Jessie was crouched down in front of the liquor cabinet, searching through the bottles, when Bailey walked into the living room to refill his drink.

"I don't think you're going to find anything for a headache in there." He said matter-of-factly as he walked up next to her.

Jessie looked up and smiled. "Probably not, but there's nothing in here that could make the drilling going on in my head any worse. Can I get you something, Bailey?" She asked as she continued her search.

"No, I'm good."

She stood up with a bottle of Southern Comfort. "Found it." She turned a shot glass over, poured herself a shot, drank it, poured a second shot and drank that too.

"You okay kid?" Bailey asked as he put his hand over the shot glass to stop her from pouring another one.

She shook her head, grinning, as she put the bottle down. "It depends on who you ask." She looked toward the kitchen door. "If you ask anyone in there, they would most likely say, I'm not."

"I'm not asking them. I'm asking you."

Jessie studied him for a moment. She liked Bailey. He didn't treat her like a fragile, messed up kid and she appreciated his straightforwardness. She trusted him, so she let him in. "After the car accident, when I was in the emergency room...I remember it like it was yesterday...there were doctors and nurses shouting over the screaming and moaning and groaning of patients...sirens of incoming ambulances...bells and whistles of the machines...it was so loud." She looked around the room. "And as quiet as it is here, right now, to me it sounds like the emergency room. My Dad...I hear him...the memories, they're resonating from everywhere and they're so loud...it hurts. It hurts so much." She felt her composure starting to slip and had to take a deep breath to settle herself before she could continue. "In the dining room...everyone sitting around the table...I couldn't stop thinking about Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was Dad's favorite day of the year. He'd go all out with food and inviting people over. He'd make his favorite Irish desserts...Apple Cake, with custard to die for and Whiskey Cake, that was more Whiskey than cake. It's the one day a year there was absolutely no television, just conversation, card games or board games. Dad always said Thanksgiving was for family, friends, and food and anything else could wait until the next day. It made Sal crazy not being able to watch football, but Dad would let him check the scores for his betting boxes, from the tv in his office. Last year was Brian's turn to bring a game...he brought Pictionary. I don't think I've laughed so much and so hard in my entire life. Robert was actually pretty good, but Dad, Sal, and Brian...they were half lit from the Whiskey cake, and watching them draw pictures only they could understand was hysterical." She smiled, a small laugh escaping. "Poor Susan, it was her first Thanksgiving with us, she must've thought we were all crazy..." She slid the shot glass out from underneath Bailey's hand, filled it up and drank it. "I grew up here. I always felt safe. No matter what, I knew I could always come home and everything would be okay..."

Jessie started to pour another shot, but Bailey put his hand on hers, as she was about to pour, stopping her. He then took the bottle, gently from her hand. "You've had enough."

She simply nodded and continued. "Being home now, I don't feel safe or okay...I feel sick. Do you know what it's like for your home to become nothing but a constant reminder of everything you've lost?...it sucks. It feels like there's a cold, black hole in the pit of my stomach...and no matter what I do...or drink...or say...nothing is ever gonna fill it." She wiped away tears that had threatened to fall. "So, what do you think? Am I okay?"

"No," Bailey said as he reached over and wiped a rogue tear from her cheek, with his thumb. "But you will be, I promise. You've been through a lot and things won't feel good or even better for a long time but it will get easier. One day at a time Jessie...stop thinking about next week, next month, next year...just get up and get through one day at a time...and when you can't do it alone, there will be someone there to help you, always. You know that don't you?" She nodded, wiping more tears from her face, so Bailey pulled her into a hug. He could feel her struggle with it, at first, then she relaxed and hugged him back. "One day at a time, kid, one day at a time."

"John's lucky to have you in his life," Jessie said as Bailey held her, then she stepped back. "Thank you for being there for him...and looking out for him."

"It's not just John, I'm here for anymore, understand?"

Jessie smiled. "I understand. Thank you, Bailey."

"Anytime, kid." Bailey nodded towards the kitchen. "Are you going to come back in with us?"

"No. I'm gonna go upstairs and lie down for a while and see if I can get rid of this headache." Jessie walked over to the stairs but turned to face Bailey before she went up. "John...when Robert and I were-"

"He'll be okay." Bailey knew where she was going and didn't want her to think about it anymore. "I'll make sure of it."

Jessie nodded and went upstairs.

Bailey watched her go. When she was out of sight, he poured himself another Scotch and went back to the others in the dining room.


"We were getting ready to send out a search party," Robert said as Bailey came in with his drink and took his seat next to John.

"I was talking to Jessie."

"In the living room? Let me guess, it was the Southern Comfort, right?"

Bailey nodded. "Yeah. How'd you know?"

"It's her drink of choice when she's trying to shut everything down." Robert sighed and sat back in his chair. "Between the age of fourteen and sixteen, she practically lived on it."

"Bailey, she didn't take the bottle upstairs with her, did she?" Joey asked, prepared to go up there and wrestle it from her if he had to.

"No. She had a few drinks, we talked and she went upstairs..."

"Well Jesus, Bailey, why are you being so vague? Is she okay?"

"Easy John." Bailey put his hand on John's shoulder to reassure him. "She's not okay and she acknowledges that. I don't think being here is making her feel the way she thought it would and she's having a hard time with it...and she feels bad about what happened. She's worried about you, John."

"What? Why me? I'm fine. I'm just worried about her." John said confused.

Sam put her hand on his. "She can see right through you, John. When she was angry...she saw how it affected you. How it scares you."

John looked down and started fidgeting with his napkin. "I just don't want to see her like he was...after finding out about her...spending time with her and going through what we did...together...to see her lose herself in his death and become someone else... it's hard to watch. It hurts to watch." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "And it scares me because just like I distanced myself from Patrick, I'll distance myself from her too..." He looked up, his ocean colored eyes shimmered, reflecting the deep sadness that took over his face. "I couldn't...doing that would kill me."

Bailey rubbed John's back, comforting him. "It's alright." He said soothingly. "We're not going to let that happen, got it? It's not going to happen, John."

"She has too many people around her, that love her...and you, to ever let that happen," Robert added. He knew John needed more than words. He had expressed his fears to Robert before and he knew words got through to him, but what he really needed was Jessie. To see her and talk to her. To see for himself it was really her. Robert cut a piece of cheesecake and slid it over to John. "Hey, why don't you take this up to her."

John looked at the cheesecake, then looked across the table at Joey and shook his head. "No, you should take it."

Joey smiled. "It's okay. I'm gonna help Robert clean up in here and get the leftovers put away. Go, she needs her brother."

"Okay, yeah, thanks...thank you."


The first thing Jessie did when she got upstairs was inhale another Adderall. She wanted that vibrating feeling back. That buzz. When she was done she went to her den, put the tv on, stretched out on the couch and waited for the Adderall to kick in.

John stood in the doorway of the den and looked in. King Kong was on tv, but Jessie wasn't paying it any attention. She was lying on the couch, with her arm draped over her forehead, staring at the ceiling.

"Hey," He walked into the den, holding the cheesecake out. "They're cleaning up downstairs, so I brought you this." He smiled. "Told ya I'd save you a piece."

Jessie smiled back. "Thanks. Just put it on the table, I'll eat it in a little while."

John sat down and nodded towards the tv. "Not a Kong fan?"

"Actually I was waiting for him to fight the T-rex's..." She winced and rubbed her forehead. "It's my favorite part."

"Head still hurt?"

"Yeah. It doesn't seem to wanna go away."

"C'mere." John patted the space next to him. When she slid over, he sat back and pulled her to him. She laid her head on his chest and he buried his hand in her hair, massaging her head gently and slowly. "Better?"

She nodded against him, then. "John, I'm sorry...about what happened at dinner. I didn't mean to upset you...or anyone else."

"I know you didn't." He kissed the top of her head. "Hey, I want to talk about Sal..." He felt her body tense up, but he continued anyway. "In the hospital...I thought we figured it all out...what changed?"

"I thought I figured it all out too...I tried not to be mad at him...to hate him...but then I came back here and found out...home was taken away from me too." Jessie sat up and looked at John. "Roy Langston was Sal's Frankenstein. He made him. If Sal would've left it alone...left Langston alone...Dad would be alive. Susan and all the others...they would all be alive too...Sal would be alive...and this place would still feel like home. He ruined everything and I hate him for it."

"Jessie, hating Sal is not going to bring them back or make you feel better. You loved him...deep down you still love him...you need to let it go and forgive him."

"No!" Jessie stood up. "Why? Why do you care? Why does anyone care?" She yelled angrily.

John reached for her forearm and pulled her back down next to him. He held on to her arm loosely and put his other hand on her shoulder. "Hey, I care because I love you. I know how you really feel about him, Jessie...you do too...you just need to remember."

"I don't want to remember, John."

Jessie tried to stand up again, but John held her firmly in place. "I know you remember how it felt when you found him in his apartment...what they did to him...nobody deserves to be tortured like that...to die like that. It crushed you to lose him...and Dad broke down...because you both loved him so much..."

"Stop it, John, let me go." Jessie tried to pull her arm away from him and stand up, but he held on. "Please let me go."

John ignored her and continued. "On your balcony that night...you told me how much you loved him...how much he loved you...unconditionally...like you were his own child. He took care of you and protected you when Dad couldn't. He was like having another father...you told me that, remember?"

Jessie nodded, her eyes filling up with tears. "I remember." She said softly.

He was starting to get through, so he continued. "And in your nightmare...remember how it felt when you shot him? You said it felt real...when his blood got on you...and you thought you killed him..." Her tears were flowing freely now and her breathing was coming in starts and stops as she tried not to break. "Remember what that did to you? Just the thought of hurting him was devastating to you..."

"Why are you doing this to me..." She covered her eyes, with her other hand, as she started to cry.

"Because blaming...and hating someone you love...not forgiving them...it eats you up inside." John moved her hand away from her face, so he could look in her eyes. "Believe me, I know...up until a few weeks ago, I let blame and hate affect me in one way or the other for almost half my life...after my mother died." He let go of her arm, pulled her to him and wrapped both arms around her. "I'm sorry Jess...I just wanted you to understand what you were doing. I don't want you to carry those feelings around with you like I did."

John held her while she cried and when she started telling Sal she was sorry, he thought maybe he had gone too far. He ran his fingers through her hair and kept telling her it was okay, trying to soothe and quiet her. "I'm sorry, Jess, I'm sorry."

When she finally quieted, he kissed the top of her head. "Are you okay?"

"My head hurts." Her voice was barely a whisper.

John buried his hand in her hair again and rubbed gently. "Does this help? Maybe you should take something?"

"Mmmhmmm," Jessie answered groggily. Her head was pounding and her eyes hurt, so despite the buzz, the Adderall gave her, all she wanted to do was close her eyes and give in to the sleep that every fiber in her body was calling for. A thick fog clouded her mind and all her thoughts and pain got lost in it, so she let herself drift away.

John noticed the change in her breathing and felt her body relax against him. He ran his hand down the side of her face, stopping to let his thumb brush her cheek. When she didn't flinch he knew she wasn't faking, like she had done before. He pulled a throw pillow from behind his back, put it in his lap and eased her head down on to it. He rubbed her back. "I'm here with you." He said softly. He leaned back, settling into the couch cushion, closed his eyes and started to sift through her hair with his hand. It calmed him. Minutes later, his deep, quiet breathing matched hers and they slept.


Tbc...