Gray and Natsu were about halfway back to the Guild Hall when they received Warren's message. It was pretty confusing, and for a second, Gray wasn't even sure what Warren was talking about. It wasn't until he looked at Natsu that he realized the message had been about him.
"We should get to the Guild," Natsu said apologetically. He looked a little bit more awake, but in a twitchy, dazed sort of way. Gray figured he probably looked about the same. "Porlyusica must have called them for us."
"I wish…." Gray trailed off. He didn't really know what he wished. He wished he could have some time alone, so he could rest, and drink some water, and think. He wished he could have some time with just Natsu, so he could fall apart in Natsu's arms, reassure himself that they were really together again. He wished he could have some time with just his team, so he could show them he was alright without having to be strong for a moment. He wished he could go back to the Guild Hall and it would be just like normal, and everyone would make fun of him and try to beat him up and he could get drunk and fall asleep on one of the benches if he wanted.
But he knew none of those things were possible. Even on the best of days, they wouldn't have been - how was he expecting to cuddle with Natsu while simultaneously attending a wild Fairy Tail party? All this meant was that he didn't really know what he wanted, and if he didn't even know what he wanted, the best course of action was definitely just to do what was expected of him.
Gray realized that Natsu wasn't even holding his hand as they walked. Natsu was very warm, and Gray was very cold and had a strong distaste for being warm, so they didn't hold hands very often unless one of their emotional states called for it. So it wasn't - on paper - unusual. But if this wasn't an emotional state that called for hand-holding, Gray wasn't sure what was. But if Natsu hadn't already taken his hand, he must…not want it, for some reason, and so Gray didn't want to say anything, or even move closer to Natsu.
All that to say, by the time they arrived at the Guild Hall, Gray was feeling absolutely off-balance and also pretty sad. So much so that he didn't even think about trying to make a grand entrance or something - he still hadn't really processed that all these people had really thought that he was dead. He just pushed the door open, familiar muscle memory that apparently not even death could steal, and then froze when he saw everyone else.
For a split second, everyone in the Guild Hall froze with him. Gray had time to wonder if there had always been this many Fairy Tail members. The Guild Hall seemed packed. Then, he had time to wonder if he should say anything.
Then, the Guild Hall exploded into color and noise. Gray just stood there. Sound overwhelmed him, making his head hurt and his ears ring. He couldn't seem to remember how to move his body, or form words, or do anything but just stand there in confusion.
Gray was trying to force himself to wave when something cannoned into him, almost knocking him over. He wheezed the breath back into his lungs and looked down to see Makarov wrapped around him, hugging him so tightly Gray's wound started to ache again.
"Gray-" That was all the Master managed before he broke down into pretty much incoherent sobbing. Gray could feel the front of his shirt getting wet, and he knew that he should probably peel Makarov away, unless he wanted the Master to cry his bandage right off.
He didn't move. He knew that he had to make the announcement that he was back, and all that stuff Porlyusica had said. But he was just…exhausted, and scared, and for a minute it was nice to be held like he was a little kid again.
Without even really thinking about it, Gray let himself slump over, leaning into Makarov's embrace. He closed his eyes, feeling the bandage on his stomach begin to get wet and peel away from his skin.
Gray probably would have stayed like that for a while, but amid the hubbub and the sound of Makarov's sobs, he recognized Lucy's voice.
"Gray? Gray, I-"
He opened his eyes. Lucy was coming towards him, her eyes large and wet with unshed tears. She was reaching out for him, and Gray realized with a sudden twist of his chest that he couldn't do this. If Lucy hugged him, if she cried for him too, if he had to go through this with every member of the Guild, he would fall apart. He was barely keeping himself together as it was, and this wasn't what Jellal and Wendy had brought him back for.
"Lucy," he mumbled, and watched as a few tears trickled down her cheeks. That made it harder, and all Gray wanted to do was reach out for her.
Lucy's hand landed on his shoulder, and he flinched as he felt his throat start to close.
"I can't," he whispered. "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If I let myself…I can't fall apart right now. I'm not going to be able to put myself back together."
He could feel a tear slip down the side of his cheek, and he closed his eyes so no more could escape. When he opened them, Lucy was still standing in front of him. The pity in her eyes was so overwhelming it almost broke him, but it was better than tears.
To Lucy's great credit, she blinked away her unshed tears, swallowed hard, and grabbed Gray by the wrist. "That's okay," she said. "I can wait. You're going to want to make some sort of announcement, right? That's what Porlyusica said when she called. Here, come with me…."
Lucy guided Gray towards the front of the hall, and Gray's guild members parted for her. Gray tried not to look too hard at their individual faces. There would be time for that later.
Gray realized abruptly that he'd lost track of Natsu. He tried to look backwards, but apparently Natsu wasn't behind him, and Gray didn't know where he was. Gray thought about trying to wait for him, to find him, but the pull of the night seemed to be taking him inevitably forward at this point, and he kind of felt like if he tried to swim against the current, he would drown.
Lucy pulled Gray up on the same stage where Mirajane and Gajeel sometimes performed, what felt like an entire lifetime ago. Now that Gray was standing above everyone, looking over the hall, he could recognize that it wasn't actually that full. The members of Fairy Tail who'd been subduing Lamia Scale hadn't come back, or if they had, they'd been sent away again. That was…strange to think about. Who knew when Gray would be able to see them again? Juvia….
But it still seemed like plenty of people to Gray. More than he wanted to talk to right now, as much as he was glad to see them, but he knew he didn't really have a choice.
"Um, I'm back," Gray said hesitantly. "As you guys can, um, see. It's really me. I'm solid and I can touch stuff, and I have all my…memories and things still. And my personality I guess. I'm not a ghost."
Gray was pretty sure all this was true, but assuming Jellal was okay, Gray resolved to ask him for some of the finer details later. He really wouldn't want to be some sort of ghost and not even know it.
"I know everyone's happy to see me, but I'm going to ask you guys not to cry on me and stuff. Yet. If you have to cry, do it when I'm not there, because…."
Gray found that he was getting a little choked up, and he had to clear his throat and start over.
"There will be time for celebrating later. I hope."
"But Gray, how did this happen?" Mirajane asked. Gray realized that his little speech might have gotten very much away from him.
"Jellal and Wendy did it. Somehow. I don't know…all the specifics."
"But where are Jellal and Wendy now?" Freed asked, looking around. This was the first time Gray had really internalized that they weren't here, and Erza wasn't either.
"They're at the hospital, probably. Wendy, I…uh…I think is fine. Jellal I'm not as…."
Gray looked around again, supposedly for Natsu, but more accurately for anyone in the audience that looked like they knew what they were doing. All he saw was the same look of confusion on everyone's face. He was doing a bad job. Jellal had very possibly died to bring Gray back to life so Gray could kill Magnus, and he was already ruining it.
Gray took a deep breath and tried again. He tried to picture the most inspiring speeches he'd ever heard, all of which had been from Erza. She would be better at this than he would be, but she was with her husband and it wasn't her job anyway.
He focused on everything he could remember from Erza and pulled himself upright. He couldn't straighten completely without his stomach twinging, but he stood up as much as he could and cleared his throat.
"Jellal and Wendy resurrected me. Magnus thinks he killed me, 'cause he did, and he really won't be expecting me to attack him again. If I surprise him, I can kill him this time."
Gray bit back the word "probably." He didn't think he was being very inspiring. During these sorts of speeches, Erza was always yelling, and usually walking back and forth shaking her sword. Gray didn't know where his sword had gone, and he could barely get his voice above his normal speaking volume. Whatever Porlyusica had given him had kept him awake, but he felt shaky and ill and a little numb. He certainly didn't feel like a good example of the kind of legendary hero that could lead them to victory.
The Guild wasn't reacting much to his speech either. Gray was pretty sure that he'd finished, but Erza's inspiring speeches always ended in cheering, and sometimes violence. Most of the faces in the audience still looked confused, and he still couldn't find Natsu.
"Um, that's the plan," Gray finally said. "I'm gonna try not to die again."
He backed away from the edge of the stage, trying to retreat behind the edge of the curtain without being seen too much. There were a few scattered claps from the rest of the Guild, and then a fury of noise erupted once again as his fellow members began discussing the rest of his speech. He waited awkwardly in the darkness, hoping for a lull, or even for someone to come find him. Gray knew that he really should climb down, and talk to someone who might be able to turn his vague ideas into an actual plan, but all the sound was making him feel nauseous and headachey. He just wanted to hide here, even if it was only for a second.
And he wanted Natsu. That felt stupid, to still be worrying about where Natsu was when the world was crumbling down around him, but he couldn't stop it. He peeked out through the curtain again, looking through the crowd for the familiar pink hair, but he didn't see Natsu anywhere.
Natsu felt like the biggest idiot in the whole world. Erza had showed up at his house with her finger barely reattached, and told him she'd been unable to attune to the sword and they were pretty much out of ideas for defeating Magnus. And then Jellal had come, and told Natsu that they were going to bring Gray back, and Natsu somehow hadn't connected those two things. He'd thought Jellal was resurrecting Gray because Jellal really missed Gray, and wanted him alive again.
Now that Natsu was thinking about that, he knew that was pretty stupid. He'd been all but told that they were bringing Gray back because he was the only one with a chance at defeating Magnus, and it wasn't anyone else's fault that Natsu hadn't really understood that. Anyways, why would Jellal risk his life just to bring Gray back for fun? It wasn't fair to ask Jellal to trade his life for Gray's, and it wasn't fair to ask Erza to trade her husband for Natsu's. Of course Gray was going to have to go defeat Magnus. That was…as Natsu had been so thoroughly reminded, by everyone around him including Gray, that was now what Gray was for.
It just wasn't fair. Natsu had lost Gray once, and now he was going after a bad guy he probably wasn't strong enough to defeat and Natsu was going to lose him all over again, and…and….
Natsu didn't think he could fairly say he had "survived" losing Gray. So if he hadn't been able to handle it the first time, what was it going to be like the second?
That was why Natsu had ducked outside during Gray's speech. He knew he should stay with Gray, be around to protect him, and answer questions, and…and….
But he just hadn't been able to bring himself to. It was sinking in that Natsu didn't really have his husband back. He had his husband on loan only, and there was nothing he could do about it. So he was outside, trying to get his breath back, wondering whether or not he was about to cry.
"Natsu?" someone said. Natsu whirled around, and saw that Erza and Wendy were standing there. Wendy looked rather shaken, and Erza was pale, but dry-eyed. "What are you doing out here? Is Gray inside?"
Natsu chose to ignore the first question. "Yeah, he's in there. Just…wrapping up his speech, I think. I dunno. How is Jellal?"
"In a coma," Erza said shortly.
"I-" Natsu didn't know what to say to that. So he didn't really say anything, just stared at her in stunned horror, wondering if he'd misheard her. "A…a coma?"
Erza didn't answer him. She was already walking away, into the Guild Hall. Probably to go listen to Gray's speech, something Natsu should definitely be doing as well.
He should follow her. He needed to go after her and be there for his husband, and ask after hers. Bringing Gray back had put Jellal into a coma, and Natsu didn't have to imagine what she was going through right now. He knew firsthand.
But he couldn't seem to get his legs to move. He just stood there outside the Guild Hall, watching Erza's back disappear inside.
"Come on," he told himself, as quietly as he could. "Come on, you can do this. Get in there."
He couldn't. His legs were shaking too badly to move. How was Erza even here, let alone summoning the strength to act semi-normal? When he'd lost Gray, he hadn't been able to be anything even approaching normal. Without Gray, normal might never be on the horizon again.
Natsu whimpered and clapped his hand across his mouth, squeezing harder than he needed to. There was no one around to hear him anymore, but he didn't want to let himself start crying again. If he did, he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop.
Another whimper slipped out, and Natsu closed his eyes. He wasn't going to be able to make it back into the Guild. He should be there for Gray, but it was probably better not to be there at all than to break down in front of everyone. Gray had enough on his plate right now. It wouldn't be fair to make him deal with Natsu, too.
Natsu felt tears prickle at the back of his eyelids and clenched his fists, digging his fingernails into the meat of his palms.
"It's not fair," Natsu whispered, and he didn't know if he was talking about Gray, Erza, or himself. None of it was fair. Natsu had used to think that the Universe was more or less on his side, and if he worked hard enough, everything would end up okay.
That wasn't true anymore, and he didn't know how to handle it. He didn't know how to live in a world where he might lose Gray, or where Erza had to risk Jellal. He didn't think he wanted to.
The tears welled up and Natsu screamed, lashing out at the nearest thing he could find. It turned out to be the trunk of a tree, and he punched it for all he was worth. That made his hand feel much, much worse, but it kind of made some of the pressure in his chest and throat go away, so he did it again. And again. And again.
He felt stupid, because Erza wasn't out here punching trees. Natsu's husband was alive, and Erza's was only barely alive, and Erza was in there listening to Gray and helping make plans and stuff instead of out here freaking out and barely able to look at him. But just because Erza was handling this whole mess with grace didn't mean Natsu was. His hand was bleeding now, and already starting to swell.
He knew he should go back in. He knew that Gray needed him. But he thought, just for a few more minutes, he would rather stay out here and cry.
Erza and Wendy arrived in the Guild Hall just in time to see Gray retreat behind the edge of the curtain at the back of the stage. Even though she had only seen him for a second, the rush of emotion nearly bowled Erza over. When she had seen Gray in the graveyard, the only way she'd really known he was alive was Natsu's nod. He'd been limp and quiet and still pretty dead-seeming. But seeing him upright, even just the barest flash of him, very nearly brought tears to Erza's eyes. She'd spent the past few hours so focused on Jellal that she'd almost forgotten what he'd actually done this all for. But Gray…Gray was really back. Jellal had saved him.
Erza pushed through the crowd of wizards, Wendy in tow. Everyone seemed a little…confused, so Erza assumed Gray had given some sort of speech. Since Erza knew Gray very well, she was sure it hadn't gone great.
Erza climbed over the edge of the stage, still being followed by Wendy. Gray was out of sight now, but Erza was pretty familiar with the backstage area and she pushed through thick folds of dusty curtains until she got to a little storage room. Gray was sitting on a box, looking winded and sick.
Erza was on her knees in front of him before Gray had time to so much as blink. She cupped his face in her hand. His skin was cold, but it always was. As far as Erza could tell, he was in the same condition that he'd been in before the battle. Exhausted and strung out, but pretty unharmed.
Erza hadn't really noticed the great, constant grief she'd been carrying with her since Gray had died, until all of a sudden it was gone. She felt like she could finally breathe.
Before he could say anything, Erza had pulled him into her arms. She was careful not to crush him against her armor, but it was hard to hold herself back from hugging him as tightly as she possibly could. The feeling of his unpleasantly cold breath against her neck almost made her cry - she hadn't expected to ever feel that again.
Eventually, she had to let him go. She pulled away reluctantly, holding Gray at arm's length and looking him over one last time. He blinked at her, his eyes even droopier than usual, and gave her the same confused frown he always did.
"Hi, Erza."
Erza swallowed back the rising urge to cry and settled for nodding at him. "It's…it's good to see you alive, Gray."
Gray's frown deepened, and he looked out towards the noisy Guild Hall. "Yeah. Yeah. Uh, I don't…really know how that happened. If I'm being honest."
Erza winced slightly at the confusion obvious in his voice. She'd vaguely expected Natsu to have told Gray what had happened, but that wasn't entirely fair. Natsu hadn't even known about the plan until the absolute last minute, and he'd barely seemed to process it. Wendy had been unconscious, Erza hadn't had the time, and Jellal….
"I can fill you in," Wendy said briskly, stepping forward.
Erza was happy to stand back for the younger woman. Wendy could describe what had happened better than she could, and she was frankly grateful for the moment to collect herself. Since leaving the hospital, she had been using most of her remaining strength to keep her focus on the task at hand. But every time she let her guard down, her thoughts flew back to Jellal.
"Damn." Gray sounded quiet, but impressed. Erza snapped herself back to the conversation and looked up to find him staring at Wendy, wide-eyed.
"Um, thanks, Wendy. That's probably…not really the right thing to say, but…thanks." Gray looked around, narrowing his eyes like he'd lost something. "I wanna thank Jellal, too. Where is he?"
Erza swallowed hard, then had to do it again to make sure she wasn't going to cry in front of Gray. The ice wizard would blame himself either way, but she didn't want to make it harder on him by crying.
"He's…." Erza cleared her throat one more time, forcing herself to look at Gray with clear eyes. "Jellal is in the hospital. The spell…. He's completely drained of magical power. He's in a coma."
Sure enough, Gray's face crumpled in on itself. There was a moment where she was sure he was going to start crying, and then another moment where she was sure he was going to vomit. She thought about trying to say something to soften the blow, but she truly wasn't sure what. She didn't want to lie to Gray either - lying had never helped anyone.
"Is he…can I…I'd like to see him, if I could," Gray said. "To say thank you, you know."
Erza swallowed against the lump in her chest. "I don't think that'll be possible, Gray."
Gray's eyebrows drew together. "I know he's not going to be able to talk or nothin'," Gray said seriously. "But I was just thinking…at least later he'll know I came by…."
"It's not that," Erza said. "Gray…right now our only real advantage against Magnus is the fact that he doesn't know you're alive. You're legally dead, and if you just show up at the hospital…there's going to be an uproar. That's the sort of mess we'll be able to sort out later, once we've figured out Magnus and have time to breathe again. But for now…you really shouldn't be seen anywhere other than the Guild Hall. Or we'll lose the only edge we have."
"Oh," Gray said. "Right. I think Porlyusica said something like that too. I think I was supposed to tell everyone at the Guild. To, you know, keep it on the down low. But I did not do a good job. Man…."
Erza sighed. "That's alright. You tried to tell the Guild a few things? Do you remember what you told them."
"Not really…."
"Alright, would you mind going back out front?" Erza said. She figured the absolute last thing the Guild needed was to be completely confused by a speech of Gray's. And she really did want to make sure that they understood not to spread the word of Gray's resurrection around. She didn't want to tell Gray this, but if they did, not only would they lose their advantage against Magnus but there was also a high chance of Wendy and Jellal ending up in prison….
"Okay," Gray said with a huge sigh. "Then can you help me find Natsu? He left earlier, and I dunno where he is…."
"Natsu?" Erza said distractedly. "I think he's outside. We can find him after." She tugged Gray forward, until they'd emerged from the velvety folds of curtain and were back on the stage.
"Fairy Tail," Erza shouted, in the most commanding voice she could muster. The Guild was still milling around, talking loudly and generally creating an atmosphere of chaos. Erza was not in a mood to wait around for them to calm down. "Give me your attention!"
Pretty much instantly, the noise died down, and the Guild turned to look at her as one. She waited for the last of the mutterings to cease, and stepped forward.
"I know what you must be feeling right now," Erza said loudly. "You're confused. You don't know what happened, and you've lost hope."
Beside her, and slightly behind, Gray looked like he very much agreed. Erza shook her head at him, ever so slightly, hoping he got the message. He straightened up a bit, and managed an expression that was a little more confident.
"We're here to bring that hope back," Erza said, and pulled Gray forward, until he was standing beside her. "Magnus thinks he has us beaten. He tried to show us what would happen to anyone who stood against him, and he thinks there's no one left. Well, we're going to show him that he was wrong."
She paused, for the requisite cheer that always came during a spot like this. Sure enough, the rest of the Guild erupted into a brief bout of yelling, complete with a few punches being exchanged.
Erza let it happen. Most of them were probably confused, and all of them were relieved. Ordinarily, she might shout for silence, but right now she couldn't muster up the energy. They would quiet down soon enough, and then she would continue.
"Magnus doesn't know what we have planned," Erza shouted over the last few cheers. "Gray is alive! Resurrected, by Jellal and Wendy. He can pick up the sword again, and he is going to use it to kill Magnus!"
She wasn't really listening to herself anymore. She didn't need to; she'd made enough of these sorts of speeches. If she kept herself a little disconnected, it was less painful. There was no other way that she could manage to say Jellal's name so casually.
The Guild was cheering again, almost out of control this time. Beside her, Gray looked like the noise was hurting his ears, but he was doing a good job of hiding it.
"Listen," Erza bellowed. "I'm leaving you with a warning. Gray represents our only advantage. In order to preserve the element of surprise, we need to strike in complete secrecy. No one, and I repeat, no one outside this room can know that he is alive. Do you understand me?"
There was silence, and a sea of nodding heads.
"I said, do you understand me?!"
This time, there was an answering roar of noise. Erza had always found the Fairy Tail's moods to be all-encompassing and electric, and that hadn't changed now. Even though she was desperately worried for Gray, and even more worried for Jellal, being back in front of her Guild left her refreshed. Things were bad, but they weren't as bad as they had been yesterday. Gray was alive. Technically, Jellal was alive too. And now, they had a chance.
As soon as she'd decided Gray had had enough, Erza guided him off the front of the stage and towards the front doors of the hall. He trailed behind her like a confused ghost.
"Is this the way to Natsu?" he asked plaintively. "You're…you're taking me to Natsu now, right?"
"Yes," Erza said. "Well…I'm sending you to him. I'm going to fill Makarov in, and then I'd…really like to see Jellal."
"Oh," Gray said. "Where is he?"
"He should still be right outside."
"Okay, thanks Erza."
This filled Erza with an emotion she didn't have a name for, and she pulled Gray into a one-armed hug. He didn't protest, and instead melted into it. But he was pulling away before Erza thought either of them were ready.
"And tell Jellal thanks from me too."
