Chapter 36: Tuesday, June 17, 1980

"It is more shameful to distrust our friends than to be deceived by them."

-Confucius


Hermione had a feeling that something absolutely terrible was going to happen. She was restless, pacing around her small living room as Sirius sat on the sofa, bouncing his leg tirelessly with the same anxious energy she felt while pacing.

"They should have let me go this time," Sirius said, scrubbing his face with his hands.

"They should have let both of us go this time." Hermione corrected him, stopping mid-step to look at Sirius.

"I understand why they would want you to stay behind," Sirius began. "I understand why Moony would absolutely be against you going. But me? I could be there! I could be helping them!"

"And why is that?" Hermione asked, "Because I'm a woman?!"

"No! Because you're Moony's woman!" Sirius said, "The same reason James would never let Lily go!"

"Lily is almost nine months pregnant."

"If she wasn't, James still wouldn't let her go!" Sirius said, "And I understand that. But I just don't-

"You're too close to Marlene," Hermione argued. "You may think she's a bitch, and she definitely thinks you're an arsehole, but you're important to one another. They don't know what state they'll find her in if-

"When."

"When they find her. I get it," Hermione sighed, taking the spot next to Sirius and running her hands through her hair, shoving the wild curls from her face.

"It's bullshit," Sirius said. "I've seen what you can do with a wand! Fuck, I've felt what you can do when you're angry and hitting! And I'm not unskilled at martial magic myself! James knows this! They both know it! I just… I should be doing something!"

"There's nothing we can do but wait," Hermione said. "And hopefully not too much longer. They've been gone two days already."

Hermione sat back, settling against the cushions and closing her eyes as she faced the ceiling. She understood Sirius' frustrations, they had been over it ad nauseam every time James, Remus and whoever else they took left! This was the fourth time in three weeks they had gone back to search the area, looking for signs of anything. Trying to find some sort of direction that might lead them to Marlene and what happened to her. Every time they had left, Sirius and Lily stayed with Hermione, or Hermione and Sirius stayed at Lily's, until the other men returned. So far, the longest they had been gone was the last time, and it was only eighteen hours.

They had been gone for over two days now.

Fear was mounting between Lily, Hermione, and Sirius. Along with restlessness that kept them pacing, fidgeting or (in Lily's case) doing busy work around the house to keep her hands occupied. About an hour ago, Hermione had finally convinced Lily to take a mild Calming Draught, convinced the stress she was feeling wasn't good for the baby, Lily was now sleeping in Hermione's bed.

"What if something happened?" Sirius asked for the fifth time today.

"Then we'll have to deal with it," Hermione answered, again.

Truthfully, she was worried, but she was also aggravated with Sirius' attitude toward the situation. She really understood his position, why he was upset, but her mounting worry was causing her to become short. They had already discussed what they would do in the event that James, Remus, and Ted didn't return. Hermione had already written Hope and Lyall, Remus' parents, to let them know he was out on an assignment and to not expect to hear from him soon in order to buy herself some time should something go wrong.

Realistically, she knew that this was not the death of Remus, knew that he would survive well into the second war, but the fact that her memory refused to supply the details surrounding Remus and his well being in her own time, made her furious and sick with worry. The images of Gideon's limp body on the camp bed and Fabian screaming in pain kept playing in her mind alongside stitching Sirius' arm back together, watching as a Death Eater needlessly ended a small child's life, mending Peter's broken ribs…

In the short time she had been in this time, so many people had been hurt, so many killed. Not to mention the amount of death and torture she had seen, had experienced, in her own time.

It made it incredibly difficult to not be sick with worry when the man she loved, yes loved, was gone for more than two days on an incredibly dangerous mission.

She felt a flare of anger at herself rise up in her chest as she focused on the fact that she had deeper feelings for Remus than she ever should have allowed to happen. A pull to him that felt almost as if she had no control over it anymore. She had thought she was in love with Ron, many moons ago, but whatever it had been that she felt for Ron… It couldn't hold a single candle's flame to the way her chest swelled at the mention of Remus. The way her stomach fluttered and her breath caught every time she saw him.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the sound of her fireplace roared to life, casting a green glow around her living room. Hermione and Sirius both jumped to their feet, rushing to the fireplace to be met with Dorcas Meadow's face.

"You need to come now," she said. "Get Lily and come here now."

Before either could get a response out, the flames died and Dorcas was gone. Sirius looked at Hermione, and for the first time she saw something vulnerable flash across his features. True fear, she had never seen on his face before.

"I'm going to grab my bag," Hermione said. "Go wake Lily!"

Sirius nodded, schooling his features. "Do you think you'll need it?"

"Better safe than sorry, right?" Hermione asked, with her eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, you're right."

Hermione and Sirius both stepped down the hall, Sirius knocking lightly on the door leading to Hermione's bedroom as Hermione pushed open the door to the guest room. She quickly grabbed her bag, shrinking it down to slip it into her pocket. When she exited, Lily was standing in the living room, looking frantic. Her sleep mussed hair hanging in her face as she questioned Sirius while he knelt in front of her, tying the laces of her trainers.

"Why would they call a meeting? Did you see him? Is James-

"I don't know, Evans," Sirius said. "I don't know. But we need to get over there, it sounded urgent."

Lily nodded, her eyes bright and watery, landing on Hermione. "You didn't see Remus?"

"No," Hermione said. "It was just Dorcas, we couldn't see anything in the background."

"Shit," Lily said, jamming her fingers into the front of her hair, pushing her fringe backward.

Lily and Hermione grasped hands as they stepped into the hearth of the fireplace, just as they were swallowed into green flames, Hermione saw Sirius twist out of sight as he apparated to the house.

"James?!" Lily called out, the moment her feet hit the stone inside of Dorcas Meadow's fireplace.

"Lily, Hermione…" Dumbledore's voice greeted them.

"Albus," Lily said, looking around with wide eyes, searching for James. "Albus where is he?"

"Lily, have a seat. Hermione, we could use you in the back room." Dumbledore said.

"No," Lily said. "No! Where is he?"

"Lily, please," Hermione said, pulling Lily toward a chair and lightly pushing on her shoulders to get her to sit.

"Sirius, if you would go with Dorcas and collect a calming draught for Lily?" Dumbledore asked.

Hermione gave a pleading look to Sirius before she stepped away from Lily, crossing through the dining room and into the back of the house. She took a deep breath, preparing herself for whatever may be inside the room.

Ted and Remus sat on the edge of one of the beds. The right side of Remus' face was badly bruised, blood dried under his right eye. Ted held his left arm close to his chest, and Hermione could tell by the awkward angle of it, it was broken. She closed the door behind her, turning around.

"Are you okay?" Hermione asked, closing the gap between herself and the men.

"Broke my arm," Ted said. "Remus took a nasty stunner to the head."

Hermione lightly grabbed Remus' chin, grimacing at the gash below his eye and the swelling covering the side of his face, "This is it? You aren't… You aren't bleeding or, or-

"I'm fine," Remus said, his voice low and dangerously even.

Hermione pulled back, digging her bag from her pocket and enlarging it. She pulled out two pain potions, a phial of Skelegro and some bruise paste, distributing the potions and opening the tin of paste.

"What happened?" Hermione asked, dipping her fingers into the thick ointment and lightly working it into Remus' skin.

"I don't know," Remus murmured.

"You don't know?"

"Ambushed, we think." Ted clarified as he choked down the Skelegro. "But we were both knocked out. I woke up first, found Remus on the other side of the village bleeding on the ground, unconscious."

"Where's James?" Hermione asked, looking around the room.

"I don't know," Remus said.

"You don't… What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean, I don't fucking know!" His tone startled her as red-hot anger flashed over his face, his lip curling up a bit as he bared his teeth.

Hermione's ointment covered fingers pulled away from Remus' face and dropped to her side as a sharp intake of breath broke the tense silence in the air. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as she stared at Remus in disbelief before looking to Ted for confirmation.

"Remus," Hermione whispered. "Where is James?"

Remus slowly pulled his chip up, his face turning to look at her, the eye that wasn't swollen shut met her gaze, filled with terror and anger. "I don't know," he whispered, his voice breaking halfway through.

Hermione's mouth fell open, her stomach twisting enough to make her nauseous. "Ted, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said. "I'm going to go talk to Dumbledore." He stood from the bed, giving Remus' shoulder a light squeeze before turning a pointed look to Hermione, his blue eyes lingering on her for a long minute. "It wasn't his fault. He keeps saying it was, but it wasn't."

Hermione nodded and she took in a slow breath as Ted exited the room, closing the door behind him. Hermione fell to her knees before Remus, grasping his face in her hands, "Remus, whatever happened-

"We split up," he whispered. "James wanted to split up, cover more ground. Ted tried to tell him he thought it was a bad idea, but I agreed with him. Two against one, Ted was out voted, so we split up."

"Remus…"

"I took the west side of the village and the surrounding woods. Ted took the North, James the East. The south side butts up to a lake, so we didn't see the point in spending a lot of time there. I heard a scream, saw red sparks go up. I ran as fast as I could, Moony ran as fast as he could. And I wasn't…. I wasn't fast enough."

"Ted said you were ambushed."

Remus bobbed his head, "Yeah, at least that's what we think happened. I was halfway through the village when I got knocked out. Ted found me dragged to the south side, near the lake. I didn't go to the lake, Hermione. We agreed there was no reason to look there… But his… James' glasses…"

Remus slipped his hand into the pocket of his cardigan and pulled out a pair of horn-rimmed glasses, one of the lenses missing, the other shattered.

"Oh my god," Hermione breathed, pulling the frames from Remus' palm.

Remus took in a deep breath, his nostrils flaring as he blew out out through his teeth, his lips twisted down as he bit the inside of his cheek, trying to keep his eyes from watering. Hermione pushed up, pressing her lips to Remus', her eyes held tightly shut. One hand wound around the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him. When she pulled away, his knees fell apart as he pulled her closer to him, his nose buried into the nape of her neck, taking long deep breaths to inhale her.

"I don't know what happened," he whispered, tears clinging to the lashes that brushed against her neck, painting her skin with saltwater. "I have no idea what happened. I woke up and he was gone, and I don't know what happened. And now I have to… I have to fucking tell Lily… What am I supposed to tell her? Hermione, what am I supposed to tell-

"Shh," Hermione said, trying to bite back her own tears. "It wasn't your fault, Remus. You're not the one-

"I shouldn't have let him go!" Remus argued. "I should have made him stay behind! And now… Fuck… What do I tell-

"YOU FUCKING SPLIT UP?!" Sirius' voice roared from the dining room. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SPLIT UP?! MOONY! MOONY!"

A few pounding footsteps later and the door was thrown open as Sirius shoved Hermione to the side, fisting the fabric of Remus' shirt and pulling him to his feet. Although Remus towered several inches over Sirius, it was Sirius who looked fierce and deadly.

"What the fuck do you mean, you split up?!"

"Sirius, stop!" Hermione said, pulling at the sleeve of the black tee shirt he had on.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Sirius screamed, shoving her hand away from him. He returned the hand to the grip on the chest of Remus' shirt, turning them both to shove Remus against the wall, "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE HIS SIDE?!"

"STOP!" Hermione yelled, "SIRUS THAT'S ENOUGH!"

"Pads, I'm sorry!" Remus muttered, his voice low and shaking. "I'm sorry! Prongs thought we could cover more ground-

"And you listened to him! You fucking listened to him?! He's an idiot! He's had a bloody death wish since we were eleven! And you're supposed to be the fucking smart one of us!"

"Padfoot-

"Don't you fucking Padfoot me!" Sirius shoved Remus harder into the wall. "Where the fuck is he, Remus?!"

"I don't-

Sirius pulled his wand and shoved the tip of it into the hollow of Remus' throat. Hermione instantly moved for her own, disarming Sirius faster than she had ever disarmed anyone and catching his wand mid-air. Sirius yelled out in rage and sank his fist into Remus' jaw before shoving backward off of him, shouldering past Hermione and stomping through the house. Hermione jumped when she heard the front door slam shut.

"Remus! Are you-

"I'm fine!" Remus said, his fingers pressing against his now broken open lip.

"Remus?" Lily's voice called from the other room, "Remus, Hermione, can you please come in here?"

Remus sighed, his head falling back against the wall for a moment before he stepped forward, giving a sad look to Hermione as he left the room. Hermione followed after him, both wands held tightly in her grip.


Hermione sat next to Lily as Remus and Ted explained what happened while they were gone. James had gone missing six hours before they came back to the headquarters, they had apparently spent that time searching the surrounding area for him, with no trace left behind to go off of. Lily sat completely still, her eyes cast down to the table and her cheeks wet as she listened to the men tell their version of what happened.

After an hour, Sirius finally returned to the room, angrily ripping his chair out from the table and sitting on it, staring daggers at Remus while he talked.

"This never would have happened if I would have been there! Or- or Peter!" Sirius said, "It should have been Me and James. You should have stayed behind!"

"I was volunteered for the assignment in the first place!" Remus said.

"Yeah, and good fucking job that's done us! Because you have… what was the phrase used? Assets that could be useful? Ha! A fucking bloodhound would have been better!"

"SIrius!" Lily finally spoke, hissing his name as she pulled her eyes up from the table, "Stop it."

"I'm not the one-

"REMUS ISN'T EITHER!" Lily shouted, her fist coming down onto the table. "You're acting like a child! Grow up! Remus didn't sell James to a gang of Death Eaters! He was attacked!"

"If they wouldn't have separated-

"But they did!" Lily shouted, "They did, and there's nothing that will change that!"

Sirius sat back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest and clenching his jaw, his eyes fell off to the side, staring down at a random spot on the table's surface.

"I would have never let James out of my sight," Sirius grumbled. "I would have never let him go off on his own."

"You can't possibly know that," Hermione said. "You weren't there."

"I should have been! I should have been, and you fucking know it!"

"Sirius," Lily said, her tone low and warning. "Shut up."

Sirius' mouth snapped shut with a click of his teeth and Lily's fierce gaze pulled from him, looking up at Dumbledore, "What do we do now?"

"We return to search for James and Marlene both," Dumbledore said.

"I'm going," Hermione and Sirius said in unison.

Remus turned his head with break-neck speed to looked at Hermione, "No," he said. "No, you can't-

"I can, and I will. If something has happened, if… Or, Merlin forbid, if he's hurt. You're going to need me there. I'm going with you."

"Hermione-

"Remus," Hermione said. "I'm going. Sirius and I can-

"You two aren't going alone. You don't know the area." Lily said.

"I'll go," Ted volunteered.

"No," Remus said. "No, I'll go back. Maybe… Maybe I'll remember something."

"We aren't splitting up," Sirius spat.

Remus gave a sharp nod.

As Remus and Ted explained the layout of the village to the rest of the Order, Dumbledore decided it would be best to keep a few Order members at Headquarters so they would be easily accessible, just in case. While they planned, Hermione returned to the back bedroom, gathering her bag and checking through it to make sure she had a decent stock on everything she may need. She pulled out the small, black journal with Dolohov's writing in it and hit it against her palm a few times before sticking it back in the bag. If they found James and he had been hit with one of these curses, she may need to know what to expect. She sighed as she shrank the bag down, stuffing it in her pocket and repairing James' glasses before re-entering the dining room.

"I'm ready," Hermione said. "Let's go."

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a/n: Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Leave a review and let me know?

All my love to my alpha Mayghaen17 as usual. She's a goddamn dimepiece and I would be crying in a mess of documents if it weren't for her.

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xo

mimi