Chapter 70: Monday, April 27, 1981
"Life is pleasant, death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."
-Isaac Assimov
The first thing Hermione noticed when she peeled her eyes open and looked around her room was the sluggishness of her mind as it crept into gear, slowly turning cogs that felt like years of rust had glued them together. She felt like her mind had been split into two, yet the absence of a headache created an odd sensation of weightlessness in her. She blinked several times, her eyes adjusting to the light and when she took in a deep breath, she could smell something baking. The cinnamon and currant scented air wafted into the room, carried in on a draft she could not feel.
She sat up and looked around the room, trying to make sense of what had happened. The room was the same it had been for nearly two years, but it felt...different. As if she were looking at it through water, fuzzy and slightly warped. Despite being wrapped in her duvet, she felt frozen, her fingers nearly numb with cold.
Pulling back the covers and swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, she carefully stood, taking a moment to stretch and check herself over. Nothing felt broken or bruised, she didn't feel overly exhausted or nauseous...just freezing cold.
She looked around for her wand, pulling her brows together when she realized it was not on the nightstand where she usually kept it while she slept, nor was it on the top of the dresser or near the quills on the desk. Another wave of cinnamon hit her nose and she sighed.
"Remus?" Hermione called out, padding to the bedroom door and pulling it open. "Remus, are you home?"
She made her way down the narrow hall, poking her head into both the guest room and the bathroom, both of which were empty. The smell of warm cinnamon grew stronger and she assumed he must be in the kitchen, she hoped he was making Chelsea buns. A small smile twitched on her lips as she heard Blackbird playing from the kitchen. Remus didn't like the song, she knew that, but she loved that he always seemed to know when she needed to hear it.
Her feet stopped when she entered the living room and saw a mess of black hair poking up from the cushions of the sofa. Her heart leapt into her throat.
"H-Harry?"
He turned to look at her, a lopsided smile pulled the right side of his face up, his hazel eyes wrinkled under the horn-rimmed glasses. "Guess again."
Hermione blinked several times, her mind felt thick and slow—like warm treacle. "James. Of, course. Is Remus here?"
James' smile widened, "You know, I would have pegged you for a Hogwarts Library type of witch, but this will do."
Hermione's face pinched, she could not remember a time she felt so disoriented. "Hogwarts Library?"
James nodded, "Not a bad thing, rumor has it you go to someplace you've found the most comfort in or someplace freeing, perhaps. Mine and Lily's was the orchards at my parents house. It should seem that your home is also your safe place, which is lucky, really. Not everyone can say the same."
James gave her another smile, a strange glint in his eye, and he leaned forward to pour a cup of tea, holding it out to her.
"Where's Remus? I can smell whatever he's baking…I know he's here. I need to talk to him."
James motioned for her to sit next to him on the sofa, "It's just me, I'm afraid."
"But the cinnamon…" Hermione trailed, taking the spot on the cushion next to James, her eyes squinting shut as she tried to remember what had happened.
"Is that what you smell? Oh, I bet it's lovely."
"You can't smell it? It's practically taking over the house!"
"This is your party, Hermione. I can only be privy to so much of it."
Hermione stared at James for several minutes before her mind seemed to finally cut through the thick fog it had been operating under. She sprung from the cushion, her mug slipping from her hands and spilling onto the carpet. Her heart beating hard in her chest as the realization crashed over her.
"I...this is...have I died?"
He considered her question for a much longer time than she cared for, his head tilted to the side, his eyes slightly narrowed as he studied her. "Do you want to?"
"What do you mean, do I want to?"
"I mean exactly that."
"What is this? What are you talking about?"
Hermione felt hysterical, the logic of her mind unable to keep up with whatever this was. Somewhere, in the depths of her taffy-stretched brain, a memory sprang forth of a conversation with Harry she had, just hours after the Battle of Hogwarts had ended. He explained what happened in the Forbidden Forest, how he had met Dumbledore at King's Cross Station and was given the choice to move on or stay.
"I can stay," Hermione whispered.
"If you'd like," James agreed.
"And if I don't want to?"
James stood and looked around, the same pleasant look still on his face. He motioned to the fireplace, which suddenly erupted in green flames, "I assume that will take you wherever you're meant to be, should you choose to leave."
Hermione stared into the fireplace, hypnotized by the green glow of the crackling floo-fire. She could walk away. She could step into the hearth and be swept into oblivion, never having to face death again. Never having to worry about her friends and their futures, the future of the Wizarding World, of what she would lose with Remus. She could simply step into the flames and be whisked away to the after.
"You're all dead," Hermione said, pulling her eyes from the flames to look at James. "And I don't mean to offend you, but why you? Why not Remus, or Sirius, or Lily?"
He chuckled and shrugged, "Some souls can't be brought back, some souls never left, and some souls aren't meant to depart just yet. It's a toss up really, but here I am."
"All of the Marauders are dead, half my friends are dead. It's only a matter of time before it's Harry, Ron, and Draco, too."
"That's rather bleak, innit? After all, If you can look into the sky and see the moon and stars, there's a Marauder with you," he smiled.
"That's poetic bullshit, and you know it."
A bark of laughter rang through the house, cutting across the soft melody from the record player. "I'm here only to relay the messages, Hermione. I don't really get a say in what they are."
Hermione felt a flare of irritation and she rolled her eyes. "Talking in riddles is ridiculous."
"I have to agree with you on that."
Strained silence settled over them as James settled back onto the cushions of the sofa, propping one ankle over his knee and picking his mug back up from the coffee table. He leaned back, sipping his tea and waiting patiently—for what, Hermione didn't know. Instead of joining him, she stepped through the house again, looking for Remus. If anyone was going to usher her into the afterlife, the great beyond, heaven or hell, or whatever it was that came after...she wanted it to be him.
"You won't find him here, I'm afraid." James said, when she finally entered the living room again. "I've told you, it's only me."
"Peter is the spy," Hermione whispered, suddenly. The last thought in her head, before she appeared in this strange place, floated to the front of her mind. "You and Lily...Sirius...I could have stopped it. I could have done…" She trailed off as she realized the weight of her options.
She could stay. She could wake up and change everything, she could save her friends' lives, save Sirius over a decade of suffering, save Remus the bitter loneliness. She could give Harry the life he deserved, a loving family with his mum and dad…
"I can change it. James, you have to help me! I can change it, I can save you! I can fix all of this and—"
His eyes looked sad now as he shook his head, his smile still firmly in place. "Time doesn't work like that I'm afraid."
"But Peter—"
He held up a hand, "When the time is right, you'll know what to do. You always do."
She was irritated again, her mood dipping quickly into frustration and she was freezing. Why is it so bloody cold in here?! Hermione paced the living room as she tried to make sense of it all and to figure the best thing to do. She was dying anyway, wasn't she? Her days were numbered as it was and given the experience she had just had, she was certain she didn't want to return to become the monster she had just encountered.
And Remus. Remus would be waiting for her, hopefully with open arms, ready to accept her into eternity together. She would never have to mourn him. His life would be hard whether or not she decided to stay behind, and it may be selfish—she knew it was selfish—but if she chose to go, to pass on to the great beyond, she could finally be with Remus forever, in peace.
Her mind was racing as she considered her options. There was no right choice and James just sat there, staring at her as she fumbled around her own head, trying to organize the memories that had seeped back into her conscience and create a logical option.
But there were none.
She stood up from the sofa and walked to the fireplace, staring into the green flames, waiting for...something? A sign, an acknowledgement, of some sort...something to sway her, to give her guidance.
James cleared his throat from behind her, "Time is running thin, Hermione. I'm afraid you need to make a decision."
"How?" She spun on her heel and pinned him with a fierce look, "How do I decide, James? I can't possibly—"
"Shh…" James cut her off, lifting a hand and pointing to the ceiling. His eyes softened and his smile drooped slightly. "Do you hear that?"
Hermione tilted her head, as if pointing her ear to the heavens, and held her breath. The room around them became silent, the whispers of Paul McCartney faded away and the smell of cinnamon dissipated. Her own breath caught in her throat, no sound emitting. In the total silence she heard it.
"I've got you, stay with me, Hermione. Just another minute, love. Please, just another minute."
Remus' voice sounded muffled, as if it were passing through a tunnel. As she listened, she could hear his breath coming rapidly, the alarm in his voice causing his words to break and fall apart. Her face felt wet, droplets of water splashed against her cheeks and neck in time with the breaking of Remus' voice.
Her eyes opened and she looked at James, "Where do I go to stay?"
James looked around, perplexed and ruffled his hair with his hand, letting it come to rest on the back of his neck. "I think you decide that."
With a curt nod, she began to walk from the living room. Before reaching the hallway, headed back to her bedroom, she turned around. "He's lovely, you know. Harry...he's really the best friend I could have ever asked for. I'm sorry you didn't get to see him grow into that, I'm sorry he didn't get to know you."
"I've watched him for years," James said. "I was there for all of it, making sure he stayed alive, stayed safe. Well, as safe as a son of a Marauder can be. We've always been there."
Hermione nodded, swallowing around the limp in her throat, her chest tight. "James I—"
"You'd better hurry," he said. "Time is of the essence, after all."
Hermione turned back to the hall and stepped quickly to her room, wrenching open the door and hurrying toward the bed. She yanked back the covers and climbed in, pulling the heavy duvet up to her chin and wrapping herself in the scent of Remus as she closed her eyes.
Her eyelids fluttered and she was met with warmth that flooded her overly-cold body. She felt as if she were in motion, her body bouncing ever so slightly against gentle waves of a warm ocean. Droplets of water splashed against her cheeks, a hot breeze on her face, a content smile twitched at her lips, pulling them slightly up.
It felt like paradise, the warm air puffing her face, the gentle rocking of the waves, the salt water against her face, the gentle thumping sound of waves hitting boulders.
"Hold on, love. I need some time, please. I just need a minute."
She cracked an eye open, the effort making her dizzy. She saw nothing above her but the rush of trees, she closed her aching eyes again and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of chocolate and earth. Earl Grey and cinnamon—and a faint hint of the spicy cologne she had become addicted to.
"Please stay with me, Hermione."
.
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a/n: I know this one is kind of a shorty, but as some chapters do, it begged to end here. I hope you liked it!
xo
