By 6:00 a.m. the commotion in Jessie's room had died down and there was no one left but John and a nurse. The nurse had hooked up the I.V. medications, that she had originally came in to give Jessie at 4:30, and was writing in her chart. She glanced up and noticed John watching her. Her heart immediately went out to him. He was exhausted and still shaken up from Jessie's nightmare. He was still standing in almost the same spot, he had been, since being crowded away from the bed, when they had tried to restrain her.
"Can I get you anything before I go, Mr. Grant?"
"Uh no, no thanks." He looked over at Jessie. "How is she?"
"She's fine. Her vital signs are steady and normal...she's just sleeping, there's nothing to worry about. She'll sleep for a long time and there's really nothing you can do for her until she wakes up, so you can go ahead and get some rest too. If I'm not mistaken, you are still recovering from injuries yourself?"
John nodded. "Yeah, but I'm okay..."
"But, you'll be even better if you get some rest and take care of yourself. Honestly, Mr. Grant, she will sleep for at least eight hours, more likely ten to twelve, but at least eight...and she will be able to do nothing but sleep...no dreams, no nightmares, so please get some sleep. If you are still sleeping in eight hours, I promise, I'll have the on-duty nurse come in and wake you."
"Okay." John conceded. "Thank you."
"Are you sure I can't get you anything? A blanket or pillow? Something to drink?"
"No thank you, I'm fine."
"Okay, I'll see you tonight then. I'll be back at eleven to check in on you guys... and you better look rested."
John smiled. "I will."
"The next shift starts at seven, but with Jessie sedated they shouldn't be in and out much to bother you. " The nurse finished signing off on Jessie's chart. "Good night, Mr. Grant. Take care and get some sleep."
John grinned at her persistence. "I promise. Good night...and thank you, for everything." He watched her leave, then sat down in the chair next to Jessie's bed. He slipped his hand under hers and held it. He didn't like that there was no reaction, that she was so still, except for her breathing. Leaning forward and still holding her hand, he folded his arms across each other, on top of the mattress, and laid his head down on them. He watched her, intently, for as long as his exhaustion would allow.
Robert called Jessie's room at 7:00 a.m. After several moments of listening to a ringing phone, he asked the operator to transfer him to the nurse's station on her floor. The nurse that answered told him what had happened earlier and updated him on Jessie's condition. Within a half hour, he was at the hospital and in Jessie's room. Standing there, watching Jessie and John sleep, he was hit with a wave of guilt. 'Dammitt, you should've come back.' He told himself. 'You should have come back, you know better. John's still hurt, you shouldn't have left him here alone with her...'
He stepped quietly over to the bed, being careful not to wake John. Adjusting the blankets around Jessie, he leaned in and kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "It won't happen again." As John had been, he was disturbed by her stillness, it wasn't natural for her, so he had to keep glancing at the rise and fall of her chest to reassure himself that she was still breathing. He was about to pull up a chair and join John, in his vigil, when a nurse opened the door and waved him over. He nodded, walked away from the bed and stepped out of the room with her.
"Is something wrong?"
"No, Mr. Gibson, nothing's wrong...I just wanted to tell you that Dr. Buccannon is in his office. He would like to see you, at your convenience."
"Thank you. I'll go see him now. I know Jessie won't wake up for quite some time...can you keep an eye on John and let me know when he wakes up?"
"Of course. I'll call Dr. Buccannon's office if he wakes up while you're there."
"That'll be great, thank you."
Robert couldn't help but feel a little nervous when he knocked and then entered Dr. Buccannon's office. Buccannon was sitting at his desk reading a report, so engrossed in it, he didn't notice Robert right away, but when he did he stood up and motioned for Robert to sit down in the chair in front of him.
"I've been going over the report from this morning...the nurse's told you what happened?" Buccannon asked him.
"Jessie had a nightmare, a bad one..."
"That's quite an understatement from what I'm reading here. How long has Jessie been having nightmares and does she always have such a strong physical reaction to them?"
"Uh...physical reaction?"
"Vomiting, wetting the bed, needing to be restrained..."
"All that happened this morning?! No, no that's never happened before. What was she dreaming about? Did she say?"
"They weren't able to wake her, Mr. Gibson...she had to be sedated because they couldn't bring her out of it."
"Jesus, that's...that's never happened before. She always wakes up...we can always wake her up...it's never been so bad we can't wake her."
"So, the nightmares are not a new thing? They're not a result of her recent trauma?"
"No, no...there was an accident when she was younger...her mother and brother died...Jessie and her father survived, but he was severely injured and was hospitalized for over a year...the nightmares started then."
"Was she injured?"
"Yes. She was thrown from the car...she broke her arm and had some cuts and bruises, but that's it, nothing serious. They said she was very lucky to have even survived it."
Buccannon nodded and made a note on the report in front of him. "I've consulted with a colleague of mine...a psychiatrist...and although a determination cannot be definitive until he can evaluate her further, we've narrowed it down to two possible diagnoses'...PTSD and Nightmare Disorder. In light of what you just told me, I'm leaning towards Nightmare Disorder."
"Nightmare Disorder? What's that?"
"It's when nightmares...are complex and long, almost like a movie. They're as real to the sleeper as any event that happens when they're awake, and it's not outrageous stuff like three-headed monsters or Freddy Krueger...it's memories and real people...mixed with pain and guilt and fear...the fear is intense...the sleeper usually encounters or experiences a threat to their life or their safety...or a loved one's life or safety...as the dream progresses the threat increases...the fear increases. Usually, the sleeper wakes up just as the threat or danger reaches its climax...but Jessie, I think she's had them for so long... and with the added stress from the latest trauma she's suffered, it's getting harder for her to bring herself out of them. The physical response she had this morning...they're getting too real for her. In other words, what she's dreaming is just as real and plausible to her as what took place in the actual events themselves."
Robert rubbed at his temples, his head was starting to throb. "What can we do to help her?"
"There are a few things that can help...there's counseling and psychotherapy. Pharmacotherapy, which is the use of drugs. To control anxiety, for example...there's meditation and relaxation techniques she could be taught to use before going to sleep. This is a lifelong disorder, Mr. Gibson, but with treatment as she gets older, it will get better...excuse me." Buccannon was interrupted by the phone on his desk ringing, he answered it. "Yes he is...I'll tell him...thank you." He hung up the phone. "That was Jessie's nurse, she said to tell you John was awake. John's her brother, right?"
"Yes, he is. They haven't known each other long, but they've been through a lot together."
"You should go then. I'll talk to my colleague again, then I'll bring him in to meet the three of you...he'll need to spend some time with Jessie, then we'll see where we need to go from there."
"Okay." Robert stood up and reached out to shake Buccannon's hand, he obliged. "Thank you, for everything you've done."
"We do what we can, Mr. Gibson...and then I try to do a little more."
John was pacing when Robert got back to Jessie's room. He was limping, more so than usual, rubbing his thigh, and talking quietly to himself. If Robert didn't notice the pain in his face, he might have been amused by the sight of him.
"Hey, you okay?" Robert asked him.
John didn't answer him and he didn't stop pacing, but he started talking, rambling. He was talking fast, not making much sense, to Robert anyway, and it took Robert a couple of minutes to realize that he was apologizing. For what exactly, Robert wasn't sure, but he knew if he didn't stop John soon, either his or John's or both, of their heads, were going to explode. He stepped in front of John to stop his pacing and held his forearm to keep him still.
"Whoa, whoa, slow down, John." He smiled hoping John would relax. "Slow down, buddy, I just spent an hour talking to a doctor, I could only process so much...I haven't even had coffee yet." John calmed and gave him a half-smile. Robert let his forearm go, but gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Thanks, for a minute there I thought my head was gonna pop...or yours was. What are you apologizing for? Wait, first, are you okay? Is your leg okay?"
"I'm fine, it's nothing, my thigh gets sore and stiff when I stay in one position too long. It will work itself out...moving helps." He started to pace again.
"Didn't your doctor give you anything for pain?" John stopped pacing, his face a mask of guilt, he looked down at the floor like a kid who just broke something. Robert was confused and concerned. "John, hey, you okay?"
"Last night...we fell asleep and I woke up...my thigh was hurting...I tried to get it to stop on my own, but nothing worked. I took ...my doctor gave me painkillers and muscle relaxers...I took one of each. They must have knocked me out pretty good because I never heard Jessie...I didn't know what was happening until the nurse woke me up and Jessie was...she was in bad shape. If I didn't take those pills...I could've-"
"Stop right there, John. Listen to me, if there's anyone to blame for what happened it's me. You haven't been released from the hospital for twenty-four hours yet and when I left here yesterday I didn't stop to consider that. I didn't think about you at all and that's unacceptable. You're still recovering, I knew what Jessie's nights have been like and I never should have left you alone. I should have come back after I finished up with Brian. I'm sorry, I should have been here for the both of you, it won't happen again." Robert put his hand on John's shoulders, forcing John to look at him instead of the floor. "It's not your fault, John. You didn't do anything wrong, okay?"
"I could've said something," John said quietly. "I guess I'm not doing as good as I thought I was...with my leg and all. I just wanted to be here for her."
"You were...and you still are, but you need to take care of yourself. You've been through a lot, you have to take care of your pain too... and just like I'm here for Jessie, I'm here for you. Got it?"
John smiled. "Yes sir, I got it."
"Good." Robert moved his hands from John's shoulders.
"Thanks, Robert, for everything..."
"You're my best friend's son...you don't have to thank me for anything, ever, okay kid?"
"Okay."
"Good." Robert grinned. He looked over at Jessie and his grin faded.
"It's creepy...Jessie being so still and quiet." John said watching him. Robert nodded. "What did Buccannon say?"
"He thinks...well they think, he talked to a psychiatrist about Jessie, that she has Nightmare Disorder and that judging by the physical reaction she had this morning, it's getting worse and needs to be treated."
"Nightmare Disorder?"
"That's what I said. He gave me some literature to read up on, I'm sure it will explain it better than I can. He's gonna come by later when Jessie wakes up to talk to the three of us." He shook his head. "She is not gonna like anything he has to say. He wants her to see a psychiatrist, she won't do it, especially if it means having to stay in the hospital longer."
"But, she needs help...after what happened this morning she'll see that she's got to."
"I don't know, maybe...maybe this was the one, just don't get your hopes up. This afternoon should be interesting, to say the least."
"Great, sounds fun." John yawned and rubbed at his leg unconsciously.
Robert watched him. "Still hurts?"
"A little," John answered sheepishly.
"Look, why don't you take your meds and get some sleep? You look like you could use it and Jessie will be out for a few more hours, so there's no sense in both of us sitting around here staring at her."
"What about you?"
"I'm gonna get some coffee and read some of the stuff Buccannon gave me. I'll be fine. I want to call Joey too, I want to see if he's coming by here later, she made need him. His being here yesterday made her happy, after she talks to Buccannon she'll need that again. Take care of your leg, John, and get some sleep. It's okay, I'll be here."
John struggled with what to do for a moment but conceded. "Yeah uh...okay. You'll wake me if there's a problem?"
"Yes, I will." He watched John limp to his bag and get his pills. He waited until John shook one of each into his hand and then swallow them before he would leave the room. "I'm gonna run down to the cafeteria and get some coffee...the chair by the window reclines a little, that may help. Get some rest. I'll have Brian bring some real coffee when he comes, I'll wake you then."
Tbc...
Sorry, for the delay in updating. I've been trying to stay current with other fics I'm reading, while reading Stephen King's new book (a new Richard Bachman book, if anyone's interested), working in retail (preparing for Back to School sucks!), and taking care of my German Shepard, who in the month of July, drives me crazy! (he's a big 112-pound baby when it comes to fireworks) So needless to say, juggling is not my thing...but I promise, I won't be a slacker any more...lol
