A great big ClusterF*** 6

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

ANNOUNCEMENT!

I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!

SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!

The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.

...III...

..Responses..

RasenganFin: I like it

Gamelover41592: thank you

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AN: This chapter was helped by Wolvenstrom

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It was a VERY bewildered procession of ponies who wandered with their excited human allies and the equal excited raiders who no longer then an hour ago were trying to kill them! And they were all going to a...fast food restaurant?

You wouldn't know that by looking at it, not only was it the only place not trashed...but people congregated around it...treating it with reverence that Celestia had only seen ponies give to her. A shanty town of sorts was propped around. And in the middle of it all...

Was a clown wearing a speedo in a yoga lotus position?(1) "Ladies, gentlemen, and ponies I give you the local God and the maker of the best food this side of creation...Ronald Mcdonald!

Ronald chuckled without opening his eyes or getting up, "I keep telling you my boy, I am not god as I am not omnipotent. I simply have millions of stores at the four corners of your world and more money then most nations..."

"...How is that different from being a god?" Asked a nearby pedestrian.

"More paperwork for one thing." Admits the clown deity with a smirk. After getting a laugh, Celestia fully appraises the being before her...at first glance she senses he's similar to Discord. Not so much a divine being as much as one who operates under a different set of physical laws...Yet, that still didn't seem quite right.

"You have many questions Princess Celestia." Stated the clown still in Lotus position and without opening his eye's.

Celestia- briefly startled by this as he hadn't given any indication he'd even noticed her presence earlier -quickly recomposed herself. "Er, yes...chief among them: what are you? I'm not sure I've ever seen anything like you before."

Ronald smiled, "I rather think that will be quite common before this endeavor is done...but for the moment let us focus on me. What you see before you is the conglomeration of love and belief made flesh and blood. As with many deities, they are simply the long term result of being loved, hated, or believed in for so long...such is the power of faith."

Celestia's eye's widen, "I-I've never heard of such a thing!" She stated stunned "Understandable, I imagine such an event would be rare in Equestria at present. After all, what need for ponies of deities when they already have a benevolent immortal being who raises the sun and has kept the peace for over a millennia?"

Celestia gushed at the praise, but nodded at this analysis. "Yes, I suppose what you say makes sense..." Now that she thought of it...there were times she swore she almost FELT the love of her subjects flow into her...times at night she could hear whispers...of prayer...directed at her... But she'd always dismissed these as getting swept up in a celebration and sleep deprivation.

"In any case, before the war that ended humanities reign and began the time of the 'pony'. There was a great corporation that was as powerful as any nation, if not more so. At it's helm, a beloved spokes clown. So beloved was the clown, so respected was the corporation and so delicious was their food that when the founders created Eagleland they brought it's sacred recipes down here as well to survive the war. As centuries passed, it's legend grew, and from that legend came ME, into existence."

"...All Because people started to worship the clown statue in front of an abandoned Mcdonalds?" Asked one of the pony's skeptically.

Ronald shrugged, "The people wanted so much to believe in some kind form of authority who would 'provide rather than simply 'take'. That he became what they saw him as...while still embodying much of McDonald's corporate greed. A god with a taste for money is hardly the most complicated god to worship. Who They don't need to sacrifice anyone, perform epic feats or give up worldly possessions." He shakes his head, "No no. You can just buy your way into 'his' afterlife with either enough cash, or work off a debt in his divine franchise location until you've earned your eternal paradise. And unlike mortal debts, you 'can' work this off. And in a reasonable time to."

"Uh, huh...and the whole yellow speedo thing?" Asked Shining with hint of disgust/awkwardness.

Ronald actually looked confused, "I'm not quite sure actually...it was either through generational drift, my image becoming associated with not just food, but fertility/ sex...or a weird sub-sect is worshiping a damaged one that looks like I'm wearing a speedo. Hard to tell. Now enough talk, you all must be starving." He claps his hands together, causing happy meals to appear before them all-

The ponies blanch at the sight of the burgers, "Oh, were vegetarian-

"Way ahead of you, all synthetic meat! No animals killed to make it, completely cruelty free! For the Vegetarian that wants it all!" Ronald says that last part dramatically as if on a commercial.

The ponies look to each other, shrug, and oblige by taking a bite...and they immediately ask for seconds...and thirds...and so on...

...

Candance yawned, today was a mad house! Everypony was still in a panic over the recent events and Celestia being gone didn't help things. It also didn't help things she had to also corral 6 excitable fillies as well! Worse, the letter Celestia had sent had warned they might need to move all the humans into Equestria- which according to the recent census data Tyrone was able to hack, was over 987,785,676! That was over 1/4th of the pony population! Needless to say, Candance had gotten no sleep last night and was exhausted

Candance pulled out the medallion that Celestia gave her to allow her to continue the lunar/solar cycle in her absence and uses it to lower the moon.

"If I'm quick enough, maybe I can catch an hour of sleep, I- She blinked as the moon went down, "Did the Mare in the Moon just- She shakes her head, "And now I'm seeing things...I REALLY need sleep." The exhausted Princess of love yawned again as she greeted the day by sleeping in...

...

"So your really letting these people all eat and stay here for free?" Asked Shining Armor amazed at the large number of refugees gathered around the 'holy site'.

Ronald glares at him, "My good pony, these people are starving and freezing! And as a high-level deity, earthly money means nothing to me! -He pauses to think for a moment- "...I'll comp them for now, start a tab when thery're back on their feet..." He explained thoughtfully.

Tyrone nods while the ponies just look at the clown baffled, "Makes sense."

Celestia clears her throat, "Right...ANNNYWAY...you were telling us about the current situation in Eagleland?" Asked Celestia, desperate to get the conversation back on track...also she was feeling bloated(Good thing Tyrone was quick to get her a bicarbonate soda and a relaxing ear scratch).

"Yes, although I prefer to keep a firm stance of neutrality, I will do what I can to help the good people of this nation...also the Supreme leader is a dick and I'm more then happy to knock him down a peg when I can."

"Well, you'll be happy to hear he's been put out of business." Said Tyrone happily.

"So it would seem. And yes, I was happy with the news...if not how it came about." He admitted somberly, he then turned even graver as he turned back to Celestia.

"Be warned Celestia...they're are bigger things going on in this cesspit of a nation then some two-bit tyrant throwing a temper tantrum and finally getting burned. Many of the MAIN actors of this little drama have yet to reveal themselves to you...but you'll meet them soon, I think. Be warned, the decisions you make when facing them will echo on...making or breaking your little ponies...no pressure."

Celestia and most others just stared at him both stunned and concerned...while Tyrone simply gave an an annoyed sigh, "Wow...could you be more vague?" He asks sarcastically.

Ronald gives an apologetic shrug, "Yeah, sorry. I know how annoying this must be, but even I must bow to the laws of narrative causality- And no, I can't explain what that is either." He interrupts before Tyrone can ask more.

Celestia gives an annoyed snort, "I cannot stand it when beings with 'understanding so much greater than our own' decide that instead of directly helping us, that it would be so much better to use it as a learning experience and give half truths about the nature of the problem! Don't they understand how frustrating it is to always feel like your being tested and...why are you looking at me like that?"

An amused Ronald just smirks, "Nothing, my dear. Off topic, a messenger from me is about to arrived with an urgent report.

Before Celestia can ask why he would send a letter to her when he's in the room, A black human walks into the room. Wearing colors of the Ronald court.

"A message from lord Mcdonald, Princess." Said the messenger

Celestia looks over at the clowned prince of burgers, who is struggling to hold in a smile. She turns back to the man.

"Forgive my rudeness but...what was your name my good sir?"

The man bows. "Black Kettle, your Majesty.

Ronald can't contain it and burst out in laughter as the alicorn's snow white sister's face turns pink.

Black Kettle continued, "Shall I read the...?"

Celestia groaned, "No...no thank you...I already got it."

Tyrone smirks at this as well, "Bit of a trickster mentor, are you?"

"Yes, yes, I get it...wow, I have a LOT of former students to apologize to." She admitted in bittersweet realization. "Well, here have a salt lick I found." Said Tyrone as his sweaty palm pulls out the cube of salt, Celestia eagerly gulps it up...and licks...his hands...and licks...and licks. Tyrone giggled while Celestia starts to feel giddy, his sweat was fantastic! It-

She went very red and immediately stopped, "Right, I think we've been here long enough, we need to go!" She hustles them quickly to begin leaving.

"Best of luck to you Princess Celestia", Said Ronald going back to his Lotus meditation. "I leave with these words: 'Remember that even the mightiest McMountain will succumb to the winds of change- He smirks -and that 'itch' you've been longing to scratch is about to do so in BIG-

"OKAY! THANKS, WERE GOOD!" Shouts an even more flustered Celestia as she rushes her people/ponies out even faster...while trying VERY hard not to look over at Tyrone as he happily talked to a certain redhead...

...

"Preston! Where are you? Lazy git, your not leaving me to do all the chores again!" Nathaniel Northwest growled, that useless son of his...lazing about in Trembly's mansion. Did that boy have no pride? No ambition? He was so lazy, he even accepted Trembly's offer of a trophy wife- what was her name? Priscilla? -TREMBLY won in a yacht contest, but lost interest when the wife turned out yo be a pony and not a woodpecker...a woodpecker...he was working for a man...who wanted to marry a woodpecker...how was that idiot rich and not him!

Again, one would think someone would be grateful to someone who allowed his family to practically treat his mansion as their own and give a beautiful wife to your son just to reward you for how well you painted the mirrors with the color '9'...but then you wouldn't be thinking like Nathaniel Northwest.

While he thought on ways on making sure his granddaughter didn't become such a lumps, he braced himself to swallow his pride to once again feed his bosses stupid imaginary food to the stupid imaginary fish in a stupid fish tank three times large then most aquariums!...and once again he felt like a dang fool for doing so!

"One of these days Trembly...one of these days..."

"That day might come sooner then you think" Nathaniel nearly tripped over his hooves and fell off the stepladder, he panicked and turned around to see the intruder standing in the middle of the room. Having been keeping track of the recent news, Nathaniel easily recognized the new species that tried to murder Princess...a human.

His whole body was covered in black body armor, a bizarre symbol( a red dot surrounded by black spirals and the words 'should intermittent vengeance arm again his red right hand to plague us?') adorned his breast plate.

"who...who are you? How'd you get in? I'm well armed!" He tries to get his horn working...only to feel is sizzle out. Nathaniel paled, he wasn't a GREAT spellcaster but he was adequate, especially when his life was on the line! But now...it was like something had shut down his magic! What was a unicorn without his magic?

He gulped as the creature walked forward, "Wait- I know where the safe is! As well as other assorted valuables, I can be useful to you!" He pleaded desperately.

"Oh, I agree...that's why I've come to you with a proposition...something that could see your 'boss' out of the picture and YOU in the place you've always desired to be..."

Ever the opportunist...Northwest cautiously began to let his fear go by the wayside as he agreed to listen...

Neither man or pony noticed the head of a small yellow unicorn filly poke her head curiously into the room...

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TO BE CONTINUED?

1: This Ronald Mcdonald is based off 'Lord Bung's' version, try him out!

AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!

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