The room was quiet and still now. Mae didn't lie down to sleep. She remained pressed against his back. It was almost enough without actually being what she wanted or needed. She closed her eyes and listened to his breathing. She imagined she could hear his heartbeat, steady and strong. His warmth seeped through his t-shirt, spreading pleasantly against her chest. He smelled good, safe. Dean wondered if he should lay her back down, but her closeness was nice. He didn't want to break the connection. They stayed in that position until they heard the key turn in the door and Sam entered.
Sam absolutely hated the eerie silence in the room. It would have been better if they'd been talking about him or maybe even if he'd overheard them yelling. Walking in on an intimate moment was bad enough but somehow the ones ripe with emotion made him feel more voyeuristic. Still, they knew he'd return so they couldn't have gotten up to much more.
Mae's eyes widened at both the sight of the Styrofoam carryout containers and the near heavenly scent of eggs, bacon, waffles and whatever else Sam had picked up for them. It probably wasn't as greasy and artery clogging as something Dean would have picked up but that didn't mean that it wasn't perfect diner hangover food. Her stomach loudly voiced its approval.
The night before, she hadn't eaten at all. Now, her appetite came back in full force. Mae all but leaped off the bed, taking the plastic bags from Sam's hands, leaving him holding the fresh hot coffee that was above and beyond anything the motel could offer. For the first time, she cared less about getting caffeine in her blood stream and more about getting to the food. There wasn't even any discussion as she unpacked the bags, opened all three of the boxes and pick the one that appealed to her the most. She supposed she should have asked Sam or Dean what either of them wanted. At that point, she didn't really care what she was getting but she picked the waffles, topped with fruit and rapidly melting whipped cream.
Unceremoniously, she sat down and dug in, eating with both a passion and speed that was surprising to both boys. Still, they joined her at the table although in the short time that they had spent exchanging a confused and concerned look, she had polished off nearly half of the waffle. The woman barely looked up and barely slowed down as they started eating their breakfasts as well. After about 10 minutes, Sam discussing possible avenues they should look into to figure out where Mae had been and what she might have come across, Mae pointed her fork at Dean.
"Are you gonna finish that?" She said around a mouthful of waffle.
She hadn't anticipated or realized just how hungry she was until smelling the food and then realized she was simply ravenous. She was well aware of the looks she was getting from both Sam and Dean, but she didn't care. What she wanted most right then was food. And lots of it.
Dean offered her the piece of bacon she'd been eying, mostly because he wanted to see if she would actually add that to the mass of food she'd already downed. She had all but licked the container clean in a short period of time. "Hungry?"
"Yeah, really hungry. Is that a problem?" She reminded him of a cat with its back arched, fur standing on end. He half expected her to spit or hiss back at him and maybe she would have if it didn't get in the way of her food.
"Who doesn't love a girl who eats?" He offered as a placation to Mae, earning him a frowning glare.
Worry crept into him more and more. There were so many unknows about what was wrong with her and the pieces they did have were only disturbing. This was one more thing that added to the strange, un-Mae like behavior. "So, I'm guessing this has something to do with whatever is happening to you. Unless you've been eating like...I don't know a refuge stoner?" Sam asked.
This time she pinned him with the glare, to Dean's delight. "No I... I don't know." She set the fork down, "I was just hungry. I'm still kind of hungry," she shrugged.
"That's kind of abnormal, right?"
"There was a time were, I used to get by on diet coke and cigarettes but... yeah. It's not normal."
"It could actually be a good sign." Sam said, picking up their dad's journal which had been sitting in the center of the table and began to leaf through the pages of scrawled, often confusing notes. He was looking for something that their dad might have come across that showed the symptoms they'd seen so far.
"It certainly worked well for The Blob so I can't see how this could possibly go wrong." She added.
Dean smirked. "You want the rest?"
She looked at the half eaten scrambled eggs, toast, and the last piece of his bacon. She most certainly wanted the rest but felt oddly self-conscious. "If you're sure..."
"Yeah, go ahead. It's not like there's not more food in this town. Although the way you're going, that might be true for long."
"Funny." This time she ate with more restrain, not because her appetite had diminished but because she was trying to show a bit of composure this time.
"So, Sammy, is there anything in there about something that makes a girl lose her memories and eat like she just got rescued from a desert island?"
"Well, it could be a handful of creatures but...there would probably be more physical evidence of something like that so...Mae?"
She shook her head. "No, not anything that seemed creature like. I mean all of the things I've found seem pretty the top of my head, it could be more like a spirit or a curse."
"You piss off any witches lately?" Dean asked.
She angled her head slightly as she thought. "Not to my knowledge. But...she should maybe check for those signs too. It could be something like a Bori or Zar spirit."
"I thought a Bori only turned on you if you neglected it and then it just slowly drained you." Sam said.
She blew out a hard breath. "Hey, I don't know one way or another. I'm not exactly the best witness here. It could be super charged or something. It's not like I summoned one up, at least not one I can remember. I'm just trying to come up with some leads we can follow. Maybe...I missed something on my last job. Could be I got one kitsune and not another. I don't know."
"But if you were possessed by a kitsune, wouldn't the exorcism have worked?"
Mae pushed away from the table, stood, and paced the length of the room in even strides as she thought, as she tried to recall just one thing that might help. "Maybe. When I was researching them last time, the lore says possessed people can be exorcised that way. Also, by putting them in a room with burning pine, basically fumigating the kitsune out. But also, it often kills the person. Or you could try beating it out of me. But I don't like the odds of either of those, particularly if I'm not possessed. So, let's hold off on that one."
"Yeah well...could be something else." Sam said weakly.
"We treat this like a normal job, right? I don't know where I've been, so we need to start searching police reports between here and Oregon for the past few days, see if there's some strange reports or crimes. We can look for anything that matches my old cases. I mean...that's what we would do if we were working this and I wasn't in the middle."
Dean smiled a little, but it slowly morphed into a frown. "That's a lot of places, Red."
"Yeah, I know, and I'm totally open to any other method, outside of beating or suffocating me. If I have been possessed... then we need to consider what I might have done while I was out of it. It uh, might be fairly unpleasant."
Dean moved to meet her and stop her pacing. When he placed his hands on her shoulders, her head came up with a bewildered look on her face, as if she hadn't even noticed him get up until that point. His touch was warm, reassuring and made her stomach flutter more than she wanted it to with him.
"I told you before, we'll just figure it out, won't we? We'll figure it out and fix any damage that might have been done and we'll get you back to normal." He looked over at his brother, making sure he was going to toe the line as well. "Right, Sam?"
"Of course."
When Dean looked at her again, she found it difficult not to believe him. His hazel green eyes were so determined and sincere. There wasn't even a hint of doubt or worry in them which she found to be a strange aphrodisiac and she knew the heat it caused was painting bright pink on her cheeks. "Thanks guys."
She extracted herself from his hold before she did or said something that would undoubtedly make things more uncomfortable. With her back to both of them, she took a steadying breath. "If I have been possessed, did I think like someone else? Or something else? If I thought like me, I'd stick to back roads and smaller towns wherever possible. I've already searched through the credit card activity for the ones I've got on hand but probably, I would have used cash."
"Okay." Sam said thoughtfully. "Then let's start small and move up if we don't find anything. We'll look through police reports to see if you were involved in anything nefarious." He added a playful smirk to the end of the sentence when she turned around with a light frown and it was sort of contagious.
"Yeah, we should look through obits too...just in case. Hey," She said when Dean tried to interrupt, "we don't know what I did and maybe there's a trail of bodies between here and there."
"C'mon," Dean said, "You wouldn't have done anything like that."
Her eyes went dark when she turned back. "I know exactly what's possible when you're possessed. Anything could have happened, and we don't need to act like I'm somehow above something just because you like me. We need to look at this objectively, so we know what we're dealing with from all angles."
"Then we should look around here too" Dean said. "There's got to be a reason that you came to here, right?"
Rather reluctantly, Mae nodded. It was an unappealing idea. She had a feeling that she hadn't spent her missing time alone. If she remembered any of it, things might have been different; Mae knew that neither man would judge her too harshly for anything she during the missing time. Hell, they probably wouldn't have judged her for anything she'd done even if she remembered it. But the lack of control weighed on her and pulled at her pride.
"Yeah, I know."
"Okay well, Sam do you want to start seeing if you can find the path of the Red Menace here and," Dean pointed back at the woman in question, "you and me will see if we can find somewhere you've been here. I gotta get something from the car. I'll be right back."
Dean sure as hell wasn't going to tell either Mae or Sam what he was really up to when he left the motel room. He didn't tell Sam because he wasn't sure his brother would keep it quiet. He wasn't telling Mae because he knew it would start a fight. It felt like they were teetering on the edge of a fight and it wouldn't be difficult for it to tip one way or another. He hadn't lied about going out to the car. He did. As he sat in the vehicle, he took his phone out and dialed.
"Hey Bobby."
"Dean. What's up?"
"Listen, I hate to do this again so soon but uh, I think we might need your help."
"That's okay, what do you boys need help with."
Dean paused, unsure of how to phrase this or sell it or even tell Bobby. Mae was after all his niece, basically his daughter. Even if it had been ages ago, Dean had promised the man that he would take care of her. He hadn't done a very good job of that over the years and this predicament didn't seem to indicate he was doing any better this time around.
"Well...now don't worry but something is wrong with Mae."
"What?"
There was a colder tone to his voice, or maybe Dean was imagining it, but he doubted it. "We don't know yet. We're figuring it out and she's with us. She's safe but we're trying to piece together her last week because she doesn't remember how she went from her last job to end up in Arizona."
"Are you sure it's something supernatural and not something else?"
"We've asked and she's not sure. I don't know, man, I don't think she's that careless on her own. If she was drugged...well, we can't tell that either. She wasn't hurt, she's just lost days and doesn't know how she ended up here. She's also eating like it's a contest."
"Anything else?"
"Not that she's told us, or we've ferreted out. Now that she's awake and aware of what she's doing, she seems like herself. We're working on the case. I'm hoping that you might be able to give us a hand on the research front and see if you can pick up her trail during that time she can't remember."
"Yeah, of course." Bobby paused, "She's really okay?"
"I think so, yeah. She's scared, that's for sure. But listen, I'm not gonna let anything else happen to her Bobby. I promise."
When Dean returned to the room, he was empty handed. Alone, that wasn't suspicious. All the same, that's what Mae felt. It could have been the lack of sleep or the way she was waiting for the other shoe to drop but she knew something was off. Or maybe it wasn't. She couldn't tell.
The trio had circled several steps they needed to take to pin down what she had been doing during her missing time, if there were any other events going on anywhere nearby that fit into their line of work, and what possible creatures could be causing Mae's current condition.
Sam was going to take the first shift, heading out to investigate details he could glean from police reports and newspapers as Mae hadn't left her room while doing her research. She was still uncomfortable with the idea of going anywhere, not even with one of the boys. Even if she had her own clothes or even something moderately less revealing, she didn't trust that it wouldn't happen all over again.
Despite her hesitation and downright fear of what could happen, she didn't say anything. She didn't need to because Dean handed out the assignments and he had no intention of letting her out of his sight. Under other circumstances, she would have taken offense to both the dictatorial action and leaving her out of it. But now, she was happy to stay in the safety of the room. Since finding herself alone in that room, she had laid down every protective barrier and trick she knew.
So far, nothing bad had happened which was either due to her reflex to try to keep any potential creature from getting to her or that nothing was after her. Maybe whatever had done this was gone now. That wouldn't have given her the answers she wanted but it would have at least meant she was safe. Mae busied herself cleaning up the remains of their breakfast and started to wash the dishes she had left undone. Dean sat on the edge of the bed studying her movements, wishing he could simply see the one thing that was off with her and solve it.
"Okay, now you need to get some sleep, Red."
"You want me to sleep?"
"You know you need it."
"I told you before, I can't."
"I'm here now and I'm not going to let you sleep walk across state lines. If something is taking you, I'll stop it."
Mae hesitated, turning off the running water but not moving to face Dean.
"Me and Sam are going to need to sleep too if we don't get this taken care of today, okay. We're going to need to sleep in shifts and you're the one who needs it the most right now."
"I can be useful. You don't have to...put me down for my nap."
He smirked. "Red, this is being useful. Because, you know, you either get sharper because you're not exhausted or..." He didn't need to finish the statement. One some level, his plan to dangle her as bait the only way they had made her more comfortable with the idea.
"You're just going to sit here and watch me sleep?"
"No. I'm gonna make sure you stay here and see if I can't dig anything up on you or anything else."
"But mostly, you're going to see if sleep really does trigger it. What, you think this is an incubus or something?"
Dean shook his head. "I don't know babe. I wish I did. This is...all I've got right now. I'm just hopin' Sammy can find something. I mean, if you haven't been able to figure it out...I don't know that I will."
She laughed a little, stifling a yawn. Sleeping still didn't seem like the right move but it was an appealing offer. "You're pretty smart. I bet you'll do right by me."
"It's a start. Don't make me make you take a nap."
"You like me too much to knock me out."
"I'm not saying I'm going to use force to do it; I'm saying I'll make you too tired to stay awake."
Everything between them the past few weeks felt like a missed opportunity, like a pointless effort in fighting what they should be doing, and she wished they could find their sweet spot again. It wasn't a lack of desire or love or even chemistry that made her keep her distance when all she wanted was to give in to that need. Or even just let him wrap his arms around her and make her feel safe again, if only for a few seconds.
Mae rubbed at her eyes with her finger tips. She was beyond tried. She knew she'd gone without sleep for longer intervals but knew there might be something more affecting her current energy level. Checking the alarm clock by the bed, she noted that it was slightly after 10. She could feel a midday crash ahead of her if she didn't take a nap or load up on more caffeine.
"It's gonna be okay. You know, Sam's a total nerd and will find something." he left out that Bobby was helping them too, "And I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. That's why you called, right?"
She knew he was right because he was able to step up behind her without her noticing until he was there. "You can't do this job if you're not at the top of your game."
His voice sent a shiver up her spine. she turned the water off, dried her hands-on a nearby towel and turned to face him. Dean leaned over and, surprising both, kissed her. It wasn't anything explicit or lewd. It was just a peck, but she jarred back, with a sharp breath and she angled away from him more.
"What the hell was that? What are you doing?"
He shook his head. "I-I don't...it just came over me."
"Well, you need to get it under control. You can't do things like that. We...I can't play both angles of this Dean. Not with you and not right now."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"I'm gonna..." she didn't know exactly what she could or should do in that moment. There weren't many places to go to escape him right then, nor did she want to leave or have him leave. She slipped away from him and into the bathroom, leaving Dean to wonder why he always seemed to do the wrong thing at the wrong time with her.
Mae had to admit, she looked worse for the wear. She felt it too. Maybe she was being targeted by a kitsune, she thought. They were typically solidarity but perhaps she had stumbled on a family or a den. They did have a sense of justice and were known to seek revenge if you wronged them or their family. That was what was happening with the last kitsune so maybe she had attracted another, looking to avenge the fox she had taken out.
That made more sense to her than being possessed or having encountered something entirely new since that job. Of course, there was always the demon question. A demon could be responsible for any of her symptoms, and they did have a target on their backs these days. She hadn't forgotten that the demon John summoned had told her he'd be seeing her. It also delighted in tormenting her. Usually, it was more explicit torture, but this was just as bad as a physical attack. In some ways, it was worse.
If she thought she could take care of this all on her own, she would have asked the boys to leave. She doubted they really would let the case drop but they might have at least left her room. But outside of the motel room, on her own, she was certain she'd have no defense. Whatever was happening to her took her by surprise before, it would again.
She scrubbed her hands over her face. He was right; she needed sleep. He was there to watch over her and she believed him when he said he would do whatever it took to keep her safe, whether she wanted that or not.
Dean could have kicked himself for trying to kiss her. Her reaction was his fault. He knew he'd given her mixed signals. Hell, he was getting them himself. Almost everything in him wanted to be with her. But there was that little voice in the back of his head that would tell him she wasn't safe with him, that she wasn't safe without him, and that he was selfish for wanting to be with her. All those thoughts competed with his heart, and they all seemed true on some level.
What was he supposed to do, he wondered? He needed to decide if he wanted to be with her or not. That wasn't true, he reminded himself. He knew he did. He just didn't know how anymore. He hadn't found his balance yet and wasn't sure that he ever would. But he still wanted her. He still loved her. He wanted to reassure her somehow, comfort her, and he supposed, he wanted to be near her. even under the less than ideal circumstances they were under, he felt calmer just being around her again.
He hadn't anticipated just how much of the ease in being together seemed to be missing. It wasn't just because he'd asked for a break. While it hadn't made her happy, she respected it and he supposed that was his fault too. When they were apart, he could almost ignore how he felt. He could almost pretend that being apart kept them both safe. It was only fair, he supposed. He'd put her in a similar position when they started this whole thing. He wanted to be with her so much then and she kept putting things on hold.
She told him it was because it was too hard to be with him and fight being with him. She needed space until she felt ready, and he had never really given her that. At least Mae had tried. She hadn't called him because she missed him; she called him to help with a job. With their positions reversed now, he wasn't surprised she didn't push him harder. He was surprised that she put up with the way he acted before.
Mae was better at this, he thought. He was just fumbling around at all this emotion stuff, with being close to a woman when it wasn't all about sex. He hadn't realized just how much he would miss that simple, freely given physical intimacy. He missed the way her hand might skim against his when they both reached for something or the way she would touch his back or shoulder when passing by. He missed the little smiles she gave him when he caught her eye at random times. He missed lying in bed next her. He missed being able to sleep better just because she was near him. He missed the way she smelled.
He wondered when or if that hollow pit in his stomach would go away. If it did, it might have felt like he could be with her. He wanted to be. It was the overwhelming sense of guilt that he felt when they were that stopped him. He wasn't so certain that he should feel the sense of lightness that he did in her presence. He knew that whatever danger she was in would be about the same if he gave into being with her, it was just a convenient excuse and one that she might understand on some level.
It felt like she had been in the bathroom forever, but he knew it was only a few minutes. She didn't look at him, only breezing by him to grab her laptop and take a seat at the table.
"You can't be mad at me for kissing you. It was a... miscalculation."
She still didn't look up at him. "I'm not mad at you. Kissing me wasn't the miscalculation you made. I like you kissing me, under most circumstances. I miss it. I miss... you. It all seems so awkward and uncomfortable now, but you have to decide what I am to you. I'm not going to pretend I don't feel the way I do."
"Mae...
Mae's frowned deepened. "And I get it, I do. I can't make you feel like it's the right time for us to be together. I just hope that you do. Then you...you kiss me like everything is normal. So, I have to wonder..."
"What?" He asked, just a bit panicked at what she might be wondering.
"Are you only attracted to me when you think I need rescuing?"
"No, of course not. I don't... it just felt right, that's all."
"Not to me."
"Yeah," he raked a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry."
"I know." She said softly. "I don't...I don't need a knight in shining armor, okay? I need a friend. I need someone I can trust."
"I'm not that?"
"Of course, you're my friend and I trust you. If you don't want to be that..."
"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't."
She sighed, standing up from the table, full of nervous energy on top of the exhaustion. "Dean. I... you're right, I should get some sleep while I can, while you're here to look after me."
"Okay." He held a hand out to her, which she regarded with some skepticism.
"You have to stay awake. You know that, right?"
"Just...do we need to rehash everything? Both of us sleep better together so maybe you'll fall asleep quicker or better If I just sit with you a while."
It was a risk, she thought. Not that he'd take advantage, not that he'd fall asleep even, but that his gentleness and strength all blended as she listened to his heart beat would only make her fall more in love with him. She didn't take his hand but did motion to him, wordlessly asking him to follow her.
After they both removed their boots, she got in under the covers, while Dean remained on top of them. Mae curled into his body, resting her head on his chest. She heard the TV click on and listen to the rapidly changing stations as her eyes closed. His even breathing and heartbeat lulled her to sleep and within minutes she dozed. Then drifted completely to sleep.
