Chapter 5
"Lavender Brown"
"Here, Professor McGonagall"
"Pansy Parkinson"
"Here"
Then McGonagall started coughing:
"Ehem... Dragon King of the Seven Realms"
I said nothing.
"He's here, Professor" my hat said.
Oh, shut up. My father complied to each and every one of Black's requests. My father, Lucius of the Seven Realms.
McGonagall started rambling on about a spell that allowed us wizards to transform animals into matches. Not a great spell for my current problem. Brown was looking at me, drooling, muttering something and caressing her wand.
"Fer-Fer" my hat whispered "She's saying Fer-Fer". Only she knows what those devilish words meant.
McGonagall started handing out the animals, but I couldn't possibly see them. I kind of regressed in the height department when I became a ferret, and Finnegan's ugly head blocked my field of vision.
"Fer-Fer!" Brown screamed.
And then it happened. McGonagall put the animal on my table. A ferret. White as me, but frankly, uglier. It looked at me and then opened its mouth in a squeak.
"Brother! Thank the gods you're here! Now we can escape together!"
I had never heard ferrets talk before. Although it is true that they didn't have many chances to do so in Fake-Moody's class. They were too occupied screaming.
"Professor McGonagall, could I have another ferret?" I said, raising my paw.
My ferret started screaming "You are a traitor of our species!" He threw himself on me. While I was on the table, the damn animal took my hat and my new chopstick-sized wand.
"Here, Professor!" the ferret started screaming with MY hat. "Take it away!"
McGonagall cupped me with her wrinkly hands and left the ferret, the usurper of my identity, happy as a clam in my spot.
"I'm sorry, Dragon King of the Seven Realms" McGonagall apologised "I didn't think of your situation. Of course, you don't have to transform a ferret"
I was in trouble. Although I hated being a ferret, I had the strange sensation that being a match was worse.
"Professor, Professor!" a voice screamed "My ferret has escaped!"
"Don't worry Neville" McGonagall said, "you can use this one" and she left me on the table.
Ah, Longbottom. I was safe. He started waving his hand like a gorilla, his face red. He then, like a balloon, started whistling in tiredness, taking all the air out of his lungs and closing his eyes in defeat. He took me with his hand.
I had forgotten that funny habit Longbottom has of taking his animals and squeezing the life out of them.
"Neville, you're going to kill your ferret!" Granger said.
"Oh, right, right" he said, clueless, looking into nothing. I stared into his eyes. I'm sure that there was nothing looking back. He stared at the wall for a few minutes. Leaving Longbottom to his ponderations, I jumped of my table. When I was en route to the ferret imposter, a horrible screech filled my brain.
"FER-FER!"
Oh God.
Brown jumped on top of me and imprisoned me with her hands. I tried to escape, but the girl must have taken a class in ferret capture, because it was impossible. She left me on her table. Alongside me, another ferret, trembling, was hiding behind his paws.
"Uhm… Hello?" I said.
"Brother!" the ferret screamed. "Oh, how happy am I to see another friendly face"
"You already have a friendly face" I said, pointing at Brown, who was smiling in a way only serial killers can replicate, mumbling to her wand.
"Too friendly for me, I'm afraid" the ferret said "Oh, no! Here she goes again! I'm sorry, brother"
"Wha-"
The wand poked my eye. It didn't hurt as much as you'd expect. The subsequent cuddling of Brown's fingers did. When she finished, I limped my way to my newfound ferret companion.
"At least she will not turn us into matches" I said.
"What? I want to be turned into a match!"
Huh.
"You get to live the life! You have a home without taxes, free lighting, and at night, you can make great parties in the match box! My friend Jimmy was turned into a match three years ago and he says it's great. Matches are fire"
"But don't you die?"
"What? No. You just get the shape of a match" he explained, "you see, whe-"
Brown's wand struck again. While she was occupied with the match lover, I jumped from her table to the floor. I scurried my way through the classroom. Under a table, a match rested. It emitted a strange sound. It was humming.
"Fa-La-La. I'm a match, Fa-La-La. Gonna go to parties with Jimmy, Fa-La-La"
Good for him, I guess. That Jimmy fellow sure has a lot of contacts.
I climbed the legs of my table and met with the imposter. He was living the life, napping, hugging my wand and using my hat as a bed sheet. The hat was saying very worrying things. I imagine they were the dreams of the animal. They certainly will chase me to my nightmares. That ferret was a menace.
I took my wand and my hat, and with a quick spell, transformed him into a match. Or that was my intention. I was still a little rusty magic wise, so I only turned the impostor's head into a match's tip. Good enough, I guess. He woke up screaming.
"What have you done to me, you traitor?! I look ridiculous" he started insulting me, while touching his all-new red head. I raised my paw.
"Professor, please take away this… thing"
McGonagall promptly took the ferret. While she walked away, I think I heard the ferret say something, but I'm not really sure what it was.
"He said: It's your fault I won't get to Jimmy's party. You haven't seen the last of me" my hat clarified "Man, that ferret was crazy".
The class ended and I calmly walked to the second hour of the day.
