Chapter 45: Monday, July 28, 1980
"Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life."
-Merle Shain
The sight of Remus lying on the camp bed in Dorcas' spare room made Hermione feel dizzy. She couldn't hear anything but the blood pounding in her ears in time with her rapidly beating heart. She stared at him, her dragonhide medi-bag slipping from her fingers and landing with a thud on the floor by her feet. A hand flew to her mouth, as she gasped.
He was naked, which wasn't uncommon for him the morning after a transformation, but he was red and sticky with blood. Not a single patch of skin could be seen through the crimson covering his body. His hair was matted to his head with it, the blankets beneath him soaked through, seeping into the thin mattress that rested under his body. He was unconscious, something that was not shocking considering the alarming intervals his body spilled it's life liquid.
Hermione snapped into action, grabbing her bag and brandishing her wand, waving it over him in a series of intricate patterns to bring up the floating golden symbols of his vitals and clean the dried blood from his skin. A wound on his side, just above his right hip, seemed to be the worst of the visible injuries. Several deep punctures lined both the front and back of him, indicating a rather gruesome bite. Hermione could tell it was packed with dirt, and she wondered if Remus had done it in an attempt to slow the bleeding.
The second injury that would require a fair amount of attention was a large split in his arm, a splinching if she'd ever seen one.
She began to dig through her bag, pulling out potions and salves and essences of Murtlap and Dittany. Along with her magical supplies, she pulled out a small plastic pouch, inside of which contained a suturing kit- a sterilized titanium needle and surgical grade nylon thread. There was no way to heal werewolf wounds magically. They could be treated, of course, but to actually heal them? Well, there was a reason Remus was littered with scars that never healed fully into his skin.
Hermione used her wand to clear the would and clean it out the best she could. He needed blood-replenishers, and he needed them quickly. But it would prove no use to use them if he just continued to bleed out.
"James!" She barked over her shoulder.
"Yeah?"
"I need help, get in here!" Hermione ordered, knowing that Sirius would be unlikely to keep a calm head in this situation, if the last time he tried to help her had proven anything.
"What can I do?"
She conjured a cloth and thrust it at him, "Press this against his side as hard as you can and hold the pressure for three minutes. Do not let up on the pressure, do you understand me?"
"Yes, three minutes." James repeated the instruction, kneeling next to Remus with the cloth in hand, he pressed it into his side.
Hermione rounded the small bed and pulled open a bottle of dittany, dropping onto the wound from the splinching, "He splinched himself apparating here."
"Not surprising. Look at him! It's a wonder he was able to apparate at all!" James said, a tremor in his voice.
"Do you know what happened?"
"No," he said. "Dorcas floo called and Lily woke Peter, told him to come get you, and I came straight over. He was already unconscious when I got here. Dorcas said he apparated into the dining room and collapsed on the floor, she had to levitate him into the bed."
"Is Dorcas alright?" Hermione asked, knowing the image of a blood soaked, naked man collapsing onto her floor had probably shaken the witch.
"Ah, it's Dorcas. Tough as goblin steel, that one. She'll be fine."
Hermione hummed in acknowledgement as she came around the other side of the bed, back to James' side. The wound from the splinching was slowly knitting itself back together. Hermione used her hands to lightly press against Remus' ribs, her face pulling into a deep frown.
"Broken ribs," she muttered, "His right collarbone too, by the looks of it."
"Three minutes," James said.
Hermione gave a sharp nod and pushed his blood stained hands from Remus' side.
"Have you ever seen muggle stitches?" Hermione asked, turning to grab the suture kit.
"No."
"It's a bit… unsettling. But I'll need your help."
"I can stomach it," James promised.
"Good. In my bag, there's a numbing solution, I need that. As well as the concentrated pain-relief potion, the deep blue one."
"On it!"
She could hear the sounds of the phials clinking in her bag as James rummaged for the items she requested. With her wand, she cleaned her hands and the bite in Remus' side once more before applying the numbing potion James handed her, to the bite and the skin surrounding it.
"The entire bottle of pain-relief, empty it into his mouth. Hold his nose shut and massage his throat to get him to swallow it."
James moved to the head of the bed, carefully tipping Remus' head up with one hand while he poured the potion in his mouth with the other. He followed her instructions, getting Remus to swallow the potion. Hermione waited approximately fifteen seconds before she began pulling the nylon thread through his skin with the surgical needle. She worked quickly and efficiently, closing up each puncture with a few small X sutures before moving onto the next one. Once the front was done, she had James help her roll Remus onto his side so she could close the remaining holes.
Finally, she snipped the last of the nylon with her wand and began pulling the corks off of blood-replenishers.
"That many?" James asked, his eyes going wide. "I don't know much about healing, but I thought-
"Healing Remus isn't quite the same as healing you or me," Hermione explained. "He metabolized the potions much faster than either of us would. I'm giving him four now, when I would usually only give two. After a few hours, we'll check and see how he's doing and give him more if he needs it."
James nodded, "Yeah, okay. What about Skele-Gro? You said his ribs were-
"I'm more worried about getting his blood levels back where they need to be. After that, I'll give him Skele-Gro, but broken ribs are the least of my worries right now."
She began giving Remus the potions as James cleaned him up, draping a clean blanket over him to cover his nude body and casting a mild warming charm to help bring his body temperature back up. Remus was pale, even his lips were void of their usual pink tint. His eyes were sunken deep into his face with bruised rings under them, upon lifting his eyelids she could see the whites of his eyes were bloodied with broken capillaries. The blood loss was concerning, and if she couldn't get it restored soon, she may have to move him to St. Mungo's.
As if reading her mind, James spoke, "Hopefully it works. We can't take him to St. Mungo's. They won't treat him."
Of course! Because he's a werewolf, and these are werewolf induced injuries! She thought, angrily. Like fiendfyre, her anger burned hot in her belly. Remus was laying in a camp bed, in a pool of his own blood, half dead and unable to receive professional medical care. All because Dumbledore had thought it was a good idea to send him into domestic werewolf communes knowing their allegiances lied with Voldemort.
Hermione was furious.
"Can you watch over him for a few minutes?" Hermione asked, as she vanished the empty phials and adjusted the pillow under Remus' head.
"Yeah, sure."
"Thanks." Hermione said, storming from the room. She had passed Dumbledore when she came in, and she hoped he hadn't left just yet. Her fingers were itching for her wand, but she knew that would be an arrogant and stupid move if there ever was one. She would settle with scolding the old man, getting him to understand the ridiculous things he asked of people.
Dumbledore was standing next to Moody, Frank and Arthur, talking in quiet voices when Hermione stepped in front of them.
"How is-
"He's fine," she snapped, turning her attention to Dumbledore. "No thanks to you. He warned you that this could happen! You knew his effort could end with him dead, and you sent him into their territory anyway!"
"Miss Granger I believe-
"Don't 'Miss Granger' me!" Hermione hissed, "You've known for months where the allegiances were at for the domestic werewolf clans! That's why you sent him to Germany, to try and bring in international help with promises that you can't keep! He needs actual medical attention, a real healer that has access to things that I don't have, but I can't get that for him because of his status! You know this! So while you pull the strings on his arms like he's some sort of marionette to do your bidding and your negotiating, you don't even try to understand that he's putting his life in danger because you asked him to."
She could feel the eyes of every person in the room on her, burning into her skin, but she didn't care. The wizard before her needed to answer for his actions! He needed someone to stand up and point out that he was sending people into battle undereducated and unarmed for some desperate attempt to prove he was in control, and frankly, Hermione was tired of being under the thumb of Albus Dumbledore.
"Hermione maybe you should-
"Shut up, Sirius!" She spat over her shoulder, "I'm not speaking to you!"
Dumbledore stood, stone faced as she seethed before him, her breath coming out in frenetic puffs as she blinked back the tears of anger that burned in her eyes.
"Remus was aware of the risks, as we all are when taking assignments." Dumbledore said, his voice even.
Hermione barked a humorless, maniacal laugh. "Aware of the risks? You're counting a suicide mission as a risk?"
"We've all taken risks to ensure-
"You are the reason a group of children were maimed while Sirius and I were told to stand by! Don't think I've forgotten that!" Hermione said, cutting off Moody's gruff voice. She turned back to Dumbledore, eyes blazing with fury. " And what about Marlene? About Gideon and Fabian? Were they aware of what you deem as a risk? A risk is sipping your tea before it cools or trying a new recipe with an exotic ingredient you've never used before. Not sending someone alone to their death to try and sway the enemy with promises you have no intention of keeping! Learn the difference!"
Hermione spun on her heel and stomped her way back to the guest room, shoving James out of her way and slamming the door shut behind her. She set several wards on the door to keep everyone out and sank on her knees next to Remus' bed, pillowing her head in her folded arm, and clutching onto his too-cold hand.
For several hours, Hermione sat on the floor next to Remus, tear tracks dried to her cheeks as she ignored the occasional knocking on the door from nearly every member of the Order. She hummed songs to him and checked his vitals every hour. After four hours, she gave him another double dose of blood-replenishers and sank back down to the floor, clutching his hand and pressing her lips to the soft, scarred skin that covered his bloodied knuckles.
She closed her eyes, whispering lyrics of songs into his skin, unsure of what else she could do for him at this point. She really wished Draco was here, he was always able to figure something out when she was lost on what to do, or at the very least, he would bounce ideas around with her until they figured out a solution.
She thought back to when Harry dove in front of her, taking the curse. She and Draco had worked tirelessly to find an answer, to find something that would work to siphon the curse from him, the one that now fed from her and brought her here. Part of her wished she would have never followed the idea to come here, that she would have just stayed in her own time and worked to fix it there. At least then, she wouldn't have to deal with the turmoil she was under right now. The mix of horrible emotions bubbling through her, painful stabbing to her heart every time she opened her eyes and saw him on the bed, breaths far more shallow than they should be.
"Here comes the sun, do do do do, here comes the sun…" Hermione whispered.
"And I say, It's all right." Remus' voice came in a broken murmur.
Her eyes snapped open, and she shot to her feet, fresh tears filling her eyes and her legs itching with pins and needles from being folded under her for so long.
"Remus?!" Hermione said, her voice catching in her throat.
"That's not the next line."
Hermione laughed a sob on the end of it as she fell forward, holding the sides of his face and pressing her lips to his, "How are you feeling?"
"Never better, in fact," he winced as he tried to shift and sit up. "I think… I think I could go for a run around the park." His breaths came heavy and his words broken as he spoke.
"Don't… Don't move. Your ribs are all busted up! I haven't given you any Skelegro yet."
"Probably for the better… It tastes like piss."
Hermione huffed a laugh and bent to kiss him again. When she pulled away, she crouched back down to the floor, digging through her bag for the bottle of Skelegro, pouring a bit of the liquid into a small cup she conjured and handing it to him. She carefully slipped a hand under his neck, helping him hold his head up as he swallowed the potion. He grimaced, his nose wrinkled in disgust, as he swallowed it down.
"How long have I…?"
"I don't know. At least eight or ten hours, I think. Sirius and I got here just after daybreak." Hermione looked over her shoulder at the clock above the door, "It's seven in the evening now."
"You've been here this whole time?"
"Of course, where else would I go?"
She didn't miss the small smile that tugged at his lips before pounding on the door interrupted them.
"Hermione, please can you open up, love? You haven't eaten and Lily is worried about you." James' voice came from the other side of the wood.
Using what looked like a considerable amount of strength, Remus cocked an eyebrow up at her, "Took a page from Sirius' book, have you?"
She smiled sheepishly, "Yeah well, being woken up by Peter pounding on my door at sunrise and then coming here to see you looking like you did… Remus, I need you to promise me something."
As she said the words, her mind made up on what she would ask of him, her wrist burned furiously at her. She knew that asking this of him could have an impact in the future, but she couldn't find herself to care. She couldn't see him like this again. She wouldn't allow it.
"Anything."
"You can't go on any more missions to the werewolf dens. Please. You- you almost died, and there's only so much I can do and I can't take you to 's for care. I just… I can't lose you."
"Hermione, I-
"Please, Remus. I need you to promise me."
He gave an almost imperceptible nod, "Okay. I promise."
Hermione bit into her lip, nodding slowly as she sat on the edge of his bed, near his feet. "Should probably open the door for them, I'm sure they're worried."
"Probably."
Hermione had long ago given up eavesdropping. It never proved to do anything but further upset her when she was already in a terrible mood to start with. But when she showed up at Dorcas' two days later to help Remus get home, she couldn't stop herself from listening outside the door when she heard Sirius' voice on the other side of it.
"...And you're sure?"
"Yeah," Remus said. "That's why they attacked me. They could smell her on me."
"How long have you known?"
Hermione slowed her breathing, hoping that in his injured and pain-relief potion and calming draught high state, Remus' impeccable sense of hearing would be less than perfect.
"Since the day she showed up."
"Shit…"
"Yeah," Remus said. "Shit."
"What're you gonna do? You know her time is limited, mate."
"Yeah, I don't need the fucking reminder Pads, thanks."
"So they tore you apart because you've got a mate and… What? They don't? That doesn't make any bloody sense."
Mate. The word sunk into Hermione's head like lead into water. She closed her eyes briefly, trying to remember anything she had read about werewolf mates, anything that would make that word make sense. She recalled the vast amount of reading she had done in her third year at Hogwarts, when Snape had insisted on a foot of parchment about werewolves when he had taken over for Remus— Professor Lupin, then— and her mind was drawing a blank.
"You don't understand," she could hear Remus groaning as he sat up, coughing a bit. "Thanks. It's not like… It's not like Lily and James. They chose each other, and they keep choosing each other. If I mark her as my mate…"
"You mark her and she's yours forever, I understand perfectly fine, Moony. Give me a little fucking credit, yeah?"
"It's more than that… I can't… I can't really explain it. It's like her life becomes mine. Her heartbeats, her breaths, her fucking magic… I'll know everything. And if she— when she has to leave… I'm not sure I'll come back from it."
"You love her- no, don't answer me, it wasn't a question. You love her. You should tell her."
"And what? Ask her to stay? Ask her to leave behind her own time because my stupid fucking wolf decided to stake claim and imprint on someone he can't have?"
"You already got her, mate. Better to figure it out now than live your life without her."
Remus huffed a very irritated sounding puff of laughter, "Easy for you to say."
"Do you know what I said to Marlene before she died?" Sirius asked, his voice going quiet. "I apologized. I apologized for being an arsehole for so long, for not getting over myself. Get over yourself Moony, before it's too late."
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a/n: I hope you liked this chapter! Leave a comment and let me know!
xo
mimi
