Tales of the Falls

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

ANNOUNCEMENT!

I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!

SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!

The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.

...responses...

Wicked.A: Uh...yes, he is. 'S' means SMALL. and 'X' means EXTRA.

RasenganFin: thanks...and how so?

The Howling Behemoth: thank you

Gamelover41592: Thank you

...III...

It was a grand day before the Woodstick festival; hipsters were singing, Grunkle Stan was chasing hipsters off the property with rocks, Soos was live-chatting with Melody, and Dipper had just walked on his future mother-in-law coming out of the restroom-

GAH!

-completely naked. Mary Corduroy- fresh out of the shower -smirked at her daughter's future boyfriend squealed in shock. "Relax buddy! Now you get to see what your girlfriend will look like in a couple years, you lucky stud!" she teases as she posses provocatively.

Dipper's brain was in shutdown...

"Hey, here's a trick I taught Wendy a couple years back!" She grabbed a HUGE walnut...and crushed it with just the raw strength of her but cheeks...at the same time she bounces a nickle off her breasts...repeatedly...from one to the other...

RIP!

Even Dipper's custom made pants coudn't keep stable as his newest bulge rips them in two, completely exposing him.

...and that was the scene Wendy walked in on, "Hey mom have you seen Dip- WHAT THE BLOOD ARE YOU DOING MOM!?"

Mary was too busy whistling appreciatively at the size of Dipper's junk, "Dang sweetie! Your so lucky! Even your daddy's got nothing on this!" she laughs.

Wendy naturally grabs an axe and chases he still laughing mom...while Dipper just faints...

...

Mable was depressed. Dipper had gone on an adventure to the badlands involving a 'torch of Tiga' with the other girls...and this time he hadn't even ASKED if she wanted to come- True, she probably would've said no since a new Ducktective was on- but still, he could have at least ASKED!

And then there was that whole thing last week with the weird mailbox...did Wendy and Pacifica HAVE to yell at her like that? Seriously, what kinda Debbie downer didn't like gummy worms shoved up their nose? They should be thanking her for interrupting their experiment and severing their connection Mr. Grumpy!

She toyed with her hashbrowns at the diner halfheartedly... if only they'd get off her case! If only they'd bother some other boy by just one day! Just one day with her and her dipping sauce...like they used to be...was that too much to ask?

Suddenly, a weird fat man roars into the room!

"LOVE GOD!" Cheered everyone.

He Starts up the jukebox with a single thump. "That's what they call me. We're rewriting history tonight, and it starts with- He points at a male patron and a female employee- you and you!" The man and woman look at each other and start kissing. "Love is real and it's in your face!"

He goes around performing similar miracles while an interested Mable watches...

A quick chat reveals the Love 'god's' true nature, he even makes a Badger and a snake to prove his point

"That could have been concentrated Badger and Snake Pheromones, those things are everywhere!" Says Mable dismissively...her eye's widen in surprise and she thinks 'Wow I sound like Dipper right now!' ...this causes her to shudder and feel- (retch) -mature!

So when the Love God tells her to suggest a real challenge Mabel takes him to the News Casting table where Shandra Jimenez is seated and Toby Determined is skulking nearby determined to talk to her. Turns out the Number Gideon gave Toby in the altered Timeline was fake just like the real one.

Mabel tells the Love God that if he can get Shandra Jimenez to be romantically involved with Toby, then he's the real deal.
"Sorry Supernatural and Magical Creatures are immune to my Love Powers. That THING won't be affected." Said Love God with a shrug.

"What do you mean thing?" Asked Mable confused

"That thing right there. I've seen some pretty bizarre creatures before in my travels but that thing takes the cake."

"That's Toby Determined! He's human!"

The Love God frowns and stares at Toby for 5 minutes before...

"Are you sure he's human? It looks like a Goblin."

"Just do it already! Geez!"

And so he dose, while a horrified diner watches Shandra make-out with a now catatonic Toby Mable's mind races with possibilities...

"This could be just what I needed! I'll dose Wendy and Pacifica with this stuff and have them go to other guys! If it doesn't work out I can just use the Anti-love to to turn them back! If it dose work out...well, I'll probably be doing them a favor! Wendy and Dipper would've never worked out! And Pacifica...social differences! Yeah, social differences! She's rich, he's poor...that's...that's probably an issue!...why not? I'll even put love potion on another girl to keep Dipper company! A better girl!...like Candy! She's sweet, intelligent, funny, and she won't but in on my alone time with Dipper! She's perfect! Everyone wins! Great idea Mable! thanks Mable!"

While the love god was distracted getting his face signed, Mable stole his love and anti-love potion.

She then made some calls.

She'd have Wendy meet up with...wow, there was a shortage of non-jerk guys her age around town, wasn't there? ...okay...Oh, Robbie! He's been miserable lately...after Wendy told him she never wanted to see him again...maybe all he needed was a second chance? Sure, why not!?

Pacifica...bit more trickey...especially considering her justification- Her CONCERN! She meant her concern...Her CONCERN was there social class...so the boy would need to be rich...or at least rich-ish...what about Gabe Bensen!? He owned a business!...sorta...whatever, it was close enough! Besides, she'd been considering taking him for herself. so really...She was being VERY generous to Pacifica here!

So she called Pacifica and Wendy down to the diner, called Robbie down on the pretense of a free guitar give-away, and Gabe on the pretense of a puppet-con.

She stays long enough to make sure all four are there and that chili fries with her 'special' sauce get sent to their table, she sees both girls begin to eat and the two boys come in. Satisfied, she hops off to find Candy. She had to hurry before all the Woodstick tickets were gone after all!

...needless to say after she left...her 'perfect' plan... fell apart.

First, although Gabe and Robbie did enter...they almost immediately left.

Gabe because he wasn't a blind fool, immediately realized that there were no puppets here and dismissed the call as a prank...

And Robbie...when he saw Wendy he remembered her very creative threat of 'I'll shove you up your own but if you ever touch Dipper or come near me again'...and quickly ran for his life before she could see him...

Another false assumption Mable made was she assumed that only 'straight' pairings could occur...

Hey guys! Nice to see you! You ready for the big festival?!" Shouted Tambry excited as she walked over to her friends.

The two girls looked up from their meals to greet her...only to suddenly look at her with flustered, dumbstruck...LUSTFUL faces.

Tambry backed away from these faces nervously, "Uh...guys? you okay?"

...10 seconds later...

A naked Tambry screams as she runs from the diner with nothing but a few scraps of fabric to hold up to barely conceal her nudity...chased by two very amorous girls who were still arguing...

SHE's MINE!

You don't have the womanhood to handle a girl like that!

Something the love god forgot to mention...if the person has pent up sexual desires...it gets tripled and let loose all at once...and after weeks with hanging out with a hung and almost constantly naked Dipper...these girls had that in spades...

Meanwhile, an oblivious Mable skips happily to give Candy and Dipper the love potion...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Publish a chapter of my 'Shake up the Falls' Challenge before anyone else and I'll update the next chapter this plus two other stories!

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