Chapter 129: August 1998
"Without trust, the best you'll get is compliance."
-Jesse Lyn Stoner
Remus groaned and rolled over, holding a hand to his side as his ribs shifted and cracked back into place. He could hear Mika somewhere nearby, her soft whimpers breaking through the otherwise silent early morning air. A breeze rustled the trees surrounding them, sending a shiver up Remus' sweat-soaked spine.
"Anything broken?" Mika called over to him in a raspy voice.
"No, I don't think so," he replied, doing his usual post-moon stretching. "You?"
"Nah, I think I'm okay."
"So last month wasn't a one-off?" Remus asked, curiously.
He heard the snapping of twigs as she made her way over to him, plunking down by his side. "I told you, I usually do alright if it's not a large pack. My wolf is on the smaller side, so I tend to get used as a chew toy for the bigger ones when there are a lot of us. Thankfully your wolf likes me, it seems."
Remus couldn't argue that. It had become evident in the few transformations they'd had together, Moony enjoyed himself immensely. The sense of pack he felt with Mika was exacerbated in wolf form, Remus assumed, so Moony wouldn't hurt her. Rough house a bit, probably, but not intentionally injure.
He felt her finger dig into his back as she poked him, "How are you feelin', old man?"
"Tired."
Mika laughed, "Yeah, I could use some sleep. Where's the nearest town, you think?"
"At least a day's journey," Remus sighed.
"Ah, well. We can sleep here, I reckon," Mika said, already curling up with her back pressed to his. "Magic us a blanket, yeah?"
Remus laughed through his nose and pulled himself to his feet, looking around for the hollowed-out tree where they'd left their backpack with their clothes and his wand. He dug around in the bag and pulled out one of the t-shirts he'd stuffed in it, plucking his wand from the bottom.
"We should find some food," he muttered over his shoulder as his stomach growled.
"Mm, yeah, after we sleep," Mika mumbled. "I'm knackered."
Remus transfigured a blanket out of the shirt and smiled fondly at Mika, already fast asleep on the forest floor. He draped the blanket over her and pulled on a pair of trousers before settling in next to her. He blinked heavily at the leaves overhead, his tired eyes burning from the sleepless night. As he drifted off to sleep, he had the thought that maybe the next four years wouldn't be so bad since he had someone he could trust by his side.
It felt good to have a friend again.
Days passed quickly as Remus and Mika travelled back to London. Remus was nervous to spend more time than necessary in one place, considering his name had been listed amongst the dead in the battle. But, he'd made little headway on his research and he'd hoped the slight glamours he did while in view of anyone besides Mika would be enough to keep him from being spotted.
Remus toyed with the idea of returning to Godric's Hollow again to go through the book in the cottage he'd shared with Hermione. He could recall there being an extensive amount of books on potions and Dark Magic lining the shelves there, and he was certain the journal Dolohov had kept was left there. But, he wasn't sure he was ready to bring Mika into that part of his life. Telling her about Hermione and the life they'd had together was one thing, actually showing it to her was another. It's not that he thought she would overstep any boundaries or make things difficult by being there, in fact, he was certain Hermione would be ecstatic that he had become close with someone for a change.
It was more that introducing Mika to a life he had, would have, felt wrong when he knew she would never know what those comforts were like. Mika had been wandering pack to pack for almost her entire life. It seemed selfish and braggart to show her the fortune he had waiting for him. No matter how small and empty it was now.
"Hey," Mika said, nudging his elbow with her own.
Remus looked up from the article he was studying, the quill stilling in his hand as he looked over at her. "Yes?"
She tilted the book she was reading toward him, her finger on a line, "What's this word?"
Remus leaned over, looking around her finger, "Apropos."
"Apropos," she repeated. "Okay. And, what's that mean?"
Remus stifled a sigh, trying to remind himself that she had admitted to having very little education and she was trying to help. "Er—it's like in reference to something."
"Oh, okay. Cool."
Remus waited a moment to see if she had any other questions. She seemed satisfied with the answer, so he continued on with his own passage, scratching notes into a journal as he went.
He could hear her as they read, sounding out words and saying them over and over quietly to herself as she read line by line every book he'd chosen for her to go through. He'd tried to pick out the lower-level ones for her. Things that would easily be found on the shelves at Hogwarts, in hopes that it wouldn't be too confusing for her.
"Remus?" Mika asked, after about an hour of quiet studying.
"Yes?"
"This book says that you can't just make up spells," she began. "But, didn't you say that arsehole Russian guy created a bunch of fucked up curses?"
Remus finished the word he'd been writing and set his quill down, turning to look at her. "Yes, I did."
"If you can't just make up spells…"
"It's a grey area where magic is concerned," Remus explained. "You can't just make up spells out of any thoughtlessly strung together phrases. There's a bit of arithmancy involved and—"
"A bit of what?"
"Arithmancy. It's like…wizarding maths. Numbers and equations that have magical connotations. It's technically a form of Divination but—"
"What's Divination?"
Remus let out a slow breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's a very unreliable branch of magic that supposedly allows one to see into the future."
Mika sat back in her chair, staring at Remus through narrowed eyes. "You're fuckin' with me."
"I'm not."
"You mean to tell me there's an entire type of magic for tellin' the future when your lot can just time travel anyway? What's the good in that?"
Remus chuckled, "Time travel is rare."
"Apparently not. You've done it loads and your mate is obviously good at it, too."
"Yeah, well, that's a bit different. Time travel isn't something that's widely accepted. It's dangerous to play with the timeline. You risk unravelling the future altogether when you do."
"But, if you hadn't done it to get back to Hermione in her own time, you'd be dead right now," Mika countered. "The only reason you're still alive is because she wiped your brain out so you wouldn't remember her. If it wasn't for that, your wolf wouldn't have had a reason to save you. He'd never have known you had a mate out there."
Remus shrugged, "Maybe. But, it's complicated. We don't know enough about the magic involved to ensure no mistakes are made."
Mika huffed, shaking her head. "Wizards are confusing. You have all this power, yet you stand by all these stupid rules. What's the point in havin' magic if you can't use it properly?"
"There has to be a balance of power. Those who believe Wizards deserve to be more because of the magic we have are the ones who seek to make anyone who isn't magical obsolete."
"Like that Dark Lord that was killed," Mika agreed, nodding. "I get that. But, I don't understand—"
"Why don't you find something better to read?" Remus interrupted, his patience thinning. "I'm almost finished here for the night. You should find something fun to go over for now, help you work on your reading skills a bit more before we get into advanced magical debates on power."
Mika laughed and closed the book she'd been reading. "Gladly. This stuff is dry as toast."
Remus exited the bathroom and looked around the empty motel room. Mika had left a few minutes before his shower to procure more money and get them some food. He didn't love the idea of Mika stealing money from people, but he had to admit that staying in an actual room with a bed and working plumbing was far more desirable than sleeping on a bench somewhere. And while she wasn't the most well-read person he'd ever befriended, she was clever. And a bloody good thief.
It worried him, sometimes, that Mika was so good at it. He knew that deep down it was part of the reason he hesitated on taking her to Godric's Hallow. He trusted Mika. But, he wasn't sure she was comfortable enough with her own future not to nick something of importance to try and pawn it off for a few quid to get her through. He couldn't blame her—Merlin knew the way werewolves were treated was abhorrent—but she already knew so much about him and his life that he had to be sure he could share that part of himself before taking her there.
He would have to, eventually, but what they had now worked for them, for the time being.
A sharp rap against the window pulled Remus from his thoughts and he pushed aside the heavy curtain to look for the source of the noise. To his surprise, a disgruntled looking barn owl sat on the narrow ledge, pecking at the glass. Remus pushed open the lock, giving enough room for the bird to come inside and removed the letter attached to its leg addressed to Mika.
"I don't have anything for you," Remus mumbled, turning the parchment over to see if there was any indication as to who would have sent it. The bird gave an aggravated nip to his finger before ruffling its feathers and taking flight back out the window.
"You know," Mika's voice boomed across the room as the door slammed open. "I didn't think I'd get sick of curry, but here I am, absolutely tired of the stuff." She kicked the door shut behind her and set a large box on the closest bed. "I got us a pizza instead."
"Sounds good," Remus said, absently.
"Alright?" Mika asked, eyeing Remus carefully. "What's that in your hand?"
He shuffled across the small room and held the letter out to her, "Came for you a few minutes ago."
Her brows shot up into her hairline in surprise and she tugged the parchment from his fingers, tearing it open. He watched as she frowned, her eyes scanning the page.
"Well?"
She shrugged and handed him the letter, "Nikolai. Apparently, he lived through the battle, so that's good news I guess."
"Is it?"
"Read for yourself, I'm starving."
Remus' gaze lingered on Mika for a moment until she waved him off, plopping down on the bed to open the box and take a slice of pizza out.
Mika,
It's been too long since I've written and for that, I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I've been on the move a lot over the last few months, I'm sure you can understand. I want to meet with you soon. I'd love to see you again. If you're up for it, I'll be at Grisham's on Thursday. I'll wait for you in our booth around 8? I hope you'll come.
Your friend,
Nikolai
"Are you going to go?" Remus asked, setting the letter on the small table and taking a seat next to her on the bed.
She shrugged, turning the telly on and taking a large bite of cheese pizza. "Don't really see the point."
Remus took a slice from the box and looked over at her, "You said he joined the Death Eaters?"
"He went with Greyback and his lot when they showed up and tried to take over one of the camps," she said, through a mouthful. She swallowed hard and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand, "I didn't think it was a good idea and told him as much."
"Have you seen him since?"
"Once."
"And?"
She let out a long sigh and set the half-eaten piece of pizza back in the box, "And it went exactly as you'd expect, I reckon. I told him he was a fuckin' pillock for leaving, he told me I was 'lettin my potential go to waste'. Bah! Whatever the hell that means," she rolled her eyes. "We argued a bit and he left again. Probably pissed off that I wouldn't come with him."
"You think he's going to try and convince you to come with him again?" Remus asked.
"Who knows?" Mika said, picking up the discarded slice and settling back against the pillows. "Besides, I have better company now anyway."
Remus offered a small smile at that, his cheeks warming a bit with the compliment.
She beamed, giving him a playful shove. "You're sentimental, you know that?"
Remus chuckled, "It's been suggested."
As they sat, watching mindless sitcoms well into the night, Remus let his mind wander. He wasn't sure what exactly had happened between Mika and Nikolai. In fact, this was really the first she'd talked about him more than a brief mention here and there. He'd suspected that their friendship had ended poorly, given that Nikolai had left to join Greyback and his troops. But, he'd expected there had been more to it. While Mika made it a point to learn everything she could about Remus, she didn't talk much about herself. Then again, Remus didn't really ask. Merlin knew Mika had something to say on just about every subject. He assumed she would talk when she was ready.
Another thought struck him, as he rolled over and tugged the chain on the bedside lamp, effectively darkening the room. If Nikolai was still loyal to Mika, he could be a good ally. He might be willing to give information to Mika if she asked the right questions.
Remus took the remote control from Mika's limp fingers and powered the telly off before settling into the warm blankets next to her. He watched as her chest rose and fell with light snores, her mouth slightly open and jaw slack. A feeling of guilt washed over him that felt dangerously close to betrayal. He would talk to her about it first, he decided, and let her make the decision. He wanted answers, yes. But, he wouldn't risk his only friend's life to get them.
Remus laid awake, his arms wrapped around Hermione's small frame as her even breath hit his chest. The night's conversation had taken a toll on him. They were simple questions, yes. But, things that he knew he couldn't answer without embarrassing himself, and of course, he'd embarrassed himself. Despite the feeling that squirmed uncomfortably in his chest every time he thought about his future these days, he needed to know where Hermione stood. Did she see him in her life beyond all this? In her wildest dreams, able to have anything she could think of, was he still a part of them?
"Are you awake," Remus whispered, against his better judgment. They'd been quiet for so long, he thought maybe she'd fallen asleep.
He could feel her smile against his chest, "Yeah."
Remus swallowed, summoning a little courage to ask the question that was burning in his mind for the last couple of hours. "What would you do, if you didn't have to leave and the war wasn't happening… What would you want?"
"If there was no war, I wouldn't be here," she reminded him.
He tightened his arms a fraction, taking comfort in her weight against him. "I know. But humour me?"
Hermione sighed, her warm breath fanning across his cool skin. "I hadn't really thought about it."
"So, think about it," he urged.
Hermione was silent for several minutes and Remus was beginning to regret asking in the first place. Maybe she didn't want the things he wanted, maybe she didn't want him the way she'd said she had.
"I want to own a bookshop," she said, quietly. "Nothing big and elaborate. Just a small bookshop, maybe sell coffee and tea with a few small tables where people can read."
Oh. Well, that was a bit of a surprise.
"I thought you'd want to be a healer, or a solicitor or something in the Ministry?" He questioned.
"I've always thought I would go that route, to be honest." Hermione agreed, "I really wanted to work for the Ministry when I was younger. But now? I think I've had my fill. Buy a bookshop, settle down…" she trailed off for a moment before drawing in a deep breath, propping herself up a bit to look down at him, "There is one other thing I would do though."
"Is there?"
Hermione hummed, nodding. Remus shifted on the bed, sinking further into the pillows. His hair, which was well past its usual length, fell over his forehead and into his eyes. Hermione smiled softly at him, pushing the hair from his face and he couldn't help but lean into her touch. Her hand lingered on his cheek as she spoke again.
"I would want you to mark me."
Remus felt his entire body stiffen and he stared at her in disbelief, "What?"
"I… I've been reading. You could do this even now, if you marked me we would always be tied together, our magic bonded for life. You would always be with me no matter what year it is."
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Of course, he loved her, of course, he wanted to be with her. But to actually mark her? To lay that type of claim and take her freedom of choice away? He couldn't bear to think of it, let alone actual entertain the idea.
"No."
"Remus I—"
"No, Hermione," He cut her off, shaking his head enough that her hand slipped from its place on his cheek. "No. I won't…I won't do that to you. You deserve a normal life and if I marked you—"
She sighed and set her head back on his chest, kissing the bare skin there and wrapped an arm around his waist, effectively stopping his train of thought.
"For the record," she whispered, her lips moving against his skin. "Even in my wildest fantasies, you're exactly as you are. Werewolf and all... I never cared much for normal anyway."
She craned her neck to press her lips against the underside of his jaw before settling back into his side, her leg slung over his thighs and arms wrapped tightly around his torso, clinging to him for dear life. He buried his hand in her hair, lightly scratching his fingers against her scalp as his heart thundered in his chest.
Even in her wildest dreams, she was damning herself to a life of being attached to a werewolf. To being ostracised from her family and friends for who she loved. He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat and let his eyes fall shut. It didn't matter anyway. It was clear that it was a fantasy at best. He wouldn't have to worry about what Hermione being attached to him would do. She wouldn't be here long enough to find out.
