Chapter 117: Sunday, December 1, 2002

"Anyone who has a continuous smile on their face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening."

-Greta Garbo


The sky had gone from a cold blanket of grey to painted shades of indigo by the time Hermione stood to stretch. Her shoulders were stiff from being hunched over the desk all day, her hand cramped from holding a quill. She took the opportunity to reach her arms high above her head, groaning slightly as her back cracked. Remus looked up from his spot at the desk, chuckling at her as she twisted from side to side.

They'd been making good progress in the last few days. And Remus seemed to be sure they were on the right track. They had the physical map finished now, but the spellwork was still giving them a bit of trouble. It didn't seem to be enough to simply layer and combine the Homonculous charm and a Protean charm, as they had originally hoped. It would take a combination of a few different types of magic. Hermione was nervous about bringing up the idea of using blood magic with the entire Order, but right now, it seemed to be the only option to keep track of them without involving the whole of the United Kingdom.

Remus scooted his chair backward and stood, gently nudging it back into place with his foot as he collected some of the books they didn't need. When turned to exit their little alcove, Madam Pince seemingly materialised from thin air. Remus jolted, nearly dropping the ancient tomes onto the floor.

Madam Pince appraised him with an eyebrow arched high on her forehead and a tight jaw, "The library is closing for the evening, I will be going to my quarters. The Headmistress was clear that you two are welcome to stay after hours," she said the words with a curled lip, as if it physically pained her to agree to this. "I trust you will handle these books with care" she eyed Remus again "—and return all items to their correct places before you leave."

"Yes, of course," Hermione agreed, trying to suppress the laughter bubbling in her chest from the librarian's obvious distaste of Remus. "Thank you, Madam Pince."

"Despite what the Headmistress has told you, my desk is off limits. Please refrain from using it."

"Understood, ma'am," Remus grit out, trying so hard to hold back a smirk it looked almost painful.

She looked up at him with narrowed, scrutinizing eyes before tutting and walking away. Remus looked at Hermione, his eyebrows raised high on his forehead as Hermione's laughter burst forth.

"Bet she's got a bottle of gin hiding in her desk and that's why she doesn't want us going near it," Remus speculated.

Hermione continued to chuckle, "Or perhaps, she remembers you being a trouble maker and doesn't want any of her things to end up permanently disfigured."

Remus feigned offense with a dramatic gasp, "Me? A troublemaker? I'll have you know that I was a Prefect, thank you very much."

Hermione hummed, "Yes, I had heard that. However, I have it on good authority that the only reason the position was accepted was so that you could help your friends pull pranks without losing more house points."

"I don't know who gave you that information, but they were clearly mistaken."

"Lily," Hermione smiled.

Remus pulled the top book from the stack in his arms and slotted it into place on a high shelf, "Well, in that case...she was right."

Hermione burst into laughter again, shaking her head as she collected a few other books in the discard pile and moved to the opposite shelf. She placed them back in their allotted spots, returning to Remus with two that were well out of her reach.

"Must be such a pain being so short," Remus teased, placing the books on the high shelves with ease.

"I could have put them back if I wanted to," Hermione huffed. "I didn't feel like climbing the shelves and my wand was on the table. Besides, I am average height for a woman—thank you!"

Remus laughed, shaking his head. "There isn't a thing about you that's average, love."

"I am not that short."

"You just said you could have climbed the shelves...like a spider monkey."

Hermione narrowed her eyes, playfully slapping Remus in the chest, "Shut up. It's not my fault you're a...a giraffe!"

Remus' face lit up as he laughed. He stooped over, a smile still on his lips as he pressed them against Hermione's. "A monkey and a giraffe, what a pair we make."

Hermione let a few more giggles escape, gently returning Remus' kiss. She pulled away slightly when she heard the click of a door, signalling that Madam Pince had left, leaving them alone for the time being. Remus must have noticed the sound as well, judging by how he pulled away, looking over her shoulders.

"Privacy," he sighed. "Nearly forgot what that's like."

"I miss our cottage," Hermione admitted.

"So do I," Remus whispered.

She could feel it; the lingering melancholy that always seemed to creep it's way onto the edges these days. Remus had been trying like hell to stay positive over the last few weeks. He'd been in an impeccable mood since the last full moon, which was almost unheard of. He typically had at least one day after where he was irritable and preferred to distance himself. Sirius and James had teased him relentlessly for it, calling that particular day 'part of his moonsies' and making sure to take the piss out of him as much as possible.

A pang of sadness stabbed into Hermione's side. There it was again—always on the outer edges.

Remus, who usually seemed to be buckling under the weight of it on any given day, oddly seemed okay lately. Which just made Hermione even more suspicious and worried that whatever was going on in his head, he was not okay.

She wondered if it had to do with Seamus? Did he still carry that guilt? Was he still grieving James, Lily, and Sirius? Of course, he had to be. Hermione still did. Was he worried about going back to 1981, to return to a life he knew would be cut short? Was it Moony? Was it Tonks or Justin? Was it any one of the plethora of things they had been through?

"I can hear your mind working," Remus said.

Hermione blinked a few times and shook her head, "Sorry."

Remus closed the gap between them, bending to tug her lips to his. She sighed into the kiss and happily let him swallow the sound, his tongue sweeping past her lips to delve into her mouth.

It had been a while—too long, Hermione thought—since they'd been able to just be together like this. To research and talk at length about their findings without an interruption or someone else needing something from them. To be able to just simply kiss one another without checking over their shoulders to make sure no one was in the room or that the door to the bathroom was locked. Being able to just enjoy Remus' company felt like a luxury she wasn't afforded these days. And she couldn't help but bemoan that everything in her life had to be so complicated.

"You know," Remus whispered as he pulled away from her to attach his lips to her neck, "I think snogging in a library is very naughty."

Hermione hummed, tilting her head to the side a bit. "You're probably right."

"I am," he agreed. "But, I think I...well, I think I'd like to do something maybe even a little more naughty than just snogging."

A slow smirk spread over Hermione's lips and she felt the heat creep onto her cheeks. "Oh?"

"Mhm," he sucked gently at her pulsepoint. "I mean, we so rarely get uninterrupted time…"

"That's very true."

"And Madam Pince said she was turning in for the night. The door is locked…"

"Mr Lupin, are you suggesting we engage in illicit activities in a library?" Hermione gasped, feigning offence.

His hand slid down her spine to palm over the round of her bum, squeezing gently. Before Hermione could come up with something clever to say, Remus' lips were on hers again.

He moved forward, rushing her back toward the table as his tongue swept over hers. She could still taste the chocolate he had been nibbling on while they researched on his tongue, the taste overwhelming her as she stumbled backwards. His hands gripped her hips and she leapt up, allowing him to settle her on the top of the table. He trailed open mouthed kisses over her jaw, down her neck, sucking gently just above her collar bone. Hermione twisted her fingers into his hair, relishing in every scrape of teeth and swipe of tongue across her skin.

She could feel his erection pressing against the top of her thigh as he leaned over her. She untangled a hand from his hair to smooth it over his chest, trailing down to rest at the waistband of his trousers for a moment.

Hermione remembered hearing stories while she was in school of students who made good use of the hidden alcoves in the library. She had been appalled, then. But, now? She couldn't think of anything better than being ravished by Remus in a place that smelled of old parchment and ink. She was sure her younger self would be absolutely scandalized.

"Remus," she whined, tugging at the hem of his jumper.

She felt him smile against her throat before stepping away to pull the offensive material from his shoulders, revealing a beautiful patchwork of silvery-pink scars and lightly lined abs. She stared at him for several seconds, tracing over every line and knot of bumpy scar tissue. Her fingers lightly brushed the deepest one on his side, where he had been bitten so many years ago. He didn't even flinch anymore when she touched it. Instead, his eyes met hers, swirling gold into earthy green.

He gripped the thin fabric of her blouse and pulled it up, roughly tugging it off her head and tossing it in a heap with his jumper. His fingers ghosted over the scar on her chest, the first she had gotten from Dolohov. They hadn't spent time like this in ages—simply memorizing the feel of one another, flaws and all. Most of their intimate moments at the Shrieking Shack had been rushed in a shower or quick in the morning when everyone was gone. They rarely had the time to simply touch and feel.

His hands eventually slid around to her back, undoing the clasp on her bra as he pressed kisses against her chest. She shook the straps off her arms and let her bra fall to the floor, inhaling sharply as Remus tugged a nipple between his teeth, rolling his hips gently to seek friction against her thigh.

While Remus lavished her breast with nips and kisses, they both worked to undo their trousers, kicking them off. For a brief moment, Hermione felt the thrill of panic from being fully nude in the Hogwarts Library and then supremely grateful that they were adults and could be trusted to be in the room after hours without supervision. Although, depending on if they were interrupted, that could change...she couldn't be arsed to care. Not when Remus' fingers found their way to her clit and rubbed slow circles over it, pulling a low, breathy moan from her lips.

He pressed a finger into her and crooked it up, stroking a fabulous little spot inside of her that had her panting in seconds. Hermione's back arched, her heels coming up to rest on the edge of the table as she begged Remus for more.

"Please," she breathed. "I need more, Remus."

He removed his fingers from her centre and stepped back, pulling her off the table, turning her so her back was against his chest. He nudged her feet apart and she felt him reach down to stroke himself a few times before lining up with her entrance.

She stood on tiptoes, gripping the table for support while he slid into her. Slowly, inch by inch, she felt the gentle stretch around him; her breath stuck in her throat. When his hips pressed against her arse she leaned forward, finally letting the moan escape her at the change of her angle. Remus fell forward, encasing her in his arms, his warm chest against her back. He kissed her shoulder and began to move, thrusting deep into her.

He was taking his time, which simultaneously infuriated and delighted her. Every slow pump of his cock into her forced a breathy whine from her throat. His lips stayed against her skin, moving over her shoulder to the nape of her neck. She cried out when his teeth grazed the scar there, his mark, the mark that bonded them as mates.

Her magic was practically pulsing through her, her nerves alive and thrumming beneath her skin as he picked up the pace and began pounding into her. The table scraped against the floor and Remus groaned, low and guttural, into her back as his hands found her hips and held her in place.

The edge of the table would surely leave a bruise against the front of her hips but the thought fell to the back of her mind as pulled her forward to stand again. He slipped out of her for a moment to turn her around and hoist her into his arms, forcing her legs to wrap around his waist to hold her in place. He slammed back into her and pressed his forehead to hers.

"Look at me," he breathed, "Please, I need...fuck, I need you to look at me."

She opened her eyes and saw nothing but mossy green—just Remus—staring back at her.

"Remus," she moaned. "Shit. God. Right...ah...right there."

He rolled his hips against, grinding and brushing against her clit and she unravelled, praising Remus and every God she could think to name as white spots burst behind her eyes. She clung to him, her arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, her thighs aching around his waist. He buried his face in her hair, sucking kisses into her neck as his hips jerked a few more times and then stilled, whispering soft sobs into her skin.

Hermione set shaking legs to the floor, her knees wobbled as she stepped back. Remus hovered over her for a moment, cupping her jaw and kissing her sweetly.

"I am so in love with you," he whispered.

"I love you too, Remus," she answered, inching back to look at his face.

The weeks of sunshine mood was gone from his face, in its place, the storm behind his eyes that he seemed to carry with him everywhere he went.


Tuesday, December 3, 2002

"Wotcher, Hermione," Tonks greeted, sitting up in the bed and fluffing the pillow behind her back.

"Morning," Hermione smiled, waving her wand over Tonks and surveying the diagnostic that appeared. "How are you feeling today?"

"Bloody bored."

Hermione chuckled, "I know. I'm sorry. Your levels are coming back up now, though. Your magic is still a bit drained, however. So, I still don't think it's a great idea for you to do too much. But, you could do rounds at Hogwarts, if you want. I think the exercise will be good."

Tonks' still-too-pale-complexion seemed to light up a bit at that. "A bit of fresh air would be great. Is Charlie around?"

"Went to check on Molly, I think. He's been making a lot of trips to the safe houses since we brought you back."

Tonks hummed. "Good. I love him, but Merlin—he's driving me mental."

"How so?"

"Doting," Tonks wrinkled up her nose in distaste, causing a burst of laughter to bubble from Hermione. "I already have a mother! A bloody brilliant one at that! I don't need another."

"He's just worried."

"I know. But, I hate it," she grumbled, folding her arms across her chest with a pout.

Hermione laughed and rolled her eyes, uncorking a phial of strengthening solution and passing it to Tonks. It wasn't as great as having actual blood replenishment potions, but it did help to strengthen her system to eventually heal itself. It was a slow process but it was working.

"I understand," Hermione mumbled, turning back to the small bedside stand to sort through the rest of Tonks' potions for the morning. "Remus worries a lot, too."

Tonks snorted, "Don't I know it."

Hermione paused, looking over her shoulder. "Yeah," she chuckled. "I suppose you do."

"You know," Tonks shifted in the bed, pulling her legs into a pretzel shaped fold in front of her. "I never saw him happy."

Hermione frowned, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"That's not to say he wasn't, or that we didn't have our moments...we did. But, I don't think he was ever truly happy while we were together."

"But, weren't you engaged?"

Tonks nodded, a sad smile on her face. "Against both of our better judgement. I think he proposed out of fear of losing what we didn't have. He'd already lost so much and...I think maybe he knew he was losing more."

Hermione bit the inside of her cheek, thinking it over. "Do you...did he ever say anything…?"

"About you?"

Hermione looked at Tonks, nodding slowly.

Tonks shook her head, "No. He never mentioned anything about a relationship before me. He'd said there had been short flings in his past, one offs and things like that, but never anything serious with anyone."

Hermione pulled her brows together in thought, trying to figure out what that meant. He had been so determined to keep his memories of their relationship and Hermione was hesitant to deny him that. Not after knowing everything he'd have to go through. All the pain and loneliness he'd be subjected to…

She stayed in the room with Tonks for a while longer, filling her in a bit more on the things that had happened over the last month. They talked about Justin and how well he seemed to be doing, despite his steadily depleting magic. Tonks had apparently spent some time teaching him how to use some of his new found metamorphmagus abilities without wearing himself out too much. They talked about Seamus and Tonks explained, for the umpteenth time, what she could remember of being held prisoner with Dolohov.

Which, unfortunately, wasn't much. Not that Hermione could blame her, she had been nearly drained of her life, after all.

After an hour or so, Hermione helped Tonks from the bed, gave her a pepper-up potion and watched as she headed toward the grounds of Hogwarts with Draco and Blaise. Hermione made her way down to the cellar to check on some of the potions she had been brewing and to have a bit of time alone with her thoughts.

There was so much crammed in her head these days, she thought it might explode.

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