Chapter 61: Wednesday, December 31, 1980

"The world will plant a seed of doubt within you. Do not water it."

-L.E. Bowman


The week after Christmas seemed to fly by, and before Hermione knew it, she was sitting on the sofa next to Lily, watching the four Marauders make absolute arses of themselves. Sirius had made it his life's mission on this particular New Year's Eve to get Remus completely drunk.

"He's never been sloshed!" Sirius said, "Drunk, yes. But he's never been drunk like we have! Moony, my love, you deserve a night of black out drunken fun!"

"I spend once a month blacked out," Remus said, pinching his nose in irritation. "I don't really fancy it anymore than that."

"But it's not the same!" Peter piped up.

"I can't remember anything, I often throw up, I wake up with scars and bruises without any knowledge of how I got them, and I smell like I've pissed myself. Seems just about the same to me."

"Aw, come on Moony! Lighten up!" James said, doing his best to sling an arm around Remus' shoulder, which was a few inches higher than his own. "New Year and all that! Don't you want to try something new?!"

"I've got a few spliffs if you'd rather…?" Sirius smirked.

"Sirius!" Lily scolded.

"What?" He asked, looking at her with a dumbfounded look on his face. "It's not like I was gonna smoke them in here with Harry!"

Lily and Hermione both shook their head, sighing heavily.

Eventually, James, Sirius, and Peter won out and Remus agreed to have a few extra drinks to join them in their inebriated escapade. Hermione thought it funny, if she were being honest. She wouldn't normally approve of someone willingly giving into the peer pressure but the Marauders were relentless and Remus did deserve to let loose and have a good time after all of the assignments he had been on recently.

Before the four men could do something stupid that might result in Harry getting hurt, Lily and Hermione took to Harry's nursery to put him to bed. She was amazed, really, by how calm a baby Harry was. Everything she had ever heard of small babies led her to believe that they were all a handful who cried constantly and demanded infinite affection. Although infinite affection was certainly given to Harry, he hardly ever cried. Whimpered, occasionally, but he was happy and full of laughter.

Hermione leaned over Harry's crib, reaching down to scratch behind Chester's ears as the cat gave a stretch and a yawn before settling back onto the soft mattress. Lily set Harry on the small changing table, giving him a fresh nappy and wrestling him into pajamas.

"The cat adores him," Lily laughed. "I can't figure it out. He hates nearly everyone but you and me but he sleeps with Harry every night. Not that I'm complaining, I think it keeps Harry calm, honestly."

"Clever cat," Hermione smiled.

"Hermione," Lily said, her voice sounding tighter than usual. "I know you can't really tell me anything… But you knew Ron, so obviously you knew Harry… Does he… Does he turn out all right?"

Hermione looked away from Chester and pulled her brows together, "What do you mean?"

"I just… It's hard, you know? I feel like I'm messing him up some how. I never know what I'm doing, I guess at it most of the time. Molly helps, of course, she gives me so much wonderful advice. Andromeda too… They keep saying I'm not, and that it's supposed to feel that way but I just help but wonder…"

Hermione sighed, giving a half-hearted smile. "He's lovely," she whispered. "Truly. He's got friends who would do anything for him, and he'd do anything for them. He's brilliant, in his own way-

"Oh god," Lily said, her eyes going wide. "He's an idiot, isn't he? He grows up to be a complete idiot!"

Hermione burst into laughter, "No! No, that's not what I meant! I meant, he's practical. He's brilliant where it counts, where it's important."

"Like James," Lily said.

Hermione nodded, "Yeah. A lot like James." Too much like James.

"So I don't completely bollocks it up?"

Hermione laughed, shaking her head. "No, Lily. He's truly a wonderful man."

Lily bit into her lip, her head bobbing slightly. "Okay. Good."

Lily picked Harry up from the small table and pressed her lips to his forehead before laying him on the cot. Chester immediately went right to him, curling into his side and purring happily. Harry seemed to be completely knackered once he laid down and within moments, he gave a gummy yawn and closed his large, emerald eyes.

"Thank you," Lily whispered, twining her fingers with Hermione's and laying her head on her shoulder.

Hermione rested her head atop Lily's and gave her hand a light squeeze.


When Lily and Hermione made their way back into the main part of the house, they found it to be empty. They shared a look of concern before a few shouts from the back garden caught their attention, pulling them out into the cold winter air. As soon as they stepped out, Hermione and Lily both fell into peels of laughter.

Remus and Sirius were dodging snowballs being thrown by James and Peter. It looked as if they had used a well placed gemino to expand the already thick layer of snow that had covered the ground and were firing hundreds of premade snowballs at each other, using shield charms and jinxes to protect themselves.

"Oi! It's not fair! Moony's hands don't get cold!" Peter shouted, shaking out his frozen fingers.

"He's right!" James said, "Moony should get a handicap of somesort!" he looked somewhat thoughtful for a minute before pointing his wand at Remus and shouting "tarantallegra!"

Remus was hit in the back before he could spin around and defend himself. Hermione felt tears roll down her cheeks as she laughed, choking for air and clutching her side as Lily nearly fell into her from laughing so hard. Remus began dancing across the lawn, his feet tapping at a furious pace, his knees jerking up as if riverdancing.

"Hey!" Remus shouted, "Make it stop!"

"You're just mad because you're losing!" Sirius shouted at James, trying to stifle his laughter as Remus danced around him.

Peter began howling with laughter, pelting Remus and Sirius with a merciless string of snowballs and Sirius dove behind the bench to take cover. He jumped up and shouted "Anteoculatia!" hitting James with a red jet.

"Ah! Fuck!" James shouted, his hands flying up to his head as enormous antlers sprouted from his hair. "Really, Pads! Come on, man!" He shouted, his neck looking as if it could barely support the weight of his head now, rolling about on his shoulders as he tried to look at Sirius.

Lily was wailing, smacking her thighs as she laughed. Hermione's throat was raw, a stitch in her side forming from the lack of breath, her cheeks numb as she cried with loud guffaws.

"Melafors Frigus!" Remus said, his wand aimed at Peter.

Sirius fell over when Peter's head became completely encased in a large snowball. He pointed his wand and added a carrot and two pieces of coal to make his head look like a snow man and even James howled with laughter.

Peter began swearing at Sirius, moving his arms blindly out in front of him as he stumbled around and Hermione calmed her breathing long enough to nudge Lily with her elbow.

Hermione pulled her wand from her sleeve, where it was secure in the new holster she had bought, and pointed it at Sirius and whispered a knee reversal hex at him. Sirius shouted in surprise before he toppled over, unable to pull himself up with his knees backwards. He scooted around the ground shouting at James, who was desperately trying to prove his innocence.

It was then that the four men finally realized that Lily and Hermione had witnessed the entire show and they all began shouting at them, throwing snowballs that missed thanks to Lily's shield charms. Remus finally danced his way closer to them and caught Hermione square in the face with a freezing and wet ball and Hermione smirked.

"Aw mate! You're in trouble now!" Sirius laughed from the ground, still struggling to pull himself upright.

Hermione smirked at Remus and, channeling Ginny, sent a Bat-Bogey hex his way. Within seconds, Remus was sneezing and enormous bats were pouring from his had finally gotten used to the weight of the antlers on his head and pulled Lily and Hermione into the garden to join their shenanigans.

An hour later, with Hermione's tail and Lily quacking every time she tried to speak, was how they rang in the New Year. There was no midnight countdown or toast to better days ahead. But there was laughter and joy and more happiness than Hermione had felt from the group as a collective, in months. Despite the large, bushy tail she now sported, she laughed and jumped around the back garden like a child at primary school.

It was clear, however, that their Holiday bliss would be short lived and it was Hermione who noticed it first.

Surging toward them, a silvery streak glowing against the night sky, lighting up everything around them in it's glow before it landed in the center of the garden.

"Shh!" Hermione said, "Quiet! Look!"

The streak of silver stopped and an enormous Phoenix took its place. When its beak opened, it was Dumbledore's voice that filled the air, stopping everyone in their tracks and causing all of them to cancel the good-humored hexes and jinxes they had cast on one another.

"There has been an attack. Convene at headquarters with haste."

Hermione's face fell, and the realization settled over her that everyone else had felt it as well. The heaviness of the war around them covered the garden like a blanket, wiping the remnants of tears of laughter and sore cheeks from their faces and sobering them all instantly. Lily took a sharp breath and looked at James, her eyes wide and filled with questions.

"Stay here," Sirius said. "You still can't leave."

"But-

"No," James said. "No, Sirius is right. We can't leave. We'll have to wait for word from the Order. You lot had better go."

Remus moved first, grabbing Hermione's hand and stuffing his wand back up his sleeve. Before Hermione could open her mouth to speak, the garden was twisting away from them and she was stumbling on her feet, hitting the stone outside of Dorcas Meadow's house. With two more pops, Peter and Sirius appeared just behind Remus and Hermione, and together they rushed through the door.

Inside, the dining room was chaos.

Emmaline and Molly were holding a hand over their mouths, their eyes full of tears. Kingsley and Mad-Eye seemed to be in a rather heated shouting match while Dumbledore and Ted Tonks spoke quietly on the other side of the room. Daedalus Diggle was clutching his arm, which looked to be broken. Arthur was holding a compress to his eye, one side of his face bruised and bloodied. There were several people Hermione didn't recognize, grouped around Benjy Fenwick as he whispered furiously to them, although she did recognize Garrick Halloway, who gave a curt nod to both Sirius and herself.

"What's happened?" Sirius asked the room, waiting to see if anyone would respond.

"Ah. Mr Black," Dumbledore said, his voice calm and steady. "Remus, Peter, Hermione… I'm glad you've joined us. Please, follow me."

Remus' hand stayed wrapped around Hermione's as they moved forward, past the group at large and into the back spare room. Dumbledore closed the door behind them, flicking his wand to set a silencing charm and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. He looked exhausted, more tired than Hermione had ever remembered seeing him before. He waited several moments before speaking, obviously allowing them time to collect their thoughts and sit down. Sirius remained standing, Peter, Remus and Hermione all sat on the bed opposite Dumbledore.

"What's this about, then?" Sirius asked.

"At exactly midnight, during New Year's celebrations, there were twenty different attacks throughout the country. One of those attacks took place in Cokeworth."

Hermione listened with rapt attention, her stomach twisting into knots. Cokeworth… She knew the area, knew it held some sort of importance but couldn't figure out why.

"Cokeworth?" Peter asked.

"No," Remus sighed, his hand coming up to scrub his face. "They… Are they..?"

"Who?"

"Lily's parent's live in Cokeworth, you idiot!" Sirius growled at Peter.

Comprehension dawned on both Peter and Hermione. She felt her mouth drop open and she quickly snapped her jaw shut, swallowing thickly. Dumbledore continued to explain the circumstances surrounding the evening.

There were twenty separate attacks, all in muggle areas but the muggles attacked all had ties to the magical community—a sibling, a child, a spouse, who was of magical blood. Mr and Mrs Evans were targeted. Mr Evans was killed and Mrs Evans was left in critical condition after being tortured, she was currently fighting for her life in the intensive care unit of a muggle hospital, and Hermione knew that she too would pass away before the sun rose. In addition to Lily's parents being murdered, eighteen others were killed, the Dark Mark thrown high in the sky like a badge of honour above their homes.

Frank and Alice Longbottom had also been injured and were in St. Mungo's recovering.

Sirius was in an uproar, fuming at why Alice and Frank had even been allowed to go to the scenes of the attacks. Dumbledore explained that with the Ministry infiltrated, they were running out of options of able-bodied men and women who they could trust. Frank and Alice had been contacted as a last resort by the Auror department.

"Why didn't you contact us?!" Sirius shouted. "We would have went!"

"We needed Aurors on sight to work with the muggle police," was the only thing Dumbledore said, giving no further explanation.

Once Sirius had calmed down, they left the room and Hermione quickly saw to anyone who was injured. Remus apparated to their house to get her medical bag, and appeared back at the headquarters minutes later. He had barely spoken a word since Dumbledore met with them to explain what had happened, and Hermione couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind.

Two hours later, things had settled down a bit. Strong cups of bitter coffee went around the room as everyone quietly discussed battle strategies and tried to figure out the next steps. Dumbledore disappeared for a long time, and Hermione assumed it was to explain what had happened to James and Lily. Her heart sat heavy in her chest, hoping beyond all things that James and Lily would stay safe. She couldn't remember exactly what happened to them, but she knew it was not yet their time. But that didn't mean that they would remain unscathed.

After lingering in the kitchen a few minutes, finishing off her fourth cup of coffee and pouring another, she moved into the main area and realized Remus and Sirius were nowhere to be found.

"Went outside." Peter said, apparently catching her wandering gaze as she looked for them, "Probably to smoke."

Hermione nodded in thanks and moved through the house, stepping out the front and was met with Remus and Sirius leaning against the banisters, both with a cigarette in hands, talking quietly amongst themselves.

"Not you, too?" Hermione said, wrinkling her nose up as Remus took a long drag.

He blew the smoke out into the cold air and shrugged, "Helps sometimes."

"Pete met with Moody three days ago," Sirius continued talking as if Hermione hadn't interrupted them. "Said they're trying to sort out the Aurors, they think there's a spy in the ranks."

"Still doesn't explain why we wouldn't have been contacted," Remus said, taking another drag.

"Unless they think it's one of us," Sirius answered.

"That's ridiculous," Hermione said. "Why would they think it's one of us?"

"Well, kitten…" Sirius said, his tone bitter. "You have a Werewolf who has been gone weeks at a time every month for half a year and the disavowed Black family heir. We've both had targets on our backs for years, before things even started to heat up."

"But you've been loyal! And Remus has brought in allies! There's no reason to think either of you—

"It's not about reason and logic, Hermione." Remus said. He flicked the butt of his cigarette over the banister and accepted another from Sirius, lighting it with a snap of his fingers and dragging deeply before exhaling the smoke, blowing the plume over his shoulder. "People are getting killed, good people are being murdered or captured and we're no closer to stopping it than we were a year ago."

"That doesn't make it either of your fault!"

"Maybe not," Remus agreed. "But even still… People are going to start to question amongst themselves, it's only natural. This isn't your first experience with this sort of thing, surely you dealt with traitors at some point."

Hermione became quiet, her mind carding through everything she could remember. The bits and pieces that had been butchered in her mind and she could only come up with one person that made her feel deeply betrayed. And he had turned out to be…

...Working for Dumbledore the entire time…

She furrowed her brows together as her mind latched onto the memory of Severus Snape, gasping for breath as he bled from his throat in the boathouse in the middle of battle. It was officially 1981, and she had yet to see Snape anywhere. He had not been present at any meeting, his name never mentioned. She hadn't seen him at any of the ambushes or even when she had been captured while looking for James. Surely, by now, Snape had defected and shown his allegiance to Dumbledore?

"We didn't have traitors in our ranks," Hermione said. "We had defected Death Eaters."

"Defected?" Sirius scoffed, "You think once they take that stupid fucking mark they'll ever disengage themselves from his ranks? They won't. Once you're dark, you're dark. That's all there is to it."

"That's not true," Hermione said. "I have friends with that mark. Friends that were branded before they understood the severity of their actions. Friends that spent a long time making up for it, and proving that they were something other than that blemish on their arm."

"Friends that worked for the Dark Lord aren't friends," Sirius spat. "They're enemies lying dormant."

With that, he flicked his cigarette over the banister and turned on his heel, shoving the front door open and slamming it closed behind him.

Hermione sighed, taking a sip of the coffee that had now become lukewarm. "He's wrong," she said, meeting Remus' eyes.

Remus gave a soft shake of his head, his sandy waves falling into his eyes. "I'm not so sure. I don't know how someone can come back from that line of thinking and…and prove themselves worthy of any type of...of redemption. It's been a long night though, we ought to get back inside."

She nodded, but stayed behind in the cold as Remus stubbed out his cigarette and followed Sirius into the house. There were so many moving parts, so many pieces to the puzzle and none of them seemed to fit.

She stared out over the open meadow, the sunrise shining a soft orange light against the snow. It felt almost wrong for the earth to be so quiet and beautiful, for her to have felt such joy just hours prior, and know that beyond the door behind her was a resistance in the middle of war, trying to stop a Dark Lord from slaughtering everyone they loved. A group of people who, until tonight, trusted one another implicitly. And now, doubt had been brought forth and mistrust spread between them.

Hermione shivered, grimacing as she took a long sip of her now cold coffee. She knew that doubt and suspicion burned hot and fast, and it was only a matter of time before someone else got hurt.

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a/n: Hey everyone! I hope you liked this chapter! Things are starting to heat up and become real now, how are we feeling about it? let me know in the comments?

thank you so much for reading! I love you all!

xo

mimi