CHAPTER 4

In the Cloister Room Michelle was at a console, inspecting a tablet. The mood was relaxed – like the end of a day. "That's fine. I just have to make sure the tolerance doesn't slip more than point three one in either direction." She put the tablet down and turned back to the console and entered a few commands.

"Hello, Michelle." The Doctor approached the console.

"Hey, Doctor."

"I hope I'm not disturbing your work."

"Nope. Just finishing up here." She input a few more commands. The Doctor watched her silently for several beats. Michelle finally reacted to her friend just standing there. "You need something?"

"I would like to confide in you, Michelle. However, I'm finding my thoughts difficult to verbalize."

Michelle stopped working, gave the Doctor her full attention. "It's about Joshua."

"How did you know?"

"If I had a boy going around pretending to be just like me, I might be a little uncomfortable too."

"I'm not uncomfortable. But I'm undergoing a perceptual paradigm shift."

"You better define that for me, Doctor."

"I've spent my entire life around Humans. Now, I find myself confronted by a Human who is emulating me."

"I got you… the shoe's on the other foot…"

The Doctor processed that briefly, glanced curiously at his foot… then… "Ah, the metaphor… yes, that is correct. I'm forced to realize that I've largely ignored the aspects of myself that others would find attractive."

"That's a very Human thing to do, Doctor."

The Doctor reacted with a look.

"A lot of Humans have a way of not appreciating themselves. They're too close to the subject. Keep an eye on Joshua… he might help you learn to understand yourself a little better."

The TARDIS was moving slowly toward the Black Cluster.

The Doctor, Nita and Carolyn were in the Control Room.

"We're approaching the perimeter."

The viewscreen showed them to be approaching the Black Cluster – the dark warping of space loomed even closer.

"I'm picking up the gravitational wavefronts."

They could see something reminiscent of three-dimensional, transparent 'waves' billowing toward them.

"Engage forward shields – thirty-five percent."

"Shields up."

One of the waves made contact and the ship bumped. A beat. Then another bump. And again. The mood was business as usual – this was no surprise.

"Control Room to Cloister Room."

In the Cloister Room, Michelle was at the console. Another slight bump. "Adjusting shield frequencies now, Nita. We'll have this smoothed out in just a second…"

A bump, then another – much quieter – then a third, barely felt, then nothing but smooth sailing.

"Correct for any course deviations please, Carolyn."

"All right."

"-Doctor!"

Everyone turned to Nita, who had her eyes glued to her instrument panel. "I'm reading something at four hundred thousand kilometers. Possibly a ship."

The cloister bell started ringing.

"Take us to visual range please, Carolyn."

Carolyn touched the console. "Adjusting course…"

A few moments later… Nita was puzzled, looking at her instruments. "Sensor readings have disappeared… Now picking up another reading at four hundred thousand kilometers." A beat. "It's gone… No – it's back. Doctor, the Black Cluster is distorting the sensors. We're picking up echoes of the TARDIS reflecting off the wavefronts."

Everyone reacted.

The Cloister Bell stopped.

"Adjust the sensors to compensate for the distortion."

"Ok."

"Sensor difficulties have been reported by ships travelling through Black Clusters – but not to this extreme."

"This formation is seven times more massive than any previously explored. That could explain the difference."

The Doctor nodded, turned to the console. "Resume previous course."

"Yes, Doctor."

The Doctor considered this development.

In the library, Nita was wandering the room, helping out Joshua when needed. Joshua still looked like the Doctor. He was working at a counter on a project, putting together a chemistry experiment – some glassware and coloured liquids.

Carolyn and the Doctor were in the doorway, watching the scene. Nita made a comment and Joshua laughed.

"He laughed."

"Yes. It's nice to see, isn't it…?"

"It's certainly not consistent with his Time Lord persona…"

"I'd say he's beginning the process of letting go of that fantasy…"

"Then my work with him is complete?"

"No, I don't think it is, Doctor… A laugh is one step in the right direction… we need to help him take a few more steps…"

"How, Carolyn?"

"I'd like you to talk to him… about your own fascination with humanity. If you can explain the appeal that humanity has for you… Joshua might find it easier to become a boy again."

The Doctor watched intently as Joshua again laughed – much more "Human" than they'd ever seen the Doctor act.

The Doctor and Joshua were sitting at the table in the galley. Joshua was drinking a brightly coloured, frosty, soft drink. The Doctor had a bubbly, different coloured dessert drink in front of him. Joshua finished a long sip. "This is great. How's yours?"

"The complex polysaccharides, in reaction with the carbon dioxide, produces an unusual combination of texture and efforvescence."

"But how does it taste? Is it good?"

"I taste things differently to you. I can analyze the composition of a dessert and make comparative conclusions about its possible effect on the human palate. However, I don't dislike it."

"Oh. I didn't realize that."

The Doctor indicated the dessert. "I've often wondered what it must be like… to have one's mouth 'water' in anticipation of the arrival of a confection… Or to feel the pleasure I've observed in people as they consume it…"

Joshua considered this for a second, staring at his soft drink. "You sound like you don't want to be a Time Lord."

"I am a Time Lord. That will never change."

"But… if you could change… would you?"

"I have always wished to be Human. I study people carefully in order to more closely approximate Human behaviour."

"Why? We're stronger and smarter than Humans… we can do more than they can."

"But I don't take pride in my abilities. I don't take pleasure in my accomplishments."

Joshua had begun scratching a little place in the table with the tip of his spoon. He concentrated on this task as though it were the most important thing in the world. "But we never feel bad, either…"

"I would gladly risk feeling bad at times… if it meant that I could also enjoy my dessert."

Joshua glanced up, very quickly, at the Doctor. Then he went back to scratching the place on the table with his spoon.

The Doctor, Nita and Carolyn were in the Control Room

"Doctor, gravitational wavefront intensity is increasing steadily – eleven hundred standard 'G' units and rising."

The Doctor nodded and looked up at the viewscreen, which showed the wave-like blurs continuing to come toward the TARDIS. The Doctor studied it for a moment. He turned to Nita. "Let's see if anyone's out there. Attempt a wide-range sensor sweep, Nita."

Nita touched the controls. "Yes, love."

A beat as the Doctor and the others continued to watch the viewscreen.

Nita shook her head. "The gravitational distortion is too great, Doctor. The scanning signal is again being reflected off the wavefronts. But I am unable to compensate." She looked up. "The sensors are useless."

"Adjust sensors to short range… attempt a limited positron scan…"

"Yes, love."

"She worked the console – and scowled at the result."

"The distortion is still in effect. I'll try to jacket the scanning beam." Nita again worked the console. She shook her head. "The secondary beam is being distorted as well."

The Doctor studied his console. "Nita, fire an energy beam, maximum intensity, narrow spectrum, zero zero one mark zero four five."

Everyone reacted with puzzlement, then…

Nita understood. "An experiment, Doctor?"

"Exactly."

"Firing, Doctor." Nita touched the controls.

Inside the Black Cluster, the energy beam fired – at a distance several lengths away from the TARDIS, the energy beams split and bounced off the warped space around them, splitting again, bouncing, and then splitting again until finally dissipating entirely.

Everyone reacted to what they'd just seen on the monitor.

"The energy was reflected by the gravitational wavefronts. It's similar to the phenomenon distorting the sensor signals." The Doctor and Nita exchanged a look. "Our sensors and our energy beams – both useless. This reflection phenomenon – I wonder if it would have the same effect on a disruptor-style weapon? I think so. Disruptors would be ineffectual. And a ship's cloaking field would be extremely difficult to maintain." A beat. I wonder if it's likely that the Vico was attacked inside the cluster? Given the effects we have observed, the probability is exceedingly remote." The Doctor nodded. "Carolyn."

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Please go and get Joshua and bring him to my study."

In the Doctor's study, the Doctor was standing in front of his desk, and Joshua was facing him with Carolyn next to him.

"Joshua, can you tell us what happened to your ship?"

"I did tell you." Joshua was struggling to hold on to the Time Lord fantasy, but it was wavering.

The Doctor glanced at Carolyn.

"Tell us again…"

"We were attacked."

"That is highly unlikely. Our investigations have clearly demonstrated –"

"-We were attacked! We were attacked!"

"Joshua, Time Lords do not lie."

A silent beat. Like a toppled wall, Joshua's fantasy crumbled. "It was me."

Everyone was taken aback.

"Please explain."

"It was me. I did it. I killed them all…"