Brian showed up a few hours later with, the much needed, fresh coffee and some donuts. Robert was sitting in a chair by the window reading. Jessie was still sleeping soundly, to his dismay, and John was nowhere in sight.
"You look like shit, Bobby," Brian stated, noticing the deep fatigue in the older man's eyes, accompanied by the dark circles underneath them.
"Thanks, Brian...and hey, try not to be so honest, okay?" Robert grinned.
"Sorry. Where's John?"
"He went for a walk, to stretch his legs." Brian handed him a tall cup of steaming coffee. "Thank you. The stuff they call coffee around here is like swallowing sludge from a toxic waste barrel."
"Is John okay?"
"He was still a little shaken when I saw him this morning...he was blaming himself." Robert shook his head. "Can you believe that? We need to keep an eye on him, Brian, I don't want him dismissing his own pain for Jessie's sake...or for anyone else's, we need to be there for him."
Brian nodded. "We will...as always." He looked over at Jessie, frowning he looked back at Robert. "Is she going to be okay?"
"I'd like to think so, but I don't know...it's...I don't know." He let his words fade out when he noticed John just outside Jessie's room.
"Don't know what?" John said walking in. He walked over to them and leaned his crutches up against the wall. "God, is that Dunkin' Donuts I smell?"
Brian smiled. "A cop with a nose for Dunkin' Donuts...who'd of thought?"
"Haha..." He picked out a donut and took a huge bite, leaving only half of it in his hand. "You have no idea...the value of these on a stake-out." He said with a mouthful of a chocolate covered glazed donut. He sniffed the air. "Green tea?"
Brian and Robert were both laughing now. "With milk and one sugar, there's more sugar in the bag if you need more," Robert told him. "I remembered you're not such a big fan of coffee."
John swallowed his donut and grinned when Brian handed him the tea. He took a long drink, reveling in it as the warmth hit his stomach, it had been a long time. "Thanks. I'd kiss you if I didn't think you'd pound me into the floor."
"A pat on the back will work just as well...you just got out of the hospital remember?" Brian threatened playfully.
John laughed and popped the other half of the donut into his mouth. "Point taken." He winked at Brian, then patted him on the back. "Thanks."
Everything felt heavy. Her arms, legs, fingers, head, even her eyelids felt heavy. Her thoughts were swirling, like leaves in the wind, trying to settle under the thick fog that was lifting from her mind, the more aware she became. She heard them talking. Robert, John, and Brian were talking about the Boston Bruins and the odds of them winning the Stanley Cup this year. As the fog left, images of her latest dream trickled through her current thoughts, and heavy or not her eyelids flew open. She remembered the dream, but she did not remember waking from it. 'I didn't wake up.' She thought. She remembered T.J. telling her they gave her something and she remembered the shadow, moving across the floor, pulling her into it. 'I didn't wake up and...and they sedated me.' She felt a rush of panic move through her. 'They had to sedate me...' Her senses went into overload and she felt everything and nothing at the same time. She trembled inwardly.
"John." She called out to him. Her voice was thick and hoarse with sleep.
All three men turned to look at her, they moved at the same time and were at her bedside in three strides.
"Jessie, it's okay, you're okay...you've just been sleeping for a long time." Robert pushed hair from her forehead and rested his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay now."
"I feel funny..." Her voice shook from her inner trembling.
"What do you mean funny? Do you feel like you're going to be sick?'
"No...I don't know. I just don't feel right...something doesn't feel right."
Not wanting to take any chances and nervous because of the way her voice shook, Robert decided that he wanted Buccannon to examine her. "I'm going to have the nurse page Dr. Buccannon...I'll be right back."
John turned slightly as he watched Robert leave and Jessie reached out and grabbed his wrist.
"Don't go."
John sat down on the edge of the bed, facing her. "I'm not going anywhere." She sat up and hugged him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder. "Jesus...you're shaking. Jessie, what's wrong?"
"I don't know...just...just don't let go."
He felt her whole body shudder against him and he had a sinking feeling that she wasn't talking about right now, that she meant something else. He held her close, rubbing her back in small circles, to calm and reassure her. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong." He whispered.
Brian stood off to the side shuffling his feet nervously, feeling useless. "Jessie, can I get you something? A drink or something?"
Jessie nodded against John's shoulder and he turned his head towards Brian. "Can you get her some orange juice? The sugar might do her some good."
"Sure, no problem. I'll be right back, Jess...sit tight, kid." Brian hurried out of the room and headed to the cafeteria.
Dr. Buccannon in tow, Robert walked in as Brian was walking out. Brian told him he was going to the cafeteria and Robert nodded and continued into the room with Buccannon.
"Jessie, Dr. Buccannon is here, let him take a look at you." She nodded and John pulled away from her. "It'll be okay." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead, before standing up and moving out of the way, so Buccannon could get in close to examine her.
Robert and John stood off to the side while Buccannon went through the routine of checking her blood pressure, pulse, lungs, pupils, reflexes, coordination, and took some blood. Stepping back from the bed he addressed the three of them.
"Well, physically you're fine. We'll run some blood work, but I don't expect to find anything. You're doing well with the blood poisoning medication. Human Protein C usually needs to run its course for twenty-eight days to complete recovery, but you're going to cut that time in half...and the pneumonia is clearing up as well. Your left lung sounds are clear and the right, which was the weakest, is probably at about eighty-five percent and getting stronger by the day. But, you say you're not feeling well...can you tell me what's wrong?"
"I don't know," Jessie told him. "I just feel funny...shakey...like that feeling you get when you drop quickly and suddenly on an amusement park ride."
Buccannon nodded. "Okay. I'm going to order you up some I.V. fluids and something light to eat. You haven't eaten or drank anything since dinner yesterday...your blood sugar could be low, now that the sedative has worn off, your body could be telling you it needs something." He glanced over at Robert and John. "Or it could be something else...Jessie, do you remember what you were dreaming about earlier?"
Jessie flinched. She could feel Robert and John looking at her. "I remember."
"Can you tell me about it?"
'You have a better chance of seeing pigs fly.' Robert thought after he saw the look Jessie gave Buccannon. She looked over at him and he shrugged, not knowing what to tell her.
"No," Jessie said looking back at Buccannon. "I don't see why it matters...what it was about...why does it matter?"
"It may matter a lot, Jessie. What you could be feeling, now, is residual fear from your nightmare. The sedative may have turned it off, but as soon as it wore off, it was turned back on, like turning at.v. on and off in the middle of a program." Buccannon explained. "Forget what it was about for a moment, do you always have such extreme physical reactions to your dreams?"
"I'm not sure I understand. Physical reactions? Do you mean like struggling? Stuff like that?"
"One orange juice...lots of pulp," Brian said, coming back into the room. He opened the small carton, stuck a straw in it and handed it to her. He looked towards Buccannon. "Hey, I'm Brian, sorry for interrupting. I'll wait outside, I'm not uh...family...uh a relative, I mean." He started to leave, but Jessie stopped him.
"It's okay, Brian, you can stay," Jessie told him. Brian nodded and moved to stand next to John and Robert. She turned her attention back to Buccannon. "Is that what you meant?"
"No, nothing like that...reactions like that are very common. I was talking about, the throwing up...wetting the bed-"
"What!?" Jessie cut him off. She could feel anger bubbling and rising to the surface. "I never...I didn't do that...I don't remember doing that!" She turned and glared at Robert and John. "Why didn't tell me!?"
Before Robert or John could answer, not that either of them wanted to, Buccannon tried to bail them out.
"It's okay, Jessie, don't get upset. Those things happening, helped us figure out what could be wrong with you. I spoke to a colleague of mine, a psychiatrist, and with the symptoms you've displayed...we both agree that you have a condition called Nightmare Disorder. He's going to work with you, to see if we can help you get things under control. He wants to meet with you and start treatment when you're discharged...and by the looks of things, that will probably happen early next week."
Robert was watching Jessie, as Buccannon spoke to her, and he had to give her credit for keeping her obvious anger in control. "That sounds good, Doc. Jessie?"
Jessie ignored Robert. Keeping her voice calm and even, she spoke to Buccannon. "Thank you. Thank you for everything you've done and thank you for your concern now, but my...my nightmares...I can take care of myself. I don't want any help. As for me being discharged next week..." She shook her head. "I want to do it Friday. This Friday. Do whatever you have to do, but make it happen, okay?"
That was something Robert did not expect. "Jessie, you can't-"
A voice shouted in Jessie's head. 'There is nothing I can't do, you got that? Nothing.' "I just did." She told him matter-of-factly.
"Okay, look, why don't I go so you all can discuss this further, amongst yourselves, and we can talk about it again tomorrow, okay?" Buccannon interrupted, hoping to diffuse the situation.
"There's nothing to discuss and no one to discuss it with...this concerns me and I'm telling you...I'm outta here in two days." Her anger was starting to be directed towards him and she didn't want that. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she continued. "It's not your fault, okay...it's nothing you did...I just need to leave. So, please, I need you to make it happen, because I will walk out of here Friday...discharged or not."
"I wish you would reconsider, you're upset...I just want to help you, Jessie." Buccannon looked over at Robert, John, and Brian. "We're all just trying to help you. But, if this is what you want...I'll have your discharge papers ready for Friday."
"Thank you, Dr. Buccannon."
"Okay then, I'll come by in the morning to see how you're feeling. Have a good night, okay? Have the nurse page me if you need to." He looked over at John, Robert, and Brian. "Have a good day, gentleman...perhaps I'll see you in the morning as well." He nodded as they said their goodbyes and thank yous, then left.
John started to take a step towards Jessie's bed, but Robert stopped him by grabbing his elbow. "We both can't be the bad guy here, John," Robert told him quietly. "She'll need at least one of us tonight." He let go of John's arm and moved around the bed to face Jessie. She had her eyes squeezed shut while she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Jessie-"
She opened her eyes and moved her hand away from her face. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, doing her best to remain calm. "You told me everything was okay...that I'd just been sleeping for a long time...why didn't you tell me why I had been sleeping for so long? Why didn't you tell me what I did?"
"You woke up and said you felt funny, the last thing on my mind was worrying about what had happened, I was more concerned with what was happening. I was worried about you, I guess I wasn't thinking. Why would it have made a difference?"
"If you would have told me..." She looked over at John. "If either of you would have told me, I would've known what was wrong...I wouldn't have needed a damn doctor! I needed to be told, Robert, and not by Buccannon!" Her anger slipping, she was almost shouting.
"I'm sorry, Jessie. What else do you want me to say? I'm sorry, alright? You want to be mad at me, go ahead...be mad, but you can't just leave here now, Jessie, not when they can help you... if they can help you, why won't you let them?"
"I don't need their help...I can handle it...I can take care of myself."
"Sure, sure you can," Robert said sarcastically, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration. "Because you've been so good at it the last nine years...it's getting worse, Jessie, so I'd say, you're not handling much of anything."
"Robert, don't," John warned. It was time to stop them before it went too far.
"It's okay, John," Jessie told him.
"No, no it's not okay, Jessie...it's never been okay...we've all just pretended that everything was okay. Christ, Jessie, they couldn't wake you up...they couldn't wake you up and you puked and pissed all over yourself..." He knew he had gone too far, but he couldn't help himself. She winced like she had been slapped. "Jessie..." Her eyes locked on his and couldn't remember what he was going to say. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, the cold, steely reserve that was emanating from her now, was not her. Shawn O'Doyle...definitely...the Patrick he knew before Jessie was born...absolutely...but, Jessie...never. Never had she displayed such a likeness to either of those men before, never. He, now, saw what John had been trying to tell him yesterday at the Deli. A cold knot of fear started to twist in his stomach.
"Are you finished?" Jessie asked him, bitterness dripping off every word. She was half-smiling at him, but the smile went nowhere near her eyes, which were two pieces of dark green ice.
"Jessie-"
"What? You're gonna apologize now? You just wanted to help right? Everyone just wants to help. You gonna hug me and tell me everything's okay? That it will all be better soon..."
She was angry, but unlike before, her tone was eerily calm and John wanted it to stop, he needed it to stop. He stepped closer to her and she turned her head to look at him. "Jessie, please..." His voice sounded desperate.
Her steely reserve wavered as she saw the desperation in John's eyes and heard it in his voice. Something was wrong, he looked scared. Had she done something? She turned to face Robert again, deciding to end the conversation for good. "You were right, things aren't okay...they haven't been okay for a long time and maybe they never will be...but, one thing's for sure...my father's dead and I have no interest in having a new one, understand? Now, I am leaving here Friday...and I'll do it, with or without you."
Robert was relieved when Jessie looked at him. Though they were stormy, her eyes were back to their green crayon color and the coldness was gone. Now, she looked lost. Torn between being angry at him and wanting to do what John asked. "You know I'll be with you." He told her. "Jessie, can't you at least-"
"I need some air." She said cutting him off. "I'm done here." She looked over at Brian. "Take a walk with me? I need to talk to you."
Brian, who had been wishing he had waited outside the room since Buccannon was there and the arguing had started, moved to the far corner of the room, desperately trying to make himself disappear. He was trying to block out everything that was being said, because it was so unlike Robert and Jessie, and it was upsetting him. 'This is not how a family behaves.' He thought to himself and barely heard Jessie speaking to him. He started to look at Robert, but he thought that Jessie would interpret it as him asking Robert if it was okay, so he just nodded. "Sure, okay."
Jessie slid off the bed and stepped into her slippers. She met Brian at the door and turned around, facing Robert and John. "It'll be okay...if you're not here when I get back."
She left, leaving them to wonder if she was talking to Robert or John or both.
Tbc...
