Tales of the Falls
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
ANNOUNCEMENT!
I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!
SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!
The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.
...responses...
Gamelover41592: Thank you.
Guest: I'm sorry you feel that way, but THANK you for the feedback. I'm always open for criticism. Merry Christmas and a happy New year.
Guest: For what it's worth, you'll be in my prayers. God be with you.
...III...
Summer...
A time for relaxation...
Hanging out with Family...
Grilling burgers by the pool...
...what a load of bullshit...
Word of advice?
If your parents EVER make you go to some rinky-dink town in the middle of nowhere that's not on any map to spend the summer with some stranger you don't know...
Run...
Seriously, just run away from home.
Yeah, if your my age you'll probably just starve to death...
But trust me, there are worse ways to go...
...
Dipper Pines hadn't known what to think when his parents inexplicably changed their Summer plans at the last moment to make him and his sister go to live in a town of Gravity Falls with their 'Grunkle' Stan for the Summer...
"End of the line. Off you go." Dismissed the bus driver. Dipper turned to look outside and saw no BUS STOP. Let alone a town!
...But this wasn't getting his hopes up...
"Wait, where's Gravity Falls?" Asks Dipper.
"A hundred miles down the road." Said the driver as he took a puff from his cigarette trying to look calm, but all the while keeping his anxious eyes on the dark woods in front of them, clearly unnerved to be anywhere near it.
"Then why did you stop-
"This as far as my boss pays me to go, now get lost." Said the surly driver as he practically throws them and their stuff out before quickly driving back the other way like the devil himself was giving chase.
"JACKASS!" Shouted Dipper after him.
"Oh, Dipper don't worry about that! What's one little speed bump on the road to the best Summer ever?" Exclaimed Mable happily.
Dipper rolls his eyes, "Mable you ALWAYS say this summer will be the 'best'."
"But for once I'm going to be right! This is our first summer away from our parents, you'll see. You and me, were going to make this summer rock!" She and Dipper grab up their stuff. "ONWARD!" Shouts Mable as she and Dipper began to walk forward...
click
Right as a guy with a gun steps out of the bushes. "Right, drop your stuff, step out of your clothes and no one gets hurt."
Both twins quickly hold up their hands in fright.
"Shockingly, this isn't making me feel better." Said Dipper annoyed...
...
...Gravity Falls theme...
...
Thankfully, no one saw the naked twins streak through the woods. So they were at least able to get to their Grunkle's home with SOME dignity left. Their teeth chattered as the place was colder then a witches tit...
Their Gruncle was apparently in charge of a house of oddities/wax museum...the 'Mystery Shack'(or 'My ack' as the dilapidated sign now showed).
Weirdly, enough he wasn't there to greet them when they showed up...just a note explaining where they'll sleep. how they'll work in the shack tomorrow, and just listen to the instructions of his employee 'Soos'.
Just thankful that no one was around to see their shame, the Pines kids accepted this without a second thought. Thankfully Stan had spare clothes for them so they wore that. Mable was depressed to be deprived of her colorful sweaters, knitting material, paints and scrap book...but she swiped a grappling hook from the lost and found that cheered her up right away...
And Dipper got a new Pine tree hat that frankly just looked better on him then his old one...
Exhausted, from their 100 mile streak they went to bed soon after...
...
When they awoke, they found an 'okay' breakfast waiting for them...they took the opportunity to explore their new 'home'...and almost immediately regretted it...
The whole place was more or less filled with wax dummies getting gruesomely tortured! Exhibiting some of the WORSE tortures/executions in HISTORY!
Scaphism: a brutal Persian execution that involved Taking two boats framed exactly to fit and answer each other, they lay down the victim inside one of them inside upon his back; then, covering it with the other, and so setting them together that the head, hands, and feet of him are left outside, and the rest of his body lies shut up within, they offer him food, and if the prisoner refuses to eat it, they force him to do it by pricking his eyes; then, after he has eaten, they drenched him with a mixture of milk and honey, pouring it not only into his mouth, but all over his face. They then keep his face continually turned towards the sun; and it becomes completely covered up and hidden by the multitude of flies that settle on it. While trapped int he boat he is forced to shit all over himself, creeping things and vermin spring out of the corruption and rottenness of the excrement, and these entering into the bowels of him, his body is consumed. When the man is manifestly dead, the uppermost boat being taken off, they find his flesh devoured, and swarms of such noisome creatures preying upon and, as it were, growing to his inwards.
Blood eagle: A ritualistic nordic method of execution; they carve an eagle on his back with a sword, cut the ribs all from the backbone right down to the loin, and draw the lungs there out. As he slowly dies in agony he's twisted into the form of fleshy eagle and mounted up high as a trophy to Odin.
Sicilian bull: A ancient Greek method of torture made popular by the tyrant King Phalaris of Akragas. The condemned were locked inside the ancient mechanical bull, and a fire was set under it, heating the metal until the person inside was roasted to death. It even had a special acoustic apparatus that converted screams into the sound of a bull and special incense that would make the ashes pouring from the bulls nostril smell nicer...
Needless to say...Mable stayed in the family room as much as possible...Dipper, Meanwhile stayed inside out of morbid fascination...the corpses were so lief-like...they even SMELLED like rotting maggots! He eventually had to leave as it was SO much colder in the wax museum then anywhere else in the house...
Eventually, Soos showed up. He seemed like a jovial guy and seemed very devoted to Grunkle Stan. He explained that Stan was a bit of a shut-in with a VERY busy schedule, but also to not worry as he knew all of their duties like the back of his hand...
"Huh, that's new." Said Soos while looking at the back of his hand...just before he fell down the stairs...
After bandaging him up, Mable asks if Grunkle Stan would be up for family bonding and Dipper's curious about how much they'll be paid for doing work here.
"We'll...AGAIN, Grunkle Stan really isn't a SOCIAL person...plus he has a VERY busy schedule...so he's VERY hard to pin down...but I'll ask about that when I get the chance." Said Soos nervously. "Also he said that your payment will be 'food and a roof over your head'."
Dipper rolls his eyes, "Figures."
Although a bit put off by this, the two siblings decide to make the best of it...the twins each go man the Register and Gift shop respectively.
And wait for the tourist rush...and wait...and wait...and wait...and wait...and wait...Annnnnnnnd waited...
...5 hours later...
"Has...ANYONE ever come in here?" Asked Dipper when it was time for lunch.
Soos scrunched his face in thought, "Well...I think a couple years ago a guy came in after he broke his hip falling off the annual 'We welcome the third Reich' parade float and needed to buy a hacksaw to use on himself..."
"The annual WHAT parade? Actually, forget that. WHO uses hacksaws anymore? Why didn't he just call an ambulance to take him tot he hospital?
"We don't have ambulances...and our 'hospital'...well...it's not so much a hospital as it is a leech pharmacy..." Explained Soos.
"Oh, well that's...festive." Said Mable as she struggled to find a way to respond to that.
"Wait, if we don't get any tourists or customers. How dose Stan afford all this?"
Mable gives a dismissive snort, "Who cares bro-bro? All I'm hearing is that as long as we do a little work here and there, we can basically do whatever we want UNSUPERVISED! I was right, this really will be the best Summer ever! Hey, maybe we can swing by town-
"NO!" Shouts Suddenly. They look at him confused. "Uh...I mean." Soos sweats and coughs nervously. "Look dudes, I do tend to goof off a lot, but Stan might occasionally need errands for you to run...and if your not here when he dose, you'll get busted...so best you stay out of town until Stan says it's safe- Er, I mean until Stan is ready!" He corrects quickly.
Dipper eye's narrow suspiciously while Mable sighs but nods...
Mable naturally tried to beat her record by stuffing more gummy worms up her nose...Dipper...Dipper went elsewhere...
He tried to sneak into Stan's room...but the door was locked up several ways from Sunday...he banged on the door a couple times...but no answer...he put his ear against the door...but all he could hear was...
drip
drip
drip
For some reason, this unnerved him...so he left. He passed in front of the front door just in time for the mail to be deposited through the mail slot.
Seeing it mostly bills, Dipper quickly began to look through them...
'A MILLION dollars in electric and AC bills? How could he possibly afford that with no customers? Strike that, WHAT could possibly take up that much energy and cooling?' Thinks Dipper to himself, this was making less and less sense...
Then to his surprise, he saw a special Addendum on the bottom of the bill.
In recognition for all your community service; WE at Northwest Energy and Utilities hereby deduct the money you've saved this humble community out of your bill. We thank you again for being such an upstanding pillar of the community and we hope you continue serving it for many years more...
To Dipper's disbelief he saw that the ALL the bills were not only listed the same way but apparently his shut-in of a Grunkle had done enough 'Community Service' to pay EVERY cent of the HUGE debts he owed.
'What...what is this? Unless he's cleaning broken oil tanker messes, there's no way he wracked up enough credit to pay off all these bills! There's millions wracked up here!' He thinks to himself as he looks through more...
Blind eye Society.
Something you wish to forget?
Call us!
Dipper looks at crazily decorated bus sines card, then shrugs as he pockets it to look into it later...
Other then that, There was one more piece of mail that was not a Bill...a red envelope containing junk mail?
hey, mr. STAN! You wrry about how your shoe SHIPMENT is never time on? Well call frankies shoe emprium TONIGHT! We can get you a better hoe to you, faster and better the ever! Call before NINE PM and in addition to THREE home delivery. Well give you a custum made shoe PACKAGES with your mame on it!
Don't delay, BE READY today!
Dipper looked at the poorly spelled and worded piece of advertisement baffled, he's about to chuck it in the garbage with a shrug-
"Hey Dipper, did any red envelopes come in today? Stan's expecting something!" Asked Soos as he comes into the room...
Dipper again shrugged, "Well, yeah...but it's just some junk mail...very crappy junk mail too. I was just about to throw it-
"NO!" Shouted Soos deathly pale as he runs as fast as his chubby body can take him and snatches it out of Dipper's hands.
Dipper looks at Soos shocked and baffled. Soos...realizing what he'd just down... "Uh...Stan REALLY like to collect this stuff...old, eccentric elderly hobby, what can he do?" He tries to shrug while sweating like a pig...
"He likes to collect junk mail?" Asks Dipper skeptical...
"Uh, yeah...crazy, right? Uh, I need to go now because...NON-SPECIFIC EXCUSE!" Shouts Soos as he tears out of there!
Dipper looks at his retreating form with a baffled yet suspicious look. 'Okay...something is DEFINITELY up here...'
...later that night...
Around nine, a non-descriptive van pulls into the back of the Mystery Shack...a hidden door opens up...and a bunch of men in overcoats pull out three large bags from the car and moves them in...
One of them it talking to another man in a black coat that conceals his features, after awhile the two shake hands and the black cloaked figure is handed a LARGE briefcase...
Without another word, the men leave...and the black cloaked figure heads back in and seals the secret entrance...and soon everything is silence once more...as if nothing had happened at all...
...IIIā¦...
TO BE CONTINUED?
AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!
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