I know it's been a while since I've touched this fic. Depression and trying to write the wake, to write grief, kept plaguing me so I kept putting Bladesinger on the backburner hoping to hear Callera's voice speak to me again to kick her story back into gear. Now she's rapped my knuckles with a tonfa asking for more of her story. I hope I keep doing it justice.
Time and Sith plots wait for no woman, but until the Healers cleared her...
She was trapped in the Temple.
Until Sifo-Dyas returned, the Council had ordered her to pause the active parts of the investigation. To focus on herself, she had just fought Sith Lord after all. But she wasn't the only one who needed to heal.
'Anakin' Her Padawan to be. The wake had helped, helped him see the impact his mother on those around him and also to feel it. He had used the meditation that she'd taught him that night on Tatooine to try to get through the wake. But it had opened him up to the Force far more intensely in the moment. He felt everything. Master's Yoda and Windu and their genuine respect. Qui Gon and Obi-Wan's admiration. Padme's affection and grief. As for herself, he'd felt her guilt and grief. The anguish of knowing another innocent was dead because of her actions, her existence had led to this death.
The boy had nearly been bowled over by the feelings, but he stood his ground under the onslaught and ran straight to her. The hug he had given her was both shocking and not. Ani did always wear his heart on his sleeve.
"She wouldn't blame you, I...I don't either." Those quiet words buried in her shirt, echoed through the quiet chamber like a blaster bolt, before he ran from the room.
Kenobi had run after him since Callera had become as frozen as carbonite.
Neither Anakin nor herself had tried to talk to the other the last few days. But it had not been an awkward avoidance despite the cause. Anakin had become a little unnerved with the depth of feelings he'd felt from her, but talks with Obi-Wan and Ky'sa had helped give him some perspective and then activities with his creche of fellow younglings had kept him busy.
And she had spent the days in passive and active meditation to work on reclaiming her balance. And it was the active meditation that brought her to this training hall, with Anakin and his cohort doing laps around the edge while she stared down a youngling with a staff in his hands.
*****
"A moment of your time Knight Callera," Master Drallig entering the center ring of the training room after her calisthenics, "How is your healing progressing?"
"Physically I am clear for duty, Master Drallig. But mentally I am not."
"How would you like to help evaluate a potential Padawan for another Jedi?"
"Why would they want outsider Jedi's perspective?"
"The youngling in question has been practicing heavily with staff and polearm practice weapons in his free moments in the gymnasiums and the Jedi in question does not have the experience with weapons outside the Lightsaber that you do. He is fairly charismatic amongst his peers, but many Masters feel that his self awareness and control might need more work to be a Padawan"
"So a test of weapon control and emotional control for them and myself."
"Indeed, Knight Callera."
"You know what I might wind up doing to him, in a test of self-control."
"What will you do?"
"I will push him. He will win, but depending on his self control. He might also lose."
Koshae, was a broad shouldered young man with a focus that Callera recognized. She'd seen that expression on many a student at the Shadow Academy that took a little too much pride in their skills.
"Are you ready Koshae?"
"I thought this was supposed to be an evaluation of my skill with the staff. Why are you unarmed?"
"Master Drallig let me choose how I evaluate you. Besides, it is not like you are going to hit me anyway."
The boys narrowed eyes lets her know the first blow landed successfully. And then he starts his approach. A simple spear style using the end of the staff for a bunch of rapid stabs. Callera leaps casually over him and the stabs, landing crouched behind him as he swings the staff through where she would have been if she had been any higher. Lunging forward she plants a hand in his belly, and then backs off.
"You let me control the tempo Koshae that point. Try again."
As they reset the younglings that had been running gather a small distance from the arena. Korshae starts to slowly approach, Callera slowly gives ground keeping the exact distance between them until...
"Point is yours Korshae." Her words bring him up short as looks at her confused, till he sees her back foot. Outside of the agreed upon ring.
"You did that intentionally!"
"I was keeping my distance, respecting your weapon and your range. You did a good job of herding me, especially if I was going to keep my word about you not hitting me." She motions back to the center of the ring. "Shall we?"
Callera locks eyes with Anakin outside of the arena his confusion from her loss of a point fading, he understands.
Returning her gaze to Korshae, she understands that he doesn't. A green staff slowly forms in her right hand. His eyes lock with her weapon and back to her. a growl of frustration escapes his lips as he charges recklessly. Rapid short strikes from multiple sides and angles. Good arm work, but his leg work and positioning makes dancing around him easy. She guides the fight to put herself into a corner. His form continues to get sloppier. She got to far into his head. Locking staffs, she shifts positions, turning him out of the arena and onto the floor.
"Point, mine." Callera looks at the young man huffing for air on the floor on offers her hand. The dazed young man takes her hand and she helps him up. "We will talk once the others are gone, but I need to talk to someone else right away."
Moving towards Anakin's group, the boy's voice catches her off guard. "That's what you meant right? About not teaching basics right?"
She nods, "Yeah, they asked me to push him a bit and I went too far in the approved lesson. I now need to go talk with him and clear the air. I know we haven't talked much the last few days kid, but I'll help you with the Galactic History course work in a few days when we both have a some free time and we'll talk more about a few days ago and today if you want then." Anakin's mix of smile and pout over the thought of schoolwork yet time with Callera brought a soft smile to her face.
"See you then, Master." His impish grin as follows the rest of his group cause a chuckle to escape.
"Not yet, youngling. not yet!" echoed playfully down the hall, before Callera walks back to the still shell shocked Korshae.
"Let's take a walk."
The walk to the garden was suprisingly calm considering the events that brought Callera and Korshae to this point. "Do you understand what I did to you in the arena?"
"You antagonized me on purpose, worked to make me sloppy. If that was all you wanted, then you would have just beaten me right there at the start of the third point."
"I wanted you to win." Those simple words whip Korshae's head around to look at Callera. "I pushed you yet showed you a victory condition you could still achieve. I was trying to get you to be able to see past the frustration and anger be able to still achieve a victory, but I pushed way to hard."
Korshae's mirthless chuckle shakes Callera from her recriminations, "It is obvious, I don't have the control of my emotions I thought I did. You did exactly what you needed to do, I'm not fit to be a Padawan if I'm that easily goaded."
"Or the fact that you are aware of your shortcomings, will make it more encouraging and more likely." Master Drallig's voice brings the two out of their reverie. "While she is right that she pushed to hard, she did help you gain a clearer picture of yourself. You are due for your time in the mechanics bay, Korshae, better make haste." Korshae bows to the two and makes his way out of the garden.
"I would normally critque someone's performance at this time, but I think you have done a good job of that. So Instead I will ask; what would you do to not repeat the same mistake if presented again?"
Callera's eyes bore into the Battlemaster she delivers her response, "Not do this kind of test while I am still on light duty due to mental health. Pay more attention to the current teachers of younglings to get a better handle on what would be considered 'appropriate' goading and make sure it happens with the fewest possible witness to limit the chances of embarrassment to the person you are wanting me to test. Because that can cause more damage than just a test like this.
"And now your evaluation of Korshae?"
"Solid grasp of basics, but very easily provoked and distracted. Time and experience can help fix those issues if handled right."
"Would you take them as a Padawan?"
"No, but I would find them someone. I would be too likely to constantly needle him what would be productive."
"Why would you do that?"
"He got it after talking what the goal was and acknowledged the problems it showed, and I could feel the desire to be better."
