Bailey's Office

Bailey waited for John to walk into his office, then he came in behind him and slammed the door. "You're off the case!" He slammed the files he had down on his desk. "What the hell was that down there, John!"

"I don't know! I just couldn't...I don't know. I'm sorry." John started pacing in front of Bailey. "I didn't think he could still get to me. I thought I could handle it."

Bailey reached out and put a hand on John's shoulder. "You're too close to this to continue on thinking clearly. You can work with George...you can help Grace...but that's it. You will NOT be involved with any further investigation into Patrick O'Doyle. Now, go home. Take the rest of the day off."

"Thank you." John ran his fingers through his hair. He needed to get out of there and was glad Bailey saw it too.

"Hey John," Bailey said as John opened the door to leave. "Do you really believe he killed your mother?"

John shook his head. "I don't know what to believe anymore." He answered tiredly and left.


VCTF Headquarters: 11:00p.m...same day

John had paced around his apartment and tossed and turned in his bed until he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't rest with Patrick being so close. He needed answers. He threw on some jeans and a t-shirt, took a couple of shots of Jamison's Irish Whiskey, and headed back to work.

He went right to the first floor when he arrived, he didn't want to take a chance that he might be seen and showed his I.D. to the desk clerk. "I need to see Patrick O'Doyle."

"We just did checks a few minutes ago. He was sleeping. This can't wait until morning?"

"We may have caught a break in a case and I need to ask him a few questions. You can call Bailey Malone..." John hoped the clerk would accept his bluff.

"No. No need." He gave John a pass. "He's in number three. Down the hall to the left."

"Thank you. I shouldn't be too long." John took a deep breath and headed towards Patrick's holding cell.

He stopped just beyond Patrick's cell and looked in at him. He was sleeping. He looked towards the exit and then back at Patrick nervously. He didn't know what to do. Suddenly his father's voice made him jump. "What?" John didn't hear what he had said.

"I said...Hey." Patrick got up and walked to the front of his cell to get a better look at his son. "What are you doing here?"

John was torn between leaving and staying, after a moment he said. "I just wanted...no, I need to know the truth."

"The truth about what?"

"My mother," John whispered.

"John I told you. I didn't kill her. I wouldn't. Despite everything I did, I did love her."

"Why didn't you tell me before? Why didn't you ever try to contact me?"

"You were happy being away from me. Your mother and Ben made it clear to me that you didn't want anything to do with me. Hell, I didn't blame you. For a change, I wanted to do what was best for you."

John leaned back on the wall and slid down to sit on the floor. "I don't know what to believe anymore."

"I'm sorry." Patrick wanted to pick him up and hug him. "I'm sorry about what happened to your mother...and I'm sorry for ever hurting you. I wish I could go back and change everything but I can't...all I can do is say I'm sorry. I'll say it every day if you want."

John wished he had brought the whiskey with him, he needed a drink badly. He brushed away the tears he felt running down his face. He couldn't believe his father was acknowledging hurting him all those years and then saying he was sorry. It was too much, but he wasn't ready to leave. "What changed you? Why is it different now? Was it just us? Me and Mom?"

"No! The monster I was to you, had nothing to do with you or your mother. It was me. I was a mean drunk trying to make his way up the ranks of the Irish mob. I thought I should handle my wife and son the way my father had done, but I was wrong. It took losing you and your mother to realize that. When I met Carolyn...she was so wonderful John, you would've liked her...I knew I couldn't lose her too." Patrick wiped at his own tears. "I was scared to death when she told me she was pregnant. I was afraid of hurting my child...again. I didn't want her to have it, but she insisted. She promised it would be different and it was." He sat down on the floor and leaned back against the wall. He looked over at John and smiled as he remembered the past. "She made me go to every doctor appointment. We went to birthing classes. She had me talking to her belly and feeling every kick. I was quite the sight to see, but it felt good. When it was time for Jessie to be born she had me right there in the room. God, I was horrified and excited at the same time. After they cleaned her up Carolyn insisted that I hold her first." The tears came freely now and he didn't bother wiping them away. "She was so beautiful...so little. I held her so tight...so close because I was afraid to drop her. Her little hand wrapped around my finger and she smiled...not even an hour old and she smiled at me...that was it...she had my heart. That's where I went wrong with us, John. I never bonded with you...I swore from that moment on I was going to be a good father...the one I should've been to you." He looked at John pleadingly, tears streaming down his face. "I am truly sorry John...forgive me."

John stood up, he needed to leave, it was getting hard to breathe. His father breaking down in front of him was tearing him apart. "I don't know." His voice was shakey from trying to hold back his emotions. "I have to go." He turned around and practically ran out of there.

When John got home he went straight for the Jamison's bottle and quickly downed four shots. He couldn't stop the tears from coming and he was exhausted. He sat down on the couch and cried until he fell asleep.


Tbc...