A/N: Sorry about the delay: real life kicked my butt. Hopefully this is worth the wait :)
"Here we are at last face to face,
we have met,
we have lost nothing."
—Pablo Neruda, "Ode and Burgeonings"
August 9, 1848–Hamar
"So, the plan really is just…bring the farmer-guy to the Valley and hope for the best?"
Anna winced.
Well, when he put it like that…
"His name is Balder, Olaf, and yep, pretty much," she said. She ran the brush she was holding through Sven's fur with a little more force than necessary, making the reindeer look up from his trough with a huff. She rubbed the spot between his ears to make up for it. "Elsa's out there explaining everything to him right now."
After Solveig's dramatic exit, Anna suddenly needed air and made a dramatic exit of her own—fleeing to the barn opposite the house and immediately busying herself with Sven's care. Mattias had hovered for a while, but when she started brushing Sven's fur without looking at him, he'd taken the hint and left to attend to other things. She'd apologize later.
Anna regretted telling Solveig the truth. She understood that Solveig needed to know; she hated that she had to be the one to tell her. She longed for Kristoff. If he were here, he'd tell her she was being silly and overthinking things and she could bury her face into his chest and—
She bowed her head with a sigh and set the brush down on a barrel beside her.
On her other side, Olaf frowned. "But…what if it doesn't work?"
"It'll work," Anna said without looking up.
"But—"
"Your Majesty."
Anna jumped. Eir stood in the entrance to the barn, backlit by the late morning sun. She seemed better than when Anna had last seen her—her back straight, her face clean. She held a large brown satchel in her hands.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," Eir said. She patted the satchel. "I packed some food for you and your companions."
"Thank you, that—that's very kind," Anna said. She shifted from one foot to the other. "Um, you really didn't have to—"
"Yes she did!" Olaf exclaimed, darting forward to take the satchel from Eir. "I'm starving."
Anna's brow furrowed. "Olaf, you don't need to eat."
Olaf leaned toward her. "I know," he loudly whispered behind his hand. "But you do and you're way too polite to say yes."
Anna sighed, and shot Eir an apologetic look.
Eir's returning smile was kind. "You're a good friend," she said to Olaf.
Olaf beamed and immediately turned the satchel over to dump its contents on the ground so he could examine them.
"Olaf—" Anna began, but Eir only laughed.
"It's quite alright, your Majesty," she said.
And then her eyes landed on Sven, and her whole countenance softened.
"Hello Sven," she said, reaching out to touch the reindeer's neck.
Sven watched her, chewing loudly, but didn't move when she ran her hand down his neck and then up to scratch the spot between his ears.
"I'm sure you have no idea who I am," Eir continued, "but I still remember the day Kristoff brought you home." She chuckled and said to Anna, "I wasn't too happy to have a reindeer in the house, let me tell you."
Anna smiled. "Elsa wasn't sure about having Sven in the castle at first, either. But he's a good boy, aren't you, Sven?"
Sven nodded, grunting around a mouthful of food.
"Does…Kristoff live in the castle, then?" Eir asked, her hand never leaving Sven's fur.
Anna nodded. "He has his own room at the opposite end of the castle from mine." She wrinkled her nose. "It was Kai's idea. My steward."
"I bet it was," Eir said, a twinkle in her eye that quickly faded.
She paused, then, before asking, "And does he…he likes it there?"
Anna's mind flicked back to his long study sessions over the last few months; the uncomfortable looks he'd shoot her when anything to do with wedding plans came up; the list she had found, now crumpled and hidden deep inside her pocket.
She swallowed. "You'll have to ask him when we come back."
Eir's eyes turned glassy and she gave Anna a tiny nod. "Before you leave, your Majesty, I just wanted to say…well, I'm not sure how much my opinion matters, but I—I'm glad he has you. Anna. You are…all I'd hoped he'd find and more."
Anna inhaled sharply, her eyes stinging.
Knock, knock, knock.
Both women turned at the soft sound. Elsa lingered in the doorway, the Nokk at her shoulder. She gave them both a soft, sad smile.
"Are you ready, Anna?"
Anna cleared her throat. "Yes, I'm ready. C'mon, Olaf."
Olaf looked up, wide-eyed, mouth full of something (flatbread, Anna thought), and nodded rapidly. He gathered up the satchel and its contents and trotted out the door. After one last, concerned glance at Anna, Elsa put her hand on the back of his head and followed him out.
"You have your hands full with that one," Eir remarked.
"Every day is an adventure," Anna said with a wry shake of her head.
Eir laughed and made to leave, but Anna impulsively reached out and took her hand.
"Eir, I—" Anna said, before stopping with a sigh. "Thank you. Your—your opinion…it matters a lot. I'm going to get him back for you, I swear it."
Gently, Eir squeezed Anna's hand. She whispered, "I know you will."
Anna and Eir left the barn together, Sven dutifully trotting along at Anna's elbow. They found Olaf already sitting upon the Nokk's back (still eating) while Elsa hovered and did a bad job at hiding her anxious expression.
Mattias had already saddled and mounted his horse and was waiting for them close to the road. His eyes found Anna's and she gave him a small, apologetic smile that he waved away with a smile of his own, and Anna knew with certainty he didn't harbor any hurt feelings.
Balder's horse waited beside the barn, saddled and ready, but Balder was not on it—his attention was, instead, on Jens. The two men spoke to each other in low tones, and, upon seeing them, Anna's stomach curdled with a dread she couldn't quite name.
Eir went immediately to her husband's side.
"What is it?" Eir asked, searching Jens' face. "What's wrong?"
Jens and Balder exchanged a glance. "Have you seen Solveig in the last hour?" Jens asked her. "Or Erlend?"
Eir slowly shook her head.
"What's happened?" Elsa called, taking two quick steps toward them. Behind her, the Nokk snickered, tossing its icy mane.
"Solveig has disappeared, your Highness," Jens said. "And—and Erlend with her."
Anna pressed her lips together in a thin line. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that the two were close, so Solveig seeking Erlend out after she revealed the truth was expected, in her mind. Perhaps they'd merely needed a moment alone, to process.
But Jens and Eir and Balder each wore matching solemn expressions, and the atmosphere around the house and barn had shifted downward, almost like at home, when the wind would come up suddenly from the fjord. Anna shivered under her cloak.
Elsa stepped into place at Anna's side. "Do we need to organize a search?" she asked.
Balder opened his mouth to answer when Olaf called: "Hey, I see them! They're back!"
As one, they turned and, sure enough, could see two figures walking side by side down the lane toward them: one short, one tall and broad. Eir let out an audible sigh of relief at the sight of them and Jens put his arm around her.
"Crisis averted," Elsa whispered in Anna's ear, and Anna couldn't help but agree. She couldn't imagine what this family would go through if they lost anyone else.
Elsa turned away, back toward the Nokk, but Anna hesitated, squinting: Solveig and Erlend weren't holding hands like they were before. In fact, they were barely touching, and…was Erlend wearing different clothes?
Then, the most unexpected thing happened: Erlend mouthed something inaudible and left Solveig's side, running straight for her.
Alarmed, Anna took a step back, but Erlend was fast—faster than she would have expected—and in an instant she was in his arms.
She immediately went rigid and pushed both hands against his chest, shouting, "Let me go, get off!"
As fast as he'd grabbed her, Erlend released her, hurt as clear as day across his face and in his brown eyes.
His brown eyes.
Anna gasped, her hands flying to her mouth. "Kristoff?" she whispered.
Kristoff's face crumpled. "Anna."
And Anna burst into tears. She flung herself into Kristoff's open arms and clung to him. He clung to her just as tightly before pulling back just enough to kiss her, hard and desperate.
When they broke apart, Anna whispered, "I thought I lost you."
Kristoff pressed his forehead against hers. "You didn't."
"Are you okay?" Anna asked. She pulled away enough to give him a once-over, running her hands up and down his arms. "They didn't—you're not hurt?"
"I'm alright," Kristoff said. "They didn't hurt me. Unless…unless you count trapping me in weird dreams?"
Anna blinked, frowning. "They—what?"
Kristoff kissed her again. "I'll tell you later. How long was I gone?"
"Two days."
"That's it?" Kristoff asked, paling.
"They were the longest two days of my life, if it helps," Anna said, wiping her face with the back of her hand.
Something nudged her elbow, and Anna, smiling, stumbled back a step as Sven pushed his way between them, grunting and nuzzling Kristoff's chest.
Kristoff laughed wetly and rubbed Sven's nose. "Hey buddy. I'm here, I'm okay."
The invisible barrier holding the others at bay shattered, then, as Olaf rushed over to wrap his arms around Kristoff's legs.
"Kristoff, I missed you!" he cried, and Kristoff patted his head.
"Missed you too, Olaf."
Elsa was next and gave Kristoff a teary smile and a hug. When she pulled away, she looked him up and down and said, "You look terrible."
Kristoff laughed. "I feel terrible," he said. "Like Marshmallow hit me over the head or something."
Elsa rolled her eyes at the old dig, but she was still smiling.
Kristoff and Mattias made eye contact across the yard, and Kristoff gave him a small nod.
"Thank you," he said, drawing Anna into his arms again.
Mattias puffed out his chest. "It was my honor."
Anna leaned into Kristoff's side, suddenly exhausted beyond belief. Yet, her eyes searched the yard for Solveig.
Solveig had rejoined her family and now stood between her parents, watching them with an unreadable expression. Eir had tears streaming down her face, and Jens' eyes were red. Balder wasn't much better, standing stock-still beside his horse, utterly transfixed on the scene before him.
She tapped Kristoff's chest. When his attention focused on her, she jerked her chin toward his family.
Kristoff froze at the sight of them. Slowly, his arm slipped off Anna's shoulders to clutch at her hand instead. He swallowed.
"On–Onkel Balder," he said, stumbling over the name. "I…I'm sorry I wandered off."
Balder, tears in his eyes, shook his head. "Oh, my nephew," he said, voice hoarse. "I have never blamed you."
Eir sobbed, pitching forward on shaking legs. Without hesitation, Kristoff slipped his hand out of Anna's to catch her in his arms. Eir embraced him tightly, reaching up to stroke his hair and neck. Kristoff closed his eyes and leaned into her touch.
Jens joined them a moment later, throwing both arms over his son and wife, crashing his forehead against Kristoff's. Solveig wasn't far behind, curling herself against her mother's back, followed closely by Balder, until Kristoff was completely enveloped by his family.
Anna wiped away fresh tears. A chill surrounded her as Olaf hugged her legs, and Elsa wrapped an arm around her.
"They're going to be okay," Elsa said, certainty in her voice.
Before Anna could reply, Sven, not one to be left out, shouldered past her again, nearly knocking the sisters off-balance. He stuck his nose between Balder and Solveig, sniffing and snorting around for Kristoff. Solveig shoved the reindeer's nose to try to get him to back off, but Sven would not be distracted, and kept pushing and pushing until, all at once, Solveig lost her balance, crashed into Balder, who crashed into Kristoff, who crashed into his parents, until the entire family was a laughing heap on the ground with a confused reindeer standing over them.
"Ugh, Sven!" Kristoff spluttered, making Solveig burst into a fit of giggles.
Anna laughed and tucked her head against Elsa's shoulder. "They are," she agreed. "And so are we."
Elsa squeezed Anna's shoulder. "So are we."
August 10, 1848—Hamar
When Kristoff awoke the next morning, it took him several, terror-filled seconds to remember where he was: his childhood home, with his parents and sister and uncle sleeping in their own rooms down the hall.
A goofy smile spread across his face. His parents. His sister. His uncle. This was his house—he was born here, he played here, he was loved here.
He had no memory of the house itself, only shadowy images gleaned from half-remembered dreams. But his mother (his mother!) had given him a tour yesterday after feeding him nearly to bursting and had shown him the house, the barn, the fields, and ending at his childhood room, that, up until yesterday, had belonged to his doppelganger.
Erlend.
That part he was trying very, very hard not to think about.
Having Anna curled up against him, steadily snoring, helped. She had refused to part from him all day yesterday, and would entertain no thought of sleeping in the spare room with Elsa and Olaf. Absolutely no one had begrudged her, of which he was thankful.
Carefully, so as not to disturb her, he shifted under the covers until he could see her face. She had never been a graceful sleeper and definitely wasn't one now, with her arms flung above her head and her mouth wide open. A shiny line of drool trailed down her cheek to stain her pillow. Her hair was a red rat's nest. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
He was glad she was finally getting some rest. She hadn't said anything to him, but experience (and the deep bags under her eyes) had taught him how far she was willing to go for someone she loved, and this time was no exception.
Maybe after this, they could finally be done with life-threatening adventures.
Yeah, good luck with that, a traitorous part of his mind whispered to him, and he knew in his heart of hearts they would probably never be done.
He shifted again to stare up at the ceiling and watched dust motes drift through beams of sunshine. Absently, he wondered what time it was. He found he didn't really care.
Anna shifted and sighed and he turned his head and watched her slowly blink awake.
"Kristoff," she murmured with a sleepy smile.
"Anna." Kristoff brushed her tangled bangs away from her face and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She sighed and scooted closer to rest her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her.
"What time is it?" Anna asked with a yawn.
"Mid-morning, maybe?"
Anna hummed.
"If we were at home right now, Kai and Gerda would be breaking the door down," Kristoff said.
At that, Anna snorted. "My money's on Gerda. I bet she has a mean kick."
Kristoff pretended to think about it. "Yeah, okay, you're probably right. Kai's too uptight."
"What—Kai can be funny!"
"How."
Silence. Then: "He got really excited when he kicked Duke Weaseltown out."
"Anna, everyone was excited to kick that guy out."
"Sure, okay, but Kai was the one who escorted him down to the docks and got to read Elsa's decree to his face," Anna said. "I swear, it was all he could talk about for weeks."
Kristoff laughed into her hair. "Okay, okay, you win."
Anna wiggled in bed until they were face to face on Kristoff's pillow. "Did you sleep?"
"Yes," Kristoff said.
"Any dreams?" Anna asked, her forehead creasing with worry.
"If there were, I don't remember them," Kristoff said. "I…don't really remember the other ones either, to be honest."
Anna hummed again.
Kristoff hesitated. "I talked to Grand Pabbie."
Anna sat up straight in bed, eyes wide. "You did? When? What did he say?"
Kristoff propped himself up on his pillow so he could look at her. "Yesterday, after I came out of whatever spell they had on me. I asked him why they took me and—and I think it was just bad luck. Wrong place, wrong time." His thumb traced an invisible pattern on the sheets. "But…if it hadn't been me, it would've been someone else eventually, so. I'm glad it was me."
"Kristoff," Anna whispered, horrified. "You can't know that—"
Kristoff shook his head. "He said I was a trade. For you. After the accident."
Anna sucked in a breath and tears sparkled in the corners of her eyes.
He winced and was quick to add, "It's not your fault—this is all on Pabbie and Bulda and the others. You were—we were just kids. Pl–Plus, if it hadn't happened I never would've met you—no way you'd come all the way out to Hamar for any reason, let alone fall for a grumpy farmer."
Anna wiped her eyes. "I don't know about that," she said with a little smile. "I did fall for a grumpy ice harvester from nowhere in particular, after all."
A warm, buzzing feeling spread through Kristoff's chest. "You got me there."
But Anna's face fell. "I, um, I need to ask you something,"
Kristoff frowned. "Okay."
She fidgeted with the sheets in her lap, not looking at him. "Do you…want to get married?"
Kristoff sat up. "Of course I do," he said. His heart was beating very fast. "Do…do you not—"
"No!" Anna cried, reaching for his hands and gripping them tight. She shook her head, wild hair whipping at her cheeks. "No, no, no, no, I want to get married! Definitely, one hundred percent, want to be married to you, like, yesterday. I just—I found your list."
Kristoff groaned. That stupid list—he should've known that was going to come back to bite him eventually. "That's not—Anna, that was just for me, that doesn't have anything to do with—with us."
Anna bit her lip. "Kristoff, I don't—I don't want to force you into a life you don't want. So if being King Consort is too much, you can back away. I'm…I want to give you an out. If you need one."
Kristoff took a deep breath and let it out again.
"What I want," he said, "is to be with you, Queen Anna of Arendelle. How ever you'll have me. That's…all I've ever wanted. I'll figure out the king stuff eventually, I promise."
Anna threw her arms around him. "You're going to be an amazing king, Kristoff," she said, her voice muffled by his shoulder.
"I'm willing to try," Kristoff said. "But your father's kind of a tough act to follow."
He could practically feel Anna's eye roll. "Just don't close the castle gates for years and years and you'll do just fine."
Kristoff laughed and held her tight. "I promise. And…can you promise me something?"
"Of course."
"Don't try to do everything yourself? Let me help, or Elsa, or Kai, Gerda—hell, even Olaf—just. Please don't kill yourself trying to be the perfect queen."
Anna sighed into his shoulder. "I'll try."
"That's all I ask."
"And that's all I ask of you, too," Anna said. "We'll do this together."
Kristoff rested his cheek against the top of her head. "Together."
Despite the hour, Anna was quick to fall back asleep, but Kristoff couldn't bring himself to close his eyes again. As quietly as he could, he slipped out of bed and out into the hall.
The house was empty, which he had expected—farmwork didn't exactly stop, prodigal sons and magical spells be damned. He may not remember everything about living here, but he did know that much.
His bedroom was at the end of the hall. As he made his way to the kitchen he passed Solveig's bedroom—the door shut tight—and thought briefly about knocking to see if she was there before deciding against it. His sister (his sister!) hadn't spoken more than two words to him since leading him home, and every time he'd entered a room yesterday, she'd found some excuse to leave.
After the second or third abrupt exit, his mother had explained—so quietly, so sadly—that Solveig and Erlend were very close, and Kristoff understood. It must be so strange for her, to see her brother's face on someone else.
So Kristoff ignored the closed door and the heartache it concealed and drifted through the house, letting his feet take him on a forgotten-yet-familiar route down the stairs, through the kitchen (where he snagged a bundle of carrots), and out the back door to the barn.
He pushed the barn doors open, inhaled the pungent scent of horse and goat and reindeer and thought, Now, I'm home.
Sven greeted him in an instant, jumping around and butting his nose against him. Kristoff, with a smile, offered him the carrots, and Sven immediately sat down to enjoy them, munching loudly.
"Whoa, buddy, share," Kristoff said, snagging a carrot for himself before settling down in the hay beside his friend.
He could've stayed there forever, lying in the prickly hay watching dust drift through the rafters, until a familiar whistle drew him out of the pleasant haze.
He sat up, looking for the source. Just through the propped-open barn door, he thought he saw a flash of pale blonde hair.
With a little groan, his joints popping, he left Sven to his carrots and pushed open the door.
Gale rushed him and bright green leaves whipped his cheeks as the Wind Spirit dove playfully in and out of his vest before zipping back to Elsa. Elsa held out her hand. A little paper bird rested in her palm and Gale was quick to scoop it up.
"For Kai please, thank you," Elsa murmured.
A cheerful trill answered her before the little paper bird flew away, dancing in the wind.
Elsa turned toward Kristoff then, gracing him with a small smile. "Anna's still asleep?"
"Like a rock," Kristoff said.
"Good, she needed it," Elsa said. "I just wrote Kai to let him know you're safe, so he'll stop worrying." She regarded him carefully. "I…told him we'll be headed home in the next few days. If that's still what you want."
Kristoff huffed, folding his arms. "So you saw that list too, huh."
Elsa nodded and pressed her lips together for a moment. "When my parents died," she began slowly, "I wrote out a similar list. How a good Queen must be stern but loving, judgemental but kind, and so on. It's probably still buried in a trunk in the attic somewhere. So, I—I understand, at least a little, of what you're going through, and I just want you to know that you don't need some list to remind you to be brave or kind or–or centered because you already are all those things."
Affection rushed through him. "Elsa, I—that's—"
"You could use a little work in the well-groomed aspect, however," Elsa added, reaching out to pluck a stray piece of hay from his hair.
"Okay, now you're just being mean."
Elsa grinned at him and, after valiantly holding a stern expression for half a minute, Kristoff broke and grinned back.
God, it was good to be back.
Then, all at once, Elsa's smile faded and she folded in on herself, like an invisible weight had descended on her shoulders. Kristoff, alarmed, shot a glance back at the house, hoping Anna or Olaf would turn the corner or pop out of a pile of hay. They were much better at helping Elsa with these melancholy moods than he was.
"Kristoff, I" — she took a deep breath — "I want to apologize on behalf of my parents."
That was not what he had expected her to say. "Your parents?"
Elsa hugged herself. "I think, when the trolls took you and Sven…I think my father knew. Maybe not about you, specifically, but. He knew something was wrong. He knew and did nothing and—and I'm sorry."
"Oh," Kristoff said, processing for a moment. "That's. Elsa, you don't have to apologize for that."
Elsa frowned. "But—"
"No, really, you don't," Kristoff insisted, shaking his head. "That's not something you need to carry around for them."
Elsa let out a long sigh. "You're right, I know you're right."
"Can I get that in writing?" Kristoff said and Elsa laughed, swiping a hand under her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I love my parents, but they didn't always make the best choices."
Understatement. "Neither did mine," Kristoff said with a wave of his hand. "You're good."
Elsa smiled. "I don't know, yours seem pretty nice to me."
Oh. Right. His…parents. Who aren't trolls.
Kristoff swallowed and Elsa gave him a sympathetic look.
"There's…something else I need to tell you," she said.
Kristoff nodded, bracing himself.
"I'm immortal now," Elsa said, rushing the sentence out in a single breath.
Kristoff blinked. "Okay." Just cannonball after cannonball in this conversation, huh. "And…how are we feeling about that?"
"I'm fine, I think," Elsa said thoughtfully. "I've known for a few months. But it'll get harder, someday. When you all—"
She cut herself off, but Kristoff knew what she meant.
He bumped her shoulder with his, and could feel her ice through his thick shirt.
"Sheesh," he said. "I'm not going to drop dead tomorrow."
Elsa smiled and bumped her shoulder back against his, sending snowflakes spiderwebbing up his sleeve. "You'd better not."
August 12, 1848—Hamar
They stayed one more day, and Kristoff was grateful for it. He knew Anna was getting anxious to get back—he could see it in her eyes and the way her hands couldn't stay still—but he had needed the extra time here.
You could stay, some part of him whispered, unbidden. You could all stay.
And the thought, however brief, was tempting—to hide here from the rest of the kingdom, live a simple life away from public scrutiny.
But he knew Anna would never go for it: she loved Arendelle and its people too much to disappear like that.
Maybe in another time; another life.
And besides, this place, this farm may be where he came from—and the knowing of that, after so many lonely years assuming he wasn't from anywhere, that he wasn't good enough to belong to anyone, had settled something deep inside, answering a question he'd never really been brave enough to ask—but it still wasn't his home, not completely.
And on that last morning, before they were due to leave, and he watched Sven chase Olaf around the yard, and listen as his Onkel Balder and Mattias and Elsa debate hypothetical military strategy (with and without factoring in magical ice powers), and see his mother and Anna embrace on the porch, well. This was about as good as it gets.
Someone touched his arm, jolting him from his thoughts.
"Kristoff?"
He turned, saw a head of golden hair. "Solveig." He said her name gently, almost afraid she'd run if he spoke too loud.
Solveig shuffled her feet. She twisted her braid between her fingers and looked anywhere but at his face. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "For—"
But Kristoff was quick to cut her off. "Hey, no. I get it. You…we don't have to be anything to each other if you don't want to."
Solveig whipped her head up to glare at him. "That's stupid," she said. "Mamma's been telling stories about you my whole life, you're my brother. But" — she swallowed — "Erlend is my brother too."
"He is," Kristoff said, and he believed it.
"Do you think I'll ever see him again?"
A hundred empty platitudes ran through his head.
"No," he said, regret making his voice soft. "I don't think you will."
Solveig nodded, like she'd been expecting it. "I'll see you at the wedding," she said. "Try not to be a dumb king."
Kristoff barked out a laugh. "I'll do my best."
Solveig gave him a fleeting hug. When she pulled away, she squinted and asked, "How do you feel about church?"
"Tedious," Kristoff said immediately, then winced. "Uh, don't tell Anna."
Solveig threw back her head and laughed so hard she cried.
