Chapter 120: Wednesday, December 18, 2002

"...The fall was greater than she had ever known, because she had ventured so far into emotion and had abandoned herself to it."

Anaïs Nin


Hermione's eyes fluttered open as Remus dragged his fingers slowly over her bare hip, tracing the dip of her waist before lightly stroking back down again. She laid pressed to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around her, their legs tangled beneath a heavy quilt that smelled faintly of mothballs and dust. The bed wasn't particularly comfortable, but they were alone and she refused to complain about a lumpy mattress when she knew there were only hours left.

She swallowed the tightness in her throat, her nose twitching against the burn of tears that threatened to build in her eyes. She tamped it down, digging her fingers along Remus' spine to cling to him. She would not cry. Not when this was all they had left. She would not sully the last few hours she had with him by sobbing again.

What's done was done and time didn't work the way they wanted it to. Remus had not done the ritual this time around. Instead of whispering words of Latin to keep him in the Shack another thirty days, he and Hermione held one another and cried as he returned the silver blade. The amulet would return with him to be sent to the Malfoys for safe keeping, for when Hermione would need it in the first place.

"Alright, love?" Remus whispered, his lips brushing her forehead.

"Yes," Hermione lied, burrowing closer to him.

His arms tightened again and though she could barely breathe, she wished he'd hold her tighter.

They had decided to leave the Shack in favour of spending their last few days together in the old, abandoned cabin in Yorkshire. Remus had reasoned that if he was going to turn up wherever he disappeared from, he'd rather turn up in his own surroundings. She couldn't blame him, especially not with it being the day before the Full Moon. And even more so knowing that it would not be when he returned, which would cause a fuss with Moony. He had opted out of taking anymore wolfsbane potion, since he wouldn't see the transformation that it would be helping anyway. He'd also declined Draco's offer to keep the written instructions on how to brew it; the difficulty and cost of the brew being the determining factors of that. He'd been too afraid that he'd poison himself if he somehow was able to gather enough money for the ingredients.

Hermione's arm had gone numb from being pinned between Remus and the bed, but still, she stayed wrapped in him. Her nose pressed tightly against the hollow of his throat, breathing him in. She'd always wondered why he felt the need to inhale her scent—chalking it up to another peculiar tendency given to him by lycanthropy. But now, she understood. The scent of him was calming, familiar, home. She needed to commit it to her memory, to think of Remus when she smelled cinnamon or tea. The underlying scent of sweat that she had never quite noticed before made her dizzy. It was a comfort she hadn't even realized she'd drawn upon until now.

Her lips twitched as Remus began to hum Blackbird into her hair. It was always slightly off key, a little too pitchy, but absolutely perfect coming from his throat.

"I thought you didn't like that song?" she murmured into his skin.

"But you love it."

Hermione hummed, "I love you."

Remus shifted slightly, an attempt to pull her even closer, not that it was possible. "I love you."

She blinked heavily, swallowing again around the thickness in her throat. She just needed to keep it together for a few hours. Once Remus was gone…

Gone.

She couldn't stop them this time. The tears fell lazily down her face, wetting the skin of Remus' collar.

"Oh, don't cry, love." Remus whispered, pressing his lips gently to her forehead. "Please don't cry."

"I'm sorry," Hermione sniffled. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't...I just can't imagine what I'm going to do…"

'Without you' hung heavy in the infinitesimal space between them.

"You'll get on just fine," Remus assured her. "You've got Harry and Ron. And Merlin knows he drives me mental but I'm sure Draco will be there for you as well. Ginny will be glad to have some time with you—"

"It's not the same and you know it's not," Hermione snapped.

Remus pulled away slightly, causing a whine of protest to catch in Hermione's throat. He pulled his arm out from under her so he could cup her face with both hands, gently rubbing the pads of his thumbs beneath her eyes.

"I know," he said, his eyes locked on hers. "But sometimes we get by with a little help from our friends."

Hermione laughed and it turned into a sob as she thought of how she had tried so desperately to reach out to him at first. By leaving him silly notes of Beatles lyrics and chocolates. That felt like a lifetime ago, now.

"How are you so calm?" Hermione asked, once she finally managed to get her emotions under control.

"Because it's not goodbye, not really."

"Remus…" Hermione sighed.

"I have years to figure it out," he reasoned. "I have so much time to get back to you. To make things right. To make sure that this—" he motioned between them and pressed his lips to her face "—never has to end."

She wanted to believe him. God, more than anything, she wanted to believe that what he was saying was true. That the life she hadn't dared to even dream of again could somehow come to fruition. That maybe for once fate would be on their side.

Instead, she cleared her throat and wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. "We knew it couldn't be forever," she said, trying to remind herself as much as she wanted to remind him. "We knew that this would have an expiration date."

Hermione had never doubted why Remus was sorted into Gryffindor. He had before made the joke that they both could have made proper good Ravenclaws, given how much they both loved to read and appreciated knowledge. However, despite being quieter than his raucous friends, he had bravery and chivalry in droves. He wasn't particularly reckless, at least, not in the typical sense. Much like herself, all of his decisions were weighed. He made sure what he was doing was the right thing, regardless of risk. It wasn't necessarily reckless, in Hermione's opinion, it was simply risk versus reward. But right now, the fire that burned in his eyes proved exactly why he had been sorted into Gryffindor.

The determination that was clearly etched into his features was almost terrifying. And Hermione was reminded that Remus was someone who had proven time and time again that he would do whatever was necessary to complete a task at hand. Particularly, to protect those he cared about.

"I refuse to accept that," Remus said, slowly. Fiercely.

"Remus, I don't think it's something you can really refuse."

"Do you really believe that you would have dropped into a different timeline if it wasn't written in the stars for it to happen? Can you honestly look at me and say that you believe we were brought together only to be torn apart by something as trivial as time?"

"Trivial?" Hermione couldn't help the laugh that bubbled past her lips, "Time is hardly trivial."

Remus sat up and Hermione followed the motion, looking at him with a brow raised in question. Remus reached forward and grabbed her hands, holding them tightly. He spoke steadily, annunciating every word. "I told you I would rearrange the stars and drain the oceans for you. I meant that."

Hermione's breath caught in her throat, her chin wobbling dangerously again.

"I will scour the entire earth to get back to you, Hermione. So, no. I don't accept that we have an expiration date," he spat the words as if they burned his tongue. "I will never accept that this is all we get. And if I have to change a few things and interrupt the timeline a little to make sure that happens, then I will rip a fucking hole into the universe and insert myself where I belong."

"Remus…"

"Right next to you."


Harry knocked gently at the door and Hermione had to thank Merlin that Remus had asked him to come. He had insisted he didn't want Hermione to be alone after it happened. He was afraid she'd try to leave and splinch herself and, if she were being honest with herself, he was probably right.

Her head throbbed from the tears that sat on the edge of her vision all day. Even while they were tangled in sheets, their skin sliding together as they tried to memorise the feel of each other, her eyes burned. Her throat felt tight with every whispered "I love you" and every reminder that he would be back for her. That he would do what he needed to do to make sure they got the happiness they deserved. Her chest ached with every flicker of a smile across his lips and every moan of her name as he spilled inside of her. Her teeth tore through the skin of her lip as he hummed and combed his fingers through her hair.

"Alright?" Harry asked, pulling her in for a quick hug.

"As we can be," Hermione whispered.

"It's weird, isn't it?"

"What is?"

"Just sitting around waiting for this to happen."

Hermione hummed, taking the bag that Harry held out for her. He was right. It was terribly weird. Like grieving in slow motion with no way to speed up the process.

Hermione was tired of grieving.

"What's this then?" she asked, setting the bag on the beaten wood table.

"Molly sent some food," Harry answered. "Reckoned neither of you have probably eaten much today."

"I've eaten plenty," Remus chimed in, a wicked smile on his face as he buttoned his shirt while crossing the room. "Just not food."

Harry wrinkled his face in disgust, shaking his head and chuckling anyway. "Too much, mate. That's far too much information."

Remus lifted a shoulder, "And you and Blaise are both rubbish at silencing charms. Call it payback."

Harry's cheeks reddened and Hermione's head tipped backward as she laughed.

Harry began to unload containers from the bag and shook his head, "You know, two years ago she would have given us a lecture about that joke being 'completely inappropriate'." he grumbled, rolling his eyes as he made air-quotes around the words.

Hermione scoffed and smacked his chest with the back of her hand. "Don't be so dramatic."

Harry swatted her away and returned to opening the containers. "I wish I was being dramatic."

"Two years ago was our first Christmas together," Remus said, his voice sounding far away as he looked at Hermione. "I spent the entire day thinking you were a Death Eater."

Harry nearly choked, coughing harshly into the crook of his elbow, "Excuse me, you what?"

Remus' lips twitched up on the sides, a half smile as he shook his head. "Sirius was convinced of it. I let him talk me into thinking he was right."

"Hermione?" Harry asked, incredulously. "Mate, you know she's muggleborn, right?"

"Well, I didn't then!" Remus defended, "Plus, she had that glamour on her arm all the time and it freaked Sirius out and he made a rather compelling argument."

"His argument was sound logic," Hermione hummed, cutting a sandwich in half before plating it up and handing it to Remus. "But, I'd hardly call it compelling."

"Convincing, then." Remus agreed. "At any rate, you debunked that. Quite spectacularly, might I add."

They sat at the table and began to eat while Remus told Harry of the massive blow up between Hermione and Sirius just a few days after her first Christmas spent with them in 1979. Harry seemed a cross between disbelieving that anyone could ever think Hermione was a Death Eater and amused at the confidence in which Sirius was so incredibly wrong.

Hermione listened, adding a few hums and murmurs where she felt it was necessary. She picked at her sandwich, trying to find the will to eat but knowing that the food would not fill the hollow feeling in her gut. As the minutes ticked by and Harry listened to Remus' stories of his parents with rapt attention, Hermione tried to mentally prepare herself for the inevitable ending of the evening.

If Remus was nervous, he was putting up a good facade. He seemed calm and collected, more than he had been in ages. He seemed sure of himself—like he knew this was exactly what he needed to do. Hermione knew that obviously it was but every time she steeled her nerves and tried to think about it factually, something in her broke to pieces.

As the light faded from dusky orange to the pinks and purples of twilight, Hermione stole glances across the room. Harry and Remus seemed to be enjoying the conversation that she was unable to keep up with, chatting animatedly about one thing or another. She caught bits and pieces of Remus' research about the fountain and heard Harry mention something about the Three Brothers and how it had been true. Everytime she opened her mouth to contribute, however, she felt nauseated. Her eyes found the clock on the wall every few minutes or so and the ticking felt like it was mocking her: counting down the seconds until she had to say goodbye. She felt uncomfortable, fidgety. Her mind raced a million miles a second as she tried to focus on anything other than the horrible dread that was settling over her.

After a while, Harry excused himself to the loo and Remus fell onto the dusty sofa next to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

"It's going to be okay."

She bit at the inside of her lip again, tasting blood now. "Since when are you an optimist?" she tried to joke.

He squeezed her tighter, his chest shaking a bit with an inaudible chuckle. "I'm not. I just know that when I get back I'm going to make sure it's okay."

She twisted and looked at him, shaking her head lightly. "You can't. You know you can't do anything further to interfere."

He loosened his embrace, his chin lifting up slightly. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do, Hermione."

Hermione closed her eyes, taking in a slow breath through parted lips. "You know what's at stake."

Remus stood from his spot on the cushions next to her and began to pace, shoving a hand roughly into his hair. "You're right, I do know what's at stake. And apparently, you've forgotten!"

Hermione recoiled, "Remus I—"

"No. I'm tired of being told my place! When do I get to choose? When do I get to say 'this isn't good enough'? If I go back and do nothing, I live the rest of my life miserable and alone. And then I die fighting for a cause that has never fought for me."

"I'm sorry," Hermione whimpered. "I don't want you to go."

"Of course you don't," he sighed, visibly deflating. "But it's all for the greater good, right?"

The greater good. A phrase she'd learned to hate over the years. The sentiment that sent her best friends to their deaths. The three words that sent Harry into the Forbidden Forest at seventeen to willingly hand himself over if it meant it would help. The mantra that had robbed her of any normalcy in her life.

And what made it even worse was that Remus wasn't wrong. Sending him away certainly wasn't for her benefit. She was repulsed by the idea of not having him with her down to a molecular level. Her skin felt too tight, her magic too prickly. Even the scar on the back of her neck and the inside of her thigh burned angrily at the realization of what was to come. She idly wondered if Moony was throwing fits inside Remus' head with how static her magic felt inside her veins.

"I wish there was anything else," Hermione said, standing from the sofa and approaching him slowly. "But we always knew…"

The air around them seemed to turn with the hour, becoming thicker and stifling. It felt harder to breathe and Hermione knew it was time.

"Before I go," Remus said, his voice hitched in mild panic. "I need to know something."

"Anything."

"Why me? I know Moony had a bit to do with it—"

"Clever wolf," Hermione whispered, unable to keep a small smile from her lips.

"But why…?"

She rushed forward and pushed up on the tips of her toes, cupping his face in her hands. "Because you are beautiful and brilliant, Because despite how much you hate yourself, you love so fiercely and I need you to know that you are so very loved in return."

His face scrunched up with discomfort, his breath becoming more labored as the air seemed to crackle around them. She could hear Harry in the other room, presumably giving them a little time to say their goodbyes before he came back.

"Because my heart beats with yours," Hermione continued. "And, I think it always has in some small way. But, nothing about what we have now, what we've had since the moment I stepped through that floo, has been small. You have ruined me, Remus, in the best possible way. I love you. I love you so much."

He lurched forward, catching her lips with his in a fierce, bruising kiss. When he pulled away, his knees hit the ground and Hermione took three steps back. Her eyes clouded with tears as she blinked them away furiously, refusing to take her eyes from him.

"I think it's time," Harry said, crossing through the doorway to linger on the outskirts of the room.

"Harry!" she called out, throwing her arm backward to grapple for her best friend's hand.

Harry was at her side instantly, twisting their fingers together as she tried to commit every beautiful line on Remus' face to her memory.

"Hermione," Harry whispered, leaning closer. "I'm sorry, but you know what you have to do."

"I know."

"I love you," Remus ground out, pitching forward onto his hands.

Pressure built around them all, magic swirling almost visibly between them. She squeezed Harry's hand again, trying to borrow some strength from her ever-courageous friend. Her opposite hand moved toward her pocket, feeling for the sliver of Vinewood shoved carelessly into her jeans.

"I love you… I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Remus, I-I love you." she babbled, tears rushing down her face as her voice cracked.

Remus pulled his head up to look at her, his chest heaving with laboured breath. "I'll see you soon," he promised.

"Forgive me," she pleaded.

His eyes met hers as a swirl of wind seemed to rush around him, cycloning through the room to sweep him away. A crease formed between his brows and he opened his mouth, she could hear him ask 'for what?' before the words could leave him.

She'd always prided herself on her ability to keep a steady hand in a duel. But now, it trembled fiercely. Hermione raised her wand, her knuckles white from the tight hold. Her stomach knotted, bile burning the back of her throat as she parted her lips and choked out her last word to Remus.

"Obliviate."

End Book 2

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a/n: Oof. I know you want to yell at me, and that's fair. You can absolutely pop off if you need to.

I will be on posting Hiatus for this story while I work on writing the rest of it for the next several weeks. Join me on Twitter( mimifreed) or my fb ground (mimifreed writing) for updates on the comeback date. I'm expecting to take at least the month of November, but possibly through the holidays.

In other news, I will not be leaving you completely. While I've been posting this, I've been writing a new Remione. The first chapter of that will be posted next saturday, so keep an eye out for that to hold you over until I'm ready to post more of Dementor's Curse.

Love you all so much!

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