Robert knocked on the door, then opened it. Jessie was down on one knee, leaning over the open toilet, throwing up the cereal she had eaten. Robert closed the door and stepped around her. He filled a cup with cold water and dampened a washcloth, then leaned against the sink and waited for her to need them.

"Better?" He asked when she was finished.

Jessie didn't look up when she heard the bathroom door open and close, she just assumed it was Joey, so she was surprised to hear Robert's voice. "Yeah." She gave him a lop-sided smile.

He handed her the cup of water and watched as she rinsed her mouth. She stood up, closed the lid and flushed, then sat down and finished the water. Robert took the cup from her and handed her the damp washcloth.

"Thank you." She said as she held it to her face.

He sat down on the edge of the tub next to her. "I'll call Dr. Buccannon in the morning to see what your other options are. Maybe there's a liquid form you can take...you handle that better."

Jessie nodded, still holding the washcloth to her face. It was cool and it felt good.

"Jessie, look at me..."

She put the washcloth down and looked him in the eyes. She could see the worry in them. "I'm okay, Robert."

Robert looked her over. She was still pale, but not the sheet white she was minutes ago. He reached out and touched her forehead and cheek. "Jessie, if you weren't feeling well...I mean, if you felt sick like you were when you were in the hospital, you would tell me..."

"No, it's not like that..and yes I would tell you."

He took her hand. "Then, is this the antibiotics or is this you making yourself sick over your Dad?"

"It's not..." Jessie stopped and thought about it. "Honestly, I don't know...maybe it's just me or maybe it's both. I know that I was good and then I wasn't."

Robert nodded. "Jessie, what do you think will happen if you let it all go...if you let everything you're feeling go?"

"I don't know." She looked down at his hand holding hers. "But I'm afraid to find out."

Robert pulled her into a hug. "I love you and I will always be here for you...no matter what, I will never let you go."

"I know." She said holding him tighter. "I love you too, Robert." She pulled back from him. "Thank you. I know how I've been. I know I'm not making it easy for you guys."

"Don't worry about it. You're dealing with everything the best you can, we will be okay...all of us. There's one more thing about tomorrow...I could be wrong, and I apologize if I am, but things seem to be a little tense between you and Joey and I didn't want to tell you in front of him...maybe making things worse, but Chris called me this afternoon and said he's coming to the memorial. Does he know about Chris?"

"He knows that Chris is a friend. I haven't told him anything else about our relationship because it wasn't a big deal. We were friends...good friends and that's it."

"You and I know that, but you know how some of the guys talked about the two of you back then...I'm sure some of them still do and I'm sure it will all come up again when they see him. I just think he should hear it from you."

Jessie nodded in agreement. "I'll talk to him. Thank you."

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "You're welcome. How do you feel now?"

"Better." She told him. "The nausea is gone. Kinda hungry though. I think I'll make myself some toast with peanut butter."

Robert smiled. Carolyn always made Jessie toast with peanut butter to help settle her stomach when she was sick. It gave him hope because even after nine years and everything that happened she was still able to be comforted by her mother.

"Good idea. I think there's some ginger ale in the fridge if not there's definitely some in the pantry." Robert stood up, opened the door and smiled at her. "Remember, just a thin layer of peanut butter, not half the jar."

"Hey, I only did that once...and I was 7," Jessie said as she followed him out, then stopped in the hallway. "I'm just gonna go to the kitchen, tell everyone I'm alright and make sure John gets to bed. Tell him I'll stop by his room to say goodnight."

"Okay. Goodnight." He said kissing her cheek. "I'll see you in the morning, but if you need anything...you come down and wake me, understand?"

Jessie nodded. "Thank you. Goodnight Robert."


"How's Jessie?" John asked before Robert could fully enter the room.

"Better. The medicine she took made her sick...she's never really been able to tolerate oral antibiotics. I'm going to call Dr. Buccannon tomorrow and see if there are other options for her. She's in the kitchen making toast and doesn't want us to wait for her." Robert looked at John. "She said she would go by your room to say goodnight before she goes upstairs."

"You're sure she's okay?" John asked him. He was hesitant about going to bed, though he was definitely starting to feel the effects of his own medication.

"Positive John. The toast will settle her stomach, it always has, and she'll be fine."

"C'mon John," Bailey said handing him his crutches and ushering him along. "She'll be by to say goodnight. I'm sure she doesn't want to be fussed over after being sick."

"Okay." John conceded.

Robert, John, Bailey, and Sam walked down the hall to where they were going to sleep. Joey picked up the glasses that were left behind and brought them to the kitchen.

"Thank you for doing that," Jessie said as she watched Joey come in and put the glasses in the dishwasher.

"No problem." He said quietly without looking at her. Noticing dishes in the sink, he put those in the dishwasher as well.

Jessie watched him. Something was wrong. She could tell he was upset about something but was trying not to be. She got up and walked over to him. "Hey," She put her hand on his back. "Everything okay?"

He stopped what he was doing and turned to face her. "How do you know? How do you know it was the medicine that made you sick? What if it was because of something else you took?"

Before she could answer he took the two bags of pills he had found, out of his pocket and put them on the counter in front of her. "They were on the bedroom floor. He was here, right? Callahan brought you that stuff."

"Yes. I called him when I was in the bar earlier. "

Joey shook his head and closed the dishwasher door, hard. "Dammit, Jessie, you said you wouldn't go to him..."

"I know, I'm sorry. I thought being here would be different...that I would be okay, but it made me feel worse, so I needed something. I didn't want to worry you and I don't want Robert and John to know how bad it is."

"We could go to Robert's or my place...hell, we could go to a hotel. You don't have to be here."

"God you make it sound like it's that easy...just go somewhere else and you'll feel better. You don't get it. None of you do."

"What don't I get? Tell me then, because all I'm getting is you want to take pills to keep from dealing with what is happening."

"That's what you think...that I can't deal with what's happening now?" She could feel herself starting to get angry with him and she was fighting it with everything she had because he didn't deserve it. "What's happening now is nothing compared to what I've already been through." She told him, trying to control her voice. She took a deep breath. "As much as it hurts to be here I just want to feel close to him..." There was a tremble in her voice and tears slid down her cheeks. "I need to feel close to him...because I couldn't be when he died...when they killed him and then dragged his body away to be dumped like garbage."

"Jessie.." Joey pulled her to him and held her.

"I don't want that in my head...I don't want that to be how I remember him." She cried softly into his chest. "Please don't be mad...I need you...I'll do anything. What do you want me to do?"

Joey held her tighter. "Jess, listen okay...baby, I'm not mad, I'm worried. I'm just worried about you, I promise. It's okay, Jess, we're okay."

"I can't do this without you."

He leaned away from her, so she would look up at him. "You will never have to." He told her and kissed her softly on the mouth, then to reassure her he deepened the kiss.

"I'm sorry." She said when the kiss ended.

"I know, Jess," He played with the curls of her hair that lay on her shoulder. "I just need you to do one thing for me okay? I need you to stop going to Callahan, for anything. There's something about him...I don't trust him and I don't want him or anything he gives you to hurt you. I'll get you whatever you need...whatever you want...I promise to take care of you, so I need you to promise me, you won't go to him anymore."

Jessie nodded. "I promise." She held out the two bags of pills. "Here, take them."

"No, it's okay, you keep them. I'm trusting you to be careful."

Jessie put the bags in her pocket. "Thank you." She smiled at him. "But I think as long as your with me I won't need them."

Joey smiled back. He put his hands on her face and wiped the wetness, from the tears, away with his thumbs. "If you go into John's room like this, he's not going to get any rest."

"Thank you." She said when he was finished.

"I'll clean up in here...go see John. I'll meet you upstairs."

Jessie kissed him. "I love you, Joey."

"I love you too. Take your time with John...but not too much time." He grinned and winked at her.


John was lying in bed with his arms folded behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. He turned his head when he heard someone approach his room and smiled when he saw Jessie.

"Antibiotics are not my friend," Jessie told him, then laid down next to him.

"I heard something like that. How do you feel now?"

"Better. Peanut butter makes everything better." She laughed, then seriously. "Are you okay? How's your leg?"

"I'm good. My leg is too." John said sleepily, then yawned.

"Someone's meds are kicking in." Jessie laughed as she watched him struggle to stay awake.

John rolled over on to his side and propped himself up on his elbow so he can see her face. "How're you feeling about tomorrow?"

"I'm trying not to think about it so much." She looked up at him and her eyes welled up with tears. He looked so much like Patrick. "I miss him so much."

"I know."

She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I've never really been without them...Dad and Sal...one of them has always been with me."

"They will always be with you, Jess." Laying back down he patted his chest and when she moved closer to him and put her head on his chest, he ran his fingers through her hair. "After my Mom died, just like you, I was lost, angry and I missed her like crazy...for so long it was just the two of us, I didn't know how to be without her. My Grandpa was great and I could talk to him about anything but it wasn't the same. The week before my birthday I was having a hard time because I knew my birthdays with her were done, so I acted out...got in trouble in school...tested my Grandpa's limits with bad behavior and then pushed him away when he tried to help...just really jerky stuff, that really wasn't me. After being suspended for 2 days for fighting he'd had enough. I walked into the kitchen and he was sitting at the table waiting for me. He had a pack of loose leaf paper and a pencil in front of him and told me to sit down. I thought he was gonna make me write something like 'I will not fight in school' a thousand times, but instead he said 'I know you're having a hard time because you're missing your mother...I know how close you were and I know as much as you love me, there are just some things you don't feel comfortable telling me...so I want you to write your Mom a letter. Get it all out. Everything you're feelin'...anything you wished you had a chance to say...anything you want, just pour it all out on that paper.' I couldn't believe what he wanted me to do. It sounded crazy."

"Did you do it? Did it help you?"

"Well after I looked at him like he had 3 heads and made a smart-ass comment about the postal service and heaven, he left me alone in the kitchen and yeah, I wrote my Mom a letter. I thought he was crazy for wanting me to do it, but once I started I couldn't stop. I think I wrote almost 10 pages the first time."

"First time? I guess it did help, then."

John nodded. "It did. That first letter...when I was done...it felt like I took off a 500lb weighted vest. Just to have a way to get everything out on my own, without having to say it out loud...I felt better. So I wrote my Mom a letter every week and every week I felt a little less lost. I still missed her like crazy, but it stopped hurting so much." John yawned. "Writing the letters...even though she was gone, she was still with me, ya know what I mean?"

Jessie nodded against him. "Yeah, I get what you mean." He yawned again and she looked up at him and smiled. He was trying hard to keep his eyes open. "You need to rest, John." She told him as she sat up.

"I need to make sure you're alright." He said trying to stifle another yawn, but it was useless.

"I'm fine, John, but if I wasn't, it's okay, because Robert is just down the hall, Joey is upstairs and Brian is a phone call away. All you need to do right now is sleep and rest your leg."

"I just need a few minutes." He said closing his eyes.

Jessie smiled. "Take all the time you need, John." She leaned down and kissed his cheek. "It's alright."

"...kay..." John rolled on to his side, wrapping his arms around his pillow.

Jessie pulled the comforter over him, as she got off the bed and turned off his table lamp. She watched him for several minutes before turning to leave. "Goodnight John, I love you."

"Love you too," John said sleepily.

Jessie smiled at him, he hadn't moved or opened his eyes, he had said it in his sleep. "I'll see you in the morning." She told him, then left.


Tbc...