Episode 2! The Bandits and the Masked Man!

"Are these the guys?" Jiggle Butt Lucy whispers to Jiggle Butt Erza "It's them, all right. The scoundrels called the Boarskin Bandits."

Another day, another mess of villains to defeat. The heroic Jiggle Butt Gang were now hot on the trial of a gang of bandits who have been ambushing merchants along a well traveled pass. They were known as the Boarskin Bandits, recognized by the animal fur they draped themselves with. Right now, it seemed the ruffians were camping by some bushes, most likely plotting their next heist, as our heroines watched them from their position atop a nearby tree.

As they observed the bandits, another ran into the camp grounds, stopping in place as he began to pant.

"Hah...hah...We've got one coming. He's a ways off." the bandit reported once he caught his breath.

"Just one this time? Sweet! We might get some good steals today." says another bandit. "You know what that means, guys! Set up the roadblock!"

"Not so fast!" The Jiggle Butts leap down, landing quite gracefully and heroically, to confront the surprised bandits!

"What the-who the hell are you?"

"We're the cheeky heroines of justice!" went Lucy.

Then Cana. "We are evil's worst nightmare!"

And finally, Erza. "We waft in the faces of villainy! For we are..."

"THE JIGGLE BUTT GANG!" cue their heroic pose upon finishing their heroic introduction, sticking out their big backsides towards the bandits, who looked mighty bewildered. But the chatty one starts to laugh.

"Bahahaha-what? What a stupid name. You think we're gonna be afraid of you and your big butts? Hahaha!" At this point, some of the bandits began to chuckle along with him. "It's just three broads. This won't take long. Get ready for a shindig, boys! Then we can get back to our ambush!"

Jiggle Butt Erza smirked. "Oh, not intimidated by our heroic might, are you? Then we'll just have to fix that! Ladies! It's time to jiggle!"

"Aye aye!"

With that, they began to shake their fat fannies, still pointed at the Boarskin Bandits. The chatty bandit's smile faded as his expression took on one of annoyance and confusion at their wobbling rumps. "Come on now. What are you doing? Seriously."

"You know, we're giving you one last chance to surrender!" said Cana as she continued to shake her moneymaker. "You'll regret it if you don't. Or your noses will!"

The chatty bandit was nudged by another. "Hey, do we attack or what?"

"What? Um, I guess we have to!"

"Time's up!" said Erza as their butt shaking came to a pause. "Let it rip, ladies! Gas-Butt!"

"Triple!"

"Ecstasy!"

The resulting gas cloud from their collective rears fully overtook the entire campsite.


As it so happened, a merchant was making his way along the pass, the very merchant that the bandit's scout had spotted before. He was a short, slightly balding, portly old fellow who looked well-to-do. On his back, he carried a massive pack, chock full of wares that would fetch the heftiest of prices (and catch the attention of any self-respecting bandit). He hummed a jaunty, made-up tune to himself with a smile.

This was about the time that the Jiggle Butt Gang had released their flatulent fury upon the Boarskin Bandits, and the loud, terrible noise of an absolutely gigantic fart rang through the air. The merchant soon witnessed a rushing cloud of yellow gas bursting through the trees and blowing towards him. Having no chance to react or even thinking to run, the poor man was quickly swept away by the fetid plumes...


Back to the camp site, the Boarskin Bandits have been tied up with rope, courtesy of the Jiggle Butt Gang.

"Hey, so who's the big kahuna here?" Cana wonders aloud.

"Hmmm...that's right..." Erza's gaze lands on one of the few still conscious bandits, the chatty bandit to be exact, and walks up to him. "Speak! Where is your boss?"

"I ain't sayin' a damn word to you disgusting freaks!" the bandit spat. "I might be a bandit, but I have my honor."

Erza sighs. Hearing laughter, she turns to see Jiggle Butt Cana and Jiggle Butt Lucy in the process of torturing other tied-up bandits. They gleefully chortled as they rub their big behinds in their faces.

"Hahahahaha! Heyyy, where's your boss!"

BRAP! TOOT! POOT!

"Hahahahahahahahaha! Hey, if you tell us where your boss is, I'll stop!"

POOT! TOOT! BRAP!

As well as adding insult to injury with their gas. But those two were giving Erza ideas. She eyes the bandit and her lips slowly broaden into a smirk. The man's face turned blue with fear.

"I suppose if you won't speak, I can't make you." Erza said as she turns her rear at his face and let loose.

BRAAAP!

"GAHHHHHHHH!"

Erza chuckles. "You'll have to excuse me. I'm quite flatulent today."

TOOOOT!

The Titania pulls her rear end off of the bandit's face. "Huuurk! Gagh! You...you nasty bitch!"

Erza gasps with mock surprise. "My! Well, that's rude, isn't it? Don't you think it's a bad idea to provoke me in your position?" She makes her point with another fart.

POOOOT!

"AUGHH! It stinks! IT STI-mmmnnnhhh!"

The bandit's cries were muffled as Erza pressed her full globes on his face once again. "Mmmffnnnhh! Mmmmnnnhh!"

"I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear you."

"MMMMMFFFFHHHHHFFFF!"

Erza removes her cheeks as he gasps for air.

"GAHHH! COUGHCOUGH! I said I give up! I GIVE UP! Just-just stop! PLEASE! I have my honor but this ain't worth it!"

"Your cooperation is most appreciated" the Titania said with a smirk. "Now then, what of your boss?"

The chatty bandit gave a frustrated groan before speaking. "It's not even like the guy's actually our boss. He just hired us."

"So you can get bandits on demand? Interesting, haha!" Cana laughed, quite amused at the concept.

"Tch. The guy wanted us to attack merchants along this way. For...some reason."

That detail caught Erza's attention. "What does that mean?"

"I mean he never told us why or if he was even looking for something. He told us to attack any merchant that comes through. We ambush them, he comes by, takes a look at things then just...leaves. We get the spoils, the merchant runs off, rinse and repeat."

Before anything more could be said, a figure stepped into the campsite. It appeared to be a man of average height, but most of his body was concealed with a cloak. What stood out was the odd mask he wore on his face. It looked like some manner of blue demon with large fangs protruding from its mouth. The only features that could be seen of the person wearing said mask was a mop of red hair. Whoever he was, his head slowly moved, as if he was surveying what was left of the campsite.

"What is this? You fools can't do anything right can you?" his voice was somewhat deep, almost unnatural with an echoing growl accompanying it.

"Who are you?" asked Erza.

"Hmph. I should be the one asking that. But if you must know, I am the great Zakuga."

"Odd name." said Lucy. "Actually, it sounds familiar...hmm..." She trailed off as she began to think.

"Whoever you are, this doesn't concern you." the masked man continued. "My revenge shall be carried out. I, the great Zakuga, will not be disgraced."

"Oh wait, now I remember! Zakuga was the name of a powerful demon that terrorized lands a long time ago. But he was turned into a harmless mask by a wandering wizard. Rumors say the mask is more than harmless and it can tempt people onto wearing it. Once you do wear it, the demon would possess the wearer's bodies. Guess those rumors were true..."

"Ahhh, you are quite knowledgeable for a human." said Zakuga.

Lucy was unamused. "Ehh...thanks."

"Woah! Wait a minute!" the chatty bandit spoke up. "So that means...we haven't been taking orders from a weirdo in a mask...but from a weird mask? Geez...when I put it that way, that's even more embarrassing..."

"Hmm. So you mentioned revenge. What's that about?" Erza addressed the masked man.

"I was disgraced by the MERCHANTS!" Zakuga shouted in an apparent rage. "Bought and sold and bought again like some mere TRINKET! It was only due to the greed of a passing thief that I now have a body to use. And with this body to wear my mask, my powers are becoming ever STRONGER! And soon the WORLD will know to fear the mighty Zakuga! Starting with all the grubby MERCHANTS!"

"Huh. This guy sure is dramatic huh?" mutters Cana.

Erza smiles. "Yes, but his incessant gabbing has given us a clue."

"Basically, the longer his mask is worn, the stronger he gets, riiiiight?" said Lucy.

The three ladies slowly turned to Zakuga, smiling devilishly. The masked man seemed almost nervous. He realized too late he had given away too much! "Uhh...ah-uh disregard that! I, the great Zakuga- "

"Shut up!" A big butt came flying at his face. The big butt belonged to Cana, with a gleam in her eye as she grinned wide. "Point Blank Ecstasy!"

Her powerful fart managed to blow the mask right off the face of the thief who apparently stole and wore it, revealing his facial features as he was blown into unconsciousness. Meanwhile, the mask fell with a plonk! onto the dirt, as it suddenly roused and began to flop about like a fish out of water.

"Gahhhh! It STINKS! It's HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE!"

Cana picks up the wailing mask, eyeing it warily. "Huh. So you're actually alive? Creepy. But you used to be a demon, so I guess anything's possible."

"IT STIIIIIIIIIINKS!"

The brunette smirks. "Oh, quit your bellyaching. My farts don't smell that bad! But if you keep at that, I'll give you something to really gripe about."

The mask fell silent.

"That's more like it. Hey, Erzy. Whaddaya we do with this guy?"

"We'll confiscate him." Erza answers. She looks to the rest of the Boarskin Bandits with a stern glare. "Now then, you lot."

The bandits tensed up. Some audibly gulped.

"This had better be the first and last we hear of you making trouble around these parts. Do not make me regret my decision to be merciful to you or I will make sure you will be the ones to regret it."

"S-sure! We'll quit!" the chatty bandit hastily responded. "Cold turkey! R-right guys?" The rest of the Boarskin Bandits wasted no time in following suit.