanji-kun up." She flashed him a saccharine smile.
"I am not riling him up!" Zoro snapped. "I can't help it if he's nuts! He's damn everywhere like a creepy stalker!" He huffed. "Why don't you just charge it to Usopp since you're already fining him for that stupid comment?"
"Please don't drag me into this." The liar pleaded as he stealthily shuffled back to where Franky was sitting.
"Either she charges it to you Usopp or I'll have Enma slice you in half"
Usopp paled while Nami beamed a smile at Franky. "That settles it."
"I can't believe you two just arm-twisted me!" He cried out.
"I can't believe you actually suggested that Nami and ero-cook get together." Zoro countered.
"I'm sorry Zoro," Usopp laughed sheepishly, in an instant he was kneeling beside him. "Let's be friends again."
"Idiot."
"Maybe we should just give Sanji some time to finally accept the truth," Robin proposed. "I believe he'll come around on his own." She smiled at Zoro and Nami.
"You actually believe that?" The curly-haired lad stared at her, dumbfounded. "That guy's been pining over Nami since day one! I don't think it's going to be that easy Robin!"
Robin just shrugged. "If that's the case then let's just prepare for the worse."
"Can't we honestly just do something about it?" Franky groaned.
"We can…" Zoro answered. "Let's throw the cook overboard."
"Zoro!" Nami gasped.
"What?!" The tall lad clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "This wouldn't even be a problem if that dumb cook's not the crazy idiot that he is."
"Oi shit head," Sanji suddenly snarled from the entryway. "I am just right here. I can hear you badmouthing me."
"You can't call that badmouthing if it's the truth."
"Temee…"
"Wanna go again aho cook?"
Sanji paused for a moment, placing a cigarette on his lips before lighting it. He took a drag and slowly blew out the smoke. "Why would I waste effort with someone whose bounty is lower than mine?"
Zoro's features immediately darkened at that.
The room went quiet all of a sudden. Nami's jaw had dropped open while Robin murmured a soft 'oh'.
That was a damn shot! And it freaking hit the mark.
"Way below the belt," Franky mouthed, shaking his head.
Usopp carefully edged away from Zoro and crawled towards the couch, straight behind the safety of Franky's cyborg body. "This will definitely be a death match," he whispered in a trembling voice.
"Supeeerrr..." Franky muttered back at him, nodding.
They continued staring at the two monsters of their crew. Sanji was smirking in a condescending way at Zoro, who was looking back at him venomously. Without another word, he stood up, flicking his thumb to unsheathe Enma.
Nami snapped into attention and made a grab for his arm to stop him. "Matte Zoro!"
"The hell Nami!"
"You might slash the Sunny in half!" She reminded him, recalling how powerful that sword is.
"The only one who will get slashed here is that perverted cook!"
"Hah! Let's see marimo!"
"STOP IT!" Nami yelled, hands fisting at her side, ready to clonk the two on the head any moment now. "For crying out loud, you two have been fighting since this morning!"
"Bu-but Nami-swan…" Sanji stuttered, looking embarrassed at being reprimanded.
"He started it." Zoro was quick to point a finger.
"And I'm ending it NOW!"
Sanji gulped at her tone, while Zoro's annoyance shifted from the baka cook to her.
Nami met his stare head on. "It's just bounty Zoro no need to get so worked up on it."
Zoro's glare on her was enough to freeze the entire New World sea… right back into the first half of the Grand Line.
The silence continued to hover inside the room. Several pairs of eyes exchanged looks, promptly looking for an escape route before the clash of the couple starts.
Nami didn't really get why bounties were such a big deal. She'd always been the first to complain whenever the crew's head prices go up after every incident spearheaded by their idiot captain.
But, what she did understand is… it is important to her simple-minded boyfriend who was looking too angry and too sulky at the same time for her taste.
She stepped closer to him, cupping his face between her hands. Standing on tiptoes, she murmured oh-so-softly that her lips almost touched his own. "Are you saying you can't raise your bounty well past Sanji-kun's?"
Zoro glowered at her. "Of course I can! Who do you think I am woman?" He hissed at her.
"Good. Then what seems to be the problem?" The navigator questioned, in a breathy tone Zoro knew so well. Her thumb traced his lower lip slowly and playfully.
Never mind that their crewmates are watching, most of the ones present have seen far more. Nami smiled as the tension in his jaw and shoulders loosened. Of course she knew how to smoothen his ruffled feathers.
"Fine." Zoro grudgingly give up. He can kick that pathetic-excuse-of-a-cook's ass next time.
"I expected nothing less from you pirate hunter."
"Hmph!"
She gave him a flirtatious wink. And Zoro rolled his eye at her in response.
"And Sanji-kun," she called in a sing-song voice.
"Hai Nami-swan!" The blond was immediately within her arm's reach, down on one knee. "I live to serve you!"
Zoro snorted. "No qualms about that 'cause that's the only thing you'll be good at."
"And love you of course!"
Now the Santoryu master made a sound between a choke and a snarl.
"Hai, hai," Nami said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Can you please stop fighting? Onegai?" She batted her eyelashes at him and pouted cutely as Zoro mumbled insults under his breath. He got an elbow ramming against his ribs for that.
Sanji blinked in astonishment. He was not expecting that request from the mapmaker. But of course he will concede. "As you wish my lovely lady," he locked eyes with the swordsman. "It's not like a lower bounty will be good even for a warm up."
Zoro exploded. "Say that to my face shitty cook!"
"Maybe I will!"
And… they are back at square one.
Robin regarded the scene before her with eyes crinkling amusedly as she rested her chin on her palm. "And so it begins again..."
Nami let out an exasperated breath. "Ok I tried." She raised both of her hands in defeat, moving away from the two.
"Yep, you did." Usopp deadpanned.
"We really cannot do this without fists or thunderbolts." Nami stated as a vein popped on her forehead.
"We should just let them," Robin voiced out. "They've been like this from the start. More so now that they really have something to fight over." She winked at Nami. "May the best man win, ne Nami?"
"But Robiiin..." Nami whined. Then she dejectedly blew at her bangs. "I guess you are probably right."
"Oi!" Usopp retorted. "What is wrong with you two?"
The archaeologist smiled creepily at him. "You want to stop them?" She motioned at the two.
"YOU KNOW YOU REALLY ARE USELESS MARIMO. WHAT A LOUSY BOYFRIEND YOU TURN OUT TO BE!"
"THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER COOK HUH?"
" The hell I would!" Usopp cried.
"Well," Franky stood up. "Let's just hope we'll be throwing just one corpse overboard tonight." Usopp slapped him on the shoulder with an 'oi'.
"I'm outta here." The shipwright headed towards the exit. "Oi Nami-sis, just tell them I'm charging them for the repairs and damages this time." He glanced at the two men.
"Got it Franky." Nami nodded. Oh, think about the hefty interest rate she can place on that!
"OF COURSE I CAN DO BETTER! THAT'S WHY MY BOUNTY'S HIGHER THAN YOURS KUSO KENSHIN!"
Everyone froze at that again. Third time's the charm after all.
Zoro's bound to reach the end of his rope and hit the roof.
Much to their surprise, an arrogant grin appeared on the green-haired man's face. "You know, I can always surpass your bounty nosebleed," he declared.
Sanji raised a curled brow at him. The supernova was looking too smug for his liking... just like earlier in Nami's bedroom.
"But you… you will never get the chance to get Nami. Ever."
With that Zoro sidestepped and walked past Sanji, who stood stock still.
Franky and Usopp's mouth hung open as Robin chuckled. Nami bit her lower lip to hide the smile forming on her lips as Zoro nonchalantly dropped a kiss on cheek before dragging her out of the galley.
"Wow! Now THAT is a much lower blow!" Franky hooted.
"That was sooo cool!" Usopp clapped his hands slowly. "Bra-vo! Zoro, four and counting and Sanji... you really should just give up." He tapped the man's shoulder to appease him but retracted his hand when he realized that their blond cook was completely motionless.
He peered at Sanji's face. "Uhm… I think we should call Chopper."
The afternoon was astoundingly quiet after all the commotion earlier. Everyone seems to be concealed inside their own respective places, resting or doing their own thing.
Sanji—who now recovered from his shock, thanks to their wonderful doctor—approached the Sunny's library. It was time for Nami's afternoon tea. He knew she was spending the remaining part of the day drawing and charting her maps.
He lifted a hand to knock on the door then he hesitated. He sensed that she was not alone inside. Zoro was with her.
He still owes him for what happened at the galley earlier.
Biting his lip to keep himself from kicking the door to smithereens, he quietly peered on the door's porthole.
He watched as Nami took a seat on the surrounding bench beside Zoro, tucking her feet underneath her as she rested her head against his shoulder. There was a contented look on her beautiful face as she closed her eyes. She smiled at something Zoro said before the man kissed the top of her head and started massaging her tired hand.
Sanji continued to watch them for a few more seconds before letting out a sigh. It was pretty clear that there was no way he was gonna win this one. Not when those two are so obviously into each other.
He will concede. After all, what's important is Nami's happiness.
And what kind of prince he is if he did not support his favorite lady?
He'll try to tone down with the arguments and the fighting with the idiot moss-head.
But certainly not before 'accidentally' dropping just a hint of Chopper's laxative in one of the sake bottles Zoro loves filching from their stock.
"Hey," Usopp nudged Nami with his shoulder. They were up in the crow's nest surveying the area before dropping anchor for the night. "I'm curious."
"Hmm? About what?"
"Why aren't you stopping Sanji's craziness?" He asked. "You know you could easily put your foot down about it… give Zoro and us a break somehow?"
The girl pursed her lips at his question.
"Please don't tell me you seriously enjoy seeing them fighting over you?"
The cat burglar just cocked an eyebrow at him.
When she did not answer, Usopp blurted out. "YOU ARE?!"
Nami's lips quivered slightly before laughing.
Usopp frowned.
"Let me put it this way Usopp. The more Sanji-kun tries to one up Zoro... the more my lost boy's eager to shower me with affection."
He gaped at her as it sank into him. "You are one shrewd woman."
"I know," Nami winked at him. "Why don't you scoot? I'm the one on watch tonight."
"But Zoro said it's his… oh."
"Yeah. Oh." She grinned cheekily at him. "See it damn works for me Usopp. It damn works well for me."
– The End –
I hope everyone's safe and sound. A lot of countries right now are in a lockdown due to COVID-19. I'm sincerely praying that we see an end to this virus and for the world and the people to heal. So abide by the rules that are being implemented. Always wash your hands. Stay at home. Practice social distancing if you really need to go out. Wear a mask. Do not forget the coughing and sneezing etiquette. And do not underestimate what is currently happening right now.
R and R please.
