They sat around the dining room table enjoying the food and the company. They talked about anything and everything, except Patrick's service in the morning, and Jessie was both angry and happy about it. Happy, because she really didn't want to talk about it and angry because she wondered how Robert and John seemed to be able to forget everything even for a minute. She had a fluttering feeling in her stomach and a headache, that felt like someone was drilling right between her eyes, so she was just sitting there moving the food around on her plate, while she was sort of listening to what they were talking about. John asked Robert if there was somewhere nearby where he could have his suit cleaned and pressed for tomorrow and she looked up from her plate when Robert answered.

"Don't worry about that John, wear whatever you want. Pat hated having to dress up to go to anything. He wanted comfortable and casual."

"We should wear something Celtics," Jessie said quietly

Robert had been watching Jessie sitting there playing with her food, not saying anything unless someone was directly talking to her and he was trying to hide the worry on his face, but he smiled in spite of his worry. "That would be perfect, Jess. He would love that."

"Dad was a big Celtics fan, huh?"

Jessie didn't look up from her plate, she just nodded.

"The biggest," Robert answered. "Never missed a game if he could help it. He had floor seats for home games and depending on who they were playing went to a lot of their away games. He would've loved to have been a Celtic. He was a point guard in high school and was good. Real good. There's a film of him playing somewhere around here. He could've gone on to the NCAA, but he had some injuries his senior year that stopped him from playing."

"He was injured during a game?"

"No," Robert said with regret in his voice. "He was hurt doing a job for his father and wound up with a torn rotator cuff and a blown out knee. After that, he just went all in with Shawn O'Doyle."

There was an awkward silence. What started out as a good idea had turned into a sad story about Patrick O'Doyle's ascent into the mob. Robert looked at John. There was a sad look in his eyes, but at the same time, he seemed to be happy to learn something new about his father. He looked over at Jessie. Unlike John, he couldn't read her. She still had her head down, moving her food around on her plate with one hand and rubbing her forehead with the other. He watched Joey lean over and say something to her and she looked up at him for a moment, nodded and went back to her plate. He wanted so much to help her but he didn't know where to start. He looked back over at John, sitting in between Sam and Bailey, who were watching him like protective parents. "Anyway," He said breaking the silence. "If you guys want to wear something Celtics for Pat, we could definitely hook you up with something."

"Yeah, that would be great," John told him.

"I'm in." Bailey smiled at John, happy to be part of it for him.

"I love it. Count me in." Sam said, then asked. "Will you be doing something for Sal tomorrow too?"

Robert cringed knowing the subject of Sal was a sore spot for Jessie. Before he could answer and field the question, she answered for him.

Jessie looked up from her plate. Her expression full of contempt with the mention of Sal's name and she almost shouted. "No!" She slammed her fork down and looked at Robert. "No. No way that's happening."

Joey put his hand on her leg and squeezed gently to get her attention. "Jess, easy."

Now that the cat was out of the bag, Robert tried to reason with her. "It's not a bad idea, Jessie. Why would you want to put yourself and everyone else through that kind of pain twice?"

Jessie was struggling. She was trying her hardest to push everything she was feeling down. The fluttering feeling in her stomach was worse and what little she did eat, was threatening to come up, her head was pounding so bad it felt like it was going to pop, and her heart was racing so fast she thought it was going to burst through her chest. When she thought she could open her mouth without vomiting, she glared at Robert. "I. Said. No." She told him stressing each word. "He is the reason we have to go through this at all, so wherever he is now he could stay there and rot. I don't even want his name mentioned tomorrow. I don't want him anywhere near Dad."

John was surprised at her reaction. He thought they had sorted out her feelings for Sal in the hospital. That day he had seen what even the thought of hating Sal did to her. She had broken down. Her coldness towards him now, confused and scared him. "Jessie, you don't mean that and you know you don't feel that way. We talked-"

"Don't tell me how I feel, John."

"You need to stop, Jessie. You're making this worse than it already is." Robert shook his head. "You're gonna regret what you're saying, kid, trust me."

"The only thing I regret is him not being here now, to pay for what he did-"

Now Robert was getting angry. "You saw what they did to him and I saw what it did to you and your father. Sal paid for his mistake and then some." He didn't seem to be getting through to her, so he tried something else. "You know, if Sal was sitting here right now, knowing everything that happened was because of something he did...the only thing that would keep him from blowing his own brains out...is you. He lov-"

"I wouldn't stop him," Jessie told him before he could finish his sentence. "And it wouldn't be enough."

"If your father could hear you right now...hear you talk about Sal like that...Jess, you'd break his heart."

She looked at him, her face blank and her eyes stone cold. "I can't break his heart, Robert. I can't break his heart...can't make him laugh, make him cry, make him mad, disappoint him...whatever. I can't because he is Dead and it is Sal's fault."

John was desperate to say something. Jessie wasn't backing down this time, even with Sam and Bailey there. He thought he could snap her out if it, but he didn't know what to say that wouldn't make things worse. He remembered Robert saying, in the hospital, that they both couldn't be the bad guy, so he kept quiet. He needed it to stop though, it was killing him.

Sam was holding John's hand under the table, knowing he was having a hard time with what was going on. She was watching Jessie closely. Her body language, her facial expressions, her eyes and was taking it all in, hoping when it was all over, she could help Robert and John help her.

Robert was stunned. He didn't know what to say anymore. What was happening was wrong. Jessie was all wrong. When he looked in her eyes, she wasn't there. It was like her evil twin bubbled up to the surface and was taking over. She was slipping away, like before, and he didn't understand how he missed it. Then he remembered Joey had been the one that had stayed with her, in the hospital, the last two nights she was there, not him. Maybe it had started then. He looked over at Joey, who was sitting quietly with his head in his hands. "Joey, did something happen at the hospital when we weren't there? Did Jessie sleep at all?"

Joey looked up at Robert, when he heard his name, but didn't know what to say or if he should say anything at all. All this time he thought Jessie's erratic behavior at the hospital was her worst, but he was wrong. He never imagined she could be so angry and so cold. Like John, he was afraid of making things worse. He was about to tell Robert that everything was fine, but Jessie stopped him with a look, that told him his fear would be right on the money if he said the wrong thing. He felt torn and miserable. Thankfully Jessie saved him, but not in a good way.

"Hey," Jessie looked from Joey to Robert. "Don't put him in the middle of this. Don't ask him about me like I'm not even here. That"s bullshit. I'm right here. If you want to know something about me, ask me."

Robert was tired and frustrated. He knew what he was going to say next was wrong, but it was the truth, so he said it anyway. "I asked him because I wanted the truth, not your messed up version of it."

"Really? Wow. Ya know what Robert, fuck you!" Even Jessie was surprised by what she said. It just came out and she regretted it the minute she heard it out loud. Robert looked like she had just slapped him in the face and she felt terrible. It was too late though, she couldn't take it back.

Bailey had seen and heard enough and knew John had too. "Jessie, that's enough." He said firmly but kept his voice soft and calm, so he didn't agitate her further.

Jessie looked across the table at Bailey, ready for another fight, but the sad look she saw on John's face changed her mind. A little more than an hour ago, she told him she never wanted to hurt him, and by the looks of him, she had done it anyway. She took a deep calming breath sat back in her chair, closed her eyes and counted to 10 as she rubbed her forehead. Opening her eyes she looked across the table at Bailey, Sam, and John. "Bailey's right. I'm sorry. I don't know where my head is lately. I didn't mean to ruin dinner for you."

She then looked at Robert, his eyes were bright with unshed tears, and her eyes welled up and her chest hitched. Almost breaking down she had to take another deep breath to get control again. "I'm so sorry, Robert. That was-" She started to say 'that wasn't me' but that was nothing but a lame excuse. "What I said...it was unacceptable and beyond disrespectful. It just...I don't know where it came from." She shook her head. "I didn't mean it. Please forgive me."

Robert reached over and put his hand on hers. "I know you didn't, it's okay. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed-"

Jessie shook her head. "No, don't make excuses for me. You didn't deserve that, not you, not after everything you've done for me."

Robert leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. "I forgive you." He lingered for a moment and looked into her eyes. They were full of guilt and sadness.

"Don't dwell on this Jessie." He told her. "We're good, okay?" She nodded and he smiled. "Alright then, it's over and done."

Jessie smiled back at him. 'It's over and done' was something her mother used to say when she and T.J. were little and were misbehaving. "Thanks, Robert."

"Anyone ready for coffee or tea and dessert? We have tiramisu and cheesecake."

"Yes to both," John said excitedly.

"Which two, John? Tea and tiramisu or tea and cheesecake?"

"Tiramisu and cheesecake," John said smiling like a kid at Christmas.

Everyone laughed. Robert stood up. "I'll just bring everything out here and everyone could just have at it."

"I'll help you." Sam got up and followed Robert into the kitchen.

Robert and Sam came back several minutes later and set everything up on the table. Robert picked up a small plate and pulled the cheesecake towards him.

"Okay, Jess, big piece or little piece?"

"Maybe later," Jessie told him. "I'm gonna go upstairs and chill for a while."

Robert reached over, touched her cheek and then her forehead, thinking if John had a fever maybe she did too. "You feel okay?"

"Yeah. It's just a headache and I'm a little tired." Jessie gathered up her dinnerware and stood up. "It's nothing. Sit back and enjoy your dessert."

"Do you want me to come up with you?" Joey asked her.

Jessie smiled at him, happy that he even offered after her recent behavior. "After a while, okay? After dessert can you help Robert clean up, please?"

"I will."

She leaned down and kissed him. "Thank you. I'm gonna go up to the den and crash in front of the tv." Jessie looked over at John as she was leaving and smiled. "Don't eat all the cheesecake."

John grinned devilishly, putting his thumb and index finger together. "I'll save you a tiny piece, don't worry." After she left the room, he stopped grinning. "She's not okay, not even a little."

"She will be, John, don't worry." Bailey put his hand on John's shoulder. "We'll make sure of it." He stood up with his scotch glass in hand. "I'm up for a refill, can I get anyone anything?"


Tbc...