May 12, 2011

When she called Dr Burke's office she hadn't expected him to be able to squeeze her in for an introductory meeting that same morning.

She had spent the majority of the hour avoiding the man's studying eyes. She knew to expect it, the idea of the meeting was for them to get aquatinted with one another, but that didn't make it any less unnerving to have him watching her so intently. He was authoritative, unwavering, and impossibly patient with her. And he had experience working with cops, so he had an understanding of the demands of the job. She had a feeling he was going to be a great fit for her, the slight nudge out of her comfort zone that she needed.

She entered the bullpen with a confidence she hadn't felt in a long time. Too long. She was surprised, but glad to see Castle sitting in his chair by her desk. He had busied himself with a file while he waited for her, she hadn't told him that she would be late this morning.

"What are you doing?" she asked him as she approached.

"Your paperwork," he replied, not bothering to look up from the file. "Figured I could get a start on it for you."

"Oh." She didn't know whether she should be thankful or alarmed that he was voluntarily doing paperwork, something he usually avoided at all costs. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me, I didn't do much."

He finally looked up, offering her a warm smile. He looked tired and her heart broke knowing that he would have been up all night worrying about Alexis.

"How are you this morning?" she asked as she took her seat.

"Oh, I'm fine. I think I've decided to just settle into denial," he explained, leaning back in his chair.

"Ah, denial. A very comfortable place to settle." She smiled when he looked at her as if he was daring her to comment further. "Just don't stay there too long, yeah?"

She rolled her chair closer to her desk, grabbing the file from in front of Castle and settling in to finish what he had started. She could feel his eyes lingering on her, burning into her.

"You're staring," she stated, eyes still glued to the file in front of her.

"You were late."

"I cleared it with Montgomery."

"Are you okay? Is the nausea-"

"I'm fine, Castle," she cut him off before he could say too much, her eyes darting around the bullpen to make sure no one had overheard them. "Let's go for a walk?"


The barista passed her a tall chai tea and a grande cappuccino, to go. She smiled, passing the larger of the two cups to Castle.

"Thanks," he said before taking a cautious sip from the beverage.

They left the cafe, and started walking back toward the precinct, their pace slow enough that more eager pedestrians began to pass them by.

"I've started seeing someone," she said, breaking the silence.

"Like... dating?"

She laughed. "No, Castle. Like therapy."

He visibly relaxed. "That's where you were this morning?"

"Yeah. I didn't think he would get me in so quickly, that's why I hadn't mentioned it."

"Yeah, no. That, uh," he stumbled over his words, not really sure of what to say. "That's good. Good for you. It takes courage to take that step."

He knew he should be happy - thrilled, even - that she was taking action, doing things to better herself, to heal whatever it was inside her that was so broken. But this complete one-eighty in her behaviour seemed too sudden, like she hadn't put enough time into building the foundations and the building was destined to only last so long before it came crumbling down. He didn't know whether or not he could trust it, and he hated that.

She could see the pain behind his eyes, the inner conflict that painted his face a deep shade of melancholy blue.

"Things will never be the same between us again," she stated, pulling her eyes away from the sad scene she had caused.

"No, it won't be," he agreed sombrely. "But, it could be better than it ever was."

"Could be," she acknowledged, but doubt kicked in. "Or it could be the beginning of the end."

He took a deep breath, frustrated by her constant pessimism. Her change of attitude seeming to be fraying at the edges already.

He continued to match her pace as she slowed her walk, the both of them coming to a stop after several seconds. She turned to face him, to make sure he could see the meaning behind the words that were to come.

"But running from something because it might not work out..." she paused, gathering her thoughts. She didn't want to trip on her words, to mix up the message. "I don't want to spend my whole life running."

"And what about Josh?" he asked before he had really registered the words.

He wanted to just focus on them, focus on the steps toward progress she had been taking. But unless she acknowledged the elephant in the room, he would always doubt her.

"I don't love Josh," she said, answering his question from days earlier. "So much of my relationship with him was wrong. Especially the way things ended. I've been so... so consumed by this guilt, I haven't been thinking clearly."

He had fought off curiosity so far, but he couldn't fight it anymore. "Why do you feel so guilty?"

"I hate how I treated him," she confessed. "I spent months telling him he was imagining this connection between you and me."

"He wasn't," Castle insisted, a reminder to both of them of what they were fighting for, what they were working toward, what they could be if they could just get past this fear that encompassed them.

"I know," she assured him. "Dwelling on the mistakes I've made isn't going to fix them. I thought that I needed his forgiveness, but I don't."

"And where does forgiveness play into this if Josh is the father?"

"If we find out the baby is Josh's, we can deal with that then but for now I just need to focus on myself, the baby. And, if you allow... you."

"All that from one therapy session?"

"No," she smiled softly, touching her fingertips to the lapels of his jacket for a short moment. "All that from a few days of prioritising things."

"You're actually putting in the work." He tried not to sound so surprised, but he hadn't expected this. He smiled, relishing in the fact that he had made it onto her priority list.

"Yeah." Her smile brightened, trying to ease the tension. "A friend of mine told me I needed to try harder so..."

"Wow," he chuckled. "What an asshole."

She shrugged. "He's not that bad when you give him a chance."


May 13, 2011

With 5pm rapidly approaching, the team was relieved to be wrapping up the last of their paperwork. It was looking like they were actually going to get out of here on time – a nice change for a Friday evening.

"You guys wanna grab a drink?" Esposito asked as he stuffed a file into the filing cabinet by Beckett's desk.

"I'm in," Ryan said without hesitation. Jenny was out of town with her sister – it was all they had heard about all day long – so he was keen to spend some time with his friends outside of the precinct.

"No can do, sorry," Castle added. "The Castle residence will be having a Friday 13th movie marathon tonight."

"Of course you are," Esposito said with a teasing undertone to his voice. "What about you, Beckett?"

"I can't either, sorry. I'm on call this weekend."

"What?" Castle asked with a frown. "Why?"

"Glasston needed his shift covered," she stated with a shrug.

"Yeah, but how did you get stuck with the shift?" he pushed for clarification. He was already concerned with the hours she was pulling to cover her work, let alone adding someone else's shift on top of that.

"Montgomery mentioned he had a shift to be filled so I volunteered," she explained. "With some luck, I'll spend my weekend here and not sitting alone in an empty apartment," she added softly.

"That's depressing," Esposito said bluntly.

"I'm so sorry you find my life so hard, Espo," she shot back at him, sarcastically.

"I just meant..." his voice trailed off as he tried to find a justification that wasn't as harsh as his words had come across. "Why don't you do something with Lanie?" he asked, abandoning his justifications.

Beckett narrowed her eyes as she chewed at the inside of her bottom lip. Esposito looked… sympathetic. She knew something was up. "What did she tell you?"

Esposito's eyes darted to Ryan, then back to Beckett, as he fiddled with his hands. "She may have mentioned the breakup," he admitted.

Ryan looked to Beckett, a surprised expression crossing his face. Esposito had obviously had the decency to not discuss this with his partner, to which she was thankful for. Her eyes moved to Castle, who was already watching her, no doubt trying to gauge her reaction to her personal life becoming the topic of conversation. Particularly when it was so… messy.

"That was, like, two months ago. Almost," she said with a smile, moving her focus back to Esposito. "I'm fine."

"You're pulling overtime to avoid going home." Esposito restated, highlighting the fact that she clearly was not fine.

"You could have told us, Beckett," Ryan added in a much more delicate tone of voice. "If you're struggling, talk to us. We can't help if we don't know what's going on."

She hung her head, avoiding the three sets of eyes that lingered on her. She could see that she had hurt them by leaving them on the outside for so long. Two more names added to the list of people she had inadvertently hurt by not letting them in.

"Come to dinner," Castle suggested, worried that she was on the verge of another spiral.

"I'm fine," she repeated. "I don't need your pity invites."

She closed her eyes, took a second to shut out the world. There was that sharp tongue again, directed at Castle, again. Would she ever learn?

"It's not a pity invite," he clarified. "The way I see it, you can either go home to that empty apartment you're trying to avoid and wait for a call, or you can come have dinner with us while you wait for a call. I know what I'd rather, just personally."

She considered his offer. He made a good point but sitting through dinner with his family - part of which was still angry at her - didn't really seem like a better option than being alone.

"Alexis-"

"Isn't going to be home until later," he explained, knowing what her argument was going to be. An argument that he knew she would regret starting in front of Ryan and Esposito. "Ashley's parents invited her to a dinner celebrating Ashley getting into Stanford. It's just me and my mother, so you'd be doing me a favour, actually."

She stared at him, mentally going over her list of reasons not to go. Nothing, she couldn't think of a single reason. She had been trying to give him space, to not force her presence on him unnecessarily. But he had invited her. He was the one reaching out. This could be it, that step in the right direction that they had both been waiting for.

She smiled, relenting, softening her composure. "Sounds good."

Ryan and Esposito gave each other a side glance, trying to supress their smirking. She shot them her best 'say a word and I swear to God, I'll break you both' glare and began to walk toward the elevator, the three boys trailing closely behind.

She pushed the button to call the elevator carriage to their level, turning back to the boys. As she turned, she caught the last motions of Esposito and Castle feeding the birds.

"Got something to share, Castle?"

"Just letting the guys know that they drink on the house at the Old Haunt tonight," he threw the surprisingly convincing cover story out, hoping she would buy it. The boys nodded enthusiastically.

The elevator doors opened behind her. She rolled her eyes – choosing not to call out Castle's cover story – and turned to enter the carriage. Once they had all piled in and Ryan had pressed the ground floor button, she looked up at Castle. He gently nudged against her arm, and somehow, she found it reassuring.

"Seriously though, if you go to the Old Haunt, Brian will take care of you guys," Castle said as they exited the elevator, a few moments later.

"Thanks, Bro," Esposito said graciously as he and Ryan began to walk in the opposite direction to Castle and Beckett. "Enjoy your date," he called out over his shoulder with a snicker.


As they entered the loft, they were greeted by the soft sound of jazz music playing from the record player across the room. Kate took a few, hesitant steps into the loft as Castle shrugged his jacket from his shoulders and hung it in the closet by the door. She followed his lead, pulling her jacket off and hugging it close to her chest.

Her eyes searched the space around them until they settled on the sights of Martha, in the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of wine.

"She won't be cooking, I promise you," Castle whispered as he took her jacket from her hands and hung it beside his.

She pressed her lips into a fine line, trying to repress the growing smile. She had heard enough stories of Martha's cooking to know she never wanted to taste it herself.

"Katherine, darling," Martha greeted eagerly, walking toward her. "Good to see you again."

The woman threw her arms around Kate, pulling her in for a tight, familiar hug. Martha may have been a little eccentric, overbearing at times, but she knew how to make someone feel welcome.

"Hi Martha," Kate returned the greeting as they pulled from their embrace.

"I didn't know you were joining us this evening."

"Last minute addition," Castle explained. "Did Alexis happen to mention what time she would be back?"

"Dinner was early, so they should be here around seven." Martha turned and began to walk back toward the kitchen.

"They?"

"Yes, Richard. They," she called over her shoulder. "Ashley will be joining us for the movie marathon."

"I thought you liked Ashley," Kate said softly, a little confused by Castle's apparent unhappiness.

"I liked him better when he wasn't dragging my daughter off to California," he grumbled.

"I don't think there's much dragging involved, Castle," she smiled. "And what happened to denial?"

"Denial is replaced by sadness every time I see them together all stupid and happy."

"Happy," she echoed. He looked at her but didn't say anything. "I'm not helping. Sorry."

"No, you are." He scrubbed his hands over his face. "I obviously want her to be happy."

"Stop moping, Richard. You have company," Martha jested as she walked by, passing them to head upstairs.

"Do you think I could convince them to take her with them?" he whispered to Kate, earning him a playful smile.

He stepped closer to her, placing a hand on her hip as he leaned in close. Her heart began to race – the proximity, the heat of his touch, the smell of his cologne – she hadn't realised how long it had been since they had been this close.

"I just want to give you a heads up: she knows." His voice was low, almost a whisper. She knows.

She wanted to be mad, she hadn't even told her father yet. But who was she to punish him, to deny him someone to confide in because she had spent so long in denial, because she was struggling to come to terms with this.

She pulled away, slightly. "Does she know everything?"

"The CliffsNotes version," he explained. "I wasn't going to tell her, I just-"

"It's okay," she said, cutting him off before he could finish his sentence. She trusted that he wasn't running around airing her dirty laundry to the world, that he just needed someone, much like she had needed Lanie. She didn't need his justifications. It truly was okay.

He wasn't convinced yet, though. "It is?"

She offered a slight shrug. "You need someone to talk to just as much as I do. And obviously the talking to each other part of all this is pretty complicated right now."

"It's getting better," he reassured her.

"I know." She smiled. She wasn't blind to the progress they had made, even if sometimes it felt like they were running in circles.

"I should start dinner," he stated, trying to move away from the current subject. He wanted tonight to be pleasant, to at least make it through dinner before everything got tense again.

"What are we cooking?" she asked, accepting the change.

"I'm cooking," he corrected her.

She frowned. "Come on, let me help."


She won the battle, obviously.

He, of course, had no real objection to her helping him cook. He had wanted her to relax, to unwind after a tense few weeks. But if she wanted to help him, he would obviously accept any excuse to have her close to him.

"Is there anything you can't eat at the moment?"

"Uh, no." She looked over the assortment of ingredients that covered the kitchen counter. "No, this should all be fine."

"Okay, let's get cooking, then!"

They stood side by side as they worked. Closer than necessary – and they both knew it – but neither one of them rushed to create any sort of distance between them. Her arm brushed against his as she reached for a knife, his hand skimmed over hers as they both reached for the potatoes.

And neither one of them acted like it was an accidental thing, because they both knew better.

They fell into a rhythm with ease, and very quickly discovered that right here, right now, the complications of life outside of this kitchen couldn't reach them. They had craved this closeness, this ease, these little touches. In the outside world, fear had held them back. But in this newfound safety net, he felt brave.

"You should stay for the marathon," he said as he reached behind her, grabbing the peeler from the drawers to her side. He wanted to extend this moment for as long as possible.

His breath against the exposed skin of her neck had her wanting to agree before he could even finish saying the words. His warmth skirting under the collar of her shirt, taking the breath from her lungs.

But she was already fighting off the signs of fatigue, she would barely make it through dinner, let alone a movie marathon. She knew, the second she sunk into Castle's comfortable longue, she would be seconds away from sleep.

"Not tonight," she said regretfully.

He moved back to his position beside her, the warmth of his presence wearing from her back too quickly.

"You okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "Just tired. Pass me the onions?"

He picked up the two small onions beside him and held them out for her. When she reached for them, he pulled his hand back and held them to his chest.

"Is someone forgetting their manners?" He asked with a smirk.

She smiled, refrained from rolling her eyes. "Please, Castle?" She held her hand out, expectantly.

He dropped his hand and placed the onions into her open palm, holding her gaze. His mind was screaming at him: say something, do something, anything! He released his grip on the peeler he had been holding, resting it on the chopping board. His hands – starchy from the potatoes – twitched: desperate to touch her, to feel her skin, to trace the definition of her cheekbones and angry that he had to resist.

He could see the invitation in her eyes, in the subtle way she licked her lips. Her eyes darted to his mouth, then back again. Confirmation, they were on the same page. For the first time in so long, they were on the same page.

The rattle of the front door handle burst the bubble of their safety net. His eyes shot instinctively to the door and by the time they returned to the woman standing, waiting, in front of him, she was pulling the vegetable from his hand and busying herself with meal preparation.

"Hey Dad," Alexis called as she entered the loft.

"Hi, Mister Castle," her boyfriend followed. "Detective Beckett."

"You're home early," Castle stated. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, it was nice," Alexis said before heading toward the staircase. "Ashley and I will be upstairs in my room."

"In your room?" he repeated, as if he had misheard her. Alexis nodded. "Alone?"

"Well, I thought you and detective Beckett might like some privacy," the girl said with an air of innocence that he knew wasn't genuine.

"We can hang out down here," Ashley suggested nervously.

Castle chuckled to himself. "Go on." He motioned with his hand, dismissing the teens. "Door stays open."

"I know," Alexis called over her shoulder, grabbing Ashley's hand and heading upstairs.

Once they were out of earshot, Castle turned to Beckett.

"When you advocate on behalf of the boyfriend, sometimes you just need to make sure he still fears you a little bit," he explained.

Kate smiled, letting out a huff of air and shaking her head. "You're…" she trailed off, struggling to find the exact word she was looking for.

"Genius?" he offered.

"Sure," she said sarcastically. "Cut your potatoes, Castle."

"Yes, Chef."


He snatched the dish brush from her hands in protest.

"Guests aren't supposed to cook and clean, Beckett. They're supposed to sit down and relax," he argued.

"It's a few dishes, if we both do them, it'll be done in just a few minutes." She turned to take the dish brush from his hands. "Then we can both sit and relax."

"So, you've decided to stay?" he asked, hopeful.

She sighed, realising her slip of the tongue. "I shouldn't."

"You aren't staying for the movies?" Alexis asked as she and Ashley descended the stairs, Martha following close behind.

"Uh, no. I really should be getting home."

"Just one?" the girl asked, her voice pleading on her father's behalf.

Kate recognised that this was an olive branch of sorts. Alexis's way of making amends without having to actually acknowledge that something was amiss, without having to confess to what they both knew was true – that she had seen the way Castle had been hurt and that she had, and possibly still does, held the detective accountable.

This was a turning point and, so, Kate's next move felt obvious.

"Maybe one," she said, accepting the invitation to stay.

"Victory!" Castle cheered playfully.

Kate smiled at his enthusiasm. "Only because Alexis asked."

"I'm still getting what I want so I really don't care," he bragged. "Leave the dishes."

"They're almost done," she protested when he grabbed her wrist and moved it away from the sink.

"They can wait."

"I'll do them," Martha offered, placing her now empty wine glass beside the sink.

Kate sighed. "You didn't even have dinner with us, you shouldn't have to do our dishes."

"I insist. Go," Martha fluttered her hand in the air, dismissing them. "Enjoy the movie."

Castle passed Kate a towel for her to dry her hands. Once she was done, he took it from her and placed it on the counter, then grabbed her hands and lead her to the lounge.

Alexis and Ashley were already sitting on a bed of cushions on the floor, getting the first movie set up for them all.

Castle flopped down into the corner of the lounge, bringing Kate down with him. She landed, somewhat gracefully, on the cushion beside him. He reached behind her, grabbing the throw blanket from the back of the couch and tossing it over their legs.

"Is the blanket necessary?" she asked. The loft was a comfortable 70 degrees, and they were both wearing jeans.

"The blanket is a must for maximum comfort," Alexis stated. "Cushions, too. In winter, we start the first movie with hot cocoa. Movie two is when we bring out the snacks."

"You know, once dinner has settled," Castle added to his daughter's explanation.

"Do you guys do this often?"

"Oh, any excuse for a movie marathon, we jump on it," Castle said.

Alexis started the movie, and Martha rushed to turn off the lights before settling into the armchair.

After a few minutes – once everyone had settled into the darkness and was focussed on the movie – Castle moved his hand under the blanket, snaking it through the soft material until it came across her hand. He glided his fingertips down her palm until he could lace them through her fingers.

She smiled, blushed like a schoolgirl with a crush.

She was already glad she had stayed.


The end credits rolled, but no one made a sound.

She had drifted off not even halfway into the movie, her head slowly inching closer and closer to Castle's shoulder until he felt the weight of her pressed against him. He knew he probably should have woken her up, but instead he shifted himself so that she would rest more comfortably against him. After about fifteen minutes, she moved her arms, wrapping them around him securely.

The others didn't notice until the movie was almost done. His mother noticed first. He watched as she took in the sight of Beckett asleep in her son's arms, watched as she became lost in thought, most likely thinking about the complexity of their current situation. He knew his mother worried, but when she simply smiled to herself, and went back to watching the movie, he knew she was starting to see the possibilities he could see. Starting to see the happiness that could be.

He placed his arm across her shoulders, brushing her hair back from where it draped across her neck. The gentle brush of his knuckles along her neck and shoulder was enough to begin stirring her from her sleep.

"Hey," he whispered in her ear.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled into his chest, rubbing her eyes.

He gently held her hand, pulling it away from her face. He didn't want to pull her too far out of her peaceful slumber. "Shh," he soothed, helping her tired body move. "Let's get you to bed."

"I need to go home," she tried to protest.

He rose, gripped her waist, and helped her to her feet, holding her steady. "You are in no shape to drive."

He wrapped his arm around her waist, and she leaned into him. Together they began to walk toward his bedroom. With each step, she pressed into him more, her need for sleep building up again. He wondered just how poorly she had been sleeping lately, for her to be this lethargic. Then, suddenly, her brain must have comprehended what was happening.

She pushed herself away from him, almost prying herself from his arms. "Hold on, where are we going?"

He stifled a laugh; he shouldn't find her so adorable when she's half asleep. "To bed."

"Your bed?" she asked, although she knew very well that she was headed in the direction of his bedroom.

"I will not be joining you," he eased her mind. Tonight had been great, but he wasn't planning on rushing anything. Especially not with his family in the vicinity, all eyes on them.

"Oh."

"Come on." He started to lead her toward his bedroom again, but she was more alert now, he didn't need to hold her up anymore.

Once in his room, they separated. She stood awkwardly at the foot of his bed as he rummaged through his drawers. He pulled out an old t-shirt and a pair of boxers that most definitely wouldn't fit her, but would be more comfortable to sleep in than her jeans and blouse.

"Get some rest," he said, placing the makeshift pyjamas on the end of the bed for her. He reached out for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "Good night."

"Night," she whispered. He started to walk away. "Castle?"

He stopped, turned back to her. "Yeah?"

"Thank you, for taking care of me."

He smiled. "Always."