May 20, 2011 (9w2d)
Heavy rain beat against the windows; the gentle ting, ting, ting of hail against glass was the only sound to break through the pelting of the downpour.
The storm seemed to call to her, inviting her in with the promise of purifying her, washing her clean of all her pain, her grief, her doubts.
If only it could be that easy.
Deep in his sleep, Castle muttered something unintelligible, drawing her attention away from the misery outside her bedroom window.
His arm was wrapped securely around her body, holding her against his side, keeping her anchored and safe from drifting toward that torrential siren call.
She shifted her head, resting it in the centre of his chest and focussing on the steady beating of his heart, the sound of his soft, even breaths.
She couldn't remember how they got here. She couldn't really remember much of anything since leaving the precinct earlier.
Castle's kiss goodbye lingered on her lips, Montgomery's phone call but a distant memory. The drive to the hangar and everything that followed was all a kind of blur, like a fever dream.
But the dull aching in her chest served as a reminder that none of it was a dream.
She shut her eyes, tried to swallow back the emotion that was rising in her throat, to no avail. She pressed her palm to her mouth trying to stop the shakiness of each inhale, but it couldn't suppress her cries.
Her tears fell, slowly beginning to soak his shirt where her temple was pressed to his chest. She didn't want to wake him, but the harder she tried to hold it in, the more her body fought against her, fought for release.
His arms tightened around her, and he pressed a kiss to her forehead.
"Don't bury it," he whispered, his voice a mix of sleepy and sad. "It's okay, let it out."
She fisted the material of his shirt, burying her face in his chest as she let the tears fall freely.
His fingers combed through her hair. He didn't say anything, just held her. And, after a few painful minutes, her tears ran dry and she drifted back to sleep.
Barely an hour later, her body jolted awake, tense and alert.
Her eyes searched the darkened room for whatever had woken her, but she saw nothing out of the usual.
She removed Castle's hand from where it draped casually over her abdomen, careful not to wake him up, and sat upright, planting her feet firmly on the ground.
She inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly, breathing her way through the nausea that danced deep in the pit of her stomach.
A bang against her front door sent a surge of fear to her heart, sucking the breath from her lungs. She craned her neck toward the sound, waiting - for what, she wasn't quite sure.
The panic that thundered through her chest almost had her convinced that Lockwood would break through her door any second now.
She had seen him there, on the hangar floor, Montgomery's slug in his chest. Logically she knew he couldn't hurt her, not anymore. But she still felt vulnerable, like the antelope that senses the lion's presence, but cannot see him.
Another bang echoed through the walls, pulling her to her feet and sending her searching for her weapon. Logic be damned, she wouldn't go down without a fight.
Perhaps a new gun for hire had been assigned the task of finishing what Lockwood couldn't. Someone who didn't waste time with stealth, someone who was loud, a little messy, but guaranteed to get the job done by sheer will and brute force.
With her piece pressed to her thigh, she swallowed her fear and tiptoed toward her front door.
She held her breath as she looked through the peephole in her door, angling her head left and right to see as much as possible. She saw nothing, but the panic remained, sickeningly persistent.
She slid the chain lock from its catch, turned the knob lock. Inhaling deeply, she steadied the slight shake of her hand before pulling open the door and stepped out into the corridor.
Gun ready - in her favoured Weaver stance - she turned left, staring down the empty hallway. A metallic jingle from behind her made her spin on her heels.
"Woah! Woah!" The figure stumbled back, fumbling and falling to the ground. "Don't shoot, please!"
She lowered her weapon, relief filling her as she took in the sight of her neighbour's teenaged son, hands raised to the ceiling.
"Jason, what the hell are you doing?"
She walked toward him, holding out a hand to help him back to his feet. In one heave, she pulled him to his feet - the boy's lanky stature working to her advantage.
"Are you drunk?" She didn't have to ask, she could smell the alcohol on his breath, see that his eyes were bloodshot, even in the dim lighting. "Your mother is going to kill you."
"Says the lady waving the gun," he retorted.
She looked down at her hand, knuckles white from the death grip she had on the piece. She tucked it into the waistband of her sweatpants, at her lower back.
"Sorry." She wrapped her fingers around the keychain in his hand. "Let me help you."
He released his grip of the keys and she turned to unlock the door for him.
"Thanks, neighbour," he said with a sloppy two finger salute as he stumbled inside, into the open living room, and flopped onto the couch, face down in the cushions.
She rolled her eyes, stepped into the apartment and placed his keys on the hook by the door. Turning the knob lock, she shut the door as she stepped back out into the hallway.
She glanced down each end of the corridor, just to be sure, before walking back into her apartment.
She pressed her back against the door after she locked it, closing her eyes and hanging her head back, tapping it lightly against the hardwood door.
"Kate?"
Her eyes shot open, gasping as her hand flew to her chest, smothering the anxious prickle of nerves under her skin. She had been startled by the unexpected presence in the room.
"Castle, you scared me!"
"Everything okay?" Castle asked groggily, his face lightly illuminated by the moonlight.
She walked toward him, cupped his face and offered the warmest smile she could muster despite the ferocity of her beating heart.
"Yeah, just the neighbour." She brought her lips to his, lingering just millimetres away. "Go back to bed," she whispered before pressing a kiss to his mouth.
"I'll stay with you," he offered.
"I'm coming to bed," she assured him. "Just want to make sure everything is locked up first."
He narrowed his eyes, studying her for a brief moment. "Are you okay?"
Her stomach dropped. She hated how easily he could read her, that her best attempts at hiding her fears were futile in his presence.
"I'm scared." The whispered confession fell from her lips with an ease she wasn't used to.
She didn't do this; didn't let people in, didn't show her vulnerabilities. But things were different now, she was finally starting to accept that.
He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close, and she clutched the fabric of his shirt, pressing her ear to his chest. Her shaky, shallow breathing, the tremor of her hands, the gun tucked into the waistband of her pants all indicated exactly how scared she was. And yet - in his arms, listening to the beating of his heart - she felt like nothing could hurt her.
"Me too," he admitted with a heavy sigh.
"What if this isn't over?"
He closed his eyes, ran his hand up and down her back in slow, soothing strokes.
He focused on the movement, using the steady, regular motion to help calm his own flurry of emotion that was brewing inside.
"I think..." He paused, gathering his thoughts. "I think that Montgomery had a plan. He had to, right? He said that he was going to end this."
She pulled from his arms so that she could look him in the eye. Her tears had them glossed and hazy, but even that couldn't hide her confusion.
"But how?"
She took a step back, pushed her hair back away from her face using both of her hands.
How could Montgomery leave her like this? Completely in the dark, to face this all alone.
"I still have no idea who is behind all of this," she said, her rage beginning to boil to the surface. "And they can easily just send someone else after me."
Castle swallowed. She said it, voiced it out loud, the thought he had been holding back.
They could just send someone else...
Whoever was behind this obviously had no qualms about sending another clean up team. Everyone was expendable in one man's mission to tie up his loose ends. Everyone was expendable in one man's mission to stop Kate from digging.
"I don't want to live in fear, Castle."
"I know."
He didn't want to live in fear, either.
The future held so much potential for them; as partners, as lovers, as a family.
He needed, more than anything, to believe that this was over. But naïvety was never a friend.
"I just - I can't tell you that this is over, I can't tell you that Montgomery has actually put an end to this but I just can't- this can't have all been for nothing."
Nothing. A waste of time, a waste of a life. The reality hit him all at once, knocking the wind from his lungs.
"I have to believe- I have to believe that-" he choked, unable to get the words out as tears spilled from his eyes.
She stepped back into his space, her hand finding his cheek, soothing him with her touch. She blinked back her own tears as she pressed her forehead to his, trying to calm their shared inferno of thoughts.
"I'm not going to lose you, Kate," he whispered.
And she repeated his words, like a mantra, like a desperate prayer. "You're not. You're not."
"Why did you go there?" he demanded, his fingers tangling through her hair as he gripped the back of her head. "Why didn't you come home to me?"
His anger freed the tears that welled in her eyes. They flowed readily as any excuses she had got caught in her throat.
She shook her head, setting the words free: "I'm sorry, Castle."
"You promised."
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
There was nothing more that she could say. Nothing else mattered, just that she genuinely was sorry.
She pressed her lips to his - desperate for the connection, desperate for the reprieve - but he pulled back.
He looked into her eyes; still hollow, a ghost of what used to be.
He was filled with so much hate, so much anger.
At Lockwood for being the face that haunted them.
At McCallister for the idiocy that was kidnapping mobsters for ransom.
At Montgomery for being a stupid rookie, for believing in a stupid cause, for letting Kate in, gaining her trust and then betraying her so spectacularly.
At Raglan for burying the lead on Johanna Beckett's murder to cover his own actions.
At the man behind this all and everyone - past, present and future - that was involved.
And at her for being so blinded by her hurt that she had walked right into this. Montgomery had lured her there, used her as bait, and Castle had no doubt in his mind that it was an all too easy task.
He was angry. So angry. But he didn't hate her. He couldn't hate her.
He loved her. Unconditionally.
He moved in, claiming her lips and kissing her fiercely.
He was distracting himself from reality - from the fear, the anger, the hurt - and they both knew it, but neither one of them cared. They had lived to see another day. What that day would hold for them, they did not know. But, regardless, they would cherish this.
"Captain?" she called out.
In the still of the night, her voice echoed through the near-empty hangar, bouncing off the metal walls.
She brushed her fingers along the tail of the helicopter, the black gloss paint cold to the touch. She traced the outline of the holes left by the hail of her bullets.
"Roy, are you here?" she called out again.
"Looking for someone?" She heard the voice behind her, spinning on her heels to confirm her fear: it was Lockwood.
She reached for her gun but her holster was empty.
"Oh, that's unfortunate," Lockwood teased with a menacing grin.
He looked down at his hand, and there it was: her gun. Slowly, he raised it, holding it up by his shoulder.
"How did you manage to lose your gun, Detective?"
She didn't understand.
Straightening his elbow, Lockwood held the gun outstretched to the side. He didn't look away from Kate as he pulled the trigger.
Her eyes followed the path the bullet had taken, stopping once they landed on Montgomery.
"No!"
Montgomery dropped to his knees, clutching his chest. Blood poured through the gaps between his fingers, dripping down his arms.
She started to move toward him, desperate to do something, anything to try and save him. But Lockwood redirected the aim of her weapon, locked on her.
She froze in place; she wasn't ready to die. All she could do was watch as Montgomery dropped to his side, bleeding out.
"Kate!"
She looked around the hangar, in search of Castle, but she couldn't see him.
"Kate!"
The voice was growing closer, and her panic grew stronger. He shouldn't be here, it was too dangerous.
He ran into the hangar, unaware of the immediate threat.
"Castle!"
She needed to warn him, but it was too late.
Lockwood took aim, pulled the trigger with a smile on his face.
Castle dropped to the ground.
"Castle, no!"
Her feet became unstuck and she ran to him, dropping to her knees beside him. Her hands covered the hole in his chest, applying pressure to his wound. Blood seeped through, coating her hands in warm, glistening crimson.
"Hold on, Castle," she urged, her voice shaky and brimming with fear.
His tear-filled eyes met hers.
"You're going to be okay, I promise."
But it was too late. She felt the laboured beating of his heart beneath her palms slowing to a stop. She watched as the light left his eyes.
"Kate," Lockwood called to her, making his way toward her.
He raised the gun again.
"Kate!"
He pulled the trigger.
"Kate!"
She startled awake, gasping for breath, tears streaming down her cheeks.
She tried to move, but she couldn't.
"Kate, it's okay. You're okay," he repeated the words, again and again. You're okay.
He repeated them until she believed them.
She looked down at her wrists, pinned to her stomach by Castle's firm grip.
She didn't understand, why was he pinning her down?
"You were thrashing around," he explained, as if he could read her mind. "I didn't want you to hurt yourself."
He released his grip, shifting back to his side of the bed.
She wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and focused on her breathing. Focused on separating her dream from reality, on Castle sitting beside her, alive and well.
"I'm sorry," she said once the rapid beating of her heart began to settle again.
"You want to talk about it?"
She shook her head, no. She didn't want to, couldn't. She wasn't capable of forming the words right now.
"I'm here if you change your mind."
She nodded, swallowed hard. "Thank you."
He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close.
She nestled into his side, letting out a heavy breath.
She allowed her hands to roam his chest, slowly, purposefully feeling for wounds, only stopping once she was satisfied.
It was just a dream.
She lay staring at the ceiling. Sleep had evaded her since Castle had pulled her from her nightmare almost two hours ago. She had been drifting in and out but was never able to fully succumb to slumber.
With a heavy sigh, she rolled onto her side to face Castle.
His face was only part visible; partially sunken into the pillow, the exposed half still partially hidden by shadows cast through her bedroom window.
He looked at peace, so carefree and unburdened by the heaviness of their reality right now.
The corner of his mouth twitched, and she wondered what he was dreaming about. She could only hope his dreamland hadn't darkened, like hers had. That his dreams still shone as brightly as he did.
"You're staring," he muttered, sleepily, his eyes still closed.
A smile spread across her face; she was so busted.
"Sorry," she whispered. But she wasn't sorry; not for this.
He forced his eyes open, blinking rapidly as they adjusted to the soft light of the rising sun.
"Did you get any sleep?" he asked as he swept a lock of hair behind her ear before resting his hand on her hip.
She considered lying, an attempt to ease the concern that was radiating from him, but she knew there was no point.
"Not really." She wriggled her body closer to his. "You?"
"A little," he mumbled against her forehead, pressing a kiss to her hairline. "I'll make you some coffee."
He pulled his hand from her hip but, before he could move it too far away, she reached for his wrist and pulled him back into place.
"Can we stay like this?" she asked shyly. "Just for a little bit longer?"
"Of course."
He pressed his hand to her lower back, pulling her in as close as possible, breathing her in.
She snuggled into him, closing her eyes and just basking in the warmth of his embrace.
"I like this," she confessed. "I mean, circumstance aside, I like just being with you."
He smiled, lazily tracing his fingers along her back. "Well, maybe we can go away somewhere. Stay in bed as long as we like, lounge around all day reading or watching TV."
"I'd like that."
"I- uh." He shifted, propping himself up on his elbow. He hadn't expected her to be open to the idea, so he started planning before she could change her mind. "We can go to my place in the Hamptons, if you want? We can leave right now, just say the word."
She watched him as he tried to temper his enthusiasm. As much as she would love to take off right now, she knew that wasn't possible.
As if on cue, her phone began to ring.
She rolled, grabbed her phone from the nightstand.
"Beckett," she answered, flopping back into her pillows. "Mmhmm. Okay. Yes, thank you."
She ended the call, tossed the phone onto the comforter and groaned, pulling herself up to a sitting position.
"I have to be at the precinct at eight-thirty to talk to Internal Affairs," she informed Castle. "You can probably expect-"
Castle's ringtone echoed from the armchair in the corner of the room, where he had discarded his pants in the early hours of the morning.
"A call," Kate finished with a sigh, looking in the direction of the interruption.
"I suppose I better get that."
"Yeah."
He tossed the comforter aside and pulled himself from the bed, hurrying to get to his phone before it stopped ringing. "Castle."
The idea of staying in bed wasn't nearly as inviting as it had been when he was beside her. She freed her legs from the comforter, planting her feet on the floor beside her. Her muscles were sore, tense from a stressful and sleepless night.
With a groan, she pulled herself from the bed and stretched her arms above her head before slowly plodding toward the bathroom. She tucked her thumbs into the waistband of her sweats, pushing down. In one swift movement, she dropped them and kicked them into the laundry pile, while continuing on her journey.
With a little luck, a hot shower would help loosen her muscles, rejuvenate her a little before having to talk to IA.
She reached for the taps, turning them and allowing the stream of water to adjust to the desired temperature.
Her reflection in the mirror caught her eye. She wasn't sure if it was the angle, the lighting, or the result of reaching breaking point, but the woman that stared back at her looked... different.
Tired, yes. Sad, definitely. But Kate was no stranger to seeing that in her reflection.
This woman was softer. She didn't don the armour that Kate usually would. She had embraced the pain, she wasn't trying to hide from it. And she was better for it.
She was stronger than Kate ever had been.
Kate brought her right hand up to her chest, slid her palm up toward her neck as her fingers traced her collarbones. She was losing weight, a noticeable amount - it was no wonder Castle had been hounding her about trying to eat more lately.
Her eyes drifted down the length of the mirror, stopping once they landed on the most visible change in her reflection, her hand following the path down her body.
Her left hand mirrored the positioning of the right, resting either side of her navel, cradling the forming bump.
Castle appeared in the doorway and their eyes met through the mirror.
"It's noticeable now," she said softly, neither excited nor saddened by the fact.
Castle shrugged. "Not overly."
She dropped her hands, glared at his reflection.
"Okay, we notice it because we know it's there."
Her eyes drifted back down the mirror to her stomach, and she poked her index finger to the bump. It was firmer than it looked.
He walked up behind her, nestled his chin in the curve where her shoulder met her neck, and wrapped his arms around her waist.
She leant into him, allowed her head to roll back against his shoulder as they locked eyes through the mirror again. He reached for her hands, tangling his fingers through hers and redirecting her touch back to her bump.
"You doing okay?" he asked, cautiously broaching this conversation.
He had wondered, for weeks now, how she would handle the changes her body would undergo, especially when she was still processing the fact that she was pregnant.
She nodded, a soft smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.
He smirked. "Just decided to stop and take a moment to check yourself out?"
"No," she argued, playfully. "It caught me by surprise. I feel like it's doubled in size overnight."
Castle dropped her hands and moved around to stand in front of her, his hands returning to her body quickly.
"He's just making his presence know," he stated, as if it were a matter of fact and not just a nice thought. "A reminder that even on the worst days-"
"There's a possibility for joy," she finished the thought with a bright smile.
He looked at her with intense eyes, like he was studying her, waiting for a crack in the façade.
"I'm okay, Castle." She cupped his face and tilted her head to meet his eyes. "Really."
He sighed, nodded his head. She understood why he was hesitant to believe her.
"I have to go home, get ready. See you at the precinct?"
She nodded. "Yeah."
He leant in, kissed her goodbye and then very reluctantly left.
Even now, when they had no reason to believe there was any immediate threat, he hated the idea of being away from her.
His stomach was in knots as he arrived at the precinct. Knots that had joined the circus, started a tumbling act. Flip after flip, growing faster and more violent with each step he took toward the building.
"Hey," Esposito greeted, startling Castle as he rounded the corner. "You good, bro?"
They began walking into the building together.
"Yeah. Uh, nervous, I guess. I didn't really think about this having to be investigated."
"They just need to find out what happened, do what they can to make sure it doesn't happen again," Esposito reassured him. "In saying that, though, if there is someone they shift the blame to, they will. And Beckett has asked me to make sure you're prepared."
Castle fidgeted with his jacket sleeve. "Prepared?"
Esposito stopped, pressed the back of his hand to Castle's bicep to ensure he stopped, too.
"These guys are trained to interrogate the people who are trained in interrogation," Esposito warned. "You think Beckett is impressive in the box, she's got nothing on these guys. They're gonna hand you a noose and hope you hang yourself with it."
Castle shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "That's, uh, comforting. Thank you."
"Look, just make sure you listen carefully to each question they ask. These guys ask very specific questions in a very specific way. Pay attention, take your time to answer."
Esposito started to move again, toward the elevator. Castle followed eagerly.
"Won't they think I'm lying if I take my time?"
"No." Esposito shook his head, pressing the button mounted to the wall; one, two, three times in rapid succession.
Castle made a mental note that the detective was anxious, not a good sign.
"They're not asking what you had for breakfast," he continued as they stepped into the empty elevator. "They're going to expect you to have to think, to recall memory."
"Okay."
"As soon as you're in the room, ask if you are under investigation or if you are here as a witness to the event."
Castle's brows knitted together as he shot a worried glance in Esposito's direction. "Why would I be under investigation?"
"You're not. But you need to get them to clarify that, as soon as possible," Esposito explained, hoping to ease some of the writer's nerves. "If you're under investigation you're going to want a lawyer. They don't want you to have a lawyer; lawyers get in the way."
"Right, so they won't tell me if they don't have to," Castle furthered the explanation, demonstrating he understood. "But if I ask they have to clarify."
"Exactly." Esposito smiled, silently proud of how quickly Castle was absorbing his crash course on surviving an Internal Affairs investigation. "They're going to ask you if you've talked to anyone about what happened - don't deny it. We all went to Beckett's place to check on her and there's a good chance they already know we were there."
The elevator doors opened.
"Got it," Castle said with an affirming nod of the head, stepping off into the bullpen.
"Don't refuse to answer any questions," came his final warning. "You're not a cop, you'll be booted instantly. Refusal to answer is as good as admission of guilt."
Castle sighed, looking around the floor for his partner. "Is Beckett here yet?"
"She's fine, bro. Focus."
He continued to look. "Where is she?"
He sure could use her, right now. Just a smile, maybe a sly touch of the hand, to calm his nerves.
"She's done this before. She's fine, she needs to know that you can handle this."
His focus returned to Esposito, who seemed to be studying him with an uneasiness.
"I can handle this," he reassured his friend.
Ryan walked over to the pair, having come from near the interrogation rooms.
"They just took her in," he informed them quietly. "Two more agents arrived, too. I think they're going to divide and conquer."
"Mister Castle?" A woman's voice called over the busy hum of the bullpen.
The three of them looked over in unison.
The woman pushed her long, black hair over her shoulder as she waited, smiling. Her bright, blue eyes seemed to twinkle under the florescent lighting of the bullpen.
Esposito slapped his palm to Castle's shoulder. "Good luck, bro."
He followed the woman - and the click clacking of her stiletto heels - through the short hall to interrogation room two, where an older, gruffer male agent waited.
"Mister Castle," the man greeted with a half-smile. "Please, sit." He held his hand outstretched, motioning to the empty seat usually reserved for suspects.
"You're in my usual seat," he joked as he sunk down onto the worn seat cushion.
The two agents shared an amused look as they, too, settled into their seats.
"Mister Castle, I'm Agent Sheridan," the man began. "And this is Agent Firth."
The female agent, Agent Firth, smiled.
He wasn't blind, he didn't lack the foresight to see how this was going to play out. They were setting the groundwork for a game of good cop, bad cop. If necessary, Agent Sheridan would come down hard: bad cop. And then, Agent Firth and all her beauty would swoop in with that soft, reassuring smile: good cop.
If there is someone they can shift the blame to, they will.
Esposito's warning remained at the forefront of his mind. They could give it their best try.
"You can call me Rick," he offered with a smile.
"Very well, Rick." Sheridan pulled a file from his suitcase and began reading over them. "Let's dive right in, shall we? Why were you at the hangar last night?"
"Montgomery called me and asked me to meet him there," Castle explained.
x
Kate sat in interrogation room one, staring at her reflection in the two-way mirror, curious as to who was watching from the other side. "He said he had a possible lead." She finished her answer, looking to the agent that stood towering over her, an intimidation technique she was familiar with.
Agent Wessling, he had introduced himself as. His partner, Agent Durand, sat across from her, jotting notes as she answered their questions.
"But you weren't working this case, correct?" Agent Durand asked, removing his eyes from his notes for the first time since her interrogation started.
They had done some digging; she wasn't surprised.
x
Agent Firth rested her chin on her hand, listening intently to Castle's answers. He could see her concentration in the crease that formed between her brows.
"Did she ask to be reassigned, or did the captain make the decision for her?" she asked him.
"With the connection to her mother's case, she had asked to be reassigned," Castle explained. "Captain Montgomery had her working on a robbery-homicide."
"So..." Agent Firth looked to her partner, seemingly asking him for permission to continue. He nodded. "She had no reason to be at the hangar."
x
"No," Kate answered, truthfully. "I had no reason to be there, other than my captain had called and asked me to meet him there."
Agent Durand went back to writing his notes. Kate had been trying to get a read on him, but the man remained unreadable.
"Am I under investigation?" Kate asked, chewing on the inside of her lip as she awaited their answer.
x
"No, Mister Castle, you are not under investigation," Agent Firth smiled.
"We are investigating the death of Captain Roy Montgomery. You are here as a witness, here to provide insight," Sheridan explained.
Castle shuffled in his seat, nodding his understanding.
x
"Why would you be under investigation, Detective Beckett?" Wessling pried. "Have you done something wrong?"
"I broke protocol," Kate offered. "I went to the hangar without backup."
"I thought Mister Castle was with you?" Wessling referred to his own notes.
"No, he arrived after I did," Kate informed them.
x
"And then what happened?"
"And then... he sent us away." Castle hung his head low, acutely aware of his body language in the moment. "We, Detective Beckett and I, went off in search of another shed that could have been used to store another getaway vehicle."
x
"Most of the aerodrome is covered by security cameras and yet we never got footage of Lockwood leaving," Kate relayed the cover story they had fine-tuned in her living room. "Montgomery thought that maybe they hid out somewhere, or that they were snuck out somehow. Castle and I went to search for anything that could offer some insight," she finished with a shrug.
x
"We heard the gunfire," Castle swallowed as the memory of Kate, sobbing as she wiped his tears, flashed to the forefront of his mind.
x
Kate pushed the heel of her palm to the corner of her eye, dissolving the tears that threatened to spill. "By the time we got back to the hangar, we were too late."
She stormed out of interrogation one and over to her desk, head down and arms crossed in front of her chest protectively.
She couldn't keep her tears from falling and, as much as she hated the idea of the entire bullpen witnessing her cry, she hated the idea of Wessling and Durand picking it apart even more.
She could feel the eyes on her - some sympathetic, some distrusting, angry - and she felt like she would crumble under the pressure.
"You okay?" Castle asked as he approached from the break room, drawing her attention from whatever thoughts had her otherwise occupied.
His tag team of agents had finished up with him almost fifteen minutes earlier, advising him to go home and rest, but he had wanted to wait for her.
They had taken Ryan and Esposito into Montgomery's old office immediately after but their discussions had lasted no longer than five minutes.
"I've been placed on administrative leave until further notice," she informed him, with a sniffle. She looked over his shoulder, straightening her posture as the boys approached. "You guys good?"
"We're being sent home," Ryan complained.
"Until further notice," Esposito added.
"Why? You guys weren't even there."
"You called them in," Kate explained, carefully measuring her voice so that he didn't think she was putting unnecessary blame on him.
"And we didn't call Jersey PD until after you two left," Esposito added for further clarification.
"It doesn't make sense for Montgomery to have been there. They'll take a couple of days, compare notes and make sure there was nothing shady going on," Ryan reassured the anxious writer. "We'll all be back at work within the week."
"This is pretty standard." Kate shrugged. "It just sucks."
She grabbed her belongings from her desk and the four of them walked toward the elevator.
"Do you need a lift home?" Castle asked, his voice hushed, as they all entered the elevator.
She shook her head, but kept her eyes glued to the metals doors in front of her. "No, thank you."
"You okay?"
"A little overwhelmed," she confessed, swallowing her pride. She clenched her fists, her nails biting into her palms.
He knew not to push her, not when they weren't alone, but he leant against the wall, watching as she fought back the rising emotion.
The four of them stood together in silence, riding to the ground floor. As soon as the doors opened, she began to stride, taking long purposeful steps to get her out of the precinct as quick as possible. He pushed off the wall, matching her pace.
"Kate, slow down," he called out to her.
"I just want to go home, Castle," she called back over her shoulder. "I can't be here anymore."
She unclenched her fists, shaking her hands, unable to take the pain anymore.
He grabbed her forearm and pulled her toward him, the force stopping her in her tracks.
"Okay, then let me take you home."
"I told you, I don't need a lift." Her eyes darted nervously, avoiding his.
He cupped her face, forced her focus.
"Kate." With his free hand, he reached for hers, tracing his thumb along the crescent moon markings she had dug into her palm. "What happened in there?"
"Did you see his office?" she cried, letting her guard down. "They've cleaned it out already."
"Yeah, I saw," he said softly, hanging his head low.
He pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her.
"I need to go home. I need to see my family."
"I understand that," she whispered into his shirt.
"I want you to come with me," he confessed. "Please."
She pulled herself from his arms, looking into his eyes.
"There's something I have to do," she told him. "I think- I think I need your help."
"Are you ready?" he asked as they walked into his office, closing the door behind them.
"Uh, no, not really."
She pulled her phone from her pocket, staring at the screen, trying to convince herself that she was ready, that she was capable. It had to be done.
She inhaled, held for five, then exhaled, pushing the call button under his name before she could talk herself out of it.
As she listened to the dial tone reverberating through the phone, she looked at Castle. He gave her a comforting smile and took a few steps backward, giving her some space.
Hey, it's Josh. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
The short, mechanical beep indicated it was her turn to speak, that her message would be recorded and passed along, leaving the ball in Josh's court.
She took a deep breath, readied herself to take this next step.
"Hi Josh, it's Kate. I-uh, can you let me know when you're free? We need to talk."
