The next day was worse than the first. The thought of Shadow Streak's capture nagged at Zephyr all day long. She couldn't do anything about it. Her father on the other hand… He had been leaving every morning, taking a ship out in search of Shadow Streak. Zephyr desperately wanted him to find her, but a part of her also worried. What if her father was hurt in the search? What if he was…killed by their attackers?
On top of her distress, the punishment her parents had enacted made the morning dull, and her afternoon even duller. Zephyr and Nuffink studied at the kitchen table. Nuffink was obviously upset about the punishment, but was more upset about disappointing their parents. That kid was so loyal. And Zephyr had dragged him into everything. Just like she had dragged everyone else too.
Studying came easy to Zephyr's numbed mind. It gave her something else to think about besides Shadow Streak. And her mind felt so empty, she easily took in information. She didn't know how to describe the sensation. She just studied.
Unfortunately, after a few hours the effect wore off as her mind searched for something new to do. Thoughts of Shadow Streak returned; she would never fly Shadow Streak again. She would never feed Shadow Streak fish again. She would never hear or feel or see her ever again.
And it was all her fault. She had lied, dragged her friends into this huge mess, disobeyed her parents, and she had been wrong. They wouldn't have been in this situation if she had just told her parents about the ships she had seen during the dragon ball match before the first attack. Then they could have prepared for it. Nuffink wouldn't have even been hurt.
It was all her fault. Everything. The rest of the day she studied and cleaned. All she thought about, if anything, was her defeat and failure. Dinner was silent.
Next morning the sun rose on the third day since Zephyr had awoken. That evening, Zephyr and Nuffink sat in the living room to study. They had already cleaned everything. So, more studying.
Nuffink had of course picked a book that had something to do with running the village. Zephyr thought perhaps he even enjoyed reading it a little, despite the fact they had read so much over the last three days he should have been bored out of his mind. She had randomly grabbed the book on top of the stack. It was about grammar and the most common ways to spell words. It was dull, but she deserved it.
The first day, she'd complained to herself that her punishment wasn't fair, Shadow Streak being captured and all, but she really knew she deserved it. She deserved it ten times over. She was the one who had made the decision to take the dragons out of The Hidden World. And to her, any punishment was fair considering what she had done.
"So," Nuffink said. "How's your book?"
"Fine. Found out I've been spelling my name one of the least common ways," Zephyr said.
"Good for you?" Nuffink said.
"Doubt anyone can read it," Zephyr said.
"I can read it just fine."
"How do you spell my name?"
"Differently than you spell it. But that's fine! After all, we only have sixteen runes to work with."
"Uh-huh. Why are you even talking to me?"
"Because you're my sister. And since mom's out front cooking dinner and dad's still out on a ship, you're the only person here."
"You don't have to talk to me," Zephyr said.
"If you want to be that way, fine," Nuffink said, lifting his book back to his face. "I won't."
The silence was more chilling than the cold.
"Do you hate me?" Zephyr asked quietly.
"No," Nuffink said. "Why would I hate you?
Just then their father staggered into the house, exhausted. He plodded into the kitchen, clearly frustrated. No luck on the search for Shadow Streak, Zephyr guessed. She really had messed up everything.
"Because I'm the one who messed everything up," Zephyr confessed.
"Yeah, you might have, but you're still my sister," Nuffink said. "I shouldn't have let you carry out your plan in the first place. If there's anyone to blame, it's me."
"That's not true. Well, even if you don't hate me, you should. Everyone does."
"That's about the stupidest thing I've heard all week. You did the wrong thing, but no one hates you."
"I know mom and dad are annoyed. And Shadow Streak is the victim. I also dragged Fourlegs, Spearhead, and Booboo into this, and now they're all in trouble."
"First thing. Mom and dad are clearly upset but they don't hate you. They're only punishing us because we need to learn our lesson."
"Right. Sure. Like punishing me means they don't hate me. That, and I'm an idiot."
"You're not an idiot. Second, you don't how Spearhead, Fourlegs, or Booboo feel about this whole situation."
"I know how. I know they hate me because I'm to blame for everything."
"You're not to blame for everything. You didn't actually attack us. Third, did you count yourself when you said everyone hates you?"
"Yep. That makes up twenty percent of all the hatred."
"Zephyr. Come on. You're not even really talking to me. You're just using me to beat yourself up without talking to yourself," Nuffink said.
"Maybe I am, but it's justice to me," Zephyr retorted. She began reading her book again.
"And for the record, Zephyr," Nuffink said. "You might be annoying to me sometimes, and I might get really frustrated with you, but I would never hate you. You're my sister."
Likely story, Zephyr thought, shadowing the ping of relief in her heart. And even if he was being honest, he should change his opinion. Their mother came inside with dinner on a platter and went into the kitchen. Zephyr could hear her parents whispering. Her dad must have heard their conversation.
Dinner was silent again. Until her parents started talking. Zephyr didn't listen. She stared down at her food; she wasn't hungry.
She'd ruined the secret her parents had kept for eighteen years. Their enemies would try to train Shadow Streak and figure out how eventually. Her dragon couldn't recognize who was friendly and who wasn't. Zephyr had directed all the shooting. And if their enemy couldn't train her… Zephyr wouldn't let herself think about the possible outcome. Couldn't think about it.
"Zephyr?" her mom asked her. "Are you listening?... Zephyr!"
Zephyr slowly lifted her head. She could hardly face her parents. "What?"
"I was saying tomorrow, if you work really hard, we'll let you see your friends for a little," her mother said with a kind smile.
Zephyr shrugged her shoulders and stared down at her food again. "Seeing my friends isn't going to get Shadow Streak back," she mumbled under her breath. She began slowly eating.
"You could come with me on the search for Shadow Streak tomorrow instead," her father suggested.
Zephyr shook her head. "We're not going to find her," she said quietly.
"We might."
"No, we won't. It's been more than a week since she was captured… Plus, what help would I be? I'm the one that lost her in the first place. I don't even know if she would want me to help."
"We're going to get her back eventually," her father promised.
Zephyr looked up at her parents. "Really?"
Her father sighed. "Maybe."
"You shouldn't even help me. I doomed my own dragon."
"You didn't 'doom' her on purpose."
"But I doomed her on accident. And who cares if it was an accident? I ruined everything either way," Zephyr said. "You don't understand."
"We do," Zephyr's mom said.
"Believe me, Zephyr," her father said. "We do."
"No, you don't," Zephyr said. "You don't even know how much of this is my fault."
"You took the dragons out of The Hidden World and Shadow Streak was captured," Zephyr's mom said. "Yes, that was stupid. And was the completely wrong decision. But we can't blame you for anything besides that."
Nuffink nodded his head.
Zephyr stayed silent. She shouldn't tell them about the battle ships she had seen before the first attack. But she couldn't keep letting them insist that taking Shadow Streak out of The Hidden World was the only thing she had done wrong. She was already in horrible trouble, so why hold anything back? "Almost everything is my fault."
"No, it isn't," her father said.
"I…" Zephyr said. "I saw the battle ships before the day of the attack, and I didn't tell you. I didn't only take Shadow Streak; I lied about you letting me…to Toothless. I dragged three people out to The Hidden World who weren't even supposed to be there. It's all my fault. I'm the idiot who risked everything just because I wanted to be right."
Her parents, honestly, didn't look as surprised as she thought they would. Of course they didn't. Over and over, she had lied. She didn't deserve anyone thinking she was perfect. Still, the fact that they weren't surprised about her keeping all these lies from them hurt. It hurt more than if her parents had yelled at her.
Zephyr got up and passed through the front door of their hut. She sat down on the bench besides the firepit. The coals were barely burning, letting off just enough light and heat to warm her.
Zephyr could feel herself quivering, but not from the cold. Her breath started to shake. Soon tears followed. She had messed everything up so badly. If her parents had given her harsh punishment before, she had no clue what they would do with her now.
She heard her father walk out onto the porch. She wiped the tears from her eyes and tried to at least seem half of the warrior she used to be. She still refused to meet his gaze however, even when he sat down next to her.
"Zephyr?" he asked.
She was going to respond, but found her voice so shaky she decided not to risk it.
"Do you remember the way your grandfather died?" he asked her.
She nodded her head, still not looking towards him.
"Who killed him?" he asked.
Zephyr waited until she realized he expected her to answer. "Toothless."
"No," her father said after a little bit of silence.
"I know he was under Drago's control, dad."
"He was. But that's not really the reason he died."
Zephyr stayed silent.
"When your mother and I found one of his dragon hunting islands and told your grandfather, he started to prepare for war. But I said I could convince Drago to change his mind about dragons."
The wind howled, causing the glowing embers in the firepit to spark.
"I ran off to convince Drago when my father told me not to. I found my mother, your grandmother. And it really looked like everything was going to work out even better than I had planned. Not only would I prevent the war, I would have a complete family."
The air stilled. Zephyr couldn't tell if her father was waiting for her to think about what he'd said or preparing to say what happened next.
"In the battle that I had accidently begun, my father was shot by Toothless. Drago took all the dragons. Me, your mother, your grandmother, and all my friends were left to die. And my father… Zephyr, I am the reason he died. If I had just stayed put and listened to his instructions…"
"But if you stayed at Berk and helped prepare, then you wouldn't have met grandmother," Zephyr said.
"Not immediately. I'm sure we would have searched Drago's land after the war. Then both of my parents would be alive," her father said. "It took me months to get over the guilt. And there's not a day I don't feel regret."
The wind picked up. It was so hard this time it blew out the remaining embers in the firepit, leaving only the stars and moon to light up the freezing night.
"But I did more than just take Shadow Streak out of The Hidden World," Zephyr protested. "I told you that. So far, I've done way worse than you."
"Did you?"
Zephyr looked towards the other huts near them. "Why aren't you furious at me? I didn't only give the secret of dragons away, I handed over a dragon to our enemies!"
"We all make mistakes," her father said. "And it's our job to fix them."
Finally, Zephyr looked up at her father. "How am I supposed to find Shadow Streak? You can't; Toothless has probably already looked. And I assume you checked The Hidden World."
"I did," her father said. He sighed. "Since everyone knows about the dragons, I don't see any reason we can't use dragons to get Shadow Streak back. We'll start tomorrow morning."
Zephyr couldn't believe what her father was saying. She smiled, even though she was starting to cry again; not out of sadness this time but relief. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you."
"Let's go back inside and tell your mother and brother we've got a plan."
