Tales of the Falls

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

ANNOUNCEMENT!

I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!

SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!

The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.

...responses...

RasenganFin: okay... what?

Gamelover41592: How could I not?

ImperialStar: What? Buddy, this arc has barely begun! I haven't even introduced the major players yet!

...III...

With Mable's attempts to throw out more cameras thwarted, they make their way to the island. Dipper focuses on searching for the monster...oblivious that Wendy was focusing on Dipper's trunks...

"Uh, Wendy-

"I DON'T CARE IF HE'S SMALL, I'M NOT A PERVERT!" Screamed Wendy suddenly.

Soos gave her a weird look, "Uh...I just wanted to know if you wanted an ice cream bar..."

Wendy flustered...then chuckled nervously. "Uh...right...sure, I'll have one."

While she eats, Dipper finds the lair...of a beaver playing with a chainsaw?

Dipper groaned, "well, this whole trip was a bust-

ROAR!

THE GOBBLEWONKER BURSTS OUT OF THE WATER AND LEAPS AT DIPPER!

Dipper screamed Wendy as she pushes him out of the way, they both go tumbling into the water as the monster chases after Soos and Mable.

The force of the dive and the current sweep the two a ways away from the island, Wendy groans to herself as she tries to right herself. "Dang, that knocked the air out of me!" She begins to look around under water, "Where am I? Where's-

And then she see's it, Dipper, his head above the surface gasping at air...but his trunks...his trunks are below his knees...letting Wendy see everything...

...8 years ago...

"Don't pretend your eyes don't hover, at least for a moment, over the delicately sculpted penises on classical nude statues. While it may not sound like the most erudite subject, art historians haven't completely ignored ancient Greek genitalia either. After all, sculptors put as much work into penises as the rest of their artwork, and it turns out there's a well-developed ideology behind those rather small penises."

Explained Mr. Shimsham as he showed off some ancient statues with teeny weeny's.

"To put it bluntly: In ancient Greece, it seems, a small penis was the sought-after look for the alpha male."

"Evidently Greeks associated small and non-erect penises with moderation, which was one of the key virtues that formed their view of ideal masculinity"

He starts to write numerous orgy revelries on the board...

"There is the contrast between the small, non-erect penises of ideal men (heroes, gods, nude athletes etc) and the over-size, erect penises of Satyrs (mythic half-goat-men, who are drunkards and wildly lustful) and various non-ideal men. Decrepit, elderly men, for instance, often have large penises."

He writes some more pornographic sketches on the board

"Similar ideas are reflected in ancient Greek literature, says Lear. For example, in Aristophanes' Clouds a large penis is listed alongside a "pallid complexion," a "narrow chest," and "great lewdness" as one of the characteristics of un-athletic and dishonorable Athenian youths."

"Only grotesque, foolish men who were ruled by lust and sexual urges had large penises in ancient Greece. In fact, Art history blogger Ellen Oredsson notes on her site that statues of the era emphasized balance and idealism."

"The ideal Greek man was rational, intellectual and authoritative," he Explained. "He may still have had a lot of sex, but this was unrelated to his penis size, and his small penis allowed him to remain coolly logical."

He turns to the class, "Any questions?"

The elementary class containing a young Wendy and Tambry...just looked in terror at the pistol the lunatic who took them all hostage and began to teach them was holding...

...Half the SWAT team died before the kids were rescued...

...

Traumatic memories aside, Wendy- acting with her loins and not her head -Ripped off the trunks and let the pieces fall into the ocean out of reach...

Wendy's eye's went wide, what had she done?!

...

Dipper's eye's went wide in panic, he didn't know how...but his trunks were gone! He was completely naked! One moment, he felt it underwater dangling by his legs, and now it was gone completely!

"Oh, man! I hope Wendy-

And then something red was shoved into her face.

Dipper takes it...It's a red bathing suite!?

"Wha-

Then he sees a flustered Wendy, desperately keeping her body below water.

"I'm sorry Dipper...your trunks were totaled...it's my fault...use my suite." she said in a voice filled with shame and embarrassment.

Dipper was dumbstruck!

"Wow...Wendy...thanks...I promise I'll get you help!"

He quickly wraps the suite around his waist and swims away...

Wendy tries REALLY hard not to think about the 'two tiny sesame seeds and itty bitty pine needle' she'd just seen...

...Meanwhile...

"Forget fishing, this is way cooler!" Shouts Stan as he, Mable, Soos and Old man McGucket bond over using the robot Gobblwonker burn the town and scare everyone!

"BURN BABY BURN!" Screamed Mable...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Publish a chapter of my 'Shake up the Falls' Challenge before anyone else and I'll update the next chapter this plus two other stories!

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