Dippers goes to Taco Bell (AKA Amazon island!)
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!
SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!
The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.
...responses...
Gamelover41592: Thank you and yes, yes it is.
...III...
"ALRIGHT ORPHANS! WHO'S READY TO GO TO TACO BELL AND GET FOOD!?" Shouts the captain of the 'S.S. Cheapskate'. All the orphans gathered on the small dingy cheered happily...except for one.
Dipper Pines had not had a great life, picked on by other orphans and rejects. passed over numerous times for adoption by parents for being too 'weird'. The only thing about his birth family he knew is that he had a twin sister...who his parents liked more so they kept her at birth and gave him up(no seriously, it said that word-for-word on his birth certificate).
...needless to say, he'd become rather cynical...especially of the words of adults...
"Well, here you go!" The captain throws chum at all of them, drenching them from head to toe in guts(except Dipper who'd deliberately stood far enough away just in case).
...and once again, the adults didn't disappoint...
The kids look at the captain horrified as he laughed, "Sorry kids, but all the money given to that cesspit you call an orphanage is going to give the board of directors a solid gold- tax deductible -yacht! The only thing they were actually 'required' to spend on you in accordance to the 'rules' of the 'charity' was to give you a boat ride- gestures to his filthy dingy, give you 'food'- throws more chum at them -and take you to Taco Bell- points to the nearby sea -welcome to 'the Trapezoid of El Taco Bell'! Named after some...guy...who...discovered...the amazon...forest? Or something? Whatever, don't care. I've fulfilled my 'obligation', I got booze, I'll be in my quarters, don't wait up."
...He leaves them alone as the devastated kids started to sob as it began to rain...and Dipper started to slink away, hoping to get to cover before the inevitable-
"Where you think your going Pines?!" Snaps a voice as he's grabbed from behind.
-scapegoating...
Dipper sighs as all the children see he's not covered in chum and that he hadn't cheered with them...
"You knew about this and didn't tell us you jerk!?"
Dipper didn't even try to point out that that they wouldn't have listened to him and beat him up anyway...what was the point? Years of this has had him learn to just roll with the punches- literally.
"Look...we both know your going to beat me up...so can we just get it over with?"
but the lead alpha bitches- named Zita and Chloe -just chuckled, "Oh, no...this time we got something SPECIAL in mind for you." She points to the ocean, "I think it's time you go for a swim- Dipper started to panic as he was grabbed on all sides and held down...
"Were going to give you a choice...either we throw you in with no life preserver, throw you in with no clothes, or we destroy your precious journal...which will it be?" She asked sinisterly.
Dipper sighed...this was a new one, he'd give them that. He turns to their chaperon, "I don't suppose you'd be willing to stop this?" He asked in sarcastic resignation.
"I'm off duty", Said Mother Bitters apathetically as she ate her lunch...
Dipper sighed, "Of course..."
...
Dipper makes sure his journal is secure in it's water proof zip-lock bag, before also making sure his life preserver is covering his privates...not that it was doing any good...his face burnt as they laughed at him...
"I've seen fishbones with more meat on them!"
"Somebody call UPS, I just located the worlds most smallest package!"
"Hey gumbi, want some bone for those noodle-arms?!"
"Hey pasty! Get out in the sun more weirdo!"
"Is that your butt, or a couple of tiny molehills? and what's with that burn mark? Not enough of a freak already?"
Dipper was thankful that the ever-increasing rain hid his tears as he was made to walk the plank. He was painfully aware he didn't have the most athletic build...or the most manly...quite the opposite really.
He looked at his baby-dick in shame right before he was pushed over into the freezing ocean...
Mrs. Bitters turned the page of her magazine, "Right you can have your fun, but you have to eventually bring him back in...if all of you don't make it back...semi-alive, I don't get paid." She said with disinterest...she reaches over to her tea...only to pause to see a large ripple. Confused, she looks around...just in time to see a large tidal wave heading there way!
The kids, also seeing this, screamed in terror. "I regret nothing." Said Bitters dispassionately as the boat and all aboard it were sucked down to their deaths..
In later days, the ensuing investigation would reveal the orphanage as the hellhole tax-dodge it was...leading to all executive members of the company that owned it being fined millions and facing serious jail time...
But that's elsewhere...let's get back to Dipper...
...
Dipper's thin, bean pole like frame shivered as he washed ashore, he coughed violently. He exhaled the salt water that was caking the inside of his lungs. He shivered as his naked body was freezing. It had seemed like a good idea to forgo clothes to keep his research- his journal -and a means to keep from drowning...but he'd underestimated how freezing the ocean could be!
He ditched the life preserver, self-preservation over taking modesty. He quickly began to make a fire and fashion leaves into a blanket. Despite all this he was in for a long, miserable night.
Desperate to take his mind off the cold, he thinks back to what the captain said...Trapezoid of El Taco Bell? Where had he heard that before? He quickly reads through his journal...and sees how many ships had disappeared in that region over the centuries, NEVER to return...the only survivor was one El Taco Bell...the only known survivor of one of the vanished vessels washed ashore back in the 1600's half-starved, half alive and half-mad.
Half-babbling he gave a feverish tale of an island filled with monsters, feral magic horses, and man-eating amazonian woman with razor sharp teeth!
Dipper sighed, "A billion islands...and I end up on the worst one...of course, why not?" He keeps reading until he finally falls asleep...
...
For a moment Dipper didn't remember where he was as the sunlight hit his face and awoke him...then it all came back to him...he sighed...he parted the leaf-blanket off him, stood up and stretched his naked body out.
For a moment he considered finding or making clothes but decided food, water and perhaps a signal fire should be the priority. Survival needed to take priority over modesty. He reasons to himself as he gives himself one more stretch-
"Hey, Mable!"
Everything froze as a still very naked Dipper mid-stretch instinctively turned toward the direction of the VERY feminine voice...and nearly had a heart attack.
Standing before him was a drop-dead sexy teen red-head. She wore nothing but a leopard skin loincloth which were only thigh length, her but was like a perfect pair of bubbles, her breasts were curvy and bouncing freely, exposed to elements unashamed. Her nipples resembled hard, small cherry pits that poked out. Not to mention smatterings of cute freckles scattered throughout her skin. From her rosy cheeks to her rosy booty...
But the fact a nearly naked girl was in vicinity of Dipper's nudity wasn't what nearly gave Dipper a heart-attack...IT WAS HER RAZOR SHARP TEETH! not to mention she was TWICE his height and clearly had more muscles in one arm then he did in his whole body!(but not in a disgusting over-the-top way, she was still sexy) She was covered head-to-toe in war paint that screamed 'KILL YOU' and her hair was decorated in bone fragments!
Clearly this was a man-eating amazon the book warned about! She could break him in half, she could kill him ten times before he hit the ground, she...was giving him a warm smile and waving to him as she approached in a friendly matter? What?
Dipper regarded her confused/terrified as she approached, "Hey Mable, what are you doing here I thought you'd be- Wait, Mable what happened to your hair? Your breasts? And where's your loincloth? Did you pick a fight with the fauna again? Dang it girl, some flowers just aren't worth it!"
Dipper immediately realized that due to his almost impossible to see teeny weeny and feminine frame this amazon had mistook him for a GIRL! Ordinarily, Dipper would be mortified by this...fortunately, self-preservation and reason won out and he rolled with it.
"Uh...yeah! Totally, I should listen to you more!" Said Dipper in his best 'girl' voice...
Wendy's eye's filled with concern, "Geez Mable, you sound terrible! I'm taking you back to the village!" Before he could protest, she scoops him up and runs to the village.
Dipper gulps...he was out of the frying pan and into the fire...and yet all he could think of was the magnificent breasts poking into his back...
"Am in hell?...or is this heaven?" Thinks Dipper to himself as he was carried off to face his destiny...for better or for worse...
...IIIā¦...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!
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