CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #1: Welcome back! It isn't Tuesday *clearly* so many of you are either confused or elated, elfused? Conlated? Whatever you want to come up with to combine those words, Numb is back early! Due to the reddit protests from June 12-14, I had to move up the release of the chapter. You may be wondering why those two things are related, it's actually quite simple. I post about my stories on facebook and reddit (four facebook groups and two subreddits.) I figure if movies and TV advertise, so can I, so I do every single time.

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #2: The reaction to chapter one was great, lots of opinions and no flames! Even the negative reviews were nice about it, which is the way it should be. On top of that, some of you pointed out things I missed or forgot about, so i've been revising the rest of the story to address them. As it stands, my revisions have given birth to a new chapter, right in the middle of what was the fourth chapter originally. That means that Numb is now over 34,000 words and 8 chapters!

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #3: No beta readers were harmed in the construction of this fanfic lol.


BONUS AUTHORS NOTE: My good friend Nev Rawlins AKA nevr has created a great little spin off of this story called Deaf & Blind, be sure to go check it out, I loved it!


Numb

A Story by
CharmingCharles2896

Chapter Two:
You & I

Chuck awoke in an unfamiliar bed, in an unfamiliar bedroom, with an all too familiar blonde wrapped around him. The sun was creeping in through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the ceiling in a narrow stripe. For the first time in an eternity, he didn't feel empty, numb, devoid of life. Things grew fuzzy as he tried to remember the previous evening.

"Good morning, My Love," came the soft voice of Sarah Walker. In a moment, it all flooded back. Tears, confessions, more tears, all of it flooded back in one, overwhelming moment. Chuck tried not to cry, his breath catching in his throat for a beat before he regained his composure. "Good morning, Sarah," Chuck croaked in reply. He felt her hand on his chest give him a trio of gentle pats, soothing as can be.

"You've been hurting for a long time, my love. Don't feel like you have to hide that from me," Sarah said softly, rising from his chest. Her sapphire eyes were as piercing as a spear made of ice.

"I love you, Sarah," he said back to her, getting a smile in return. Sarah settled back down against his chest and released a deep sigh of contentment. "What happened last night? Things are kind of fuzzy after you said I love you," Chuck asked softly, looking up at the ceiling.

Sarah didn't answer for a long moment, before she finally spoke. "You were completely inconsolable for a while, so I held you tight until it was over. Eventually, you were nearly out on your feet, so I helped you to bed and joined you." Chuck merely nodded, silently.

"I don't know what came over me," he whispered vacantly. Sarah got up onto her elbow and looked down into his eyes.

"All of those emotions you've been bottling up, finally came out, just as I hoped they would." She saw him blush at her perceptiveness, which made her smile. Sarah laid down in his arms once again.

"Can I ask you a question?" Chuck asked after a long stretch of silence between them, Sarah merely nodded into his chest. "Why are we here?"

"It's one of life's great mysteries, isn't it? Why are we here? Are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a god, watching everything, with a plan for us and stuff? I don't know, Chuck, but it keeps me up at night." There was a long silence before Chuck spoke.

"What? I mean why are we here in this cabin?" Chuck asked befuddled.

"Oh… uh," Sarah began, blushing. "General Beckman raised concerns about a week ago."

"Concerns?" Chuck's tone had shifted to one of worry at the mere mention of the General.

"She'd begun to notice your depressed mood and was concerned, she asked questions, I answered them, and then she sent us here." There was a long pause as Chuck tried to form his next line of inquiry.

"What questions?"

"Oh, you know. Why is Chuck so depressed? Is something going on? Is the Intersect malfunctioning?" Chuck merely nodded, unsure what to make of General Beckman's sudden concern.

"Casey was the one to make waves. I tried to dodge some of the questions, but Casey was having none of it. He told Beckman about the fallout from… that night. He spelt it out pretty bluntly that you're in love with me, and having to listen while I was bumping uglies with another man fucked you up pretty bad, his words. This of course led to questions about why she wasn't informed of this development. I didn't know how to answer that, so Casey did." As Sarah spoke, Chuck's dread grew more and more.

"He said that I'm in love with you and was trying not to show it, which meant not helping you like a girlfriend would. I had no idea how to handle that burst of insightfulness from Casey, and panicked." Chuck couldn't imagine Sarah panicking, that was unthinkable to Chuck.

"Since when does Sarah 'I can kick your ass in three seconds flat' Walker, ever panic?" Sarah had to laugh at Chuck, he always knew how to make her smile.

"I'm not the best with emotions, so when she looked at me in shock, I cracked like an egg and admitted everything." Chuck merely nodded.

"I'm surprised she didn't reassign you," Chuck said flatly, his tone conveying a hint of distaste for the General.

"Not as surprised as I was. She actually asked me why I didn't say anything before that night with..." Sarah paused, unsure if mentioning his name was smart. "Anyway, she asked me why I didn't say anything, I didn't think I could without tipping off my feelings. To say she felt bad would be an understatement, she felt horrible as surprising as that sounds."

Four Days Ago…

"No wonder he's so depressed," Beckman said in a rare moment of candidness. Sarah looked at Casey briefly before turning back to Beckman.

"Excuse me, Ma'am?" Sarah said, unsure if she'd heard her boss correctly.

"I made him listen to you with another man," General Beckman said honestly, her eyes off in the distance, as she no doubt understood what she'd done. "I made you do it twice." Sarah was shocked; watching her boss, a known hardass, agonize over this situation was shocking to say the least.

"Can this be fixed?" Beckman asked out of the blue, shocking Sarah. The blonde took a moment to think, if she told the truth, she risked losing everything, if she didn't, she'd lose Chuck when he inevitably killed himself from the depression.

"I can fix this," Sarah said, breaking the silence. "But this is going to take time, and massive changes to how this team does business." Casey gave her a look she couldn't decipher. "Firstly, I'll need to take him off grid. I need to get him somewhere that it can be just the two of us. Wherever we go has to be some place real, a place a handler would never go. I have to get him into an environment where he would feel comfortable actually talking to me." General Beckman nodded in agreement to Sarah's idea and went to speak as Sarah held up a hand.

"I'm not done, General," Sarah said with a raised eyebrow, before she returned to her thinking of how to fix this mess, how best to repair a broken heart.

"What else do you need, Agent Walker."

"I need to be with him, a real relationship with nothing held back. If I try to fix this, I'm going to have to tell him some things, some deeply personal things. I fear he'll get worse if I let him in, just to push him away when we come back to Burbank. I can't do that, General, I love him." Sarah's eyes grew large as she understood the truth in her words. She did love him. Holy crap, Sarah Walker loved Chuck Bartowski!? The realization that she loved him shook her to her core, made her heart hurt so bad. She'd cheated on him, twice, and he'd been hurting for months because of it. Of course, there was no way to know for sure that was the source of his pain, but it was the most obvious cause.

"Agent Walker, see reason. I understand you feel strongly for Mr. Bartowski, but are you sure you can make this work with him and still do the job?" In that moment, a newfound strength coursed through Sarah's veins, the determination to do what had to be done, for the man she loved.

"I won't lie to you, General; I respect you too much for that. For a very long time, a feeling has been building up inside me. Even before I knew Chuck, there was this feeling of discontent, dissatisfaction with the direction my life has been going for a long time. I love Chuck Bartowski, General, can't put it more plainly than that. For the first time, I understand that what my life has been missing, is exactly what I could have with Chuck."

Sarah paused, emotion building within her as she finally said what had been in her heart for so many years. "They say that opportunity only arrives once in a lifetime. This is my opportunity to finally be happy, to be something more than I am presently. I no longer wish to continue as an agent, General. As long as Chuck is in danger, I will stay on as his bodyguard and will continue the fight against Fulcrum. This isn't out of a love of country or a duty to the greater good. I do this, because it is what is required to get the life that I want."

Casey was floored, if only because he'd never seen such eloquence from Walker. He'd always known her as a brilliant agent, but one with trouble expressing her emotions. As he watched her pour her soul into her words, he saw the positive effect that Bartowski had on her. Sarah continued, swallowing the lump in her throat and blinking the tears away. "That said, I will never betray him again, in the bedroom or out of it. That era is over, it's finished. I can't do that to him anymore, General; because if I do, I risk missing my chance. I've let him hurt for months because I was afraid of losing my job, a job I hate. I will feel guilty about that for the rest of my life. Chuck is hurting because of us, and it is my duty to help him. I am going to help him get through this, General, not for love of country, but because I love him. Whether it is sanctioned or not is up to you, General, I no longer give a damn." Casey couldn't help but give his partner a proud smile, she'd finally gotten off the fence and chosen a side.

General Beckman gave the blonde CIA agent an understanding nod, having never seen the strength of will in her that was currently on display. As a veteran of the intelligence world, she understood the need for discretion. She understood that sometimes rules needed to be broken for the greater good. Chuck Bartowski was the Intersect. To put it plainly, Chuck was the key to defeating Fulcrum. At this point, it was a certainty that she'd lose both the man and the intersect if things didn't change. She'd seen the security tapes, he didn't eat hardly at all, he'd withdrawn from his family and friends. If things in Burbank didn't change soon, they'd wake up to a dead Intersect, the noose around his neck telling the story enough.

Her options were limited. Beckman could keep things the way they were and have Sarah do as she wanted without sanction, thus going off mission and making her a fugitive. This would guarantee she lost both the spy and the Intersect. If she reassigned Agent Walker, the results would be the same or worse. That seemingly left only one option, but the ramifications were far reaching.

With a deep sigh, the General spoke. "Okay, Agent Walker, but I have some nonnegotiable demands." Sarah nodded quickly. "If it becomes clear that he needs to go underground, he goes with no arguments from you."

"If he goes, then I'm going with him, General," Sarah shot back defiantly, the General only nodded.

"Secondly, you will continue to take orders from me, your status does not change on this team just because you are in love." The General saw Agent Walker stand up a bit straighter, challengingly.

"I won't kill him, lie to him, or fuck someone else. If that is a problem for you then I don't know what to tell you."

Pressing on, the General spoke once again. "Lastly, the surveillance situation doesn't change. The Intersect is far too important to be lax with security." Once again, Sarah's hackles went up.

"Like hell it isn't. If you think I'm going to live in an apartment with no privacy, like some perverted, Truman Show knockoff, then you can go to hell. Chuck and I are moving into an apartment together, we're going to live a real life, which means not being watched all the time by the pervs at the NSA. No offense, Casey," Sarah added, motioning towards her partner. Casey just waved it off, starting to see that this wasn't getting anywhere. Knowing he needed to intervene and break the stalemate, Casey spoke up.

"May I make a suggestion?" he said, stepping forward.

"What is it?" both Sarah and Beckman said at once in matching clipped tones.

"The apartment across the courtyard just opened up, Agent Walker and Bartowski could move into that one, with external security staying the same. We can install state of the art, non-invasive internal security without the need for internal video and audio surveillance. It's a win-win, General, everybody is happy and we can move on to fixing this mess instead of quibbling over petty details." The General took a deep breath as Casey spoke, she didn't like it when others made demands of her, but Major Casey was right.

"Okay, internal surveillance is a bit much, I'll give you that. You can understand if the greater good dictates some sacrifices be made; right, Agent Walker?" The General's shift in tone and concessions told Sarah this was the best deal she'd get, so she nodded.

"I can live with that," Sarah said with a considerable amount of calm in her voice. The General nodded, making both Casey and Sarah sigh in relief. The change in the General's tone, back to one of concern, grabbed Sarah's attention.

"What can we do to help you fix this?"

The Present…

"You got the General to agree to all of that?" Chuck asked, more shocked than confused. The two of them were enjoying a modest breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast in the small dining area. Sarah merely nodded at Chuck's question.

"She didn't have much choice, it was either take the chance on losing you, or help me fix things between us so everyone can move forward. More than that, I think she has a bit more of a heart than she wants others to believe." That shocked Chuck, he'd never considered the General to be a particularly warm individual.

"You mentioned moving forward, what does that mean?" Chuck's nervous tone made her hurt inside, even after all she'd told him, he was still worried about the other shoe. Sarah had to take a moment to collect herself before she spoke.

"If you're worried about the two of us returning to the way things were before," she could see the fear in Chuck, that was exactly what he worried about. "If you're worrying about me pushing you away when we go home, than you have nothing to worry about." She saw the exhale; this was going to be a longer road back than she thought.

"I'm Sorry, Sarah, I know I'm being needy," his defeated tone made her mad, not just at herself, but at him.

"You're not being needy, Chuck. My god, you're allowed to have feelings. It's okay if you feel a certain way about this or that. The two of us have been put in a very difficult situation and on that night, I hurt you, plain and simple." Sarah's insistence seemed to have the desired effect, as Chuck nodded embarrassedly. With a great sigh, Sarah set her fork down on her plate and looked over at Chuck.

"I should have said no that night, I should have raised concerns, I should have done something. Regardless of my feelings for you, everyone knew you have feelings for me, that was an unspoken truth that everyone was aware of." Sarah said, looking away in shame briefly before continuing. "I should have protested her orders for you to observe that night. I should have made the argument that as your handler, it wasn't in your best interest to listen to me in that situation. You tried several times to come up with another way to do this, you made it abundantly clear that you weren't comfortable with the plan. I always knew that I'd go through with it, because those were my orders and I had to. You were asked to do something that is beyond the pale, and I should have spoken out." Chuck could see the anger Sarah had aimed squarely at herself. While a part of him wanted to help take that anger away, to help share the blame, she was ultimately correct.

"I think the kid gloves everyone treated me with the before second mission was the worst part. It was so humiliating, seeing all of you look at me like some helpless, child." Sarah looked away, knowing exactly the moment he was talking about.

"I was just trying to prevent what had happened the first time, I thought it would help," Sarah said guiltily. Chuck reached across the table and gave Sarah's hand a squeeze.

"I get that you were trying to shield me from it the second time, but seeing people I respect, make decisions for me where you're concerned, was pretty emasculating. Instead of knowing for sure what happened, I spent all night imagining what was happening." Knowing that he was tortured by it all the same made her feel worse, now that she thought about it, not knowing might have been worse.

"That's why I was so happy the next day, Chuck. I was eager to see you, knowing you wouldn't have gone through what you did the first time. I thought you'd be in a better mood, but you weren't, obviously," Sarah's downturn in mood made Chuck frown. A part of him was pleased that her upbeat mood had been her desire to see him. Her thinking was misguided but he was still touched.

"It's in the past, Sarah," Chuck said with a shrug.

"Truthfully, if you'd actually been listening, you'd have heard a lot of gross grunting from him, and very little from me." Chuck gave her a confused look, making her smile. "He wasn't any good, in the sack, I mean." Chuck snorted at her awkward delivery.

"I'll withhold judgment, considering I haven't had sex in almost six years," Chuck said between bites of toast. A part of him had hoped that his dry spell would end while he was with Jill a few months ago, but a part of him just couldn't do that to Sarah. He'd hated that he couldn't cheat but she seemingly had it in her to do so. Of course, that wasn't fair, she had orders to sleep with… those men. That's what made this so hard, she'd been ordered to do those things, she hadn't sought them out to cheat. That was why a part of him couldn't find it in him to hate her for sleeping with others. The thing was, that was all over, she was his and he hers, no more seducing other men.

"I'm sure you would have been better in bed than a fifty-year-old, two-hundred-and-forty-pound Albanian man with a dick the size of one of those mini pop cans." The disgusted look on her face made him laugh loudly, in spite of the uncomfortable topic. Sarah couldn't help but laugh as well. "I can't help but admit that about three minutes in, I was hoping the experience would be so good for him, that he'd have a heart attack and fucking die, so I could go home." That had the desired effect as Chuck laughed once again, mostly at her, but still.

"It's one of those things with this life. Some of us female agents find ways to scratch the itch, but others don't. I was never one of those people who could do the meaningless sex thing. Everyone knew that I wasn't really the right type of agent for the whole seduction, go all the way thing, I've never been particularly good at it. That doesn't mean I wouldn't do it if ordered, orders are orders, but it wasn't really in my wheel house. Graham knew that and only ever sent me on one where I had to go all the way. It was very traumatic and affected me for a long time. Beckman is someone known for sending women on those types of mission, so it was only a matter of time before I was sent out to seduce a mark." Sarah's admission made so much more sense; suddenly several things began to line up.

"I guess that makes sense, when you put it that way. I guess I just always assumed it was the way Hollywood portrayed it," Chuck said honestly, getting a small, knowing smile from Sarah.

"Contrary to popular belief, seduction missions are awful and none of us enjoy them. That's not true, Carina doesn't hate them, but she's Carina," Sarah said, clearly off on a tangent. Chuck just chuckled at that, fully seeing Sarah's meaning about Carina.

"That first seduction assignment four months ago was a total aberration for me. The best way I'd say it, is that it was a confluence of factors. You and I had just come off the Suburbs thing, where I wanted you so bad, but couldn't have you and pushed you away as a result. After we got back to Burbank, we were in this really weird place and I was frustrated. I'm sorry," Sarah said with a hint of defensiveness. Chuck merely stuck up his hand to stop her.

"I felt the same way about Jill. You and I weren't going anywhere, and it has been a very long time. I just wanting to scratch that itch, same as you, but something in me just couldn't. That is especially true after learning that she was a Fulcrum agent. It makes sense that you took advantage, Sarah. Don't get me wrong, I don't like it at all, but I understand why you indulged a bit. If you're ordered to be there, when in Rome, right?" Sarah chuckled at his last remark, what a way to put it.

"When in Rome, I like that," Sarah said before her small smile fell off her face. "Truthfully, that lasted about a minute," she began.

"Only a minute? You poor woman," Chuck said haughtily, making her shake her head in amusement.

"You goof," she said back to him with a loving smile. She knew the joking was a coping mechanism, but at the same time, he always knew how to make her laugh. "As I was saying, the guilt crept in very quickly and I had to imagine he was you. I remember him on top of me and my mind just froze. What was I doing? You were the one I wanted, and yet I was with this guy, talk about a two-timing bitch." She saw him about to protest her calling herself a bitch, so she stuck a hand up.

"It's very sweet of you to try to defend me, but it's the truth. Once I was engaged, I knew there was no turning back, I had to see it through to the end. I ran out of contingencies as soon as I left my gun in the living room, like a fucking amateur. I know I could have called for you and Casey, but something inside me just couldn't stand the idea of you and Casey seeing me like that. Knowing my situation, I thought of the steamiest of all of my fantasies about you and I made it work." Sarah's blushed cheeks amused Chuck, at least she was being honest. Sarah could see that Chuck was uncomfortable, but something within her told her it was important to clear the air, to remove any doubt that she wanted him and only him.

"Thank you for being honest, Sarah," Chuck began softly, looking down at his food. "As hard as that was to hear, it does help a bit to know the truth." Sarah just nodded, relieved that it was all out in the open now.

"My mind was far more cruel than the reality of the situation it would seem, but that has always been a fault of mine. As long as I can remember, I've had a tendency to over think things to the worst possible scenario and fixate on it. Ellie thinks it's a byproduct of my mother leaving, the not knowing why she left." Sarah just nodded, happy that he was opening up and talking to her. This was the entire point of this retreat. She'd brought him to this place to get the two of them alone and allow them to reconnect and begin talking again. Of course the objective was to help him move on from his depression, but she'd also hoped this could be an opportunity to forge a relationship with him. It looked like the plan had gone off without a hitch, thank God.

"Overactive imagination," Sarah began, getting a nod from Chuck. "I can see how that would be awful when mixed with a horrible combination of lust, shame, humiliation, and jealousy, a lethal combo if there ever was one." Chuck just nodded.

"To that point, I'll admit that my mind imagined a hunky Scandinavian fellow, with hair like Fabio," Chuck mentioned to Sarah, who snorted, shaking her head. Chuck took that moment to sip his orange juice.

"I hate hair that long; it looks so gross on a man. Yours is just right for me, not too long, not too short, just enough to grab ahold of when the mood hits." The explosion of orange juice all over the table, courtesy of Chuck Bartowski's nose, made the mess they'd have to clean up worth it. She bolted up to her feet to grab a wet paper towel. Chuck continued to cough and sputter, the acidity of the OJ burning every inch of his sinuses. He couldn't help but wipe at his eyes, the tears in them a combination of laughter and pain.

"I hope I live up to your expectations, I'd hate to disappoint," Chuck said as he finally collected himself. Sarah continued to wipe up the yellow explosion in the middle of the table.

"Don't worry, my love, when we make love for the first time, it's going to be magical." The smile she gave Chuck told him all he needed to know. Her smile and the brightness of her eyes spoke volumes, conveying love, trust, and a hint of allure in her azure pools. It felt like Chuck had finally come to the surface after an eternity at the bottom of the ocean. The cold, dark, pressure of the deep had given way to sun, warmth, and the soothing presence of the air he breathed. As he watched Sarah's form, wiping the table clean, he knew that in spite of all the emotional pain he'd felt the last four or so months, she was the light of his life, the air he breathed, everything.

"I love you, Sarah," Chuck said softly, the two of them so close with her standing beside him. Sarah looked over her left shoulder, seeing Chuck's reverent gaze. Sarah's smile shone brightly on her face. Disregarding the dirty paper towel, Sarah sat down in Chuck's lap, her arms encircling his neck from behind. This conversation had been a turning point for the two of them, a chance for the two of them to air out all that had hurt them over the last four months and finally slay that monster for good. To accentuate this point, Sarah leaned in close to him, wanting him to see the love in her eyes.

"Even if I didn't believe it at the time, I've loved you since the moment we met. No matter what happens in the future, just know that I will always love you, Chuck Bartowski. Always." With love in her heart, Sarah leaned in and kissed the man she loved.


CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #4: The healing process has started and Charah are together, not bad eh? Have no fear, there is much plot to be enjoyed from here on. This is only the beginning, muh ha ha!

CHARMING'S AUTHORS NOTE #5: If you enjoyed this chapter, if you hated this chapter, if you have any opinion of this chapter at all then please considr leaving a review for me, I really love them!

Until Next Time :D