Chapter 11: Tuesday, November 13, 1979

"Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it."

-Judy Blume


The group of five had spent the last few days working on the cottage. From the moment their eyes opened, until the evening fell to night and exhaustion overcame them, they cleaned floors, repaired the walls, reconstructed the ceilings, pulled up the vines and weeds that had found their way inside, and replaced the windows and doors.

James was more than happy to help pay for some of the more costly repairs, even though Hermione had made it extremely clear she had the money to use on them. He claimed that Lily wouldn't let him sleep soundly if she had forced Hermione into buying a total mess of a cottage and didn't at least help to pay for the repairs. It had been easier to just replace much of the interior than it was to try and mend it, and Hermione was grateful to Lily and James for their generosity, even if it was completely unnecessary.

In the short time since purchasing the cottage, they had nearly gotten it to liveable conditions. After lunch, Sirius, Lily and Hermione returned to the cottage. Remus and James stayed behind, preparing notes for the Order Meeting that was later that evening. Sirius began working on the plumbing in the bathroom, Lily elected to begin banishing the Doxys from the closet in the master bedroom and Hermione began scrubbing the newly mended walls in the guest room.

An hour had passed and Hermione had decided to take a break. She vanished the filthy water in the bucket and refilled it with clean water as she washed off her hands. Hermione had just started to walk out into the hall when a blood curdling scream came from the master bedroom.

Sirius tore out of the bathroom, nearly smacking into Hermione, a look of fear on his face as he sprinted into the bedroom. Hermione entered just behind him to see Lily on her knees, holding James' limp body in her arms as she cried.

"H-he fell out of the wardrobe!" Lily sobbed, "I-I didn't know… H-he fell out and I-I…"

"James!" Sirius yelled, hovering over Lily. "James, mate are you-

"It's a Boggart!" Hermione said, the thought clicking into her head as the memory of the one they had encountered at Grimmauld Place the summer she stayed there flew into the forefront of her mind. "Lily, move!"

Sirius wrapped his arms around Lily's torso, pulling her away from the pseudo-James and looking at Hermione with an intense gaze. She felt her heart jump into her throat, unsure of what the Boggart would turn into, she could give away her entire cover. It could turn into Voldemort or-

A high pitched cackle reverberated around the room, bouncing off the floor and walls. No. Hermione thought, her chest constricting at the Boggart shifted, jumping to its feet and morphing from the friendly faced, olive-tanned skin of James Potter to the pale white, insane gaze of a very much alive looking Bellatrix Lestrange. Her unruly black hair swirled around her in invisible wind as she cackled. Her pointed, yellowed teeth sharp against red gums as she smiled, her dark eyes full of hatred and madness.

The crooked, black walnut wand came high above her head, her black robes billowing around her as she screeched with deranged joy, her laugh never ceasing, her eyes never leaving Hermione's.

"R-r-ridkku…" Hermione's voice faltered as her stomach churned, her left arm prickling with fire as the phantom pain of the curse blade that had been dragged through her skin seared into her. She closed her eyes, feeling her breath shake, rattling in her chest as she raised her vinewood wand again.

"Come out to play, little girl!" Bellatrix's voice was singing at the end of another bout of maniacal laughter. "Cruc-

"RIDDIKULUS!" Hermione shouted, falling backward onto her rear and closing her eyes as the mirage of Bellatrix Lestrange morphed into a flock of crows, squawking before they dispersed.

Hermione scrambled backward, her heart beating hard against her chest. "Open the wardrobe!" She shouted over her shoulder.

She heard the doors open and the crows flew into the small, dark space, the door slamming shut behind them. She remained on the ground, her legs sprawled out in front of her, her grip on her wand so tight that her knuckles were pale. Hermione sucked in deep breaths, trying to banish the fear from her chest. It was only when she felt a light hand on her shoulder, did she look up and see Lily staring down at her, a concerned look in her green eyes that felt too familiar. Hermione realized then, that her cheeks were wet, her eyes stinging with tears.

"Are you okay?" Lily asked.

Hermione wiped her face with the back of her hand, "Yeah," she said, her voice thick. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Lily held her hand out to her and helped to pull her up from the floor. She then wrapped her arms around her, squeezing her tightly. "That was awful," Lily whispered, "I'd rather not repeat that again."

"Yeah," Hermione said. "We'll have to find a place to banish it for good."

"I'm going to go back to the cottage," Lily said. "I need to see James."

Hermione nodded, understanding. "I'll be right behind you."

"You go ahead, Lily," Sirius said, his voice low and gruff. "I'll walk back with Hermione."

Lily gave a small smile, collected her wand from the floor and stepped out of the room. Moments later, the front door snapped shut.

Sirius stood in the corner of the room, leaning against the wardrobe with his arms crossed over his chest. "You wanna explain that?" he said.

Hermione knit her brows together, still trying to collect her mind after the terror that had torn through it. "Explain what? The Boggart? They live in small, dark places. Chances are it's been here for years and I'm not sure what we'll have to do to completely rid of it, but I think-

"Not the bloody Boggart," Sirius hissed, "I know what a Boggart is, I'm not an idiot."

She shifted her weight from foot to foot, folding her arms over her chest. She knew exactly what he was referencing now. The fact that her Boggart was Bellatrix Lestrange, formerly Bellatrix Black, probably had a lot to do with the very severe look on Sirius' face.

She cleared her throat, avoiding his eyes as she spoke, "I never said you were."

Sirius pushed off the wall, stalking toward her with his eyes blazing. His jaw was clenched tight, she could see the muscle that ran just under it jumping as he grit his teeth together. "Then let me put it plainly for you," he said, speaking very slowly. "Why does your Boggart take the form of Bellatrix Lestrange?"

Hermione swallowed, her breath coming through her nose in short spurts as Sirius stopped only a few inches from her, the toes of his dragonhide boots nearly kissing the tips of her trainers. It was the first time she could remember feeling terrified in his presence. "Who?" she asked, knowing how stupid she sounded and knowing he wouldn't buy it.

"Bellatrix," he seethed, his teeth remaining clenched.

"Oh, she- she was there the night m-my parents were killed," Hermione lied, her words coming out shaky as she formulated the fabrication, trying to quickly piece together any reason this version of herself would know anything of Bellatrix Lestrange.

Sirius took a step back, his jaw relaxing a bit but eyes still piercing through her. "She didn't look right," he said. "It was definitely her, but she seemed off."

Of course, Hermione thought. Bellatrix wouldn't be the same age here. "Boggarts work off of our deepest fears, many of which are memories," she explained. "Memory tends to be unreliable in moments of extreme stress or intense fear."

Sirius regarded her another long moment, his eyes scanning over her, pinning her to the floor where she stood. Finally, he walked past her, his shoulder brushing against her lightly as he moved through the room and exited. Hermione sighed a breath of relief that was stopped short when Sirius turned back around in the doorway and looked at her expectantly, "Are you coming?" he said, "If I show up at the house without you, Lily will be cross with me."

Hermione nodded, clearing her throat again and shoving her wand into her pocket. "Yeah, I'm coming."

She trailed a few steps behind Sirius the short walk back to Lily and James' house. Her mind was reeling. How could she have been so negligent?! To allow herself to be caught by a boggart. She was lucky it was Bellatrix's form that had appeared. It could have been a slew of other things that she would have no way of explaining away.

However, as she sat down to have supper with the group later in the evening, her mind was still reeling. She may have been able to explain it, but that didn't make the explanation believable. And judging by the looks she caught coming from Sirius, he hadn't believed a word she said. His eyes lingered on her the rest of the evening, calculating and cold as they seemed to watch every move that she made.


Hermione sat outside, the cool early morning air washing against her face as she sipped at her hot chocolate and espresso. It wasn't quite five in the morning, the sun was still below the horizon and the birds that hadn't yet migrated for the season were quiet. She hadn't slept at all that night. She laid in the small, single bed in the room at Lily and James' house, staring at the ceiling for several hours before finally coming to sit outside.

She had been outside nearly two hours now. Her fingertips were numb from the cold, prickling as she held them against the hot mug. She had cast warming charm after warming charm on the contents of it, trying to force herself to drink it even as her stomach continued to turn in knots.

She was frustrated with herself, annoyed that she had even put herself in the situation for the Boggart to shift in front of her. She could very easily have blown her cover, and judging by the glares she had been getting from Sirius all evening, she probably had. If she knew Sirius Black, she knew the man was protective of his family. And she had just shown up, out nowhere and days later her boggart appears in front of him as the form of his cousin? There was no way he trusted her, she wouldn't trust her.

Hermione felt absolutely and assiduously shortsighted. This entire mission, this entire idea had been formulated from a gut feeling. A very stupid idea that the Order, the way they used to be, would have answers. She had been here over a week and had yet to even be included in an Order meeting! How stupid could she have been to think these people would just agree to-

"Are you okay?"

Hermione was ripped from her self-loathing thoughts by the sound of Remus' voice. She looked up at him, and only realized she had been crying because of the blur of her vision. She sniffled, nodding. "Yeah, I'm okay."

He furrowed his eyebrows together, his head tilting slightly. He held a hand out to her, a Chelsea bun in his hand atop a napkin. Hermione bit her lip, a soft chuckle escaping.

"Eat, you'll feel fetter."

Remus pushed his palm closer to her and she smiled, taking the bun from his hand. It was still warm and it smelled heavenly. "Thank you," she said.

He nodded, taking a seat next to her on the bench and she noticed he had another bun in his other hand. He took a bite of it, chewing slowly as he looked at her, his eyes watching as she took her own bite.

"You don't have a cloak," she pointed out, taking a sip of her espresso and hot chocolate.

"I told you, I run warm."

She nodded, taking another bite of the bun, "This is very good," she said. "You're a talented baker."

"Thanks," he said. "My mum taught me. It was the only time we spent together when I was young."

"I'm a rubbish cook," Hermione said, "Can't bake either. My parents did all of the cooking, and because my dad was a dentist, we didn't have sweets in the house often."

"Rotten luck," he said.

"Oh, it wasn't all bad. I learned how to build model aeroplanes, he loved to do that. And I know more lyrics to songs by The Beatles than I care to admit to."

"The Beatles?" he asked, turning a bit to look at her. "I love The Beatles, I have almost all their records."

"You do?" she asked.

He nodded, taking another much larger bite of his bun, "Yeah. They're my favorite. What's your favorite song?"

Hermione smiled, "'Blackbird'."

"Blackbird?" he asked, "Well that's hardly their best song. Why Blackbird?"

Hermione scoffed and then laughed, "Well aren't you a judgemental thing? I like the song, it's pretty."

"I-I guess it's pretty," Remus mumbled, "But there are far better ones."

"Okay then, what's your favorite? Something predictable, like Let It Be or… Or All You Need Is Love?"

"Definitely, not," he replied, popping the last bit of the bun in his mouth and chewing. He swallowed and smiled at her. "Eleanor Rigby."

Hermione finished her bun and took a long sip of her coffee before looking back up at him. "Eleanor Rigby? That song is so… depressing!"

"It isn't!" Remus defended, "It's thoughtful and understanding."

"It's about being lonely, Remus!" she laughed, "That's terribly depressing!"

"It's an understanding to people who feel lonely... To look at the bigger picture. Eleanor thought she was alone, and that no one listened or paid attention to her, but Father Mackenzie did."

"But she died, never knowing that someone was there for her, that someone cared. Eleanor spent her entire life thinking she was alone..." Hermione whispered.

"Sometimes lonely people don't realize they aren't alone," Remus answered, his voice barely audible.

"Remus…"

"Anyway, it's just a song, yeah?" Remus whispered, a very false sounding optimism to his tone, "Poetic interpretation and all that."

"Yeah, interpretation…"

"I came out to see if you had gotten rid of the Boggart yesterday, Sirius didn't really say."

She laughed at the abrupt subject change, "You woke up at five in the morning to bake Chelsea Buns and ask me about my Boggart?"

"No, I er- I woke up at half three in the morning to bake Chelsea Buns and I heard you come outside. It would have been rude not to offer. I had planned on waiting to ask you about the Boggart, but then we started talking about The Beatles and I didn't know where to go from there."

Hermione laughed again, closing her eyes and shaking her head a bit. "You're funny in the way you deliver your honesty sometimes, Remus."

"Oh, I erm, I wasn't trying to be."

"I know," she said. "To answer your question, I dispersed the Boggart and put it back into the wardrobe. But I haven't gotten rid of it yet."

"Are you making fun of me?" Remus asked, sharply.

"Making fun of you?" Hermione turned to look at him, her brows knit together, "No, of course not. I like that you're direct, even when you don't realize that you're being direct. In fact, the lot of you are rather unambiguous, and I appreciate that. Your honesty just seems to come in a different delivery."

Remus stared at her for a few moments, his green eyes shifting to gold and back to green as he considered her, "I don't think Sirius likes you."

The comment caught her off guard and she coughed a bit, "I know," she said. "I keep trying to tell Lily he doesn't."

"Lily loves you though," Remus said. "And if Lily loves you, there's a good reason for it. Lily doesn't go around loving every person she meets."

"Yeah, I've put that together."

Remus bit into his lower lip, nodding a bit. "I don't see it though,"

"Pardon?" Hermione said, blanching.

He shook his head, "That… Shit, that came out wrong. I-I mean, I don't see why Sirius doesn't like you. Besides the fact that he acts like an idiot most of the time, he isn't. He always has a reason for the things he does or doesn't do. And he doesn't have a real reason that he doesn't like you. He'll come around."

"Thanks," Hermione said, a tight smile on her lips. "But if he doesn't like me, I'm not going to force the issue."

"He's a good person to have on your side," Remus reasoned.

"You're denning," she whispered, the words coming from her mouth before she could stop them. She inhaled sharply, taking the last swallow of her coffee to try and cover up the words she had murmured. Perhaps he wouldn't hear it…

"I'm what?"

She sighed. Of course he had heard it. "Denning," she said. "Like wolves do. Creating a safe environment for their pack… You want me to like Sirius and vice versa so that it's a palatable environment, is all."

Hermione looked at him from the corner of her eye, watching as his throat bobbed with a swallow. She was batting a thousand today for how stupid she felt, the Boggart, the excuses, and now casually dropping a wolf term to a werewolf? Really smart, Hermione. Great Effort. Scoring an O on massive flops. Just absolutely giving everyone no reason to trust you. Idiot.

"Oh.. erm.. I haven't- I haven't heard that term used before."

Hermione shifted in her seat on the bench, trying to figure out a reason she had chosen to use the word 'denning' without implying that she knew what Remus was. It seemed offensive to tell him she had an interest in wolves as animals, even more offensive to admit she had an interest in learning about Werewolves.

"There you are!" Lily called from the back door, "What are you two doing out here? It's freezing! Remus, where is your cloak? That cardigan can not be warm enough. Oh, Hermione, look at you! You look frozen solid!"

Hermione had never been more thankful in her life for an interruption to her conversation. She silently thanked whatever deity had been watching over her that in that moment, Lily had chosen to find them.

Lily stepped over to the bench and grabbed Remus' hand, pulling him up and lacing her fingers through his. "I know you run warm, love, but it's too cold for anyone to be out here. You too, Hermione, inside! Absolutely mental, the pair of you!"

Lily continued to grumble as they walked inside, making a few comments about the early hour and how she knew they had both been awake at a much earlier hour than anyone should be up. Lily put on a kettle and began talking about the plans for the day. After an hour of figuring out what the day would hold, Lily decided that James, Sirius, and Remus would go to Hermione's cottage to finish up the remaining repairs while Hermione and Lily went to buy furniture in Muggle London and to get any small items Hermione needed for the cottage.

The more time she spent with them, the more the realization of her initial assumptions of the hierarchy of the group were off. James was the enforcer, not the leader. Lily was the leader. Lily made the plans and James enforced her wishes, making sure that Sirius would do what Lily asked, even if he didn't necessarily want to do it.

Hermione was confident, however, that even if James didn't reinforce Lily's plans, Sirius and Remus would go along with anything Lily said. Even if they complained about it, they would still do it. Not only was she the light of James' life, the apple of his eye, but it was clear that Sirius and Remus would fall over themselves to do anything for her, as well.

Hermione felt a pang of nostalgia as the realization crossed her mind, and her heart ached for Harry, Ron, and Draco.

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a/n: Hello! Thank you so much for reading! I would really appreciate it if you left a review! I know people are a little peeved with Sirius, but hang in there! I promise it all comes out in the wash!

Friendly reminder that I update on tuesday, thursday, and saturday! And as always, tons of alpha love goes to Mayghaen17.

xo

Mimi