Chapter 13
After Gaara told Hinata she was banished from Sunagakure the low level anxiety he'd had bottled up in him for the last year or so turned into a full fledged panic attack. And because his body had a very adverse reaction to asking Hinata to leave Sunagakure he'd had to go see Yuri that night.
After a thorough checkup the doctor said the chest pain wasn't anything to be concerned about, it wasn't a heart attack in fact it was an anxiety attack. He'd advised Gaara to rest, given him fluids and asked him to stay away from Hinata until she left Suna.
"Yuri-sama is the Kazekage-sama here?" A rushed looking shinobi came to Yuri at 5 AM.
"Yes... but he is resting. I have requested that the Kazekage-sama be on bed rest today. I will speak to Matsuri and Nobu"
"Wait-" Gaara spoke up, "if you are talking to Matsuri don't-"
"Yeah yeah Gaara don't worry. I'll tell her you accidentally ate something bad and need the day to recover and that I have you on a quick recovery medicine."
Gaara hesitated but nodded and with that Yuri left the room closing the door ushering the shinobi out with him.
The man looked down uncertainly at the envelope he was holding. "It's just that…this is from… Huyga-sama. She was very specific when she asked me to deliver this straight to the Kazekage.''
"I'll take that" Yuri replied in a hushed voice. He assumed it was some sort of goodbye note from Hinata so he pocketed it away. Now was not the time to agitate Gaara again. "I'll give it to the Kazekage in a couple of days, okay?"
The shinobi of course had no choice but to nod.
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Konohagakure - A month later
After taking a few days off Hinata returned back to the role of being the Hokage's secretary.
Her days were filled with various responsibilities and her life blended from morning, to evening to night and then repeat. There weren't a lot of breaks working for the Hokage's office and Hinata was able to throw herself headlong into work, only taking half days on Sundays off as a break. Her friends and family were concerned about her workaholic attitude but they understood she was going through something and was using work as a coping mechanism so they left her alone for the most part.
"So…" Kurunei smiled at Hinata warmly on a Sunday evening as they were out for a stroll. "How is it going?"
Hinata smiled distracted while looking at Mirai who was now 5 and very active. She was running through the play ground swinging through the monkey bars only as a young shinobi to be could do.
"Um… I'm doing good," Hinata smiled at her sensei. "I mean… as well as could be…"
Kurunei nodded, "I'm sorry Hinata, its hard to lose so much…"
Hinata too nodded, looking back at Mirai to distract herself.
"So what's your plan now that you are Kakashi's secretary?"
"Work is interesting, it's good to be of use and it's challenging work. It keeps me on my toes. So my plans are to find an apartment and move out of the Hyuuga compound."
"Oh?" Kurunei voiced surprised.
"Hanabi is getting married soon so the main house will be occupied with her and her husband and soon their kids I'm sure… and I don't think I can be around that right now."
"Why are you talking as if your life is over? You are still so young and have your entire life in front of you." Kurunei looked at her student with concern. She didn't like this attitude she was sensing from Hinata as if she'd given up on love.
"I… loved Naruto for all of my adolescent years and then loved Gaara for the remainder of time. I just don't know if I have any more love to give."
Kurunei wanted to laugh because that was silly but Hinata looked dead serious.
"Hinata… your life is going to carry on, and you are going to find love again, fully and completely. You have to believe that. That is the only way you can move forward and actually live a full life. You owe yourself that. It wasn't-" Kurunei stopped when Hinata looked out into the distance with tears in her eyes. And she gently turned the younger shinobi's face back to look at hers. "Listen to me… it wasn't your fault that you lost your memory. It wasn't your fault that you lost your baby, and it wasn't your fault that your relationship with Gaara is no longer there."
Hinata's chin wobbled as the tears finally spilled.
"None of that is your fault," Kurunei repeated. "You are amazing, you deserve love, and you deserve forgiveness for whatever it is that you are holding on to in your heart and blaming yourself with."
"I just l-love him so much" Hinata broke down. "Sometimes I don't think I can stand how much it hurts, when I remember things, I can't even breathe sometimes. I miss him so much… like a part of myself is gone."
Kurunei nodded understanding and nothing more could be said to that. Only time would heal wounds such as that. Kurunei opened her arms so that Hinata could throw herself into her embrace and cry to her heart's content.
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Sunagakure - Kage's Office
It was actually two months after receiving the letter Yuri remembered to give it to Gaara. After Hinata had left, there had been a major accident in the Suna city center with one of the rebuilding projects and mass casualties had come into the hospital. That had kept Yuri busy for weeks and then he had completely forgotten the letter. It was only today as he had opened his drawer again and found it that he rushed over to see the Kazekage immediately filled with guilt.
"Gaara… I hope you don't get mad at me," Yuri started after he entered. "I had a note from Hinata, back from… when she was here in Suna, she had left this with a Shinobi and I didn't want to give it to you at the time… you know why but then I forgot about it…"
Gaara looked up as he was putting on his Kage robes again. "A letter? That's odd."
"Why's that?" Yuri asked, confused, but Gaara shook his head dismissing the question as not important.
Gaara had a busy day ahead so he tucked the letter into his drawer and only got to reading it that night. He was supposed to meet Matsuri for a 9 PM late dinner as his day had run long and he knew it was risky to read this letter and run the risk of ruining his mood prior to those plans.
But he either had to read it or destroy it now because his attention would keep coming to it otherwise. So without any more hesitation Gaara opened the letter in a quick swipe and turned to read it.
"Dear Gaara," Hinata's beautiful cursive writing started. And his heart hiccuped immediately.
Maybe this was a bad idea. He had promised Matsuri he would have no more contact with the Konoha Kunoichi.
"I know last night was probably one of the most painful nights in both of our lives and we said all that needed to be said between us. But there is some news from my returning memory that I didn't get to share with you. Along with some memories of you, recently I had also retained some memories of what happened that day of the failed mission."
Shit! Gaara could have hit himself over the head for not thinking to ask her about this. Kankuro's investigations into the attack had been producing zero promising leads so far.
"The day of the ambush, our squad had been assigned to a routine reconnaissance mission, to collect information about one of the supply routes for Oto's cartel. The 4 person squad along with myself were secure in our position to collect intel from a distance, no engagement was done or required, and there was no reason why thugs at a routine supply stop would have sensed our presence from that far away or why they engaged us in a battle so aggressively. The ones who attacked us were not Oto's thugs but were trained assassins I'm sure. My byakugan was distorted by a mist-like substance and we were crippled of all our defences. The attackers knew our weaknesses to be so targeted in their strategy. After the three shinobi died the assassins chased me for a while, almost like they were toying with me. I couldn't fight them off and all I could do was delay the inevitable. When I got too tired to fight they stabbed me and hit me over the head. When I woke up I was in the Konoha hospital and you know the rest
It's clear to me looking back that this wasn't a mission gone wrong but it was an intentional attack. I am not sure if I had any enemies, but if this was someone trying to get to you through me I wanted to make sure I told you all that I remember. Given the recent attack on Suna.. I can't help but think that perhaps there is a link.
If you need any more information from me don't hesitate to ask. I wish you all the best and please keep yourself safe.
Love,
Hinata"
The letter slipped wordlessly from Gaara's hands onto the desk as he stood there numbly upon hearing how she'd been targetedly attacked and chased into exhaustion. If this was right… which it was. This meant that everything that had happened in his life had been taken away by someone intentionally. Gaara felt his killing instinct rile up as his stomach cramped up. Fuck! He slammed the desk angry beyond belief.
However he sensed an energy signature coming down the hallway and needed to immediately calm himself down. He quickly stifled the letter onto his locked drawer and stood up just as Matsuri walked in.
"Gaara" she smiled warmly and she was dressed in her combat pants with a flowy green top on. "What's wrong?" her smile dropped as she took him in. His face must still look pissed off.
"Err… nothing... I just got a note from the Hokage asking that I visit"
"What do you mean?" Now it was her turn to frown.
"Since I left early from the talks a few months ago, Temari was only able to negotiate some treaties. There are still some that are open ended and Kakashi summoned me to wrap things up" Gaara ran his hand through his hair hoping he looked frustrated for the right reasons.
Matsuri sighed, walking over to give him a hug reassuringly. He felt guilty lying to her but he needed to think this through and he needed some space to do so. If he thought it was odd that Matsuri voiced zero objections for him going to Konoha or warnings to stay away from Hinata, he tucked that away for observation later.
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The Next Day - Kazekage Office
Kankuro walked into Gaara's office for their daily meeting. He had been investigating the attacks into Suna for the last several months and it was frustrating how nothing was producing any promising leads.
"Any news?" Gaara asked with a bit of edge to his voice today.
"Well.." Kankuro gave his brother a careful look. "You know I've started looking into everyone including ourselves…"
Gaara massaged his temple with a sigh and then handed over the letter to his brother. Kankuro took a few minutes to read and then re-read the letter before handing it back to the Kazekage with pressed lips.
"So what we assumed is true. She was attacked specifically…." Kankuro rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "The konoha council and elders have had no suspicious meetings, or interactions or money transactions. I checked everyone in Matsuri's team and they are also in the clear. I am now in the process of checking every single senior minister but you know that is tricky…its not easy to get unclassified access to their calendars without raising suspicion but we now have anbu tailing everyone."
Gaara nodded contemplatively.
"I have to go to Konoha for a bit,"
Kankuro nodded.
"Take care of Matsuri… I can't shake this feeling that something awful is about to happen again."
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A few days later - 5 AM Monday
Hinata was seated at the daily security briefing representing the Hokage's office.
"The Kazekage-sama is coming to town today" one of the Anbu stated going over the high status/security risk personnel that were due to arrive for the day.
"Yes, he should be arriving at 10 AM today according to the briefing we received from his office," Hinata confirmed. "He will be in town for a week."
"Okay," The Anbu nodded, we will have the canine unit (this was a unit of Anbu who all had different canine masks) assigned to watch over him for the duration of the trip. They will be at the Konoha gates at 9:45 AM.
Hinata nodded, crossing that off her to-do list.
She was anxious. Ever since she'd gotten her memory back she'd been anxious for Gaara, unsure if there was an internal Suna assassination attempt on his life or not. She hadn't heard any news coming from the sand village that anything new had happened but… she'd been having trouble sleeping for weeks now.
As the meeting concluded Hinata nodded at her colleagues and left the meeting room in the Hokage tower to meet her replacement for the week. She'd arranged for another secretary for the Hokage while Gaara was in town. He had explicitly asked her to stay away from him on behalf of himself and Matsuri and she wasn't about to ignore that request.
Around 9 AM she had wrapped up her tasks and left the Hokage tower for her very first break in 2 months. She knew she'd been working herself like a maniac but… it really couldn't have been helped. Perhaps she was in denial but at least it had been working for her.
The only plans she had for this week off was to spend some time puttering around in her garden at the Hyuga estate and also to finally finish furnishing the new apartment she had moved into.
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Konohagakure Tower
Gaara had been given an office in the Hokage tower upon his arrival. Naruto was in Kage training so he was around a lot more in the headquarters these days so it was actually quite fun.
He had scrambled to make up an excuse for Matsuri for his absence but it had in fact been true. There were quite a few treaties he needed to look over while he was here.
How could this all be connected? Gaara reflected pushing the desk away as he stood up pacing. He had actually been meaning to ask Hinata about it after he got here to see if she remembered anything else, but it was clear she was avoiding him. Kakashi even had a new secretary temporarily and kept throwing Gaara dirty looks from time to time.
"Where is Hinata?" Gaara finally decided to rip the band-aid and ask the Hokage later that night when they were grabbing sake at a local pub.
"She requested a leave of absence," Kakashi replied directly.
"While I am here?"
"Yes"
The two men looked at each other, both knowing each party was extremely perceptive.
"You don't have any concerns with a secretary who asks for a leave of absence when another Kage is visiting your country" Gaar asked this merely out of curiosity rather than malice. There are many leaders out there who wouldn't stand for this kind of request from their employee.
"When the secretary in question is above reproach in other ways? No I don't. Besides, she's been working her ass off the last few months and deserves a break."
Gaara felt his hand tighten around the sake cup as he read the admonishment in the Hokage's statement.
"You think I should have taken her back?" Gaara asked curiously.
Kakashi was silent for a while sipping his drink thoughtfully. "There's some of us who'd never gotten to experience even once what you so delightfully have been able to experience with two women… Two lovely women, although I have my own preference between the two, a biased opinion I'm sure. Perhaps it's not so much that I think you should have taken her back but that I am jealous of you…"
Gaara felt a sinking sensation at what the Hokage was implying.
"You like Hinata?'' Gaara turned suddenly, drink splashing onto the counter.
"Who doesn't?" Kakashi replied thoughtfully, still sipping his drink.
After that interesting interaction with the Hokaga Gaara had promptly lost his ability to sleep. He stayed up night after night pondering. There had to be a missing clue. Something he wasn't taking into account.
While he'd been gone things in Suna seemed to be proceeding just fine. No suspicious activity reported by his brother or sister. It was like after Oto had died any kind of hope at finding a clue had dried off into non existence. It was extremely frustrating.
Gaara glanced at the clock and sighed, it was 9 pm.
There is one person he'd been avoiding talking to since she was on a leave of absence after all. He knew he'd hurt her immensely when they last met but he finally relented and activated his sand eye searching for Hinata. Their chakra had been intertwined well before their marriage so he had no difficulty locating people close to him when necessary.
He was surprised to find her chakra in an apartment complex. He felt his stomach turn inside out at the thought that perhaps she was at a new boyfriend's apartment but before he knew it he found himself outside the apartment door in question anyway.
He stood there staring at it afraid to knock…so imagine his surprise when within seconds Hinata had opened the door and was staring back at him.
She was fresh faced, clean and had her hair in a braid. She had on a large white sleeping shirt that came to mid thigh. She preferred that attire when she wanted to be comfortable but perhaps being considerate of him she had sweats on under her shirt.
"Hinata," he said, surprised.
"Kazekage-sama," she bowed speaking in an impersonal tone and stepped back tentatively making way for him. She didn't ask him what he was doing there. She knew he wouldn't have come without a good reason.
"How did you know I was outside…?" he asked.
"I sensed your presence," she said simply. In fact Hinata had regularly been activating her Byakugan checking on Gaara now that he was close by. So she had seen him make his way over here.
Gaara nodded, accepting that. "Thank you for your note… and concern about me. I came because of the note… I only received it from Yuri recently,"
"Of course" she said, rubbing her arms at the sudden nervousness she felt. "You have questions for me?"
"Not about the attack itself, but about your thoughts as to what is happening. I've been looking into this since I got back from the Blood Prison… but I haven't found any leads within Sunagakure leadership that there could be a mole."
"You wanted to ask what I think is happening?"
"Yes," he agreed simply.
"I don't think you are going to like my answer…. That's the problem" she looked down.
"Well try me, because I am running out of options."
"Gaara" she started and then gasped realizing her slip up, "Kazekage-sama" she tried again more respectfully, "I believe the attacks on my life at least were deliberate, an attempt to remove me from your life."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't think you will want to hear this," she sighed, "But I suspect it was done by someone who has feelings for you."
Gaara froze in shock. Was she saying what he thought she was saying? What was she getting at? Why would she stoop this low?
"You aren't saying what I think you are saying are you?" he asked with disbelief entering his calm voice. Making it vibrate with authority.
Hinata shivered. In all of her memories of Gaara that had returned, there had been none of him angry. At her or anyone else… so this sudden turn of his attitude from indifferent to hostile took her by surprise.
"I am not accusing Matsuri-san without cause" she finished rapidly, scared.
His sand was now swirling around the air in the room. Her blood chilled. He'd never been this way with her.
"What cause do you have, what evidence?"
"I don't have evidence…" she sighed. "It's a feeling-"
"A feeling?" Gaara sighed, "You would accuse Sunagakure's Chief of Staff based on a feeling? Hinata… you AREN'T my fiance anymore… you realize this is slander?"
"If you would just listen to me" she begged with emotion entering her voice and her eyes tearing up and Gaara paused… the glacial expression melting a bit.
"What gave you this… feeling?"
"It was when I recently came to Suna, before you and I met, she came to talk to me to warn me away from you. The entire time I'd been in Suna without my memory I got an uneasy feeling whenever I was around her … and I knew that I didn't trust her… that I HADN'T trusted her ever. Did I ever say this to you in the past?" She asked, looking deeply into Gaara's eyes.
He shook his head, looking lost and shocked at what she was saying to him.
"I know I'm not making sense. I wish I could formulate a better argument. But there's some-"
"You sound jealous" Gaara cut her off looking at her like she was an alien parasite he couldn't recognize. "I've never seen this petty jealous side to you before… a side that would accuse an innocent woman" he stopped pinching the bridge of his nose as if this was a headache he couldn't have ever imagined. "I always put you on a pedestal as if you were perfect" he finally said, "That's not fair to you. I realize you might have some mixed feelings about Matsuri now Hinata but I absolutely will not sit here and listen to you slander my CHIEF OF STAFF" now his voice was rising and she backed away. "She's been with me through thick and thin before I even knew you existed." He finished with a harsh whisper which might as have been a yell and Hinata flinched as if she was physically struck.
"I'm… I'm sorr-" she didn't get to finish her sentence. The Kazekage turned and walked to the door slamming it behind him as he left. He was gone as suddenly as he had come.
Afterwards Hinata stood there in shock staring at the closed door. She was too shocked to cry but her knees turned to jelly and she sat on the couch in disbelief.
She hadn't articulated herself well at all. There'd been examples of memories that had come back to her. Of Matsuri bringing her snacks that had ingredients she was allergic to, one time she'd almost gone into anaphylactic shock if Yuri hadn't stumbled upon her.
A few times she'd been assigned by Matsuri to missions that were mis-ranked, where she'd either been alone or had poor back up. She hadn't shared these with Gaara at the time because she hadn't wanted to imply his Chief of Staff was inadequate. She was his protege after all. Hinata had simply given her feedback directly to Matsuri.
But she remembered when she'd gone on the mission before her accident she had been close to coming clean about this all because she had started to suspect something was off and since now there was a baby to consider Hinata had started to get worried.
Too many things had happened for it to be mere coincidence, so she had planned to tell Gaara everything when she returned home. She thought the news of the baby would soften the blow as Gaara was very protective of Matsuri… But that was when everything had turned into a nightmare.
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