Episode 4! The Mermaid and the Witches!

Mermaid Heel was in ruins.

Kagura Mikazuchi looked quite irate as she surveyed the damage. Rubble was everywhere and massive vines were snaked through the remains as a good chunk of the guild building was heavily destroyed. Luckily, she requested some assistance. Erza would soon be on her way, thank goodness.

"Kagura! We're here to help."

Kagura perks up as she suddenly hears a familiar voice shout her name and turns about with a smile. "Big S...?" she stops short, staring blankly at the sight now before her. It was Erza alright, along with Cana and Lucy. But...they were dressed in skintight black outfits. What on Earth Land?

She blinks. "Um...pardon me but...what are you three even wearing?"

"Oh, right, she doesn't know." said Cana.

"I understand this might seem peculiar," Erza began, "but we've undergone a complete transformation."

"Tr-transformation?"

The Titania nods. "That's right. Thanks to a certain trio of ne'er-do-wells, we've committed ourselves to dealing out swift justice to all scoundrels. Lucy!"

"Right! We're the cheeky heroines of justice!"

Then Cana. "We are evil's worst nightmare!"

And Erza. "We waft in the faces of villainy! For we are..."

"...the Jiggle Butt Gang!" and thus the three struck their pose, with their big booties pointed at Kagura.

"Ah!" Kagura yelped with surprise at the sight of the big, round rumps. She found herself unable to tear her eyes away from their backsides, the outfits leaving little to the imagination.

"Oh! Wait! Enough of that!" Lucy spoke up. "What's the situation, Kagura?"

Kagura wordlessly points at the rubble of the Mermaid Heel guild, and the three finally pay notice to it, jolting in shock upon the sight.

"Holy moley!" Cana shouted.

Erza looked to Kagura with eyes wide. "What happened?"

"We were attacked." Kagura explained. "A few of us were out at the time, including myself, so it was just Beth and Risley here. Fortunately, they're fine, but according to them, the culprit was presumably someone who used plant magic. See those huge vines? Oh, and this was found." She hands Jiggle Butt Erza a card. On one side had what appeared to be a guild emblem depicting a stylized cauldron with a wide, jagged grin. On the other side was a message.

YOUR GUILD HAS HAD THE UNFORTUNATE OPPORTUNITY TO BE DESTROYED BY THE LAUGHING CAULDRON. REVENGE WILL MOST LIKELY BE YOUR NEXT STEP, BUT IT WILL BE FUTILE. MANY MORE GUILDS WILL FALL BY OUR HANDS. BEWARE!

"I can't tell if this is gloating or a challenge." said the unsure Titania.

"Well, either way, I want to give them a piece of my mind. However, I'm not sure what this Laughing Cauldron is capable of, so I need backup."

"If that's all you want, we're in!" Cana said with a smile.

"Thank you all! So much!" Kagura bowed with sincere gratitude.


Turns out the Mermaid Heel ace had apparently done a lot of investigating into this Laughing Cauldron group before requesting help, as she soon explained to Erza and the gang. It happened to be a Dark Guild that had been somewhat active as of late, targeting legal guilds for whatever reason, whether it was through an act of spite or a cry for attention, one could only speculate. Word had it that the guild has taken up residence in a dense forest known only to passersby as the Dusk Forest. Many claimed the imposing looking forest was haunted and avoided it altogether.

And thus, this is where they headed.

"This place is kinda eerie..." muttered Lucy as they ventured through the forest, breaking the unsettling silence with nothing more but the sound of dead leaves crunching underfoot.

"Almost feels like we're being watched, huh, Lucy?" "Cana, don't say that! I'm creeped out enough as it is!"

"Actually, I kinda have that same feeling myself."

"Erza!"

"Wait, you mean that someone's watching us? I only said that to scare Lucy."

"Heyyy!"

As the three carry on, Kagura begins to lag behind, staring at their rear ends. Man they were big. And every step and movement made their butts wobble to and fro. And to. And fro. And to. And fro. Her eyes were very much glued to them. Though this also meant she was watching the jiggling junk-in-the-trunks rather than where she was walking...

"Guuwahh!"

And of course, the expected happened. She tripped. The cry she let out caused the Jiggle Butt Gang to turn their heads just in time to watch her land face first into Erza's butt.

"Hm? Kagura?" Erza was very much nonchalant about the young woman who just fell into her butt.

"Huh. She plunged right into your fat ass." Cana remarked, unfazed as well.

"Mmmmfffppf! Mmhhfff!" Kagura's muffled voice could be heard within the booty she was currently drowning in. A small, miniscule part of her almost found this...pleasing. But nonetheless, it was quite stuffy in Erza's butt.

"Haha!" Lucy laughed. "Is she enjoying herself in there?"

Finally freeing herself from the buttcheek sandwich, Kagura gasped desperately for air.

"Are you alright, Kagura?"

"Haah...huff...hahhh...y-yes...I am..."

Cana grins. "Heeeey, you were lagging behind weren't you? Were you enjoying the view?"

"What?!" Kagura sputtered, deliberately avoiding eye contact. "I-I...I don't know what you're talking about..."

"There's nothing wrong with gazing at some glorious glutes, Kagura." Erza said with a smile. "You're free to ogle to your heart's content."

"No! No, that's n-not it!" Kagura protested.

Jiggle Butt Lucy wags her butt towards the Mermaid Heel mage. "Hey, we don't blame you. Our butts are super sexy, aren't they?"

Kagura's face went beet red as she still averted her gaze. "Oh, come on! Your rears are just so...BIG. It's not like I can't notice how large they are. A-anyway, we've got work to do!"

"True enough." Erza agreed. "Let us be off."


"What the hell?"

"Is this a...no, it couldn't be..."

"A guild hall?"

The women exchanged confused glances. What was before them was a large gingerbread house, straight out of some kind of fairy tale. An inconspicuous building in a rather conspicuous place. It was somewhat jarring.

"Oh well. Can't stand around gawking like fools." Kagura says as she approaches the door and knocks.

"Who's there?" sang a woman's voice.

"Kagura Mikazuchi. Open up."

"Ohohoho! Come in, come in!"

Kagura opens the door. The first thing she noticed was that the interior was grassy, with a few flowers here and there. Odd. That was when she also saw a smiling woman sitting a distance away with her legs crossed on a throne-like chair. Her hair was a striking shade of chartreuse, though her eyes were a soft hazel. She looked as if she was trying to pull off the style of a classic witch, what with the large, wide brimmed hat atop her head. Though she also had on a rather risque ensemble, showing off a decent amount of cleavage. In spite of her appearance, something about her had an air of authority. The Mermaid Heel mage stared daggers at her.

"No need to be tense, my dear." the woman spoke.

"Oh, I'm not tense. You destroyed my guild. I'm livid."

"Fair enough."

"Who are you?"

"Glad you asked, hon. I am Ladonna Brass, the Deadly Nightshade of the Laughing Cauldron. And this guild's master. It is a pleasure to meet you. Truly."

Kagura noticed two girls sitting in the guild hall as well. A sleepy looking lass with messy shoulder length dark blue hair and red rimmed glasses. Another was a smiling girl with long, cascading brown hair. Like Ladonna, the both of them wore the garb resembling that of a witch, but more tasteful.

"Those are my loyal-to-a-fault apprentices."

"Huh-huh-hello..." stammered the sleepy looking lass (we'll call her Apprentice 1, for convenience).

"Nice to meet you!" chirped the smiling girl (she shall be Apprentice 2).

"Charmed, I'm sure." said Kagura, though one would wonder if she was genuine about it. "Now that introductions are done, you three are going to help us rebuild our guild hall that you demolished."

"That would be most unacceptable!" Apprentice 2 says, still smiling.

Kagura glowers at her. "And why would that be?"

The apprentice's jovial attitude was unaffected by the Mermaid Heel mage's piercing glare. "Because we're the bad guys, silly!"

"What my cute little apprentice means," Ladonna interjects, "is that we have ambitions that led to the destruction of your precious guild. That's just the first stage of the plan. Leaving our calling card was the second. Luring you here and defeating you will end things very neatly. Then Laughing Cauldron will be ever closer to becoming a Dark Guild feared throughout Fiore, yadda yadda. You get the idea, right?"

Kagura twitched, visibly annoyed with this ostentatious show of pride. "Our guild was turned to rubble for such lofty intentions?!"

Ladonna let out a harsh exhale in slight exasperation. "You goody-two-shoes types wouldn't understand."

Quite beyond irritated and far beyond losing her patience, Kagura grasps the hilt to her blade, Archenemy, about ready to unsheathe her sword and rend a bitch.

...but something touches her shoulder. It was Erza. "...Big Sis?"

"Though I understand your frustration, don't let your temper get the best of you."

Kagura loosens her grip. It went against every fiber of her being right now, but Erza was right. She was sure she would have done something she'd most certainly regret.

However, Ladonna looked near amused. "Oh, so is it a fight you're looking for, my dear?"

The dark haired mage narrows her eyes. "You'd be wise not to taunt me."

"You are correct. I'm well aware of your abilities. As well as that of the rest of Mermaid Heel. You are formidable. Truly."

"And you still pulled such a stunt?"

"Like I said, you goody-two-shoes types wouldn't understand such dark aspirations."

"Big sis...do something. I am growing vexed." Kagura's entire body was trembling with rage.

"I'm on it." Erza walks towards the seated Ladonna as the witch merely stares at her. "Hmm? You're with the Mermaid Heel girl, are you not? And what are you supposed to be?"

"A hero of justice."

Ladonna scoffs. "Sounds pretentious. A woman with a lack of proper fashion sense, more like. Truly, such drab attire. Skintight black suits? Sexy, yes, but no pizzazz."

"Your fashion advice isn't needed."

"Have it your way, but surely you can find more suitable wear to show off your considerable stuff."

"Heh. You jest, but this is quite the comfortable and, dare I say, flattering outfit." Saying that, Jiggle Butt Erza turns her bulging behind towards the Laughing Cauldron guild master and her apprentices, giving them quite the view! "It complements my glorious glutes rather well!"

Apprentice 1 gawked. "Buh-buh-boss! Her butt! Luh-look at her butt! It's fruh-freakin' huge!"

"Yes, yes, I see that." said Ladonna passively. "It's quite obvious from the front as well."

"What do you even eat to get a booty that biiiig?" Apprentice 2 wondered aloud.

The Titania smiles. "Good question! Why don't you take a whiff and find out?"

"Kagura." Lucy spoke. "You may want to give your nose a pinch right about now."

"Whuh?" Kagura was already bewildered by the sudden discussion of clothing and Erza flaunting her, um...glorious glutes. But why did she have to ...?

A more perceptive person would have noticed Erza's ass cheeks quivering ever so slightly before she broke a fat wind in the Laughing Cauldron's general direction, enveloping them in the putridity of her butt gas. Any breathable oxygen was tinted yellow.

"Woohoo! She actually did it!" Cana gleefully shouted.

Kagura eyes became enlarged. "Wh-wh-what the hell?!" She had not expected this. AT ALL. The big butts were one thing, but...a fart? A FART?! Erza farted?! Urrgghhh, and the stench...

The Laughing Cauldron, too, succumbed to the fumes.

"Ewww, it's in my nose!" Apprentice 2 whined, "It smells like rotten eggs and bad meat!"

"Guh-guh-ugghh!" Apprentice 1 retched, "It smuh-smuh-smells like spoiled milk muh-mixed with a guh-guh-garbage heap!"

"N-n-no, it actually smells like a dead-"

"Enough!" Ladonna coughed out. She wasn't in the mood to hear any more analogies. "Cripes, woman! That's foul! Truly! Are you trying to stink us into submission?"

"Perhaps." Erza begins to sway her hips, her ass bouncing, tiny poots sounding out with every movement. "That's just a small fraction of my power."

"F-fraction? P-power?!" Ladonna was looking quite nervous. And sick. Mostly sick.

"Now that I have your attention, how about an ultimatum? A duel. If I emerge victorious, you will be obligated to make amends for your actions. And you can start by helping Mermaid Heel, whose building you all demolished. However, if you can defeat me, then I shall concede."

"Fine." hissed Ladonna. "But I'll want more than that if I win. Especially to pay for this...stench you've dared to subject me to..."

"Whatever you wish then. That is, if you win."

"Erza! What are you..." Kagura began to say, but Cana cut in.

"Hold on. She knows what she's doing. I don't think she'd make such an offer if she knew she'd lose."

Kagura went quiet. Yes, Erza was capable; she had no need to worry. But all the same, she couldn't help herself.

"Still, I'm tickled. Truly. And I just happen to enjoy duels." Ladonna rises from her seat, tottering a little from the smell that still hung strong. She points her hand towards Erza. "Truly you must know of the state of your friend's guild and what my magic can do!"

"Indeed. Your affinity is plant magic." was Erza's response.

"Correct! Fitting for the Deadly Nightshade and very devastating if I do say so myself. It's this beautiful magic that toppled Mermaid Heel and other guilds and soon many more to come!"

Her apprentices also chimed in.

"Oooh, how fearsome! A round of applause for the Great Lady Ladonna!"

"Thuh-thuh-the world is guh-gonna tremble at your fuh-feet, Lady Luh-Ladon-Luh-Ladonna!"

The Titania rolls her eyes. "If you are quite ready, shall we begin?"

"Prepare for punishment!" Ladonna made several thick vines sprout up from the ground that then lashed at Erza. But they hit nothing, as Erza was suddenly nowhere to be seen.

"What!" The witch was left astonished for a moment, then looked up to see Jiggle Butt Erza as she gracefully flipped in midair, twisting her body in a display of acrobatic finesse. It was almost beautiful.

BWOOMFP!

Then her butt landed squarely onto Ladonna's face.

"Now for my finishing move! DOUBLE-STRENGTH POINT-BLANK ECSTASY!"

The gingerbread house suddenly exploded in a great yellow cloud, sending Lucy, Cana and Kagura flying straight out from the sheer windy force. The Titania's mighty flatulence created a roaring shockwave throughout the area completely decimating everything in its wake, knocking down nearby trees, or at the very least, stripping them bare of leaves and bark.

When all was settled, there was nothing left of the curious gingerbread house, save for the billowing cloud of yellow that rose from the wreckage into the sky like a pillar of smoke. Cana and Lucy landed some distance away.

"Wow." said Jiggle Butt Cana. "I knew we had strong farts, but Erzy really let it loose!"

"At least we had our big butts to break our fall."

"Mmmnnn..." groaned Kagura, who unfortunately landed her face into the dirt.

Meanwhile, Erza stood in the middle of where the Laughing Cauldron's guild once stood, her fat butt steaming and her face momentarily housing a confident smirk. That is, until she realized what she did. "Hmm...that might have been a bit much..."

Cana walked up, along with Lucy and Kagura, surveying the damage Erza single handedly caused. "Damn, Erza. You blew the whole place up."

"That's what I call an epic fart!" Lucy added.

"I must admit, that was...astounding." voiced Kagura.

"You're impressed by this? That's kinda strange. I mean, isn't it stinky? Oh, no offense, Erza."

Erza shrugs. "None taken."

"Oh, no doubt." Kagura rubs her nose. "It smells absolutely rancid. No offense, sis."

"None taken."

"But still, I've never witnessed such a spectacle." she turns to Erza. "And...is this you've been defeating your foes ever since your...er...transformation?"

"Yup. Every scoundrel we've gone against has fallen to our justice."

"I see."

"Speaking of which, what about those guys?" Cana points to where Ladonna and her two apprentices are laid out.

"It's odd karma, huh? They destroyed Mermaid Heel, and who knows how many other guilds, and Erza destroys theirs. The perfect retribution." mused Kagura.

Erza nervously scratches her cheek. "Indeed. Though it certainly wasn't my intention. I wanted to ensure a decisive win, but I put a little bit more into that fart than I realized. But all the same, we defeated them. Suppose we'll simply drag them with us to help rebuild Mermaid Heel."

Kagura cracks her knuckles. "And how. We'll certainly give 'em hell. If you think I'm beside myself now, just wait until they face the wrath of everyone else."

"Oh dear." says Lucy, "Now I'm feeling sorry for what these guys are in for..."