Saving Prince James: A James and Sofia Love Story
Set in an alternate universe, James is now 20 and usurped his father as king and conquered every kingdom to create an empire, but he has lived his years as a lonely king with only power and wealth to keep him company. When Cedric summons a banished Sofia, 18, to the castle to secretly save the kingdoms and James, something stirs in James's heart the moment he sees a grown and blossomed Sofia. Can a banished princess save the kingdoms and a ruthless prince find his way into the heart of a princess he once lost?
Chapter 34: The Waterfall
James
Nothing but the sound of tears being shed and the choking sound of sobs could be heard. White feathers were sprawled everywhere around them as Sofia cried loudly and heart-wrenchingly into his shoulder. James held tightly onto Sofia as she cried. He was trying to hold her together while he buried his face into the crook of her neck, finding solace in her warmth and trying to block everything out as he too cried over the loss of his mother.
'She sacrificed herself just to protect us….' Lucinda's words echoed in his head.
Just when he had reunited with his mother – he was not able to exchange more than a word with her before he lost her again.
The first time he lost her, it was bad indeed, but not as bad as this… as losing her a second time.
At least the first time, he was only a child, no older than four years old. He wasn't old or strong enough to understand or prevent her death. He was barely old enough to understand what was happening in the world around him. There was no way he could have understood the predicament of his mother's death.
But the second time… it was a lot worse than the first.
This time, he understood. This time he was old enough and strong enough to do something about it. But he couldn't. He wasn't able to anything.
And losing her again…?
It was like wishing for something and almost having it – almost touching it – and having it ripped away in a matter of seconds. It was the feeling of living the worst day of his life over and over and over again. It was like barely feeling the sun's warmth after a century of cold, dark thunder storms and then learning that the storm wasn't over. Not in the least.
And this time, he knew who to blame.
The Evil.
This man. This cruel and cowardly man. He was nothing more than scum.
He is to blame!
Who does he think he is? How can he claim himself to be his mother's fated partner when he is so determined to take everything that she cared for and destroy it? How can he be so fixated on ruining everyone's lives just for the sake of claiming his mother? He was going to destroy everything, spill innocent blood, kill Sofia just because he was upset over the fact that his mother rejected him.
He was nothing but a bitter man obsessed with someone who he couldn't have.
And James is going to make him pay for it all. For everything he's done and plans to do. For making Sofia cry. For what his mother had to do just to save them from him.
He's going to make this man pay for every tear Sofia has shed because of what he's done.
"Sofia!" Amber's voice called out to them. James barely lifted his head to see her running to them with an expression of worry and fear. Behind her was Edward carrying a basket of what James presumed was first aid. "Sofia!"
"Amber…?" Sofia's hoarse voice barely managed to croak.
But the moment her eyes met Amber's, James heard her break down again and she buried her head back into his chest. James just held on tighter to her, wanting to be strong for her like when she broke down in Lucinda's tree cabin.
He didn't know what words could help her in a time like this. He didn't want to whisper simple things like "it's okay," or "it's going to be alright," because those felt like nothing but lies to him at a moment like this. He and Sofia both knew that nothing was "okay" right now. And with everything that has happened to them so far – with the castle taken and the loss of his mother – neither of them didn't know if everything was going to be "alright" for a long while. Or ever again.
James didn't want to lie to her and say things that might only make her feel worse. Saying those sentiments, while coming from a kind place in his heart, would only be like just placing a cloth over a wound and letting the blood seep through. It would just be covering it, not healing it.
Of course he was optimistic that they were going to defeat this man, but as if right now… it didn't feel like it. They were at their lowest right now. They were both lost and broken and unsure of what was to come.
The best thing he could think of to do was simply hold her and try to be strong for her. That was the only thing he knew that would keep Sofia from falling apart in his arms.
Lucinda wiped the tears from her cheeks and quickly stood up. "Amber, I don't think now is the best time to be ou-."
"Lucinda?" Amber's eyes widened at her as if she was seeing a ghost. Well, James can understand her shock at seeing Lucinda suddenly like this. It has been a number of years since she's last seen her.
Then Amber's eyes shifted from Lucinda to Hugo, who was still unconscious on the ground, to James and Sofia as if she was taking in the entire situation and trying to make sense of it all.
Her brows furrowed. "What happened?"
Lucinda didn't answer right away. She looked like she was having a hard time at trying the right words to explain their situation. She looked back down at James and Sofia, and her eyes briefly met James's as if she was asking him what to do. This is the first time he has seen Lucinda so unsure of what to do.
James didn't know how to answer nor does he want to at the moment because all he could think about was Sofia crying in his arms and his mother.
But, she must have gotten some kind of answer from his eyes because she turned back to Amber and said, "Amber, it would be best if you just go back inside and wait for us –"
"No. What was that black blob of a monster earlier and what was that light coming from Sofia's necklace? What is going on?" Amber demanded.
It seems that after learning how long Sofia and James had been lying to her and keeping her out of the loop about pretty much everything, she wasn't going to just stand there and continue to be push aside during these kinds of situations. Amber looks like she wants to have a serious part in these kinds of matters now. To be of some help in defeating this man.
"Amber…" Lucinda's voice broke. She shook her head, like she was trying to get a grip on herself. "I –"
In all honesty, even though James was slightly glad at Amber's determination to get some answers – it actually seemed like she wanted to be a willing participant in all of this madness – he wanted her to leave right now. Couldn't she tell that no one – excluding Hugo – was in the mood or even capable to speak of what just happened?
Sofia is crying. Lucinda looks like she is too emotional. Hugo is unconscious. And James doesn't even have the energy in him to even say a word.
No one can talk –
"Tell her." It came from Sofia.
James looked down at her, surprised. The rims of her eyes were red and she looked puffy eyed.
"Lucinda, it is okay," her voice wobbled. "She has a right to know what just happened here."
Sofia pushed away from James and tried to stand, but he saw her legs wobble and nearly give under her. He quickly stood up after her and steadied her by her elbows. Sofia looked like she was in no condition to stand, let alone even speak. Her eyes were more than glossy and there were still tears running down her cheeks.
"Sofia," James tried. He didn't want her to push herself, not when she is this emotional and close to breaking.
But Sofia just ripped her arms away from him. Her eyes were vacant and, while it was slight, James could see a dimmed light in her eyes. Like one of her bright lights had been blown out….
Lucinda looked at Sofia with concern. "Sofia, I really don't think it's best if we tell her now. It might –"
"Will you tell her? Please?" Sofia begged as she looks up at the sky and wipes her tears away with the heels of her hands. "She needs to know. And I can't right now."
James tried to put his arms around Sofia once more, but she refused and took a step back from him. It was like his touch hurt her instead of comforting her.
Sofia… It hurt James the way she pulled away from him. It was almost like she was pushing him away when they both needed each other the most right now. And the vacant look of her eyes only made him worry about her more. He has never seen her eyes so devoid of light before.
"Sofia…" Amber took a step towards her, but Sofia backed away once more and just stared back at her. Suddenly, the color drained from Amber and she looked frightened.
"Lucinda, what happened? I need to know. Now." Amber sounded frantic now, her eyes darting at Sofia as if she was afraid of what she was seeing in Sofia, like she's seen this before.
"It's sort of a long story and –"
"I don't care. Just give me the shortened version." Amber impatiently said.
Lucinda looked taken aback by Amber's order but complied anyway. "How much has Sofia told you?"
"I know enough. She said there's this evil guy and he's been the reason why everything has been in shambles for the last five years."
"Right, well he's also the reason your mother died when you were four and her spirit has been trapped inside of the castle ever since. Sofia has been able to see and talk to her because of her magical amulet. And the Three Fairies and I have been in communication with her since our imprisonment inside Royal Prep."
Again, Amber's eyes shifts worryingly over to Sofia. James carefully watched Sofia too, concerned about Amber's look at Sofia.
"What does that have anything to do with what I just saw?" Amber asked.
"Your mother has been protecting you all since her death, trying to keep this man away from you three. She's also been the one helping Sofia this entire time. Earlier this morning, she found a way to get out of the castle through the body of a white dove and my magic. She was here when that black blob in the sky was attacking. And that black blob was actually The Evil and the light shooting was Sofia's amulet trying to protect us. But…" Lucinda's voice faltered. "It wasn't enough and your mother had to sacrifice herself to save us."
James didn't know what to make of Amber's expression as she listened to Lucinda explain everything. It went from surprise to shock to teary all in one go. And in the end, she just looked upset. But it wasn't targeted at Sofia or James or anyone else for that matter. It was more like she was angry at The Evil, whoever he may be. If that man was here right now, James would be sure that Amber would sling herself at him and tear his face in two.
Her hands were clenched at her sides and it was literally shaking with rage. "So…" she seethed. "She died because of him and now she had to die again…. Because. Of. Him."
Edward came up and placed a hand on her right fist, as if he was trying to calm her down with just a touch. It seemed to help a little when her shaking stopped, but not enough since Amber was still angrily glaring up at the sky like the black monstrous smoke was still there.
Amber's green eyes flared as she turned to Lucinda. "That low life, son of a bitch. How can he do this? How dare he do this! He killed my mother! Twice!"
"Yes," Lucinda nodded.
Sofia hung her head low and shook her head. James saw more tears fall down into the grass.
Amber must have noticed Sofia in the midst of her rage. She quickly turned to face Sofia. "Sofia, I know what you're thinking. It's not your fault. None of this is."
She tried to take a step closer to Sofia, but she just shook her head again and backed away from her. From everyone. Sofia lifted her head and James saw more tears come tumbling down her cheeks.
"No, Sofia. Listen to me. This is not your fault," Amber tried again. When Sofia didn't reply, Amber turned to Lucinda and gave her a look that said, "say something to her. Help me convince her that none of this is her fault."
"Amber's right," Lucinda said. "Sofia, all of this is that man's fault. He did this. He's at fault. Not you. You can't blame yourself for what he did that forced Queen Anne to do what she had to do."
"Don't do this again, Sofia," Amber spoke with in a strained tone, like she was close to crying along with the rest of them.
Again?
"Please, don't push me or anyone else away like before," Amber cried. Edward placed a supportive hand on her shoulder.
Like before? What is Amber talking about?
Sofia didn't answer. She just stared at Amber blankly, emotionless and vacant.
Again, the color drained from Amber's cheeks and she looked frightened. Like she was reliving a nightmare all over again.
It scared James too. The air from his lungs felt heavy like it was stone, but his heart felt loose and empty like it was water. The light from her eyes was gone.
Suddenly, she turned away and ran.
And ran.
And ran.
All the way into the forest behind the estate.
Not again.
"Sofia!" James called after her. "So–"
He was about to run after when a hand on his wrist stopped him.
"She needs to be alone," Lucinda said, gripping his wrist hard to keep him from going after the one person he cared most of all. "It might be best if she –"
James ripped his arm away from Lucinda and glared at her. "What the hell are you talking about? There is no way I am going to let Sofia cry alone!"
"But, don't you get it? She wants –"
"No, I do get it. I've experienced it! I know that she wants to be alone so that no one sees her break down, but like hell am I going to give that to her! I am not going to leave her alone when she's like that! I am going to be there for her even if she doesn't want me to be!"
He would never let her go running off to cry by herself. There wouldn't be a day or a minute or a second where he would let Sofia out of his sights to cry alone. He would drop anything and everything just to be there for her when she felt that she needed to be alone.
James was her soulmate.
Didn't she understand that he would do anything for her? Be anything for her?
So, why does she still have the need to be alone to cry? He thought they solved this back during the fiasco of a ball? He thought she understood that even if she wants to be alone, all he ever wants is to be there for her. Doesn't she understand that? Can't he be the shoulder she could cry into?
He's more than willing to give Sofia the world and more if she asked for it, but this? Her wanting to be away from everyone – from him – and be alone?
This is the one thing he would not give her.
"This is just like before…" he heard Amber choke out.
James turned to Amber. "What did you mean by 'like before'?"
Amber wiped her tears and gazed at Sofia's retreating back. "Sofia always does this. When things get too overwhelming for her, she runs and tried to hide whatever emotions she's feeling so she wouldn't cry in front of everybody."
"I know." Why is Amber telling him what he already knows?
"No, you don't," she turned her teary eyes on him. "What you experienced when she locked herself away in her room or when she ran during the ball was only the tip of the iceberg. There's a lot more to it than you know."
"Then tell me."
For a moment, he was afraid that she wouldn't tell him. Amber looked at him like she was trying to evaluate him, as if to see if he was worthy of knowing the true depths of Sofia's complexity. But she ultimately did after a few seconds of judging him with her green eyes. "…When we were first exiled, Sofia had cried for only three days straight until the tears just stopped and she didn't cry again after that. Mom and I cried for weeks, but Sofia cried for only three days…. It was like she was starting to shut down."
The air was more than heavy with the emotional tension around them. There was a weight on James's shoulders that was just as heavy as the air in his lungs. It was like the air was circling around just the four – five, if James wanted to count the idiot lying on the floor unconscious – of them, making it hard for him to even move nonetheless breathe.
"That's when I started to get worried about her. I think something in her snapped and she just became… numb to her own emotions. She wasn't the same Sofia after you exiled us." Amber wiped another tear. "I mean, Sofia did everything normally. She took care of us just to make sure we were okay since Mom and I were barely hanging on as it was, but was sort of like her body took over. It was mechanical. Her heart wasn't there anymore and she started to become reclusive and isolated herself from everyone.… She started to push us away."
I… I did that to her. A pain worse than being cut by a sword's blade beat at his chest.
Amber started to sound angry again as she continued. "She pushed everyone away because she blamed herself for what happened five years ago. She blamed herself for everything that happened to you. For months, Sofia would just walk into the forest and not come out until the sun had set. I tried to get her to talk to us, but she wouldn't even look at us. It was like she was broken."
Oh, stars… In the beginning, James could tell just from the look in her eyes that Sofia had become somewhat hardened during their five years apart. He knew right away from the moment he laid eyes on her when she first returned back to Enchancia. But he never knew that Sofia had endured this type of pain. Of… losing her own heart. Sofia….
She looked at James with a hardened stare. It was a look that told him just how much he hurt Sofia all those years ago. How much she was in pain because of him. "I remember finding her crying at the waterfall over that fact that she believed it was her fault she lost you because she couldn't fix your problems. That she couldn't be of any help to you."
The amount of hate and fury radiating off of Amber was insurmountable. It was obvious that during the entire duration of their exile, she had nothing but pure hatred for him. That she blamed him for what had happened to them, the kingdom, and Sofia.
"You don't know how long Sofia went without smiling or even talking, James," she spoke. "She didn't even utter a single word to anyone for nearly two years. Her emotions became nothing and the light in her was literally gone. I don't know how long it took me to get her back to smiling and talking again. But even when just a glimmer of the old Sofia was back, her heart was still so hardened and cold and her faith in anyone but me or Mom was gone. She was back, but she wasn't alive."
He didn't know what to say.
The heavy weight that had settled on his shoulders now moved to his heart, making it cry out for Sofia and to apologize for everything he did and didn't know she went through.
Amber walked right up to him and tried to measure up to him. "That is what I meant by 'like before'."
Despite being twins, James had grown taller than her when he reached puberty. But even so, Amber looked hard at him as if she was trying to stare him down with all her might.
"She has always been there for me, no matter what. And I've been there for her through every step of the way, slowly and carefully bringing her back," she said. "Just when I was close to having her back again, when Sofia was starting to smile and talk and laugh again, Cedric came and asked her to save you. To save all the kingdoms. And she accepted, despite everything that happened that night. Despite the fact that her faith in you had died. …I wanted her to refuse, to not go back to you because this is what I was so damn afraid of happening. I wanted to protect her and keep her from falling down this hole again."
She stepped closer to him until their noses were touching and she could look him in the eyes. The familiar green colors of her eyes were burning and storming with a sisterly rage.
"So, what are you saying?" James carefully asked, meeting her eyes. He had an idea of what she was trying to get across to him. But even so, He wanted Amber to see the true depths what he felt inside his heart for Sofia in his eyes, what he will always feel for her.
He wanted Amber to know that what he felt for Sofia was stronger than anything in this world.
That it was true, pure, and honest.
James may not know what Amber and their mother went through with losing Sofia like that. To not see her smile or hear her voice for so long. But He didn't want to lose Sofia either.
Like he said before, he would do anything and everything for her if it meant she would always be smiling and laughing and talking with sheer joy. He wanted to keep her smile and preserve it for lifetimes. To always make sure that she was happiest beyond compare.
Her smiles is his sunshine. Her laugh is the air he breathed. Her voice is the light in the dark. Her eyes are what made the sun rise and the moon glow. There was so much of her that he wanted to always remember and to make sure was happy and healthy.
"What I am saying is that I'll be damned if I lose Sofia again. Do you understand me, James?" He saw her jaw clench. "I was lucky when the two times she ran away, she came back and was still the Sofia I remember, but I don't know about this time. And while I now know that you're not responsible for what happened five years ago and the chaos that resulted from it, I will not just stand by and let this happen to Sofia again. This man is the reason this is all happening. It's his fault that we lost mom again and it's his fault that we might lose Sofia now."
Amber stepped away, returning back to Edward's side. But all the while, her hardened stare did not leave James's eyes.
He kept her gaze. His eyes never wavered because he felt that if they did, he would be proving her assumptions and judgments of him correct. That he wasn't the right man for Sofia. That his past faults makes him unworthy of Sofia's attention and love. That he was every bit the evil king she thinks of him as.
But… it also felt like he would be disappointing her in a way.
That she didn't really want to believe that he was the evil king everyone made him out to be. That she wanted him to be the man worthy of Sofia because she wanted Sofia as happy as much as he did.
She wanted to be proven wrong because she had some hope in him. Some faith.
"I've noticed that since you came back into our lives, James, Sofia has regained a lot more her old self. She smiles and talks and laughs a lot more when she's with you. Her heart doesn't seem so hardened and cold…. She's not numb to her emotions anymore." Amber's eyes softened and she became quieter. Her shoulders slumped. "I wanted to protect her from you because I used to think that you were the reason she pushed everyone away, but now… I realized that you're actually the reason she came back to life. The reason her heart restarted…."
I'm… the reason? But… it always felt like it was Sofia that was saving him, bringing him out of the dark. I'm the reason she's came back to life…. Just like she's the reason I am coming out of the dark….
He has never realized just how much they were helping each other. That while James was changing because of her, she was changing because of him. They were learning and growing with each other.
"So this time," Amber continued, "I don't think I'm the one who can pull her back. You are."
And with that, James ran.
And ran.
And ran.
Into the forest.
Sofia.
He pushed through the shrubbery and the bushes and the low hanging branches and everything in his path. He jumped over fallen tree trucks, scraped his shoulder on rough barks, and hit head-first into bunches of leaves and flowers, but all of that didn't matter because nothing is going to stop him from finding Sofia. The only sound he could hear in the quiet forest was his heavy panting and the loud stomps of his boots on the forest ground. Leaves were crunched and twigs were snapped under his riding boots.
James decided to not follow the forest path since the last time he had to run after Sofia like this, she went off the path and was deep in the forest. And when he did find her the first time, she was beside some ancient looking tree in a torn ball gown.
Sofia.
He wanted to yell out Sofia's name, but the last time he did that, it only made her run faster away from him. Who knows what it might make her do this time if he did shout her name.
But no matter where she is, where ever in this world, he will always find her. It could be hell or somewhere up in the clouds, he will find her and never let her go. She could be in the hardest place in the world or universe, but he will always find his way back to her because he loves her.
Oh stars, how he loves her.
He loves the gentle corners of her mouth whenever she smiles lazily at him. He loves the bright colors of her eyes when she gets excited. He loves how red her cheeks become whenever she gets embarrassed. He loves her tiny hands and her slender fingers whenever she touches him. He loves her perfect lips and how they always tasted so sweet against his own. He loves the sound of her sleepy breaths when she scoots closer to him during the night.
He loves her like the moon loves the silver stars that dotted the night sky. He loves her like the bright mourning sun loves the pink clouds of the sky. He loves her like the drops of dew loves blades of grass. He loves her like the snowflakes love the tops of the winter trees.
Oh stars, how he loves her more and more each second.
Sofia.
James continued on in silence, veering from one side of the path to the other, trying to find any clue as to where Sofia might have gone. His eyes glanced over every clearing in the forest and every dark, shadowy corners behind the trees. He continued running through the forest until he was so far deep into it that he started to hear the rush of the waterfall the butlers had spoken of earlier.
Before he knew it, James found himself at bank of the fairly large pool at the bottom of the waterfall.
The gushing water was surging over the rocks and cascading down over a high ledge that was between the mossy greenery and water flowers and large forest trees. Smooth large rocks specked the bank of the pool. There was some exposed roots from the trees that were growing around the plunge pool. A stream of water led off the side of the bank that must be the source to the nearby creek he had passed by on his way here. The sound of the waterfall was loud and calming, and the spray of the water cooled the air around it.
The water was clear and blue and flowed smoothly into the deep-looking pool. There were large river rocks and eroded earth that was exposed on either side of the waterfall. From what he could see, there was no fish or any life in the pool.
Or Sofia. He didn't see Sofia anywhere.
His heart hammered in his chest. The erratic beating of his heart could have been from his mad run through the forest or from not being able to find Sofia. The painful and scared pangs in his chest told him it was from the fact that he still has yet to find Sofia.
And James didn't know where to go from here.
To be honest, James didn't know how he ended up at the waterfall when he was just randomly running through the forest. He wasn't even following the path either. He was just following his gut when detouring through the forest. James just ran where he felt Sofia might have been.
Sofia could be anywhere in the entire forest for all he knew and he was nowhere close to finding her.
But just when he was about to turn around and go in another direction, he heard an odd, tiny sound amongst the loud rushing water.
It was a sniffle.
What? He stopped.
He looked around and tried to locate the source of the sound. He couldn't decipher if it was coming from an animal or Sofia, but that sound of a sniffle was the closest thing he had to a clue and he wasn't going to let it go to waste.
Again, he heard another sniffle.
And another.
And another.
It was coming from behind the waterfall.
Sofia! He didn't know how or why, but he was sure that the sniffling was coming from Sofia. He just knows it.
James looked around, trying to find a way to the back of the waterfall, but there was no easy access. He couldn't see any entrance to the side of the waterfall. There wasn't any rocks big enough for him to step onto and hop his way towards the waterfall. The plunge pool was empty of large rocks or anything useful. And the ones already there were covered in what looks like very slippery moss and algae. It's not safe for him to walk on. If he did, he was sure he would end up cracking his head open on one of them if he slipped.
Dammit. James cursed as he gazed back at the waterfall. If he looked hard enough, he could see a silhouette of a figure behind the waterfall. It was small, but he was sure it was a figure of a young woman.
Running on sheer adrenaline, he yelled her name. "Sofia!"
The shadowy figure's head jumped up.
Bingo. She's here. Now he was more than certain that it was Sofia. Relief flooded his heart. I found her.
"Sofia!" James yelled over the loud waterfall. "Come out!"
Silence.
"Please!"
More silence.
"I can't talk to you like this if you're behind the waterfall!"
Again, all he heard was the waterfall. Not Sofia's voice.
And the longer she didn't reply back to him, the more desperate he became. "Either you come out from there, or I come to you!"
He saw the figure stand, but didn't make a move to come out.
"I'm going to give you ten seconds to come out! If you don't, I will swim to you!" James counted down. He knew he was being rather brash and unreasonable, but he didn't care because he needed to see if she was okay. Plus, this was the only thing he can think of since he couldn't find a single way around to where she was behind the waterfall. "Ten! Nine! Eight!"
Sofia still didn't make a move. So, James started to undo his cloak and took off his boots and socks.
"Seven! Six!" He tossed them all off onto a nearby boulder and stripped off his riding jacket, vest, and shirt next.
"Five! Four!" He started to tread into the water slowly, giving her a few more seconds to come out.
She didn't.
"Three!" James treaded in deeper until the water was level with his waist. "Two!"
Still, all he received was silence.
"One!" He took a deep breath and went under.
But just before he started to swim towards the waterfall, he heard her yelled. "Stop!"
When he rose, he heard a splash and he saw a bright purple light from behind the waterfall. Then few seconds later, she appears out from under where the waterfall touches the pool.
Angry.
Now, James knew just from her pissed-off and annoyed expression alone that he should be cautious about his approach with her since Sofia's temper can volatile and she can just about destroy anyone with it. Sofia's rage-filled eyes are lethal weapons alone. Her sharp tongue was poisonous to anyone she directs her anger at.
He shouldn't even be smiling when it looks like just the sound of his breathing was enough to set her off on him, but… hell…. He couldn't. Stop. Smiling.
There was no stopping it from spreading because, when she appeared out of the water, Sofia was a mermaid right now. Well, he was smiling uncontrollably because she seemed like she was okay.
But mostly because she was a mermaid.
And he was a little giddy about that.
Really giddy.
James wiped the water from his eyes and messily pushed his hair back, not bothering to even try to stop his smile from growing even wider. He couldn't see all of her mermaid form, but she looked incredible either way.
The water on Sofia made her cheeks appear rosier and her lips shimmer in an incredible shade of red. Her wet lashes made her blue eyes shine even brighter than before. Her long brown hair looked elegantly loose the way it all glimmered and shined under the sunlight and spray of the water.
Not only that, there was a modest golden circlet tiara with a simple crystalized seashell that was decorated with tiny purple pearls and a large blue diamond in the center wrapped around her forehead. That last touch made her look like a mermaid queen. If not, a sea goddess.
She looked like every part of her was generously kissed by the sun a thousand times over. It looked like there was sparkles in her hair, in the blue flakes of her eyes, on her skin… She is radiated and glistened in the water. Everything about her as a mermaid was natural and free….
Dear stars… she is beautiful…. If she wasn't on the verge of a mental breakdown right now, he would have swam over to her and kissed her senseless because she looked more than beautiful to him right now.
Sofia didn't move from where she appeared out from behind the waterfall and glared at him. "Are you an idiot?! Why would you go into the water when it's still early spring! You could get sick!"
Not even that could make his smile falter because she was talking to him. That was a good sign. Obviously her glare wasn't, but she came out and she was talking. Well… yelling… and he did force her out, but that's good.
Right?
James swam to where she was in the center of the deep pool, closing the distance between them. He couldn't feel the slippery floor of the water pool anymore. But Sofia moved away from him again until they were a good arms distance apart. He didn't try to move another inch, letting her have her space. James didn't want to push her too far or else it might end nastily for the both of them.
"Because you wouldn't come out from the waterfall," he said bluntly, still smiling. "And I don't think that makes me an idiot because it worked."
"It does!" Sofia threw her hands up in frustration. "Jeez, James!"
"And what about you? Why are you in the water pool?"
Her frown deepened and her glare hardened. "I'm in the freaking water because of you! You just had to go and jump into the water all because I didn't freaking come out!"
Yes. This is good.
The vacant look of her eyes are gone. There's fire and light and emotion again.
James vows to never let that happen again. For as long as he has her and she has him, he'll never let the light in her eyes die ever again. He'll never let her heart stop ever again. He'll do whatever he can to make sure she will always feel everything and smile as bright as the sun.
He'll keep her from losing the life in heart just like she keeps him from the dark.
So, his plan is just to stand back quietly and let Sofia rant. That's good, right? If she feels all of her angry emotions and lashes it out at him, then she won't fall back to pushing everyone away and become emotionless again like Amber fears.
His plan is a little hard because, based on their past arguments, he is not one to just stand there quietly while in an argument. He does know how long he can keep quiet. And since she's yelling about him, that's going to make executing this plant a lot harder too.
But he'll persevere through it for her because this is all for Sofia.
Maybe he'll just let his mind wander while she is yelling at him…. He can just plan out their trip to Merroway Cove this summer.
"Why? Why did you have to do that?" Sofia was too riled up to stop. "Why couldn't you just let me be alone for one stinking second? Huh? When I don't come out, that means I don't want to talk or be around anyone! Couldn't you get the hint? I just want to be alone!" And Sofia turned around, looking like she might dive under and swim back behind the waterfall.
So, his plan backfired.
It didn't even last that long either…. But there is no way he going to let her go back there and be alone again.
"Sofia!" he stopped her just in time with a hand on her shoulder. Now, his smile was gone.
"What?" she tersely said, angrily pushing his hand off of her shoulder. "Why can't you just leave me alone? Don't you get it that I need my time alone to just feel bad and cry? I want to be alone! What about that is so hard for you to get?"
Okay, so his plan of just being quiet and letting her rant was also backfiring on him too because he was having a hard time trying not to argue back with her.
Sofia pushed him away from her. "Leave me alone, James."
Screw it.
"Why?!" he shouted, losing his temper. "Why do you always have to run away just to cry alone?!"
"Because I just want to be alone!"
"I thought we worked on this already?! Back at the ball?! I thought you understood that I want to help you and be there for you when you're crying?!"
"What do you mean?!" she yelled back at him with full force. "I thought you understood that I need my space sometimes?! Don't you get it that I just need to be alone to cry and feel sorry for myself?!"
"I do! I do get that you want to be alone, but why can't I be there?!"
"Because being alone is better for me!" Sofia got into his face.
"Well, it's not for me! I don't like knowing that you're alone and crying when I can be there trying to do something to make you feel better!"
The fight was escalating fast, but he didn't care. If this was the only way for her to understand him and for him to protect her from herself, then so be it.
"What if I don't want you to do anything?! What if I just want to wallow in my own misery?! Alone!" He saw her temper flare and she pushed at him out of frustration and anger.
James didn't take any offense to it. He didn't care because at least she was reacting to all of this and not spiraling down into her dark hole of numbness. "Why does it have to be like that?!"
"So what if it's like this! This is me, James! I am twisted and crazy and I just need to be alone by myself! With no one else around!"
"Why can't I just be the one exception to this?! Won't you just let me be there for you when you're like this?! I am your soulmate! I want to be there for you!"
Sofia seemed to have reacted to something he just shouted because she looked speechless, like she was so taken aback by what he just shouted at her that she didn't know anything to yell back at him. Or maybe she just didn't have any comebacks for him anymore.
Either way, it was good for him because it gave him the opportunity to lay everything out for her and she can just listen to what he had to say.
"Sofia," he said normally, he was tired of yelling. His throat kind of hurt after yelling that much and he never liked shouting at Sofia anyway. "I want to be there by your side when you're sad or crying or angry. Whatever you're feeling, I want to be there with you. Don't you get that?"
Never before had James knew of a love like this. A love that could make his pain go away with just a kiss, just a touch, just a look of the eyes. A love that profound him and makes his heart beat a million times faster. A love that consumes him with something gentle, something passionate, something bright and warm and everything good in this world. It was a love that words have lost its touch on because it didn't need human words to describe it. It was something unique and special and treasured just between him and Sofia.
And it is because of Sofia that he was lucky enough to experience it, to feel it, to be a part of it. It was her love for him that he was here today, alive and nearly free of this darkness within him. She is what made it possible for his heart to feel so free, to feel like the sun was shining on it and breaking whatever dark hold the curse has on him.
His pain was broken and gone.
Now it is his turn to make her pain go away.
"I love you, Sofia," he said. "I may not fully understand what you're going through right now, but I want to be there to help you get through whatever this is. Don't you know that?"
He watched as the anger cleared in her eyes and was replaced with something else… something sad and hurt and guilty. "…I do…. I get it…" she whispered, her gaze falling down to the water between them.
"Then why won't you let me be there? I love you so much, Sofia, and I want to always be at your side. Especially when you're upset or feeling down. Even more so when you're happy and laughing."
All he received in reply as a simple shrug from her.
"Sofia, don't push me away. Let me just be there for you. I won't say or do anything, just let me be the one to hold you when you're crying."
James slowly and carefully reached a hand out to her like she was a small animal he didn't want to frighten away. She didn't seem to flinch or want to move away from his hand this time, so he gently cupped her cheek and lifted her face so that she was looking at him. Her eyes started to water and tears began to well, revealing the bottom half of her iceberg.
He could see that the final layers of her mask was breaking and she was trying her hardest to keep it together, to hide her emotions away again.
But he's not going to let her.
"You're always trying to hide it all inside so no one can see how much you're hurting because you want to be strong for them. For everyone. You tried to push everyone away so that no one can see you cry, thinking that's how you can hide the fact that you're hurting. But I can see it. I can see how hard you're trying to keep a brave face despite the fact that you blame yourself for everything. I can see the unshed tears you're trying to keep inside."
It all broke.
The last layer of her mask shattered and he saw every emotion she tried to hide away crashed into her. She crumbled under its weight. Sofia was tumbling and falling under everything she was feeling.
But he held her onto her as she cried and broke down and he picked up every single shattered piece.
This entire time, Sofia has been trying to fix her own broken pieces by herself, but not anymore. He's going to pick each and every piece up for her and help glue them back all together with her. He'll hold her shaking hands and gently guide her back just like she did for him.
There was so much of Sofia that James didn't know about. She was so complex and had so many layers of her that she kept hidden away. And each layer was as unique and special as she was. He always thought of her as this bright, happy-go-lucky kind of girl who never knew sadness, but he was wrong. She was as intricate and multiplex as a million-pieced mosaic. She has her dark issues and her psychological problems just like him.
The pain he gone through is nothing compared to what Sofia had endured – is still suffering through – because while James's demons was literally a monster inside his head, Sofia's was one of her own creation. Her mind went against her and made her believe all the chaos and destruction was her fault. Her mind made her believe that she needed to have her own Pandora's Box just to make herself into the ideal princess.
That is the worst kind of demons to have.
And it is causing him agony to learn of the pain she suffered through.
She wrapped her arms around him and held onto him like he was the only thing keeping her from tipping over the edge and back into that dark abyss. And he just held on tighter to her, wanting to keep her from what she feared the most.
He didn't say or do anything else but hold her tightly as she buried herself into his chest and sob heavily because that was what she needed right now. Just a shoulder to cry on and a pair of arms to keep her from falling down.
James let her cry on and on until it faded and ceased, but he still didn't let her go. He wouldn't even if she asked him to.
After some several quiet moments of just her sniffling, she spoke quietly into his chest. "It's my fault."
James knew what she was referring to. "It's not your fault. None of it is. I know you blamed yourself for what happened to me and I know you're blaming yourself again for what happened to my mom. But listen to me, Sofia, everything that happened to us is not your fault. It's that jackass's."
Sofia shook her head and let out a tiny sob. "I wasn't strong enough. I didn't have enough power to save us that's why she had to sacrifice herself. It's just like when I couldn't help you. I couldn't save you on time… if I did, then I could have kept everything from happening."
"Where did you get that idea?" James said. "No one could have predicted this happening. Not even you, Sofia. You have got to stop beating yourself up over this. You can't change the past," suddenly, he felt something click in his heart. He doesn't know how to describe it… it was like the twist of a key into a music box, "…no matter how hard you want to…. All you can do is simply look forward and embrace what the future may hold."
Another silence befell them as Sofia didn't reply for some time. James lost track of how long the quiet silence lasted. Nothing but the sound of the loud waterfall beside them could be heard. The day drew on and James noticed how orange the sunlight was becoming above them, telling him that the afternoon was passing and evening was approaching.
He wanted to give her all the time in the world until she was ready to talk to him, but the longer Sofia didn't talk, the more worried he became. He was starting to fear that she might have turned off her emotions again. He was afraid that when she would look up at him, he would see a pair of empty eyes again.
"Sofia," he quietly whispered, "talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling."
More silence.
"Sofia, please…. Talk to me. Don't push me away."
"…How did you find out?" she mumbled.
"About what?" he immediately replied as relief filled his chest. She was talking again. He was so happy to hear her talk again that his arms involuntarily tightened around her and gave her a squeeze.
"About how I blamed myself for what happened to you."
James let out a small chuckle. "Amber told me." He heard Sofia curse under her breath, which only made him laugh a little more. "She also told me how you pushed everyone away and didn't talk to anyone for two years."
She cursed again. "I made her promise not to tell anyone else. Mom doesn't even know about this."
"Don't be mad at her. She only told me because she was worried that you would relapse back into shutting down your heart again. I was worried too. I was afraid that you would have lost your heart and I would have lost you along with it."
Sofia just silently hugged him tighter as if she understood his fear of losing her. Of being separated not just physically, but emotionally too. That she also was afraid of the connection between their heart being broken or snapping in half.
That would be a pain worse than every bone in his body breaking. It would be a pain like a heartbreak but tenfold.
With the late sunlight edging close to evening, he was sure he was getting pretty pruney right now, but he didn't care. If it meant that Sofia was okay and in his arms, he would stay in the pool all night long if he had to. He would go anywhere and be anywhere so long as he is with Sofia.
James looked up into the sky, watching as the colors of the late sunlight danced with the clouds. All of the colors matched well with the deep shades of green from the trees around them. His eyes followed the trail of light that streamed through the trees to where it touched the waterfall.
The late evening sunlight casted the entire waterfall into a fire orange glow, making the rush of the water cascade down like a mystical fiery waterfall. Colors of bright yellows, deep reds, and burning oranges were all crashing down into the pool around them like the water was falling down from the sunlight.
If he was standing by the bank of the water pool, he knew the sight would be breathtaking. But he was in the pool and to be this close to it and see how the colors danced with the spray of the waterfall was another experience all together.
"Sofia... Why do you always run?" he asked while still watching the colored waterfall. He wanted Sofia to talk about this aloud because he felt that it would help her in some way. She just needed to talk about her feelings and her issues aloud. "Why do you feel this need to always be alone?"
Anyway, he had Amber's answer to why she runs, he needed Sofia's. James wanted to hear it from her. Because if he just learns her real reason as to why she runs, then maybe, just maybe, he can somehow make it all better for her to where she won't have this need to run away to cry alone. Or at least, make it so that she can let him be there for her. Sofia has been alone for so long that he just wants to be there for her, that's all.
"You know why, James…" she replied so quietly that he had to lower his head just to be able to hear her. "You just said it."
"I want to hear it from you."
Sofia lifted her head and looked up at him as if she was contemplating on actually telling him. He saw her eyes search his like she was trying to find something inside of them. He didn't know what, but he hoped that it was something good.
Then she took a shaky breath before pushing away from him.
James immediately missed her warmth and tried to bring her back into his arms. He couldn't tell what she was thinking, but from the way she suddenly tore herself away from him, it felt like she was pushing him away again and he was afraid that she was trying to hide herself away again.
And it hurt him the way she just so easily separated herself from him.
"Sofia –" he began, but stopped when she took his hand and dragged him over to the waterfall.
"Come on," was all she said as they both swam into the waterfall.
James felt the heavy weight of the rushing water push on his head as Sofia pulled him behind the waterfall. It was a quick sensation being directly under the cascading water. His vision blurred from the water. For a single second, all he heard was the loud gushing water before he entered where Sofia had been hiding before he found her.
When he opened his eyes, he found himself staring at the entrance of a cave.
If he thought the fiery waterfall from outside was magnificent, the scenery he saw behind it was on a whole other level.
The entire place behind the waterfall took on a deep blue color from the glow of the water and a bright orange and yellow sheen from the late sunlight. Even the walls were coated in some kind of sparkling blue glimmer. It was like the curtain of the waterfall was a secret entrance to a whole other world. It felt magical and mystical and so incredibly enchanting.
For all he knew, this could have been a mermaid's grotto or a water nymph's playground or where pirates hide their treasure.
Not only that, the arch of the cave was high and the sides of the cave was eroded to a soft smoothness. From the way this entire wall behind the waterfall curved inward, he could tell that years and years of erosion and formation caused this cave to come into being. The many layers of sediment was pressed into an earthy pattern that gave the entire place a wonderfully natural and undiscovered sense. The entrance looked like something out of a fairy tale about mermaids and water fairies and sea sprites.
While he was busy taking in the beauty of what laid behind the waterfall, James felt Sofia pull on his hand and lead him off to the side of the cave where there were some wide ledges that hung low to the water. As they got closer to the ledge Sofia was leading him to, he saw a small mound of what he took was her cloak and such. Behind it was her boots and satchel.
Sofia let go of his hand and hoisted herself up onto the ledge before offering her hand to James to help him up. He didn't take her offered hand immediately because James was sort of stunned at seeing all of Sofia's mermaid form.
And it was more than incredible to gaze at.
Her hair was wet and loose and curled beautifully down her shoulders. She was wearing some kind of purple seaweed bandeau that tightly wrapped around her chest. It was a bit too low on her chest for his taste, but since he was the only one who could see it right now, he liked it. A lot. There was also a matching crystalized seashell pinned over her left chest like a brooch.
His eyes fell down to her tail. Unlike the mermaids he remembered from Merroway Cove, Sofia didn't have a pair of fins around her hips. Instead, her tail just smoothly formed from her hips like it was a natural part of her skin. Her tail was a beautiful succession of every shade of purple imaginable. It started from the lightest shade of purple on her hips and deepened into the darkest shade of purple at the tips of her tailfins. The scales on her shined and sparkled, making James want to just reach out and touch it.
But Sofia's out reached hand stopped him from touching her tail.
There was something in the way she held her hand out to him that made him just smile happily because it meant that she was still here with him. She wasn't trying to block him out and shut off her heart again.
So he gladly took it with a smile.
Once up, James's long legs dipped into the water. He took a moment to just take in the entire scenery before him. He noticed several large rocks and boulders jutting out from the water like some kind of lounge chair for a mermaid to lay on. All it needs is some kind of netting and some starfishes and it would look just like a mermaid's lounge rock.
The water from behind the waterfall was bluer than it was outside. It was so deep and clear that he could literally see what was at the bottom of the pool.
James gazed at the entrance into the cave. It was dark inside the cave, so James couldn't see much of what was in there, but he could tell that the cave was deep since sounds of dripping water echoed out of the cave. The water actively flowed inside and, just behind the sound of water drops dripping, he could hear more a faint sound of rushing water come from inside.
I wonder what that sound is inside….
"There's a waterfall inside the cave," Sofia surprised him as if reading his mind. He didn't realize that she was watching him take it all in.
She's talking again! James happily thought.
He wasn't going to waste this moment and eagerly took it. This was his opportunity to ease Sofia into talking and maybe even opening up to him again.
"Really?" he asked. "How do you know?"
"I went exploring into the cave one summer," she said with a nod at the cave. "There's this opening in the cave's ceiling that connects to the waterfall outside that made a second one inside the cave."
James was about to say something cool in response until he noticed something in the mound of clothes on the ledge with them. As expected, he saw rider's jacket, vest, and even her shirt near her boots and cloak.
But there were ripped fabric in the pile and it was from a corset.
"Sofia," he warily said. "Why is there a ripped corset over there." He pointed behind her. "Please don't tell me that is your corset you wore today."
"Oh, yeah," she nonchalantly shrugged like it was no big deal. "I couldn't breathe with that thing on and just took it off."
"Yes, but why is it ripped?"
"I had a meltdown and just tore up the first thing I got my hands on." Sofia's head snapped at hearing the word "meltdown," as if she didn't mean to say the word aloud.
"Sofia…" James gently tried. He wanted her to answer his question from before. He wanted to hear what she had to say about why she always ran away.
He slowly reached for her, but she slapped his hand away. "No. Don't, James."
"Sofia. Please…." From the way she rejected him, it felt like he was back to where he started….
"No," she pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes as if she was physically trying to stop herself from crying again. "Just…" she took a shaky breath. "Just give me a moment here. Okay?"
"…Okay…" James replied.
He sat there quietly like he promised her earlier while Sofia just buried her face into her hands. James didn't say a word or do anything, not even touch her, as Sofia had her moment. He didn't even look at her and just gazed at the waterfall instead.
And it killed him that he couldn't ease her pain somehow. James wants to do something, anything, to make this all better for her. But what can he do? There's nothing he wouldn't give her to make this all better for her, but what can he do to help? It hurts him to see Sofia hurting like this.
She said that she wanted to be alone, but how does that help her? James thought. Does it help her at all? Being all alone with her pain?
James never thought of it, but what if it does? What if she just needs to be alone to feel everything?
Had James been wrong about this the entire time? Was he just imposing himself on her when she is like this? He didn't meant to if he was. He just wanted to be of some help to her and be there for her when she felt the need to be alone.
But does being alone with her pain and not sharing it with anyone really help her? In his opinion, it's counterproductive because she's sort of just bottling up her pain. Not solving it.
He heard her let out a long, heavy sigh after some time of silence. "I don't want anyone to see me like this."
"What?" He looked back at her and saw that she had her circlet tiara in her hands. Her eyes were slightly puffy and her nose was a bit red, evidence that she had been crying.
"The answer to your question earlier," she said while twirling her tiara around. "I run because I don't want them to see me break down like this. I wanted to meltdown in private. It helps me push it all back… and bottle everything up."
"Why?"
She didn't once look up at him. Her gaze was only on the tiara in her hands. "I don't want them to see me breakdown. I'm a mess when I have my meltdowns. I don't know… it's sort of like whenever things get too overwhelming for me, my lungs can't find air and all I need to do is push it back just enough to breathe again. Being alone… it helps me do that."
"Sofia…"
Sofia suddenly threw the tiara into the water. The moment it touched the surface of the pool, it dissolved into bubbles that floated up and up until it popped on the rocks above. "What you said about me just trying to be strong for everyone, that's not really true. I mean, it's a noble thing to want to do, but I am selfish. When I run away, I run away for me. I run because I want to meltdown without being judged."
James didn't say anything because it felt like there was more she wanted to say. Anyway, he wanted her to continue talking. She had always listened to his problems and issues, now it was his turn to return the favor. He just watched her carefully, trying to understand the look of her eyes.
Her gaze fell down and she started to watch the ripples on the surface of the water. She flicked her tailfin and splashed some water up. "When we were first exiled, it was like the three of us were all lost and confused and broken all at the same time. Mom and Amber were all devastated at what happened and I… I just felt like my world was destroyed. I got so overwhelmed by what happened because I just couldn't understand how you could have done that to us and our family. I tried to figure it out, but I couldn't and ended up just blaming myself for it and that felt like a million knives into my heart. I believed that the only reason everything was in chaos and Mom and Amber were broken like that because I couldn't help you in time to prevent this."
The tone of her voice started to become strained and tight, like just talking about this was hard on her. He would have stopped her if this was under another kind of situation, but he knew that talking about this aloud would help her. Being alone with her pain may help her on some level, but talking about it to someone would help her a lot more.
"I cried for only three days before…" she said, "…before I shut down after that and numbed myself to the pain and the hate I felt towards you for what happened. I started to drift away from everyone without even realizing it. I began to spend more and more time in the forest alone. Some days, I would just wander around, trying to forget the pain and everything that happened. Other days, I would end up at this waterfall, crying my eyes out. I would cry and cry and cry until I was numb again. On rare days, I would have meltdowns where I would try to break everything in my sight." Tears fell down her cheeks, but Sofia didn't even seem to register the tears.
Never had James seen her so… lost and broken before. She looked like she was just one breath away from completely shattering into a million empty pieces. The pain in her eyes was something he couldn't fix, something he couldn't patch up like a physical wound, because it was a pain that was in her heart.
"Today was one of them," she said with a weak, pitiful laugh.
But, from his observations, she also looked freer, like a heavy weight was being lifted off of her heart. Talking like this was doing her some good after all. He was right when he thought she needed it.
She wiped a tear from her eyes and continued on. "This went on for about two years or so before Amber found me on the bank of the waterfall, crying. It took her a long while, but she managed to get me talking again and she found out about how I blamed myself for it all. Slowly, she brought me back…. But when she did, I saw how much I worried her and Mom. I felt so guilty about it that I decided that it would be best if I just hid all of my problems and issues so that they didn't worry about me."
Oh, Sofia…
James wanted to take Sofia and cradle her against him, to just let her cry out all of her pain again so that he can carry some of it with her. He wanted to just hold her tightly and never let her go ever again. To never let her feel this much pain and believe that she needed to carry it all alone.
He hated this. He hate how he had a part in the pain he caused her and the complete despair that followed with it. While he knew that it was that man's fault, he was still responsible for what painful wounds that were etched on her heart.
How can he fix them? What could he say or do that could possibly heal them?
Sofia lifted her tail out of the water and immediately a flash of sparkling purple light swirl around her. Her mermaid tail changed back into a pair of human legs.
She was still soaking wet, but as a human now. Her hair wasn't in a ponytail anymore and just fell down around her face in wet tendrils. Out of habit, James's hands itched just to brush her hair away from her eyes, but he held himself back because she looked too fragile right now. Since her shirt and corset was off, Sofia was only in her camisole top and her rider's pants that only reached halfway down her calves. Her feet were bare and dirty from the algae that coated most of the rocks and earth around the waterfall.
"So, whenever I have an issue like this or something that was too much for me to handle," Sofia hugged her legs to her chest, "I would just run and find a place where I can just be alone with my pain. Being alone helped me bottle it all up before I break down so bad that I can't get back up again."
She finally looked at him and he saw it all of the emotions she tried to bury burn in her eyes. They were whirling with each other and merged with the light blue flakes of her eyes as her tears freely fell down her cheeks. There was so much hurt and pain in her eyes, it was nearly enough to suffocate him and constrict his heart.
His heart has never ached for her as much as it did right now.
The pure emotions he saw in her eyes were… so wild. It was like watching something break a thousand times over before seeing it all slowly be put back together again.
"I'm sorry. I am so sorry," she cried. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
James pulled her hard against him and crushed her in his arms. "Shh…" he soothed.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I-I-I co-ouldn't save her. I coul-ldn't p-protect your mm-mom," she loudly sobbed into him. Her cries echoed around the walls. "I couldn't g-g-give you the re-re-ee-union you de-deserved."
"Shh…" he tried again. He stroked her hair and pressed her closer to him, trying warm her against the early spring chill. "Shh…. It's okay, Sofia."
"N-No it's not," she shook her head.
"Sofia, listen," he said as she buried herself into his chest. "It's not your fault. It never was. You can't keep blaming yourself for what this man did. Got it?"
All he heard in reply was more sobs.
He lifted her face by her chin and looked her straight in the eyes. "It's not your fault."
She looked back at him with wide, tear-filled red eyes. He didn't know if she finally believed his words or not. James could keep repeating this over and over again to her until she finally understood him and believed it. No matter how long it took. He refuses to allow her to go on another day nonetheless an hour blaming herself for it.
And if she's not fighting him on it, then it was a start. The light in her eyes was still there and her blue eyes were warm and alive. So for now, that was all that mattered.
"And I know that you're afraid of everyone seeing you be weak when you meltdown," he continued, "I get it. But you can't honestly believe that by bottling up your problems is the best solution, do you? You always want to be their hero and save everyone and fight for what's right, and you think that in order to be that, you can't show weakness, but there's nothing wrong in that. Sometimes, being weak shows strength and courage. You are your strongest when you are your weakest. I learned that from you, Sofia."
Sofia just looked at him without saying a word. He couldn't read her expression or know what could possibly be going on inside her head. While Sofia could read him so easily, it was hard for him to read her. She is always so unpredictable, like some wild bird flying through the air.
But there's a beauty to that. She was his wild bird. His wild Sofia.
Her forehead fell back against his chest. She let out a tired, weak sigh, "James…."
He could hear her trying to fight him on this. She wasn't convinced that running away to be alone with her pain was bad for her. "No," he said firmly. "Don't, Sofia. I can tell that you still want to keep running and whatever, but can't you see that talking it out helps you a lot more than bottling it up? I know you think bottling it up is better, but weren't you the one who told me that letting your feelings out and talking about your issues with someone is healthier than sitting on your problems?"
"Shit," she cursed. He felt her lips brush against his chest. "You can't use my own words against me, James."
James laughed, letting it echo around them. That was the first joke she made in hours. "Yes, I can because you use mine against me on a number of occasions."
"No, you can't."
"Yes, I can," he pulled her into his lap until she was cradled against him. "If it's about you and your wellbeing, then I can and I will."
"Whatever." She laid her head against his shoulder.
"That means I win," he laughed fully as his heart rang with a beat so light and free that he was sure his heart could be soaring right now.
Chapter Thirty-Four! Woo!
Again, this chapter is a thank-you for your patience and for my lateness. I actually had to split up chapter 33 into two because it got too long. I didn't put in as much fluff and steam as I promised because I wanted to focus on Sofia's issues. Next chapter will have a lot more steam, I can promise that. I think it will be a full-steam chapter. Anyway, tell me what you think of these two chapters and Amber's POV extra.
Read, review, etc.
Thanks :)
