Dipper's TRUE test of Masculenity

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

I THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING

...III...

'I fracked up big time...'

This is what Wendy Corduroy thought as she ran through the streets of Gravity Falls...

Hard to believe that only several minutes ago she'd been fooling around with her family at the Greasy Spoon diner.

One of her little brothers was insisting that he was a better fisher then the other two..all the while holding the dang pole upside down of course!

Finally, an amused Wendy had to intervene before they started yet another fight and got themselves kicked out of yet another public place...besides, SHE was the best at fishing and she needed to keep that record straight.

"Guys, guys, guys...your all strong, but you have no backhand." Teases Wendy.

"Yes we do!"

Wendy chuckles, "Uh...yeah... last I checked: covering your face while screaming like a girl when 'bitten' by a goldfish...not a backhand."

"...We were screaming like marines..." They grumbled defiantly.

Wendy just playfully rolls her eyes a she lifts up the fishing pole. "Guys, watch a pro show you the three P's of championship fishing. Power- She dramatically gives it a swing, not seeing she was causing the line to unreel -precision- she again dramatically flails it not noticing when the hook snags on something- AND PANACHE!" She throws the line down suddenly, always guaranteed to give her brothers a scare-

RIP!

And that's when the day took a downturn...

The first thing Wendy noticed was the stunned silence that filled the diner. The second...the VERY familiar pair of shorts and not so familiar pair of briefs that was now dangling on a hook in front of her.

Almost terrified of she might see...Wendy slowly turned...and saw her best friend Dipper grasping the handle of the manliness tester...while now being completely naked from the waist down...

And much Like a car wreck...Wendy- along with seemingly everyone else in the diner -couldn't help but stare at... THAT in all it's minuscule, hairless, pre-pubescent, surprisingly uncircumcised 'glory'.

Dipper...was essentially a deer in the headlights...then suddenly with renewed determination he apparetnly decided to 'double down' and 'go for broke with the manliness tester. Perhaps in his desperate, panic-ridden and mortification fevered brain he hoped that if he 'won' this then it would somehow prove his 'manhood despite the 'visual' evidence to the contrary. As if hoping that succeeding in this will have somehow made this nightmare not happen.

It was a PAINFUL sight to see as he threw his WHOLE body into moving that bloody handle ONE LOUSY CENTIMETER. Even going as far as putting his legs up to console to push further...

It was actually quite interesting to see- awkward futility aside -all those itty bitty muscles fit to burst. There was potential there and they WERE growing...but sadly 110% of almost nothing is only BARELY something...

And so finally-

POP!

GAH!

RIP!

Evidently, the machine decided this farce had gone on long enough as it suddenly popped back into it's default position, the sudden motion threw Dipper on the floor...but not his shirt, which got snagged on said handle and had been now ripped off as well..

Leaving Dipper in nothing but his birthday suite...his now equally 'clean-shaven' chest exposed to match his hairless loins...

Dipper desperately tried to ignore both it and the numerous eyes now on him as he pleadingly looked at the tester, as if it was to decided his fate, as it whirled and clicked...everyone held their breathe...until finally...

pop

As if stermined to give him one final kick to his almost non-existent nads, the universe made gave him one final middle-finger in the form of the 'You are a Cutie Patootie' card landing right on his equally 'Patootie-sized' dick...

And just like that, whatever spell that had kept everyone stunned into silence...was broken...

Even a broken dam wouldn't be hard passed to match the thunderous might of the loud roaring laughter that FINALLY broke through!

Even Wendy laughed! She couldn't help it! It was too bloody hilarious!

Dipper...just lay there...on the floor...broken, beaten, naked...too mortified to really take it all inf or a moment...and then...well, what would you do if you were in that situation?

He cried...he bawled like a baby...

And just like that, the laughter died...for all their MANY faults...the denizens of Gravity Falls at least had the decency to know when they'd crossed the line...AFTER it was too late to take it back, naturally

A sobbing Dipper leapt up and ran from the diner in tears.

"Dipper! No wait, come back! I'm sorry!" Shouts Wendy, as she Stan and Mable ran after him...

There was a long silence...save for cricket chirping...reminding everyone that Susan had AGAIN forgot to pay the exterminator bill...

Manly Dan coughed, "So...I was going to win those flapjacks...

"Read the room man!"

"Fair enough..."

...to be continued? ...

I apologize for how short this is, I'm feeling under the weather and it was too perfect of a place to end the chapter.

For those not satisfied, here's a semi-comical Omake to tide you over...

...OMAKE...

Candy and Grenda were waiting outside the game store for the newest edition of Digi-Zar to be set up, when-

WAH!

When they were nearly bowled over by a naked 'girl' running past them. "Was that...was that Mable?" Asked a startled and confused Candy.

Grenda snickered, "Nope that was DIPPER."

Candy blinked for a moment...then immediately ran to haggle with the store clerk over the stores surveillance footage...

...later...

Candy giggled over the contents of the surveillance tape, "WOW, that's unfortunate. I sure hope Dipper isn't mistaken for MABLE and that she doesn't get arrested for streaking..." She snickered again at the sight of Dippers 'little blade of grass'... "So tiny...so cute..."

...III...

TO BE CONTINUED?

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