After seeing the food the cafeteria had to offer Robert and John decided to eat at Deli around the corner from the hospital. They ordered sandwiches and coffee and sat down at a booth while they waited for their order. John slid the salt and pepper shakers back and forth between his hands as he thought about what he wanted to say.
"John," Robert put his hand on top of the shakers to still them. "You obviously have something on your mind...c'mon, what's got you thinking so hard?"
"Jessie." John leaned back into the cushion of the booth. Robert was patiently waiting for him to continue and he wasn't sure he wanted to. He struggled with his thoughts for a moment, then continued. "I'm worried about Jessie. Have you seen...I've seen this look...this change in her...it scares me...it..." He looked down at his hands. "She reminds me of Patrick...the one I knew as a kid."
Robert understood what he was saying, but he wasn't sure what John was talking about. He didn't notice anything, any change in Jessie. "John, what're you saying? What exactly did you see?"
"Before with Joey...Robert, that wasn't a joke, she really snapped at me...before that, when you were talking with Brian and Joey, I don't know why, but she was angry...she was sitting there... she looked like a pressure cooker getting ready to blow its lid...and earlier today when we told her Krieger and Langston were dead...Jesus, the look in her eyes, she said she wished she could have watched them die or killed them herself. Robert, she gets this cold, hard look in her eyes and now...and now she's lashing out..."
"John, she's been through so much...she watched them kill her Dad. She's angry and she has every reason to be. She's stuck in the hospital, which I'm sure is messing with her head, reminding her of her Patrick's year-long stay in the burn unit, which in turn, reminds her of the car accident that took away her Mother and Brother. She's an open wound...an open wound that will get closure when she gets out of here...when she can say goodbye to Patrick and Sal...when she can stop this whirlwind that's been her life for the last ten days, so she can feel what she needs to feel before being swept up in something else. Now that everything's over, she's being crushed with one incidents emotions after another, she's fighting it, and lashing out is the only way to relieve herself of everything she's feeling."
"I thought you were a lawyer?" John couldn't help but grin. What Robert had said made sense and it made him feel a little better.
"It's just a side job, ya know until I can get my own show...like Dr. Phil." John laughed and Robert smiled. He was happy that he could put the younger man at ease. John had been through a lot too and he was sure John was hiding his own pain to protect Jessie. It amazed Robert, the way they acted towards each other, they had become attached so quickly, like they had known each other all their life. "Look, John, it's not that I have all this great insight or anything...it's just that I have experienced this before. Unfortunately, Jessie has witnessed the unexpected death of a loved one before and I saw what it did to her...how it changed her, but she's not unreachable. We just have to make sure she doesn't keep everything bottled up. Her feelings are poison to her, right now, and we'll have to draw them out before she shuts down, and that coldness comes through and takes over."
"You make it sound so easy..."
"It's definitely not going to be easy, John...the only advantage we have is that we know it's coming." Robert looked down as a pang of guilt washed over him. "After the accident, God, there was so much going on...we didn't see...until it was too late. She hid her pain for five years, buried it...trying everything to keep herself numb until we almost lost her." He looked at John, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "I'm not going to let that happen again. I made a promise, to my friend, hell, to my Brother, that I intend to keep...until the day I die."
"I made a promise like that myself, so I think between the two of us we could do it...we could be there for her like he was."
"That was good. Thank you, for dinner, it was nice to have a decent meal for a change." Jessie grinned as she pushed her tray-table aside and leaned back into her chair. She had chosen the Grilled Salmon and ate nearly all of it, including a salad, and she felt like she was going to bust. "That's the most I've eaten since Bailey and I had pizza for breakfast..." Her voice trailed off. She remembered that was the day of Susan's wake. That was the night her Father had been shot to death.
"Hey, you okay?" Joey was still eating, he looked up when Jessie had gone silent.
"That was the day they took us..." She said absently. Her gaze moved from him to the window.
Joey pushed his dinner aside and knelt down in front of her. "Jessie..." He took both her hands in his and moved his thumbs soothingly over her knuckles. "Hey, look at me."
She turned her head and her eyes slowly met his. "What?" She almost whispered.
A single tear slid down, over her cheek, and before it went any further, Joey reached up and wiped it away with his thumb. "Jess, don't..." He said gently. "Don't force memories on yourself that you're not ready for...everything will come in its own time, okay? But, if you need to...if you need to remember something...you can tell me...you can tell me anything. I'm not afraid to go where you've been, Jess...I promise you, I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me, got it?"
She nodded and more tears fell silently.
"C'mere." He pulled her to him, hugging her tightly at first, then loosening up, and just simply held her. She rested her head on his shoulder and he ran his fingers through the back of her hair, as they held each other in silence for several minutes. "You okay?"
"I'm better."
"You want to tell me about it?"
She pulled back from him and when she spoke there was a mixture of regret and guilt on her face and in her voice. " I was just thinking...ya know if Dad hadn't gone to the wake...if we had all gone to the safe-house that day...we'd all be alright...he wouldn't be...he'd still be here. Why did he have to go? After what happened to Sal, he knew we were all in danger. He could've-"
"Jessie, he had to go, you know that don't you? He loved Susan. He blamed himself for what happened...he couldn't have gone. You knew him...Jessie, you know he couldn't have lived with himself...he had to be with her...he had to say goodbye."
"I know. I just thought if-"
"Don't do that to yourself. Don't think about what ifs, could haves or should haves...you'll drive yourself crazy...and the ending will still be the same."
"You're right, I know that I just...I just want him back."
"I know, Jess, I get it...and if I could make that happen for you, I would."
"There's that word again...no ifs, remember?" She smiled weakly.
"Sorry." He reached back and pulled his chair so that it was directly in front of hers. He sat down, held both her hands and leaned forward to get closer to her. "Listen, there's something I need to tell you...I know you're going through a lot...you're feeling a lot of things, right now, so this may not be the right time to tell you...but, I know it's the right time for me, because the thought of losing you, was just too much for me, it scared the hell out of me..." He let go of one of her hands and reached up to touch the hair that lay on her shoulders. He twisted his finger, nervously, in her curls. "I want you to know, you don't have to say or do anything, after I tell you, okay? This is on me, right now, all you have to do is listen." He took a deep breath and let it out. "I just...I need to tell you that...that I love you. I know I've told you, casually, over a dozen times in the last six months...but, this is different...this is...I love you...I'm in love with you." He moved in closer and kissed her softly on the lips. "You are the one I want to be with for...well, for forever. I-"
Jessie put a finger to his lips to quiet him. "Shhh..." She couldn't believe what she was hearing and her heart felt like it was going to burst. For the first time, in what seemed like forever, she felt good. Happy. "I wish I could tell you what, I know, you want to hear, but that's not what you want. I need to sort out-"
He pushed her hand away gently. "Jessie, I told you, you don't have to say anything...I just wanted you to hear me out...I needed to tell you...I promised myself I would tell you when I saw you again. Please, don't say anything until you're ready...until you're thinking clearly."
"I do love you, Joey...at least know that much." She put her finger to his lips, again, this time tracing slowly around the outside, then she moved it to his bottom lip, pushing it down gently so he would open his mouth. Leaning in she put her mouth to his and placed a feather-lite kiss on his lips.
He watched her and it was driving him crazy. The next time her lips touched his, he put his hand in her hair and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss, seeking her tongue with his.
Joey was starting to feel uncomfortable, but it was a good uncomfortable. Hell, it was a great uncomfortable, but he was definitely in the wrong place to be feeling that way. They had been assaulting each other with their mouths and tongues, for several minutes, and all the blood from his body seemed to be rushing to the same point, in a southerly direction. They had to stop before it was too late before he lost his sense of reasoning and gave in to what, he knew, she wanted too. He eased her gently away, receding his kisses as he did until he stopped completely. She shook her head, smiling, knowing exactly what he was doing.
"You're killing me..." She laughed.
"Believe me, there is nothing I want more right now than to be with you, but this is not the time or the place. There's nothing to keep anyone from walking through that door...including Robert and John."
"They know we're together...what do you think, they think, we're doing? Especially John..."
"I doubt that's what they're thinking... Robert knows me too well, besides, thinking it and actually seeing it are two totally different things. I just told you I loved you, I'd like to live long enough to reap the rewards for more than just tonight." He grinned devilishly and kissed her, quickly on the mouth.
"Smooth Joe, very smooth." She chuckled. "But, okay, if this is what you really want-" She didn't get to finish, because he had done what she had predicted, he kissed her. Enjoying his kiss again, she smiled.
He shut her up. He kissed her hard and passionately. He stood up and pulled her with him, one hand in her hair the other on the small of her back pressing her close to him. "This is what I want..." He whispered in her ear as he caught his breath.
She nodded as she kissed and nipped the place on his neck his pulse could be felt.
He groaned. He felt his control slipping again. "Jessie, please..." He couldn't believe he was saying it, and he laughed at himself, in his head. "Let's...let's watch a movie."
She stopped and laughed into his neck. "Killjoy." She slid away from him, kissing his cheek as she went. "Okay, but I get to pick it..."
"Something P.G. I don't think I could handle anything more than that right now." He took a deep breath trying to settle his body's excitement.
"How 'bout...Stand By Me?" She asked, after searching through the bag for several minutes.
"Perfect." Joey put what was left of their dinners on to one tray-table and pushed the other to the side of the bed, so he could set the Dvd player on it. She got into bed, lying down on her side, and he slid in next to her, wrapping his arm around her and resting his chin on the top of her head. She reached over and started the movie and he kissed the top of her head after she settle back into him.
"Remember...be good."
"Who me?" She said innocently.
Tbc...
