Chapter 52: Friday, October 31, 1980

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet."

-James Oppenheim


It had been nearly two weeks and Remus still hadn't returned. Hermione had spent the last three nights trying to convince herself that he was fine, and last night she and Sirius had gotten into a rather heated argument. She had wanted to send a patronus to Remus, to see if he was okay. Sirius had told her it was a bad idea, that she could lead enemies straight into neutral territory by doing that, thus upending any of Remus' efforts. She knew that logically, Sirius was right. But the twist of worry in her gut caused her to lash out and they argued until she pulled her wand on him and hit him with a langlock hex, effectively gluing his mouth shut. He had, understandably, been extremely irritated with her when he left the house.

To make matters even worse, Marlene McKinnon's mother had been found dead in her home earlier in the week. Signs of dark magic were obvious and while the muggle police had ruled it a heart attack, it was clear to everyone in the Order it had been the killing curse.

On top of fighting with Sirius and learning of Mrs. McKinnon's death, her dreams had been ruthless stabbings of painful memories every time she closed her eyes. And without Remus here to help her ground herself when she woke up panting, covered in sweat at three in the morning, she found that she was getting next to no sleep.

The memory that had woke her this morning had been one of the Shrieking Shack, long before she had ever helped to turn it into a liveable place- the large hub of activity it was now. No, it was far more weathered in this memory, far more terrifying. She could feel the ache in her muscles from the effort to get past the Whomping Willow. The nicks and cuts on her face burning against the air. Her eyes carefully watching as a large, filthy man in striped,tattered robes laughed maniacally.

Oh, thank god! She thought, her heart soaring as Professor Lupin entered the shack shortly after they had made it past the vicious tree. She wondered why he looked relatively normal, had the tree not attacked him? Perhaps, he knew a way past? He did look rather sickly and pale though, but then again, she supposed he always did.

Suddenly her chest swelled with rage and betrayal the moment Sirius Black's hysterical laughter ended with a short sob, he and Professor Lupin embraced each other tightly.

"I'm going to kill him!" Sirius cried, "I'm going to commit the murder I was accused of! I rotted for years, Remus! You must know I didn't-

"I know," Professor Lupin said. "I'm sorry, Sirius. I'm so sorry that I ever—

"You're helping him?!" Hermione cried, unable to hold back the disgust she felt. "You're the reason he's here, aren't you? You've helped him into the castle! We trusted you! You're a Professor! You want Harry dead, too!"

"No!" Professor Lupin said, dropping his arm from around Sirius Black's back. "No! I don't-

"Don't listen to him, Harry!" Hermione spat, her eyes filling with angry tears. "He's a Werewolf! It's why he's been missing classes and always looks so terrible! He- he wants to kill you too!"

Professor Lupin's face fell and Hermione felt confused. He didn't look enraged or furious at her for telling his secret, quite the opposite. He looked… decimated. As if her words had just completely broken him in half. Her eyebrows furrowed together at the look of sadness on his face before his features shifted, pulling an unreadable expression.

"Not up to your usual standards, I'm afraid, Hermione," he said, his voice calm and even. "Only one of three. I have not been helping Sirius into the castle and I certainly do not want to see Harry, or any of you for that matter, dead. I am a werewolf, however. You got that part right."

"A.. A w-werewolf?!" Ron stammered from his crumpled position on the floor.

Hermione wasn't shocked that she was right, she knew she was. It was more the admission of her being right and the small break in his voice, the bitterness in his tone as he said it. The moment Professor Snape set the assignment to write the essay on werewolves, she knew that he had been infected. She had been terrified at first, but the more she read the large books, treatise after treatise of encyclopaedic information, she found that every text was rather… well, biased. And if Professor Lupin truly was infected with Lycanthropy, he was rather well mannered and borderline docile compared to the creatures in her text.

But perhaps that had been before they were in a dilapidated shack and he had his wand trained on her friends.

"How clever you are," Professor Lupin said, a strange sad smile on his lips. His words were not sarcastic or condescending in fact, Hermione got the distinct feeling that he truly meant it, "Really the brightest witch of your age. How long have you known?"

"Since the beginning of the year," Hermione said, pushing her chin up in defiance. "Since Professor Snape substituted while you were out and set the essay."

"And you told no one?" He was shocked, his eyebrows pulled up on his forehead for a moment before he remembered he was trying to be stoic.

"No," Hermione whispered, shaking her head. "No, I didn't tell anyone. It didn't seem important to say at the time."

"And now?"

Hermione sighed and shook her head. So naive. She was so young and so naive and so… Her mind paused—no, no—didn't pause. It ground to a screeching halt as she thought further on the memory, replaying it again in the light of day. In the memory, when she had unearthed his secret and announced it with fear in her voice to her friends, it had gutted him.

She couldn't shake the feeling that there was something strange about that memory and again she found herself wondering if the Remus in her time remembered who she was. If he knew who she would grow to be and that she would come back and fall in love with him. Who else, for that matter, remembered her? Did Molly and Arthur know who she was? Even Bill and Charlie would be old enough to retain some memory of her. Had Dumbledore known all along? McGonagall had never given her any indication that she knew her briefly in the past, but perhaps that was what sparked her to allow her to use the Time Turner in her third year, in the first place? To make sure that Hermione would be acquainted with time travel and the dangers that it posed…?

Hermione pulled the light throw blanket from her lap and hurried down the hall to the spare room. She began scanning the book case, looking through the rows and rows of books that had been added by Remus and she pulled every single one out that may have something to do with werewolf habits. Remus certainly had an interest in Defense Against the Dark Arts as it was now, and his book collection showed that. She found seven books that looked promising and she quickly moved into the kitchen, sitting at the table with the books stacked next to her. She summoned some parchment and her fountain pen and then twisted her wand into her hair to secure it in a bun and out of her face as she began to read through the articles.

Around one in the afternoon, she got up to stretch, she had been reading and looking over the articles in the books for hours now, she was currently on book number four. The first three had been ridiculous and so skewed to the idea that werewolves were dangerous, horrible beasts, she found herself quickly getting agitated. Was there not a single text in the damn world that was written by an actual werewolf? Someone who had experience with it and could tell people what to actually expect when being around someone who was infected with lycanthropy?

It had been well over a month since Remus had confessed that he knew that she was his mate. He had used the word imprinted, and she knew the meaning of the word well enough to know that his wolf, Moony, had emotionally staked a claim on her. But she didn't know what that meant. He seemed very upset when he talked with Sirius about it, adamant that it meant she wouldn't have a choice. He had also mentioned a marking? She wondered if that meant she had some strange mark on her that made the wolf identify her or if it was a metaphor for something else.

Of course, she had read a bit about werewolves throughout the years- her third year essay piqued an interest, but she had always just skimmed past the mating bits. Rarely was it ever detailed enough to make sense of and as a young teenager, werewolves mating was hardly an appropriate subject to read on, especially when she had come to the conclusion that a very handsome professor was infected with lycanthropy. As she sat back down with a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits that were going stale, she found a fair amount of useful information in the fourth book.

The book was called Lycanthropy: Beyond the Wolf, and while reading through it, she had discovered that it was certainly not a metaphorical marking. It was indeed a very real, very physical marking of the wolf's mate. According to this particular text, a wolf is able to recognize its mate almost instantly. The magical signature of the mate complements that of both the host and the wolf in a way that strengthens the bonds of magic between them all. The ritual would take place during a New Moon, and it seemed to be rather primal, involving two bites to the mate-one on the back of the neck and one on the inner thigh, above the knee, where the femoral artery is closest to the surface. Once bitten, the blood of the mate would be used to draw a series of three runes on the chest of both the mate and the infected lycanthrope, blood, body, and soul. Once the mate is marked and the runes drawn, on the following full moon, the ritual completes and the magic is tied, bonding the werewolf, the host, and the mate for life.

Finding a natural mate, Hermione had learned, was apparently an extremely rare thing. Most wolves live their entire lives without ever finding their true mate. They were able to perform the ritual, should they choose to do it, but their magic would not be strengthened as it would be with a natural mate.

Hermione read the articles in this book at least half a dozen times, nearly copying it word for word so she could commit it to memory. Finally at a quarter after three, Hermione was pulled from her notes by the sound of the front door opening. She groaned, rolling her eyes as she continued scratching away at the parchment.

"I'm fine Sirius, please leave me alone!" Hermione called out, not in the mood to listen to Sirius gripe at her for not leaving the house today.

"Well if they've sent Sirius to check in on you, that can't be good."

Hermione dropped her pen and promptly scrambled to her feet, nearly tripping over the leg of the chair as she ran into the living room. Remus stood in the center of the room, his hand on the back of his neck and a sheepish smile on his face. He nearly had a full beard, which looked strange on his squared jaw at this age, and his clothes were filthy and worse for wear compared to when he left. She could smell the dirt and sweat of nearly a fortnight spent without a proper shower and more than likely in a cave or some other questionable dwelling. But she didn't care. She flung herself into his arms and squeezed his frame tightly.

Her throat felt thick as she swallowed, trying not to cry from the overwhelming feeling of relief of seeing him standing in their living room, his arms wrapping around her and his face buried into her hair.

Once she held him long enough to convince herself that he was here, and alive, and okay, she pulled away and smacked him hard on the front of his shoulder.

"Ow!" Remus said, jumping back slightly, "Why are you hitting me?!"

"Twelve damn days!" Hermione shouted, punctuating each word with a smack. "You were supposed to be gone a week tops! Or do you not remember that conversation?!"

"Ow! Hermione! Stop it!" Remus said, grabbing her wrists and pinning her arms to her sides, "Merlin, witch! I could file spousal abuse on you!"

Hermione narrowed her eyes and swallowed back the laugh that was tickling her throat at the amusement in his eyes and the upward twitch on his lips. "What happened?"

"Let me clean up and then we can go over to James' and tell everyone at once," Remus said, releasing her wrists.

She heaved a dramatic sigh and folded her arms over her chest, "I don't want-

"It's Harry's first Halloween," Remus said. "We have to go. Were you not going to go?"

Hermione stared at Remus, feeling guilty as she shifted from foot to foot. "I was working on some research…"

"You're always working on some research," Remus laughed. "It's only his first Halloween once! I came back in time to go, so… So we're going!"

Hermione barked a laugh, "Is this you trying to put your foot down?"

"Is it working?"

"Not really but it's cute to see you try. You need more confidence when you're being demanding, love."

Remus laughed again and shook his head, "I'm going to go clean up, you silly witch."

Hermione watched as he walked down the hall and entered the bathroom. She waited about seven minutes, long enough to ensure he had time to get a decent wash, but judging by the still running water, hadn't gotten out of the shower yet. Quietly, she crept into the bedroom and stripped down before sneaking into the bathroom to give Remus a better idea of how much she missed him being gone.


After what turned out to be the longest and best shower of Hermione's life, she and Remus dressed in comfortable clothes and headed over to James and Lily's. Remus lamented his irritation that he had gotten home so late because he had wanted to, at the very least, bake some biscuits to celebrate Halloween. Hermione thought that while that may be partially true, it was far more likely that his sweet tooth was killing him from not being packed with sugar for the last two weeks.

When they walked through the door, James and Sirius both practically shouted with joy at the sight of Remus. They both pulled him in for a hug and instantly began roughing him up and asking him questions between dancing around and pinching his arms.

"What has gotten into them today?!" Hermione asked Lily.

Lily laughed, "They've been drinking since noon."

"Oh, so they're completely plastered right now?"

"Absolutely tanked."

Hermione laughed, shaking her head. To her own surprise, she felt herself move closer to Lily, her hands reached out to scoop Harry from her arms. Lily happily shifted him over to her, saying she would go get drinks for her and Remus. It was getting easier to be around Harry all fresh and new, without the weight of the world on his shoulders. His eyes were green now, the exact same shade as Lily's, and not that she had been around a ton of babies in her life, but she thought he was the most beautiful little thing she had ever laid eyes on.

She settled into the sofa, laying Harry on his back on the tops of her thighs, her hand cradling his head to give support as he looked around and cooed happily at his surroundings. Finally James, Sirius, and Remus had calmed down a touch, only after James and Sirius convinced Remus to take a few shots of Firewhisky, and they all settled in different spots around the living room. Remus sank into the sofa next to Hermione, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and using his other hand to tickle Harry's belly.

As the night continued, they listened to music, laughed at the ridiculous "ghost story" James tried to tell them, and ate their body weight in sweets. They drank mulled cider and finally, once Harry had been put to bed Remus told them what had happened on his extended assignment.

"It went… perfectly." Remus said, sounding surprised himself as he said the words. "It was amazing, really. The Alpha is this old bloke, ancient bloke, called Vladislav. He was accommodating, a little rude but most werewolves are-

"Exceptionally rude, yes." Sirius said, nodding and biting back a smirk.

"Shut up!"

"See? Proving my point just now!" Sirius laughed.

Remus rolled his eyes, "He allowed me to stay with his pack, there were nine of them. I think I was the youngest there, but that's not anything new. But it went well, I erm…" He rubbed the back of his neck and shifted in the seat, "I secured them as allies."

"You're leaving again?" Hermione asked, her tone much sharper than she would have liked.

"Not yet. But soon, probably," Remus admitted. "Having Vladislav and his pack behind me definitely helps. He's a well respected Alpha, according to his pack, he's always stayed out of trouble and every single person in his pack was turned by him in an effort to save their lives. It's… It's kind of amazing, really."

Hermione was shocked. This was the first time she had ever heard Remus talk about being a werewolf and it not be completely soaked in loathing and anger. He sounded truly inspired by this pack, and she was glad to see that he had met a werewolf who had done something good with his lycanthropy. He had saved lives, and that was worth something to Remus.

"How does turning a bloke into a werewolf save his life?" James asked, "The way you talk about it, it makes it seem like it wouldn't be worth it."

"It isn't," Remus said, flatly. "But these people all chose to be turned. They all had some sort of ailment or another leaving them near death. Werewolves heal better by nature, mate. If they survived the transformation, there's a good chance whatever was killing them would be gone by the time they woke up."

"So you secured allies in Prague," Hermione said. "Why were you gone so long?"

He smiled, "I didn't just go to Prague."

"What do you mean?"

"I secured the Prague pack before the full moon," he continued. "So Vladislav contacted a sister pack just outside of Vienna and we met with them after the moon. From there I spent the last three days in Hungary I met with two packs, one just outside of Budapest and one in Debrecen."

"Moony!" James said, his eyes going wide as he moved closer to the edge of the chair, straightening his back in excitement, "Moony, you aren't saying…?"

"I am," he smiled.

"You talked to four packs?" Hermione asked, "And all four…?"

"They did."

"How many?" Lily asked.

"Thirty nine."

"Thirty nine?!" Sirius exclaimed, "You secured thirty nine foriegn allies, that just happened to be werewolves?!"

Remus beamed, despite the pink tint to his cheeks. "I met with Dumbledore this morning, with the backing I've secured he thinks we can move into more densely populated areas. France, Bulgaria, and he wants to go to Germany again… Maybe even Poland."

"Remus… That's… That's amazing!" Lily said.

As they talked over the epic victory in the wrangling of some sort of foreign backing, Hermione remained quiet. It was amazing, truly it was. And had it been anyone else, Hermione was sure they wouldn't have been successful. She could tell the days spent with the packs had been a massive boost to Remus' confidence, to be doing something successful for the Order was fueling his adrenaline and making him feel as if he were on top of the world. And he deserved to have that feeling more than anyone.

But she couldn't rid the feeling of dread that settled in her stomach. The more assignments he was sent out on, the longer he was away from them, the more likely he was to be captured again or killed.


It was after midnight and not only were James and Sirius still very well hammered, but Lily, Hermione, and Remus all had a heavy buzz going as well. And the topic of Hermione's heartache had become the forefront of their conversation.

"Hermione, have you thought on it?" Lily asked.

"Thought on what?'

"What you would be doing if there was no war? If we lived in a normal world, no war no madness and you were still here with us, what would you do?"

"I know what I'd do!" Sirius said, right away.

"I wasn't talking to you!" Lily laughed, smacking him.

"I don't care!" Sirius said, blowing a raspberry at her and continuing on. "I would wait for Walburga, the bitch, to drop over. Then, I'd take the money and buy a shop!"

"What kind of shop?" Hermione asked.

"One for motorbikes!" Sirius said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"They already have those in the Muggle-

He cut Remus off, "Not like this one! I'd open it up on Diagon Alley and I'd sell flying motorbikes!"

"Flying motorbikes?" James laughed, "Are you okay, mate? Go a bit around the bend have you?"

"I've almost got mine working!" Sirius argued, "It'll come a foot off the ground now! Mark my words, by Halloween next year- she'll soar across the sky!"

Everyone laughed and Sirius rolled his eyes, grumbling how no one ever took him seriously and they'd have to eat crow when he got his bike in the air.

"What about you, James?" Sirius asked.

"Well I'm not going to buy a fucking flying motorbike shop, that's for sure."

"Good! That's my idea."

"Idiot," Remus laughed.

"Hey! If you're so smart, what would you be doing then?!" Sirius said.

"It doesn't matter, even if there wasn't a war-

"Wildest dreams!" Lily urged, "Anything goes! What would you be doing?!"

Remus sighed, "You really want to know?"

"Yes!" Lily, James, Sirius, and Hermione sang in unison.

"I want to teach at Hogwarts."

"Fucking swot even in your wildest dreams! You get a jail free card and you use it to be a sodding professor? Couldn't even buy a damn railroad?!" Sirius laughed.

"Why is that your wildest dream, Moony? Being a professor can't be that hard, and you just have to be good at it. Merlin knows you bested everyone in Defense, you could teach that easily!" James said, his brows brought together in confusion as he looked at his friend.

Hermione felt Remus shift uncomfortably on the sofa, his shoulder bumping into hers. "Erm… Maybe.. Maybe you could. But not me."

"You were better than me at every subject! That doesn't-

"James!" Lily snapped, "I know you're quite drunk but can you use your mind for a moment, please?"

James got quiet and looked at Sirius for a moment, a similar look of confusion on Sirius' face before he nearly jumped out of his seat, "Because of Moony?!" Sirius shouted, "You can't be a Prof- That's bullshit! Dumbledore would let you teach!"

"He probably would," Remus agreed. "But the parents and guardians of the kids probably wouldn't be too fond of the idea of a werewolf teaching their classes."

Hermione chewed on her bottom lip to keep her thoughts to herself. She wanted nothing more than to tell him that he would absolutely achieve his dream to teach and he would be brilliant and so loved by every single student that walked through his doors. Instead, she settled for taking another sip of her cider.

"So that's it? You want to teach at Hogwarts? That's your big dream?" Sirius asked.

"Not that you're one to judge dreams," Remus rolled his eyes. "But not exactly."

"Go on…" James said.

"I'd like to have a family, if this was my wildest dream."

"Kids?" Lily asked, eyeing Hermione briefly before looking to Remus.

"I think so," he said. "A daughter. Since it's my dream life and I can choose."

"Remus, you can have children and teach you don't have to-

"It's not the same," he said, interrupting Lily. "In my dream life I'm normal. No one's ever called me Loopy Lupin, I can go outside and look at the full moon, and I don't have any scars. Well… maybe a few small ones."

The room became very quiet and Hermione instinctively grabbed for Remus' hand. She coughed a bit on the cider she had just swallowed and craned her neck to look up at him, her mouth twisted down and to the side. The thought that Remus' wildest dream was so tangible broke her heart, that he thought he'd never have what he wanted because not even in his wildest fantasies would be infected with lycanthropy. Because really the thing he wanted more than anything was to live without suffering through the transformation every month.

"I hear Harry," James said.

Harry definitely wasn't crying, but James and Lily both stood. "I think we'll head to bed," Lily said. "You know you can all stay over if you want."

"We'll head home, not like it's very far." Hermione mumbled.

They said their goodbyes and Hermione and Remus left the house, walking quickly back to their own home. When they got inside, they changed into pajamas and climbed into bed, Hermione's head resting on Remus' chest. They were quiet for a long time, so long in fact, Hermione thought that maybe Remus had fallen asleep. She was sure he must be exhausted, it wasn't as if he slept in a bed while he was gone.

"Are you awake," Remus whispered.

Hermione smiled against his chest, "Yeah."

"What would you do, if you didn't have to leave and the war wasn't happening… What would you want?"

"If there was no war, I wouldn't be here."

"I know. But humor me?"

Hermione sighed, "I hadn't really thought about it."

"So think about it."

What did she want? If she could stay in 1980 and the war wasn't sucking the life from the world around them, if she wasn't infected with a curse and if her being here for the rest of time wouldn't completely disrupt the future…

"I want to own a bookshop," she said. "Nothing big and elaborate. Just a small bookshop, maybe sell coffee and tea with a few small tables where people can read."

"I thought you'd want to be a healer, or a solicitor or something in the Ministry?"

"I've always thought I would go that route, to be honest." Hermione agreed, "I really wanted to work for the Ministry when I was younger. But now? I think I've had my fill. Buy a bookshop, settle down.. There is one other thing I would do though."

"Is there?"

Hermione hummed, "Mhmm." She twisted to look up at him and pulled his head back on the pillow, his shaggy hair fell into his eyes and Hermione lifted a hand to his face, gently pushing the sandy locks from his forehead, letting her hand rest on the side on his face. "I would want you to mark me."

"What?"

"I… I've been reading. You could do this even now, if you marked me we would always be tied together, our magic bonded for life. You would always be with me no matter what year it is."

"No."

"Remus I-

"No, Hermione. No. I won't… I won't do that to you. You deserve a normal life and if I marked you-

She sighed and set her head back on his chest, kissing the bare skin and wrapping arm around his waist, "For the record, even in my wildest fantasies, you're exactly as you are. Werewolf and all... I never cared much for normal anyway."

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a/n: Thank you for reading! Special thanks to my alpha as always, Mayghaen17! I also had a little bit of extra help this chapter from DrunkenWinky and Starryar, so thank you! 3

xo