Chapter 43: Friday, July 25, 1980
"Remembrance of things past is not necessarily the remembrance of things as they were."
-Marcel Proust
As the month dragged on, Hermione found herself consistently in a state of nerves. Mentally preparing herself for the birth of her best friend, of her brother, was taking a toll on her patience and it was apparent to everyone around her. Not to mention the stress of Remus being gone, again, on another mission he had no say in.
He had left after the meeting the night before, and would hopefully be back in one piece by the time Lily gave birth, but knowing that he was walking into some of the most vicious werewolf communes on the continent left Hermione feeling uneasy and frankly, terrified. She found that she was constantly reminding herself that she knew Remus Lupin in her own time, so obviously he had made it out alive, but what state he would make it out of the dens is what terrified her.
She needed answers, needed to know what happened. Needed her blasted memory to supply her with something that would be of use to calm her ever-sparking nerves. Perhaps there had been a conversation that took place that would tell her what she needed to know, perhaps there would be something- anything that would give her some comfort and at the very least, allow her more than two measly hours of sleep a night.
Perhaps that desperation for answers accompanied by a severe sleep deprivation was what led her to the shop in Diagon Alley. The shop was small, cramped, but filled with tons of magical plants and apothecary items. There were several shelves with strange trinkets and interesting books and Hermione had to remind herself why she was in the shop in order to pull herself away from the bookshelves.
"Hermione?"
She turned around, a tired smile on her face, "Hi, Mrs. Tonks."
The woman waved her hand, smiling brightly at her, "Andromeda, or Andie, if you like, please. Is everything okay? Were you looking for anything specific? The shop is still a bit of a mess, it's been slow going getting it put back together after the Death Eaters damn near blew it up. So if you're looking for something we don't have, I can get it ordered for you."
"No, I'm not looking to purchase anything specific… Although…" Hermione plucked a small volume from the shelf regarding muggle plants and their uses in modern Magical Medicines. "I'll take this, actually."
"I'll sell you anything you like dear, obviously. But if this isn't why you came in…"
Hermione sighed, suddenly feeling nervous. "Andie, I… I think… I need help, and I think you may be able to help me."
The cheerful look on the woman's face fell and her eyes hardened, at that moment Hermione was made painfully aware of Andromeda's heritage, specifically to Bellatrix Lestrange. She took a slow breath, trying to get her pounding heart under control as she approached the counter Andromeda stood behind.
"What type of help are you inquiring about?" Andromeda asked, her voice stiff.
Hermione looked around the shop, her eyes flitting toward the door before she lowered her voice, "I don't know the best way to ask it, so I apologize for my bluntness here, but do you also share the ability of Legilimens and Occlumens?"
Hermione watched as the witch's eyes widened fractionally before she flicked her wrist, the sound of the locks on the door snapping into place and a sign announcing they were temporarily closed popping into view.
"Follow me," Andromeda said, walking the length of the counter and disappearing through a doorway.
Hermione rounded the counter with impressive speed, stepping through the doorway into a room that was filled to the brim with plants, both magical and muggle. It looked as if it were some sort of growing room, judging by the heat and light coming from over the top of the plants. She followed Andromeda through another doorway and up a flight of stairs. There, she opened a door to a small room that held a few worn armchairs, a small sofa, and a few end tables. Andromeda motioned to the armchairs, suggesting Hermione have a seat while she set up a tray and carried it over.
"Tea?"
Hermione nodded, "Please."
Andromeda hummed, pouring the steaming liquid into a mug and handing it to her. Hermione took a sip, feeling her nerves settle a bit with the hot beverage.
"I could ask you why you came to me, but I think my heritage is well enough known that that is answered. Not to mention you practically live with my cousin," Andromeda began, tucking a few locks of wildly curly hair behind her ears. "I assume whatever you need help with is something that Sirius would not be happy to know about?"
Hermione gave a stiff nod, "I don't think I could tell him."
"The Black family is known for many things," Andromeda continued, "Our proclivity of mental manipulative magic, however, is not something that we advertise. I'm sure you can understand why."
Hermione again, nodded.
"So I must ask, my dear, not why you are coming to me, because that is rather obvious. But how do you know to come here…?"
Already, Hermione's arm ached in warning. She knew she couldn't openly tell Andromeda what had brought her here, or why. However, she found herself once again thanking Draco for the foresight to include loopholes. From under her blouse, Hermione pulled a shimmering golden pendant that hung from a thin chain. Andromeda's mouth dropped open slightly as she set her mug of tea on the tray between their chairs and leaned forward, her fingers lightly touching the stone.
"You… You've got… how?"
"A friend," she said, tucking the amulet back under her blouse.
Slowly, Andromeda's eyes dragged back up from the center of Hermione's chest, meeting her eyes with concerned stormy greys that sat deep above high carved, sharp cheekbones. It was startling how much Andromeda looked like Bellatrix, but there was something in her face that was different, some sort of soft understanding that Bellatrix would never possess.
"What do you need from me, Hermione?" Andromeda asked, her voice soft and even.
"When I came here, I had walls put up to bury memories associated with people I knew."
"The same people you associate the most closely with now, I assume?"
"Yes," Hermione said. "I need to know the nature of my relationship with them. I need to know… I have to know what happened to them."
Andromeda's thin lips pressed together in a tight line as she nodded in understanding, "I can attempt to remove certain blocks, but you understand this is not an exact science. I am not the person who placed the occlusions, so I do not know how they are tied to your memory. You may not get all the answers you seek. It may come fragmented and unwillingly."
"I understand."
"I will come to your house tonight, if you haven't any plans, and we can begin. It's best to do it when you have time to rest after. Erecting the walls to protect your mind is one thing, ripping them down is something else entirely. It will not be a pleasant experience."
"Tonight," Hermione said, "I'm connected through Floo, you're welcome to use it."
Hermione stood to take her leave when Andromeda's hand covered hers, holding her still in her place, "Hermione, if you have had someone extend the effort to erect the walls in your mind, I implore you to understand there was a reason for that. Attempting to break them down could be catastrophic to both your mental well being and whatever task brought you to this time."
Hermione chewed the inside of her cheek, her head bobbing slightly in acknowledgement. "I understand the risks," she said. "Nine tonight?"
A look of sadness flashed across Andromeda's face before she nodded, "Nine will work just fine."
It was five minutes before nine and Hermione found herself pacing restlessly around her living room. When she left Ted and Andromeda's shop in Diagon Alley, she had found herself already doubting her motives. The entire reason she even had Draco put up the barriers in her mind to suppress her memories was to avoid emotional attachment, to ensure she could do what she had come here to do.
She hadn't planned for the entire purpose of her being here to go completely belly up and develop strong emotional attachments to everyone, anyway. She hadn't planned to fall tits over arse in love with Remus Lupin! Perhaps there had been something in her own time, a mutual attraction between the two that left her feeling so strongly about the man. Maybe she had already been close to Sirius, and that was why she felt the need to protect him, regardless of how much he worked her nerves.
She sighed, scrubbing her face with her hands as she moved to the kitchen to put a kettle on, Hermione decided that she would do this just the once. It was no guarantee to even work and if it did, well… She could figure out where to go from there. But with every passing day, she found it harder to keep focused on the tasks at hands, harder to keep herself separated from 1980 and remember that she was here for a reason. A reason that in the next year or so, would come for her whether or not she was ready for it. If she removed some of the mental blocks, maybe she could find answers within her own mind.
A green glow followed by a whooshing sound alerted Hermione to Andromeda's arrival. With a shaking breath, she stepped into the living room to greet her. Upon landing eyes on her, she had to stop herself from chuckling. She was dressed in clothes that were so… muggle… it felt strange to see. She had only seen Andromeda in elaborate robes from the time she had met her a couple months back, and the times she had seen her in her own time were much the same. A pair of linen lounge bottoms, a fitted pale blue t-shirt and her hair gathered high on top of her head, Andromeda looked more youthful than she had ever seen her before.
"I apologize for my clothing," Andromeda said, a flush of embarrassment tinging her cheeks. "I had to get my daughter put to bed, she gets quite upset if she thinks we're doing anything without her, so I was already in my pyjamas."
Hermione looked down at her own clothes, a pair of purple polka-dotted sleep shorts and one of Remus' old t-shirts and laughed. "Clearly we both had the same set of mind." Andromeda laughed as the kettle whistled from the hob. Hermione motioned to the living room, indicating that the other woman have a seat and scurried off into the kitchen.
"You have a lovely home," Andromeda called from the living room.
Hermione levitated the tray behind her as she stepped into the room, a tin of biscuits that Remus had made before leaving in hand. "You should have seen it when I bought it. It was a complete monstrosity! It only looks nice now because of James, Lily, Sirius and Remus." She floated the tray to the coffee table and opened the tin of biscuits. "Would you like one? I'm not sure what kind they are, Remus got a bit experimental with his flavors for this batch. But they're really quite good."
Andromeda lifted a perfectly manicured eyebrow, "Experimental?"
Hermione chuckled, "Lily has developed an aversion to chocolate through her pregnancy, which has become utterly horrifying for my boyfriend. He quite likes his chocolate, you see. So he's been trying new flavour combinations in the hopes of finding one he likes just as much."
"Has he been successful with that?"
"Oh Merlin, no. If he had I highly doubt we'd have biscuits to eat. He would have eaten them all before he left."
Andromeda laughed and took a biscuit from the tin, smiling as she bit into it. "These are delicious!"
Hermione beamed, "He's really quite a good baker."
They exchanged some more pleasantries as they sipped their tea and ate biscuits. Hermione realized this was the first time she had ever really talked to Andromeda so casually. Andromeda told her a few stories about Tonks- Nymphadora, that made her laugh and Hermione, in turn, answered a few questions about herself.
Once the two witches had gotten comfortable in the company of one another, Andromeda clapped her hands together and cleared her throat, "Well, I think we should start. It won't take long, but I'm afraid it won't be a pleasant experience."
Hermione nodded in agreement, moving to take the tea tray into the kitchen and tried to settle her ever growing nervousness.
When Andromeda entered her mind, it was like fire melting holes into ice. She slid through the passageways of her memory, cracking at the walls Draco had built, doing her best to pull forth the information from beyond them. Flashes of colours and and emotions swirled through her, smells and bursts of heat or cold erupted from the cracks, seeping into her brain and taking root as the memories leaked from the chasm they were held. Time seemed to stop completely, nothing but the throb in her head to tick the seconds past.
Finally, Andromeda removed herself from Hermione's mind, panting and rubbing her temples. "Whoever helped you put up these walls… I should hope you are on good terms with them. They could send your mind crashing to the ground in seconds flat with this type of talent."
Hermione kept her eyes closed, her ears ringing as the pain in her head increased tenfold. "I trust him with my life."
"Then he did his job, and he did it well."
Hermione looked up from the table she sat at, books full of Ministry legislature opened to random pages as she scribbled restlessly onto a piece of parchment. Harry was due to come to Grimmauld Place any day now, and he was meant to have a hearing at the Ministry for his 'negligent use of magic' in front of a Muggle.
It was well after midnight, of that, Hermione was aware. So when the floorboards creaked with a sound much heavier than one Kreacher would make, she looked up to see Professor Lupin, a gasp of surprise pushed from her lips.
"Oh, hello, Professor!" Hermione said, her tone tired but pleasant.
"Hermione, I haven't been your professor for quite some time," he said. "Remus is fine."
Hermione gave him a sheepish smile, "Sorry, I know you've said it before. Old habits, I suppose."
"And I suppose I'll have to correct it more than this once," he said, his lips quirked a bit with amusement. "It's after midnight."
"I know," she said. "I'm just going through some of the old Wizarding laws revolving around the Statute of Secrecy. They can't take Harry's wand! It simply isn't fair! Mrs. Figg said-
"Mrs. Figg was under the assumption she was in an Order meeting," Remus said. "One that I believe you were not a part of."
Hermione pursed her lips, her eyes drawn back down to the table as she realized she had given away her eavesdropping. She remained quiet, not knowing what to say and in all honesty, she didn't want to be scolded.
"There's no possibility that Dumbledore would allow Harry to have his wand snapped." Remus finally said, taking a seat at the table. "I understand your worry, but he won't let it happen."
"There's witnesses proving the magic was necessary, the Ministry can't honestly-
"Hermione," Remus said, his hand coming to rest on hers. "Harry will be fine."
She sighed, drawing her eyes up to meet his. She saw something flash through them, a ribbon of gold through the deep green that made her heart rate speed up. He closed his eyes and removed his hand from hers, his face twitching a bit, almost as if he were having a conversation with himself and he seemed flustered.
"I'm sorry, prof- Remus. Did I… Did I do something wrong?" She asked, her voice small as she tried to figure out what she could have possibly said to upset the man.
She respected him, of course she did, she respected all of her Professors, former or not. Well, possibly not Snape, but even then, the greasy bat was exceptionally good at brewing potions. And Trelawney… Well, what she did could hardly classify as teaching but regardless, Hermione tried to be respectful to the insane woman who thought she could predict death out of tea leaves. Honestly, it's ridiculous that…
Okay, so maybe she didn't respect all of her professors. But, she did respect and had always respected Professor Lupin. He was a brilliant teacher and she had learned so much from him in the short year he had been their Defense Professor. And in the few weeks she had been staying at Grimmauld Place, she had grown even more fond of him.
Well, maybe not fond, per se, that would be inappropriate. But she looked forward to her conversations with him.
Realizing that now she was rambling to herself in her own head, she rubbed her burning eyes with the heel of her palms and found herself stifling a yawn. When she looked back up to Remus, he was staring at her with a sort of amused look on his face.
"What?" Hermione asked, "What're you looking at?"
"You've got a bit of ink on the tip of your nose, is all."
She blushed, embarrassed, as she attempted to scrub the ink from her nose. "It's after midnight you said, what has you up?"
He sighed, his shoulders slumping forward a bit. "Couldn't sleep."
"Is it because of the moon?" She asked, the words spilling past her lips.
He arched an eyebrow at her and she quickly back peddled, "Oh god, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have… Oh, that was so rude!"
He chuckled, "It's okay. And yes, it is. I have a hard time sleeping the night before. Too much pent up energy, I suppose."
"Aren't there things to help with that? Exercises or something you can do?"
"There are," he said. "But sleep evades me still. Not unlike you, it should seem."
Hermione sighed, stuffing the parchment into the book she was working from and closing the page. "I spent all of third year taking double classes, as you well know. All of last year was spent trying to make sure Harry didn't kill himself during the tournament. The free time I had, I spent with Viktor. And now…" She trailed off, closing her eyes momentarily and swallowing the lump in her throat. "Everything is going to change. And I just can't help but get the feeling that it's only going to get worse. So how can I possibly sleep when there's so much I need to learn, to prepare for?"
"If you want to be prepared, you need to be well rested. A mind, even as sharp and bright as yours will be dulled by exhaustion. A few hours of dreaming is a reprieve you should take, when the world is full of such nightmares."
.
.
a/n.: this one felt short? Sorry if it read that way! Anyway, let me know what you thought? see you thursday!
xo
